April 26, 2006

WAR IS LIKE, SO HEINOUS

In case you're a warmonger who supports Chimpy McHitlerburton's reckless oil-grab, you may change your mind after you listen to Avril Lavigne: war blows. Neil Young, you're no Avril Lavigne.

BONUS: Deep thinker Pink gets political — Dear Mr. President. (Excruciating video here). H / t Dan

Posted by Jeff at 05:42 AM | Comments (18)

August 15, 2005

GIRDLES FOR GITMO™

gdljl17.jpgBeautiful Atrocities announces our Girdles for Gitmo™ underwear drive. Show your support for America by donating your most uncomfortable underwear suitable for torturing humiliating Islamoterrorists at Gitmo: painful underwire bras, scratchy old pantyhose, hydraulic-press girdles, butt-flosser micro-panties, & those tired old jockstraps that are just way too small. Happily, a number of well-known America boosters have already donated some of their favorite private-wear:

Ted Kennedy   Big-cup bra by Goddess & Firm Control Hi-Waist Long Leg Girdle with Seat Lift (waterproof)
     
Paul Krugman   Brasilia Tummy-flattening Lycra Pantyhose with Tanga Panty
     
Andrew Sullivan   Lipp Service Cheerleader Wannabe Halter Corset with removable garter straps & Power-glute stretch tricot ruffled panties
     
Michael Moore   Jungle Heat Tank Swimsuit by Delta Burke
     
Barbara Boxer   Venotrain Medical Compression Stockings
     
Al Franken   Adjustable Hernia Truss & Adult Bib
     
Nancy Pelosi   Crepe Suzette Light Cotton Drawstring Bloomers
     
Dick Durbin   Coloplast Drip Collector for Light Bladder Control
     
Helen Thomas   Prevail Protective Underwear
     
John Kerry   Butt For You Padded Boxer Briefs with Choice of Pad Size: Colt or Stallion
     
Maureen Dowd   Durable Chastity Belt
     
Garry Trudeau   Mr. Bra Men's Prosthetic Nipples
     
Hillary Clinton   Men's Hernia Brief for Perspiration-free Comfort
     
Charles Schumer   One-Size-Fits-All Crotchless Vibrating Panties
     
Molly Ivins   Velocity Women's Full Wetsuit with Hydrostretch Panels
     
Linda Ronstadt   Steel-belted underwire minimizer bra
     
Barney Frank   Pink Cradle V-Strip Magic Club Wear
     
Juan Cole   Autographed Beautiful Atrocities Boxer Shorts
     
Gore Vidal   Value-Brief Plus-Sized Adult Diapers

Inspired by the only Tammy Bruce

Posted by Jeff at 02:02 PM | Comments (20)

June 08, 2005

BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES' ROOT CAUSES OF TERRORISM TIMELINE

450 million years ago: First cartilaginous fishes

240 million years ago: Gore Vidal born

6000 BC Sumerians invent beer in Fertile Crescent; Madonna born

2000 BC Gore Vidal publishes first of gazillion books blaming all world's problems on America; no one knows wtf he's talking about

800 BC Madonna's Smearing the Pap Tour & closes in Gomorrah: "tired" "too old" "same old crap"

600 BC Jewish captivity in Babylon; Madonna begins study of Kabbalah, typically ahead of pack, as it has not yet been codified

63 BC Roman conquest of Jerusalem
33 AD Crucifixion of Jesus
135 AD Destruction of Jerusalem, Diaspora begins
625 AD Mohammed weds 6-year-old child bride Aisha, beating out rival Woody Allen
650 AD Koran codified, banning alcohol. Mideast becomes official No-Fun Zone

650 AD Susan Lucci debuts as Erica on All My Children

732 AD French accidentally defeat Muslims at Tours

1096 Crusades launched in response to advance of Seljuks in East & Almoravids in Spain. Susan Lucci loses 500th Emmy nomination.

1200 AD - present Decline & ossification of Islam

1322 Liza marries Edward II: "He's no homo."

1517-1917 Ottoman Empire rules Judea / Samaria

1700 Age of Reason & scientific revolution; Islam misses train

1750 Industrial Revolution; Islam AWOL again

1776 American Revolution inaugurates 200+ year representative democracy

1789 French Revolution ends in tyranny

1882 First Zionists migrate to Mideast, fleeing Russian pogroms. Jews begin to purchase land from Arabs

1884 Liza marries Oscar Wilde: "100% man"

1917 Russian Revolution ends in tyranny

1924 Fundamentalist Wahhabi al Saud dynasty conquers Mecca & Medina, creating Saudi state

1939-45 Nazi Holocaust, 6 million Jews slaughtered; successful resistance in Finland, Italy, Bulgaria, & Denmark

1941 Grand Mufti has tea with Hitler: "Our fundamental condition for cooperating with Germany was a free hand to eradicate every last Jew from Palestine & the Arab world." Martha Stewart born.

1946 George Bush born; Louis Reard invents bikini

1948 UN partition of Palestine, birth of Israel; Arab League armies attack Israel, which kicks their asses

1949 Chinese Revolution ends in tyranny

1955 Liza marries J. Edgar Hoover: "He's a pile-driver!"

1959 Cuban Revolution ends in tyranny

1965 Days of Our Lives debuts on NBC; Dick Cheney marries Lynne Vincent

1967 Six Day War, Israel kicks ass. Cassandra Peterson becomes youngest Vegas showgirl at 16.

1969 Ted Kennedy hits speed bump on Martha's Vineyard; Elvis tells Cassandra Peterson to get out of Vegas

1973 Yom Kippur War, Israel kicks ass again. Susan Sontag invited to speak at Bennington by Camille Paglia, puts audience on life support with lugubrious existentialism

1976 Linda Ronstadt dates moonbat liberal Jerry Brown

1979 Iranian revolution ends in tyranny

1981 Cassandra Peterson renames herself Elvira, debuts on KHJ-TV in LA
1983 Linda Ronstadt dates moonbat liberal George Lucas
1988 Elvira: Mistress of the Dark released, Elvira-mania sweeps America
1993 Israel signs 'peace accord' with terrorist army, which turns West Bank & Gaza into armed camps. Transatlantic Battle of the Bitches faxfest between Julie Burchill & Camille Paglia.

1994 Sarah Michelle Gellar wins Emmy for All My Children, much to someone's displeasure; is quickly written off show
1999 Susan Lucci finally wins Emmy, no longer laughingstock of daytime TV

2000 Florida election fiasco; Al Gore drags judiciary into election, seeking recount in 4 counties he thinks he can win, a move he will later regret. Elvira on Hollywood Squares. Barak offers state to Palestinians. Arafat unleashes intifada, exploding Palestinian youths like party favors

2001 September 11th attacks on New York & the Pentagon; Congress grants military authority to President Bush with lone exception of Barbara Lee, who says we need to look at root causes of terrorism. American military topples Taliban in move Michael Moore vociferously opposed but now pretends he supported because he realizes it makes him look like an idiot.

2002 Liza marries David Gest, owner of world's largest collection of Shirley Temple memorabilia. Gore Vidal, world's oldest living organism, says Bush had advance knowledge of 9/11 attack & allowed it; also claims FDR allowed Pearl Harbor attack. Elvira's Haunted Hills goes straight to video. Mecca Cola debuts in France

2003 Bush launches Iraq War & deposes genocidal madman Saddam Hussein; liberals upset. Gaddafi shits his pants. Madonna's American Life flops; she prepares antiwar video, but think$ better of it. Al Gore & Courtney Love slide into insanity. David Gest humiliates self by claiming Liza beat the crap out of him.

2004 Beautiful Atrocities sweeps Drudge into recycle bin of history; Israel defeats intifada; Michael Moore groupie Linda Ronstadt causes riot with one too many tired encores of Desperado; free elections in Afghanistan; Yasser Arafat croaks, setting off power struggle between grieving widow Suha Arafat & PA cronies over purloined millions; Martha Stewart sent to snake pit. Despite best efforts, Dan Rather, not George Bush, becomes jobless

2005 Amnesty International laughingstock after comparing Gitmo to Stalin's slave-labor gulag that imprisoned 18 million people. Free elections in Iraq, pro-democracy demonstrations in Syria, Egypt, & Gulf States, 'Arab democracy' no longer oxymoron

Posted by Jeff at 01:00 AM | Comments (28)

November 29, 2004

THE INTERROGATOR'S ART


Dead terrorist & Saruman lookalike Sheikh Yassin: "He was the most ruthless, cruel & evil person I have ever met."

Antiprotester Journal is a great site dedicated to challenging the moral relativism of the blame America first crowd, & links to a fascinating interview with Michael Koubi, former chief interrogator for Israel's counterterrorism Shin Bet.

Koubi jumps off the page like a character from a novel, detailing his philosophy of interrogation, which he's used on hundreds of Palestinian prisoners, including Shiekh Yassin, the leader of Hamas who met his doom earlier this year.

On innate talent: "Being an interrogator is 70% character, 30% learned. You have to know the exact time to shout, to speak loudly, to speak quietly, or not to speak at all & just sit & look at him - for hours if necessary. These things are instinctive."

Again: "When a Hamas terrorist asks for a cigarette during interrogation, you know he is going to admit something."

On speaking perfect Arabic: "Language is the key. It's about making them think they cannot hide anything from you. You have to learn everything about him. You have to know about his family, his wife, his children, his friends, his neighborhood, his city. You have to be better than him, wiser than him."

On interrogating Sheikh Yassin: "To prepare for this interrogation I learned the Koran almost by heart. I said to him, I'll ask you a question about the Koran, & if I win I can ask you another about any subject & you have to answer. He was sure he would know it better than me.

"But I started asking complicated questions, & he didn't know the answers. So I won, and I sat with him for hundreds of hours while he talked about the ideology of Hamas. He even told other detainees to cooperate with me, because he respected me. If he could, he would have killed me, but he respected me."

"On how he would deal with Hussein: "I'm sure I can achieve better results with Saddam than the Americans have, because of my experience. He was an interrogator himself, & he killed hundreds of people himself, so it would be very difficult to interrogate him. But there is a way."

On sympathy for the devil: "Sometimes you can be sitting before someone who is 24 years old & he looks like a nice man. Then he admits to you what he's done & you can change 180 degrees in what you feel about him. It has happened a lot. Sometimes when I'm interrogating someone I feel that I could kill him because of what he's done."

Koubi says allegations of Israeli torture are untrue: "These accusations come from detainees who heard screams coming from neighboring cells & believed it was really happening, when it was just theatre. The yelling was from other detainees who were cooperating with us. I use only psychology, head to head."

More about Koubi's dealing with Sheikh Yassin in this piece from the Jewish Press: "This man made a pathetic impression of being crippled & blind. He was the most ruthless, cruel & evil person I have ever met."

Antiprotestor also has chilling look at the suicide bomber industry.

Posted by Jeff at 06:16 AM | Comments (0)

September 11, 2004








Posted by Jeff at 01:50 PM | Comments (0)

September 09, 2004

AHMAD SHAH MASSOUD


Known as the Lion of the Panjshir & the Eagle of the Hindu Kush, Massoud was the legendary Tajik warlord who defied both the Soviets & the Taliban, until he was murdered by 2 Al Qaeda assassins on September 9 2001. Son of a police commander, Massoud's native tongue was Persian, but he was also fluent in French, Pashtu, Urdu, & had a working knowledge of Arabic. At 14, he organized the first volleyball team in his village, was an avid chess player (a skill that would later be useful) & reader of Persian verse.

He joined the Islamic movement at Kabul Polytechnic in 1973 in response to the spread of Marxist ideology. He split with Pakistani ISI puppet warlord Gulbuddin Hekmatyar over the latter's practice of terror. Massoud's brother: "He was never an extremist, neither in his private nor his public life. He believed that a moderate Islam could work in Afghanistan."

    After Soviet invasion in 1979, Massoud resorted to guerrilla warfare to defend Panjshir Valley. Robert Kaplan: "Massoud has to be considered one of the greatest leaders of guerrilla movements in the 20th Century." Sebastian Junger: "I found it impossible not to listen to Massoud. I watched everything he did."
Massoud survived many assassination attempts by Soviets, ISI, & rival warlords, but even the Soviets gave up & declared a truce with him in 1983. They broke the truce a year later with a full-scale invasion of Panjshir, but Massoud evacuated 130,000 people in just 2 weeks. The Soviets were defeated 8 times in Panjshir, leading to their defeat in Afghanistan, &, ultimately, the collapse of the Soviet empire.

After the Soviet withdrawal, Pakistan, Iran, & Uzbekistan maneuvered for control in what was mistakenly called a civil war. When the Pakistan-armed Taliban advanced on Kabul, Massoud withdrew to spare the civilian population, uniting the opposition forces. Olivier Roy & Christoph de Ponfilly: "Massoud always dreamed of a united & equal people in Afghanistan, & of free elections in this country."

On Sept 9 2001, Massoud was murdered by 2 suicide bombers sent by Bin Laden, who guessed that America would arm the Northern Alliance after Sept 11. Never in his darkest dreams did Bin Laden envision the storm that would sweep the Taliban out of power and scatter Al Qaeda all over the world. Junger's epitaph on Massoud: "Despite him not being able to see the defeat of the Taliban, his war is finally won." Pilgrims come from all over Afghanistan to pay their respects at his tomb in the Panjshir Valley.

Info from detailed bio at Afgha.com

Posted by Jeff at 10:09 AM | Comments (0)

August 14, 2004

THE PILL OF MURTI-BING


Kompozycja, 1918, by futurist artist/novelist Stanislaw Witkiewicz (click for full-screen)

KRAKOW: Nobel prize winning poet Czeslaw Milosz has died at the age of 93. His life spanned the cataclysms of the 20th Century: born in Lithuania in 1911 to a family of Polish nobility, studied at Vilnius University, survived WWII, became a diplomat for the Soviet puppet regime before defecting to France in 1951.

In 1953, Milosz's The Captive Mind, an etiology of moral suicide under totalitarianism, shook up Western intellectuals in thrall to Marxist cosmology. The book with a synopsis of Insatiability, a prophetic 1927 phantasmagoria by avant-garde writer & artist Stanislaw Witkiewicz (who committed suicide in 1939 when the Red Army invaded). Insatiability is a study of decadent Polish society that has lost faith & meaning, & fears the approach of a vast Sino-Mongolian army that has conquered the East from the Baltic to the Pacific.

Suddenly, hawkers appear in towns selling Murti-Bing pills, created by a Mongolian mystic who has found an organic means of exporting his philosophy. People who take the pills become immune to metaphysical angst & spiritual hunger, & no longer fear invasion. War is averted when the West surrenders to the East, and the leader of the Western Army is ceremonially beheaded. The new age of Murti-Bing begins:

"The heroes of the novel, once tormented by philosophical 'insatiety,' entered the service of the new society. Instead of writing dissonant music, they composed marches & odes. Instead of painting abstractions as before, they turned out socially useful pictures. But since they could not rid themselves completely of their former personalities, they became schizophrenics."

Milosz wrote those words in 1953, when this nightmare vision had come to pass:

"People in the West are often inclined to consider the lot of converted countries in terms of might & coercion. That is wrong. There is an internal longing for harmony & happiness that lies deeper than ordinary fear or the desire to escape misery or physical destruction. And Murti Bing is more tempting to an intellectual than to a laborer. For the intellectual, the New Faith is a candle that he circles like a moth. In the end, he throws himself into the flame for the glory of mankind."

Prescient words in 2004, when the West is again threatened by Oriental totalitarianism our effete intelligentsia can't grapple with. For a modern take on jihad & the West, see my story Cities of Dust.

See also: Daniel Goldfarb's Argonauts of the Western Pacific,about the homoerotic relationship between Witkiewicz & Bronislaw Malinowski

Posted by Jeff at 09:36 AM | Comments (0)

July 19, 2004

ROOT CAUSES OF TERRORISM TIMELINE

450 million years ago: First cartilaginous fishes

240 million years ago: Gore Vidal born

6000 BC Sumerians invent beer in Fertile Crescent; Madonna born

2000 BC Gore Vidal publishes first in long line of books blaming world's problems on America; no one knows wtf he's talking about

800 BC Madonna's Smearing the Pap Tour & closes in Gomorrah: "tired" "too old" "same old crap"

600 BC Jewish captivity in Babylon; Madonna begins study of Kabbalah, typically ahead of pack, as it has not yet been codified

63 BC Roman conquest of Jerusalem
33 AD Crucifixion of Jesus
135 AD Destruction of Jerusalem, Diaspora begins
625 AD Mohammed weds 6-year-old child bride Aisha, beating out rival Woody Allen
650 AD Koran codified, banning alcohol. Mideast becomes official No-Fun Zone

650 AD Susan Lucci debuts as Erica on All My Children

732 AD French accidentally defeat Muslims at Tours

1096 Crusades launched in response to advance of Seljuks in East & Almoravids in Spain. Susan Lucci loses 5000th Emmy nomination.

1200 AD - present Decline & ossification of Islam

1322 Liza marries Edward II: "He's no homo."

1517-1917 Ottoman Empire rules Palestine

1700 Age of Reason & scientific revolution; Islam misses train

1750 Industrial Revolution; Islam AWOL again

1776 American Revolution inaugurates 200+ year representative democracy

1789 French Revolution ends in tyranny

1882 First Zionists migrate to Palestine, fleeing Russian pogroms. Jews begin to purchase land from Arabs

1884 Liza marries Oscar Wilde: "100% man"

1917 Russian Revolution ends in tyranny

1924 Fundamentalist Wahhabi al Saud dynasty conquers Mecca & Medina, creating Saudi state

1939-45 Nazi Holocaust, 5 million Jews slaughtered; successful resistance in Finland, Italy, Bulgaria, & Denmark

1941 Grand Mufti has tea with Hitler: "Our fundamental condition for cooperating with Germany was a free hand to eradicate every last Jew from Palestine & the Arab world." Martha Stewart born.

1946 George Bush born; Louis Reard invents bikini

1948 UN partition of Palestine, birth of Israel; Arab League armies attack Israel, which kicks their asses

1949 Chinese Revolution ends in tyranny

1955 Liza marries J. Edgar Hoover: "He's a pile-driver!"

1959 Cuban Revolution ends in tyranny

1965 Days of Our Lives debuts on NBC; Dick Cheney marries Lynne Vincent

1967 Six Day War, Israel kicks ass. Cassandra Peterson becomes youngest Vegas showgirl at 16.

1969 Ted Kennedy hits speed bump on Martha's Vineyard; Elvis tells Cassandra Peterson to get out of Vegas

1973 Yom Kippur War, Israel kicks ass again. Susan Sontag invited to speak at Bennington by Camille Paglia, puts audience on life support with lugubrious existentialism

1976 Linda Ronstadt dates moonbat liberal Jerry Brown

1979 Iranian revolution ends in tyranny

1981 Cassandra Peterson renames herself Elvira, debuts on KHJ-TV in LA
1983 Linda Ronstadt dates moonbat liberal George Lucas
1988 'Elvira: Mistress of the Dark' released, Elvira-mania sweeps America
1993 Israel signs 'peace accord' with terrorist army, which turns West Bank & Gaza into armed camps. Translatlantic Battle of the Bitches faxfest between Julie Burchill & Camille Paglia.

1994 Sarah Michelle Geller wins Emmy for All My Children, much to someone's displeasure; is quickly written off show
1999 Susan Lucci finally wins Emmy, no longer laughingstock of daytime TV

2000 Florida election fiasco; Al Gore drags judiciary into election, seeking recount in 4 counties he thinks he can win, a move he will later regret. Elvira on Hollywood Squares. Barak offers state to Palestinians. In return, Arafat unleases intifada, exploding Palestinian youths like party favors

2001 September 11th attacks on New York & the Pentagon; Congress grants military authority to President Bush with lone exception of Barbara Lee, who says we need to look at root causes of terrorism. American military topples Taliban in move Michael Moore vociferously opposed but now pretends he supported because he realizes it makes him look like an idiot.

2002 Liza marries David Gest, owner of world's largest collection of Shirley Temple memorabilia. Gore Vidal, world's oldest living organism, says Bush had advance knowledge of 9/11 attack & allowed it; also claims FDR allowed Pearl Harbor attack. 'Elvira's Haunted Hills' goes straight to video. Mecca Cola debuts in France

2003 Bush launches Iraq War & deposes genocidal Stalinist Saddam Hussein; liberals upset. Gaddafi shits his pants. Madonna's American Life flops; she prepares antiwar video, but think$ better of it. Al Gore & Courtney Love slide into insanity. David Gest humiliates self by claiming Liza beat the crap out of him.

2004 Beautiful Atrocities sweeps Drudge into recycle bin of history; Israel defeats intifada; Michael Moore groupie Linda Ronstadt causes riot with one too many tired encores of Desperado; free elections in Afghanistan; Yasser Arafat dies, possibly of AIDS, setting off power struggle between grieving widow Suha Arafat & PA cronies over purloined millions; Martha Stewart sent to snake pit

2005 Free elections in Iraq, pro-democracy demonstrations in Syria, Egypt, & Gulf States, 'Arab democracy' no longer oxymoron

Posted by Jeff at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)

 
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