February 16, 2005
WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY: GOOSE BARBIE WTF
wtf goose couture from goose clothes galore
I knew a seemingly normal, urbane San Franciscan who moved to Ohio. In no time, he had a ceramic goose on his front porch, complete with seasonal outfits & accessories. Alarmed, I suggested serotonin-rebalancing. But it turns out to be some sort of Midwestern cult! You can purchase entire wardrobes for your goose, as well as smart accessories, goslings, & slim-line models made of polyvinylchloride.
I've ordered my own ceramic foie-gras goose doorstop complete with cute removable hose (not approved by PETA), & for those of you looking for a cult to join, here's some places you can start:
Goose Clothes Galore: "A well dressed goose is a happy goose!!" Wigs (in assorted colors), Nun, Pink Flamingo, Cheerleader, Cow dress, Dracula, as well as useful FAQ:
Q: Our cement goose's neck has broken. What can we do?
A: Go to a hardware store & purchase Clear PVC pipe glue. You could also replace it with a plastic goose.
Lawn Goose
Designs: "It's like Barbie Dolls for adults."
Emily's Gifts: "Dress up Mama Duck has 8 outfits to celebrate every holiday! Baby Duck has 8 hats to match each of Mama's!" Includes Alien Goose outfit
Goose Garb: Snorkel with fins, Housework Makes Me Ugly, Housecoat & Rollers. Accessorize with sunglasses & braids
Rip n roll Goose Clothes: "We've got a variety of handmade goose clothes to help make YOUR GOOSE the best-dressed on the block!" Features goose muu-muus for the full-figured bird
Goose Clothes by Just Ducky: "BBQ Apron & Hat is made from red/white check fabric with large corn on the cobs across it. The apron has a pocket on the front to hold plastic dinnerware & comes with a matching chef hat."
Sunburst, Home of the Fashionably Dressed Goose: Halter dress, watermelon dress, freakish spider, beautician with curlers, & Y2K bug (special reduced price - DUH)
The
Kraft Korner, Goose Clothes that Help Everyone Smile: "The goose clothing we offer is all designed
& made by Fran. Her enthusiasm for goose clothing began in 1992 when her husband presented her with her first concrete goose."
Gingham Goose: Haute Couture for the Discriminating Goose. Celebrity geese: Dorothy, Tin Man, Jedi Knight
See also Theory & Practice of Lawn Goose Dressing; Invasion of the Yard Geese
More White Trash Wednesday at Cranky Neocon, Cry Freedom, Dangerous Logic, Fistful of Fortnights, Fragile Darkness, Hector Vex's Infotainment, It Is What It Is, My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Rachael Ray Redux, Riehl World, Six Meat Buffet, Ebb & Flow Institute, Jawa Report, Llama Butchers, Vince Aut Morire. Special bonus feature: Esther Wilberforce Packard Wednesday
Posted by Jeff at 07:27 AM | Comments (16)
February 09, 2005
THE RIGHT TO SCREW UP YOUR LIFE
linda lovelace
World Net Daily's Joseph Farah is the sort of right-wing evangelical who'll jump into bed with leftist feminazis. Farah's worked up over Inside Deep Throat, a film about the Linda Lovelace porn classic. To Farah, a documentary that isn't an antiporn jeremiad must be endorsing it, right?
Farah's an Old Testament moralist who wrote of a woman who murdered her philandering husband, "She did the world a favor. She did the right thing. That creep deserved what he got." Fine Christian sentiments! He repeats Lovelace's hard-to-swallow claim she was forced to make the film: "This was a kind of snuff film, but instead of being murdered, Lovelace was repeatedly raped."
- Snuff films are feminist myths.
- Lovelace's sad life (she banged Sammy Davis Jr, for god's sake) was entirely due to her own bad decisions as an adult.
Here's Farah's version: "Linda Boreman is spotted
sunbathing at the age of 21 by a slug who became her husband.
He gets her hooked on drugs, & pimps her out to a bunch of stag filmmakers working for the Mafia."
Note the passive voice. Lovelace chose to marry her sleazy husband. And becoming a drug addict doesn't just happen, it requires a lot of personal effort. For the record, here's Lovelace on the first day of shooting Deep Throat:
"Something was happening to me. It had to do with the fact that no one was treating me like garbage. Maybe it was the chemistry of being part of a group. For the first time in months, I was thrown in with other people who weren't perverted & threatening. I began to ease up. I hadn't laughed, really laughed, in so long that my face had to carve new smile lines.... And no one was asking me to do anything I didn't want to do."
In the 80s, feminazis like Catherine MacKinnon & Andrea Dworkin allied themselves with evangelicals like Jerry Falwell against anything they deemed porn, First Amendment be damned. MacKinnon's famous statement: "Porn = rape". When Lovelace became a feminist anti-porn pin-up, she traded one set of enablers for another. What she needed was someone to tell her to stop blaming the world for her bad decisions.
As Patty Hearst said of John Walker Lindh, the American Al-Qaeda, If you go looking for trouble, you'll probably find it.
See also Lovelace: The Musical; Deep Throat: the Soundtrack; Linda Lovelace Virtual Museum; GAWKER: Where is the Lovelace?
More White Trash Wednesday at Riehl World, Six Meat Buffet, My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (contains priceless pic), Cranky Neocon, Hector Vex, Dangerous Logic, Rachel Ray, Jawa Report, Fistful of Fortnights, & Vince Aut Morire
Posted by Jeff at 07:39 AM | Comments (10)
February 05, 2005
SICKEST. FETISH. YET.
Posted by Jeff at 01:07 PM | Comments (17)
February 02, 2005
WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY: AUNT CLYDE'S GRAPE JELLY PIE
Ingredients:
Any questions?
More White Trash at Six Meat Buffet (Groundhog Buffet), Riehl World (your favorite HILL-BILLies), Cranky Neocon (White Trash Semantics), My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (White Trash mug shots), Rachel Ray (Spam Jello?), Attack Machine (Recipes for Crow), Dangerous Logic (Camero Pinball), It is What it Is (White Trash mammogram), Protein Wisdom (Somewhere in Jesusland) & Vince Aut Morire (White Trash Confessions)
Posted by Jeff at 08:18 AM | Comments (10)
January 26, 2005
WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY: NO-BAKE MEATLOAF
¾ cup reconstituted beef stock2½ tsp salt
1 box lemon Jello
1 can corned beef
¾ cup crushed corn flakes
¼ cup dried onion flakes
3 tbsp mustard
2 tbsp Butter Flavored Crisco½ tsp garlic powder
½ cup ice water
¼ cup chopped green pepper
3 hard boiled eggs
Bring beef stock & salt to boil. Stir in gelatin & cool. Smash corned beef with mallet. Combine with corn flakes, dried onion, mustard, Crisco,& garlic powder. Add ice water to beef stock gelatin & beat with electric mixer. Add corned beef mixture & mix well. Stir in green pepper. Mash into buttered baking dish or decorative ring mold with whole hard boiled eggs inside. Salt. Refrigerate until stiff. Serve with saltines.
More White Trash Wednesdays at Riehl World, CrankyNeocon, Daisy Cutter, My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Nickie Goomba, Rachael Ray Redux , Six Meat Buffet ,& Vince Aut Morire. See also Crisco FAQs & What's Up with My Penis, on disadvantages of Crisco as lube
Posted by Jeff at 11:51 AM | Comments (16)