May 20, 2006
LIBIDO WARS
Women suffering from Viagra fatigue - tired of putting out for the little blue pill - can take heart: a new drug could be designer Spanish Fly. Like Viagra, its discovery was accidental: researchers invented Melanotan which created a dark tan without sunlight. A variation, Melanotan II, had some desirable side-effects: suppressed appetite, increased libido & unstoppable erections.
Another company refined the drug into a nasal spray, bremelanotide (PT-141), which, unlike Viagra, works directly on the brain & libido. In tests, female rats wanted the drug constantly, & human females showed a 72% success rate (also works on men).
Then there's Proctor & Gambel's Intrinsa, a testosterone patch for women, & Tibilone, which also treats osteoporosis. For men, Europeans can already buy Uprima, a fast-acting sexual stimulant which, like bremelanotide, affects dopamine receptors in the brain.
There's also Survector, an off-patent European drug that was driven onto the black market because it was deemed to have abuse potential. Survector was a tricyclic antidepressant that, unlike Prozac & other SSRI's, was a mild psychomotor stimulant & libido enhancer that in some cases caused spontaneous orgasms.
Posted by Jeff at 09:00 AM | Comments (2)
May 08, 2006
ONLY HER DOCTOR KNOWS FOR SURE
eurotranny / respectable commie vladimir luxuria
Italy has elected the world's first Communist tranny to parliament. "Please, judge me by my ideas," says cabaret artiste Vladimir Luxuria, whose progressive ideas include endorsing a murderous ideology responsible for slaughtering 100 million people (many of them for being homosexuals). Sophisticated Europe!
Alas, s/he is being judged by her plumbing, embroiled in a big stink about toilet apartheid. Still, the International Lesbian & Gay Assn. (whoever they are) applauds this sign people are "embracing the diversity of human kind." They don't say which kind.
The idea trannies have something to do with homos is a scam to glom onto the gay rights movement, partly for insurance benefits & tax deductions. Aside from hermaphrodites, I think many trannies suffer from body dysmorphism. Like anorexics who look in the mirror & see a size 54, trannies look in the mirror & see Eva Longoria.
The rest of us see a dude on estrogen spackled with warpaint. Still, the PC crowd excommunicated tennis-playing tranny Renee Richards after she voiced regrets:
"You'd better get on Prozac or any other medication available, or get locked up or do whatever it takes to keep you from being allowed to do something like it."
In SF, there's a sick trend among young lesbians - some in their teens - deciding they're trannies, mainlining mood-altering testosterone, & having double mastectomies. They're counseled by tranny therapists & abetted by the Stepford lesbians of SF, for whom genital mutilation is a crime in Africa, but a party in SF. How continental!
Video catfight: Alessandra Mussolini vs Vladimir Luxuria
Posted by Jeff at 06:50 AM | Comments (16)
February 19, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES COMPLETE GUIDE TO BETTER SEX
For men whose
wives won't give them oral sex.
For men whose wives want to receive oral, but men who don't want to feel like they're dropping their face into a bowl of cat food (or women / gay men who don't like that annoying post-oral tonsil-butter drip). See also Don't Spit, Swallow
For gay men looking for a sport that includes reaching down your opponent's shorts.*
The communicable lesbian sex disease that's worse than AIDS
Beautiful Atrocities boxer shorts — guaranteed to get you some or your money back. Testimonial from Margi Lowry: "I purchased the super shexay boxers & hoodie from BA & BADDA BING! Nine months later, I got me a baby." You go, girl!
* because the olive oil prevents you from getting any traction, you have to grab the other dude's inseam (like this)
Posted by Jeff at 08:20 PM | Comments (23)
January 10, 2005
FOOT FETISHIST'S GUIDE TO THE BLOGOSPHERE
Because Manolo's Effing Shoe Blog can't have all the fun. All pix actual bloggers feet, with possible exception of one.
With thanks to foot pimps Little Miss Attila, Jinnji, & Sondra KPosted by Jeff at 05:26 AM | Comments (1)
August 12, 2004
I WAS AN ACCESSORY TO A SEX RING
So I ran into two leggy cupcakestrying to wrestle a couch up the torturous stairwell of our 100-year-old building. They were going about it in a particularly stupid way, so I offered to help, since otherwise they'd probably still be there and I'd have to use the fire escape every time I wanted a pack of cigarettes.
The couch was about 40 feet long but it was Ikea, so it only weighed about 14 pounds. It wasn't easy, but with my expert engineering skills, I managed to get it into her unit (no comment). I mentioned it to my neighbor, who said he'd run into her doing laundry - where she was doubtless bleaching her industrial-strength sheets - & she'd cheerfully announced she was a stripper.
I was alarmed, cuz I'd just seen on Ricki Lake that 99% of strippers were prostitutes. I already know from Howard Stern that 99% of prostitutes are lesbians, so u do the math. I certainly wouldn't have helped the skank move her couch if I'd known what she intended to do with it.
Altho if she's shopping at Ikea, she obviously hasn't clawed, schemed, or murdered her way up to Head Girl, unless she has an Ikea Econopass, & buys a new couch every month after the old one becomes unspeakably soiled.
She invited me to her housewarming, which should be a pleasant affair filled with pimps, ho's, crackheads, gangsters, wanton women, assorted vermin, & cheap Scandanavian furniture. Probably one of the tawdry trollops will be looking meaningfully at me because she's a Croatian sex slave who was smuggled into the country in a steamer trunk & wants me to help her escape a criminal gulag of Yakuza, Russian mafiosi, & vicious Filipina madams with razor blades in their pompadours. Shit.
Posted by Jeff at 10:05 AM | Comments (0)
July 08, 2004
ANAL FOR TREES
A Norwegian couple that belongs to a public service organization called F*ck for Forest ("Enviromental Porn") is in trouble for having sex onstage at a concert. Tommy Hol Ellingsen, 28, & his girlfriend Leona Johansson, 21, were fined £1700 after they stripped off their clothes onstage at a performance by the Cumshots and laid the pipe right there.
"It is ridiculous that we are prosecuted and sentenced on a moral basis at the same time as Norway is in the war against Iraq," insists Ellingsen.
Humorless wonk Lars Lovold of the Rainforest Foundation Norway, doesn't get it: "I can not see that this helps the work for the rainforest."
The spunky couple has so far raised £10,000 having sex in public, but no organization would accept the money. Beautiful Atrocities would like them to know we'll happily accept the money, please contact us ASAP
Posted by Jeff at 12:07 PM | Comments (0)