May 21, 2006
MY FABULOUS LIFE
Yesterday when I was jogging the lake, I passed this person*, who shagged this person, who shagged this person, who is worth $3.5 billion.
*Just don't ask him to get off the phone...
Posted by Jeff at 12:13 AM | Comments (11)
May 07, 2006
PLEASE. DEBBIE HARRY WOULD SHOW UP FOR THENG OF A TEA BAG
Posted by Jeff at 06:22 AM | Comments (1)
May 01, 2006
AND NO LINE AT K-MART!
I'll be out all day doing a heavy-duty wardrobe upgrade, since for once Walmart won't be full of untouchables, riff-raff, & pushy food-stamp divas trailing litters of street waifs...
See also the Silence of the Lawnmowers; the Great American Boycott of Illegals
Posted by Jeff at 07:27 AM | Comments (6)
April 27, 2006
A SHORT-LIVED EXPERIMENT IN BLOGGING THE TRUTH
Posted by Jeff at 12:29 AM | Comments (3)
April 26, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES BARGAIN OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 05:53 AM | Comments (5)
April 21, 2006
CHICKEN RUN: DARK LORD BILL FRIST
Posted by Jeff at 06:41 AM | Comments (1)
April 20, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES HOT SITE OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 06:15 AM | Comments (0)
April 19, 2006
I'LL BE THE ONE STANDING OVER A PUDDLE IN FRONT OF LA CREPERIE
Posted by Jeff at 05:41 AM | Comments (2)
April 15, 2006
HAPPY EASTER FROM THE EASTER ORPHAN
(...but this is just wrong)
Posted by Jeff at 06:05 PM | Comments (0)
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES HOT SITE OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 07:37 AM | Comments (2)
April 14, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES TIME-WASTER OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 06:45 AM | Comments (1)
April 13, 2006
THE MONSTER FOAM THAT ATE ELLSWORTH AFB
Posted by Jeff at 07:20 AM | Comments (1)
April 11, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES HOT SITE OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 12:11 AM | Comments (1)
WANTED: JOLLY PRUSSIAN NUDISTS FOR SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
Posted by Jeff at 12:02 AM | Comments (0)
April 07, 2006
MASAMANIA: THE SHINTO PENIS FESTIVAL REPORT
Posted by Jeff at 06:34 AM | Comments (2)
April 06, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES HOT SITE OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 07:52 AM | Comments (9)
April 05, 2006
IT'S A MIRACLE: COLD + WATER = ICE
Posted by Jeff at 12:18 AM | Comments (4)
April 04, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES HOT SITE OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 12:13 AM | Comments (4)
April 03, 2006
SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING NUDE...
Posted by Jeff at 05:03 PM | Comments (1)
April 01, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES HOT SITE OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 10:14 AM | Comments (3)
March 26, 2006
BECAUSE THE BEST THING FOR YOUR SKIN IS: SOMEONE ELSE'S
Posted by Jeff at 08:26 AM | Comments (5)
March 12, 2006
THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO RUNNING AWAY FROM ANYTHING
Posted by Jeff at 07:19 AM | Comments (2)
February 10, 2006
THE LADIES LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE
Posted by Jeff at 07:05 AM | Comments (5)
February 08, 2006
I HOPE THE POOR GIRL AT LEAST GOT A GOOD TIP
Posted by Jeff at 06:25 PM | Comments (22)
January 31, 2006
CARTEL IS SUCH AN UGLY WORD — LET'S JUST CALL IT A TEXAS TEA PARTY
Posted by Jeff at 12:19 PM | Comments (2)
January 28, 2006
DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE BLONDE CHEERLEADER?
Posted by Jeff at 10:05 PM | Comments (3)
January 27, 2006
YOU MIGHT WANT TO FACT-CHECK THIS ONE TOO, OPRAH
Posted by Jeff at 12:32 PM | Comments (2)
January 24, 2006
HELLO, MRS. GALLOWAY, MY NAME IS VALERIE PLAME & I'VE BEEN SHAGGING GEORGE'S BRAINS OUT
From Wikipedia:
"In 2000, Galloway married a Palestinian biologist. Five years later she announced that she would be filing for divorce, alleging that Galloway had been unfaithful throughout their marriage. She said she had received a number of phone calls from women who claim to have had romantic links with him, but that Galloway had told her it was a plot by an unnamed intelligence service to discredit him."
Posted by Jeff at 07:40 AM | Comments (8)
January 23, 2006
NOT TO MENTION YOU END UP WITH AN EXTRA PERSON
"I'm scared about it changing your life. I can pick up & go anywhere now. And then there's the pain involved." — Baseball wife / aspiring TV personality Michelle Mangan - who's not a former stripper - on Johnny Damon's plans to 'knock her up'
Via Maria
Posted by Jeff at 06:11 PM | Comments (7)
January 22, 2006
BASS FISHING WITH BAI LING
Posted by Jeff at 07:38 PM | Comments (2)
January 16, 2006
THE TRAGEDY OF ALZHEIMER'S
Posted by Jeff at 04:27 PM | Comments (21)
January 12, 2006
WORST. REMAKE. YET.
Posted by Jeff at 07:24 AM | Comments (16)
January 11, 2006
MARY JO: "UH, YOU GO AHEAD SWEETS, I'LL STAY WITH THE CAR (GAG)."
Posted by Jeff at 07:13 AM | Comments (12)
BECAUSE A LADY ALWAYS MAKES A GRACEFUL EXIT
Posted by Jeff at 05:54 AM | Comments (20)
BUT CAN THEY SWIM?
Posted by Jeff at 05:44 AM | Comments (2)
January 09, 2006
LIFE IN THE ALASKAN NATIONAL WILDLIFE REFUGE: JUST FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF DEAD HIPPIES
Posted by Jeff at 06:29 AM | Comments (2)
January 08, 2006
OH, JUST SIT DOWN & SHUT UP
...but what if we're angry & we're already sitting down? Do we lie down? Crouch? Stand up? I'm so confused...
Posted by Jeff at 08:54 AM | Comments (5)
January 07, 2006
WHERE'S PETA WHEN YOU REALLY NEED THEM?
Posted by Jeff at 06:45 AM | Comments (7)
January 06, 2006
DEAF, DUMB, & BLONDE
Posted by Jeff at 07:05 AM | Comments (12)
WIRETAPPING FOILS US TERROR ATTACK — OH WHO CARES?
Posted by Jeff at 07:03 AM | Comments (8)
January 05, 2006
GERMANS, AMERICANS AGREE ON THREAT TO CIVILIZED WORLD
Posted by Jeff at 10:47 AM | Comments (11)
January 04, 2006
FUCK THE PALESTINIANS — BUT WE MEAN THAT KINDLY & CARINGLY
Also: more Palestinian Fan Club members in Egypt
Posted by Jeff at 12:50 AM | Comments (1)
December 30, 2005
AND IF YOU TURN THE GRAPH UPSIDE DOWN, IT REFLECTS THE TIMES' READERSHIP...
Posted by Jeff at 02:38 PM | Comments (3)
December 29, 2005
WHEN MORDOR'S NOT AVAILABLE: VACATIONS IN LIBYA
Posted by Jeff at 12:40 PM | Comments (1)
December 27, 2005
ALLAH'S COMPLETE GUIDE TO NATURAL DISASTERS — & WHY THEY'RE SOME BITCH'S FAULT
Posted by Jeff at 09:03 AM | Comments (9)
"ARLENE, I'M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN — GET OFF THAT GODDAMN PHONE!"
Posted by Jeff at 08:07 AM | Comments (2)
December 26, 2005
BEWARE THE GREEN FAIRY!
Posted by Jeff at 01:13 PM | Comments (4)
December 24, 2005
SOPHISTICATED EUROPE: GET NAKED FOR CHRIST
Posted by Jeff at 05:03 PM | Comments (11)
December 22, 2005
VOTE SONDRA K HOTTEST BLOG DIVA!
See also the Sondra K Interview
Posted by Jeff at 01:29 PM | Comments (2)
CAN YOU GET THE CLAP FROM A BLOG?
Posted by Jeff at 01:27 PM | Comments (2)
December 21, 2005
CITIZEN RACONTEUR SEAN PENN ON HOLLYWOOD'S BIGGEST FLOPPIES
Posted by Jeff at 08:29 PM | Comments (1)
December 20, 2005
"HONEY! I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO BLOG! IF ANYONE CALLS FOR MATA, LOLA, ALOTTA, SAPPHIRE, OR 99, SEND IT UP!"
Posted by Jeff at 07:37 AM | Comments (4)
BLAST A PALESTINIAN TERRORIST BINGO
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 AM | Comments (1)
December 18, 2005
WHEN DOCUMENTARIANS LIE ... & GET CAUGHT
Posted by Jeff at 05:45 AM | Comments (4)
December 17, 2005
BREAKING: PAULINA RUBIO HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND...
For those too stupid to know who Paulina Rubio is, see videos here, try Lo Hare Por Ti (I'll Do it For You), good crunchy pop / rock song
Posted by Jeff at 02:03 PM | Comments (6)
December 16, 2005
"BILLY? IT'S TIME TO COME INSIDE & PLAY WITH YOUR SISTER."
Posted by Jeff at 12:15 PM | Comments (18)
December 15, 2005
MAKE POVERTY HISTORY FOR CHRISTMAS
...with someone else's money. See also For God's Sake, Please Stop the Aid!
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 PM | Comments (0)
I'M NOT AN INTELLECTUAL BUT I PLAY ONE ON TV
Posted by Jeff at 07:01 AM | Comments (17)
MR. KRUGMAN, PLEASE COME IN OFF THE LEDGE...
Posted by Jeff at 06:49 AM | Comments (0)
December 14, 2005
VINTAGE ANTIQUE ARAB NUDES
Posted by Jeff at 04:47 PM | Comments (4)
ZARQAWI: YOU CAN'T GET GOOD HELP THESE DAYS
Posted by Jeff at 06:11 AM | Comments (0)
December 13, 2005
MOXIE: LIVEBLOGGING THE TOOKIE RIOTS
...and if those riots crap out, maybe this will do it
Posted by Jeff at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)
IF CAMERON DIAZ POOPS IN THE WOODS, DOES IT MAKE ANY NOISE?
Posted by Jeff at 12:07 AM | Comments (3)
December 12, 2005
JOCELYNE WILDENSTEIN'S PLASTIC SURGERY TIPS
Posted by Jeff at 12:00 AM | Comments (1)
December 09, 2005
WOULD THAT BE A COMEDY ABOUT A FAT RACE-BAITING ANTI-SEMITIC CON ARTIST WITH BOUFFANT HAIR?
Posted by Jeff at 12:07 AM | Comments (1)
December 05, 2005
DEAR HEIDI, I AM ENCLOSING MY RESUME & SEVERAL ENTHUSIASTIC REFERENCES...
Posted by Jeff at 06:32 AM | Comments (3)
December 03, 2005
TOP 10 KATIE COURIC CONTRACT DEMANDS
Posted by Jeff at 12:22 AM | Comments (2)
December 02, 2005
THE OFFENSICON PROJECT - WARNING: NSFW!
Posted by Jeff at 03:13 PM | Comments (1)
December 01, 2005
NOREEN: OFFER IT UP, YOU CUNTS
"Suicidal people are the most tedious people in the world, I fucking wish they would just get on with it. People who just go off & die are alright, but it is the ones who are -idal, rather than actually dead who are the world's biggest fuckers. I especially hate the suicidal ones who make a nuisance of themselves with the act. Those fuckers who jump off bridges & splatt all over the roads holding up the traffic. They could at least think of the people left behind, sitting in fucking traffic while someone else peels mangled guts off the road. Either fucking do it or offer it up, you miserable cunts."
Posted by Jeff at 07:24 AM | Comments (7)
November 30, 2005
ELIGIBLE, ATTRACTIVE 35YO WHACK-JOB SEEKS SAME
Posted by Jeff at 06:30 AM | Comments (10)
November 29, 2005
IT COULD BE WORSE - IT COULD BE TOM CRUISE
Posted by Jeff at 07:24 AM | Comments (2)
November 27, 2005
CULTURALLY SENSITIVE CHRISTMAS STAMPS: BURQA MADONNA
My entry for the Commissar's anti-Xmas gallery:
RIPA MADONNA, courtesy Ron at Our Daily Ripa. See also Sadie's Sensitive Scientology Xmas Stamp
Posted by Jeff at 06:41 PM | Comments (4)
THE DARK CURSE OF VERA WANG
Posted by Jeff at 05:22 PM | Comments (3)
November 25, 2005
OPTIMISM: GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH
Posted by Jeff at 08:20 PM | Comments (0)
November 17, 2005
NOREEN: I F*CKING HATE BEING 33
"There is even a word for the cuntiness of being in your thirties & it is 30-something. What a load of cockswill. If you cannot count up to the age you are, it is time to give up & get some electric shocks. Women in their thirties are the f*cking worst. There are the ones who have just got children who are utterly appalling, going on & on about baby Einstein & all their tedious ghastly parenting concepts, an army of torn-twatted harpies watching each other like hawks to ensure they are 'the best' at mothering. Which they are not. The best mothers are Gypsies, who send their kids out to steal & work.
"Men in their thirties are just vile, f*cking awful cunts, miserable as sin beneath their I'm not bald really tennis ball haircuts, driving their gay little convertible cars & pretending that their ghastly, dribbling offspring are at all interesting to anyone. Five to ten years & the lot of them will lose the facade of smiling, & will either be giving it to some young bimbo in the conference room table, or be broken, shattered versions of their fathers. The single ones are so tediously self obsessed, surrounded by dreadful gadgets, wearing the most terrible clothes, trying to scratch around for a new & more extreme hobby than the next preening muppet, waiting for the big four-oh, so they can describe themselves as playboys rather than losers. I hate the whole f*cking lot of them."
From Emerald Bile
Posted by Jeff at 07:06 AM | Comments (4)
November 15, 2005
SHARON OSBOURNE TELLS IT LIKE IT IS
Posted by Jeff at 06:32 AM | Comments (0)
November 13, 2005
SPECIAL BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES SUNDAY DEVOTIONAL MESSAGE
Posted by Jeff at 06:08 PM | Comments (8)
June 06, 2005
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES CHILDREN'S CORNER
THE MICHAEL JACKSON COLORING BOOK
ANOTHER REASON TO HATE THE YANKEES
Posted by Jeff at 08:54 PM | Comments (3)
May 30, 2005
ISLAMOBABE OF THE WEEK: QUEEN RANIA
Posted by Jeff at 03:44 PM | Comments (9)
May 26, 2005
TALK ABOUT WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
Posted by Jeff at 11:56 AM | Comments (9)
HELP FOR LAME-ASS PREMATURE EJACULATORS
Posted by Jeff at 07:52 AM | Comments (2)
May 24, 2005
GUESS I'LL STOP MY SELF-PITYING WHINING...
Posted by Jeff at 01:08 PM | Comments (6)
May 20, 2005
CATFIGHT!!!! (via Spirit Fingers)
I HATE CAMERON DIAZ See also I Hate Cameron Diaz Too
THE NEW IMPROVED KELLY OSBOURNE (via Ghost)
THE BALLAD OF TIM BLAIR & MARGO KINGSTON
HILARIOUS VIDEO: THE LAST WORD ON STAR BORES WARS
Posted by Jeff at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)
May 19, 2005
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO NEED A DEMO
Posted by Jeff at 12:10 PM | Comments (22)
May 16, 2005
INTERNET ANTHROPOLOGY: TRUE CONFESSIONS
Posted by Jeff at 03:48 AM | Comments (7)
May 13, 2005
FASHION TIPS: BASIC BLACK FOR THAT SLIM, SYLPHLIKE LOOK
Posted by Jeff at 08:11 AM | Comments (19)
May 11, 2005
REQUIEM FOR A MURDERED COP
See also Michelle Malkin: In Praise of the Police
Posted by Jeff at 07:43 AM | Comments (0)
DOS & DON'TS FOR CUNNING LINGUISTS
CHRISTINE GREGOIRE FAN CLUB (via Kellipundit)
Posted by Jeff at 07:38 AM | Comments (0)
May 07, 2005
POINT COUNTERPOINT
HUBRIS: WHY HE SHOULD TAKE THE SKANK BACK
WHO SHOULD REPLACE PAULA ON IDOL?
PAULAGATE: KELLY RIPA TELLS IT LIKE IT IS
Via Ron from Church of the Holy Ripa, aka Our Daily Ripa. Bonus Points: Count the number of words Regis is able to get in edgewise in this typical Regis & Kelly exchange
Posted by Jeff at 10:12 AM | Comments (8)
May 02, 2005
IT'S RAINING MEN: MAIL ORDER HUSBANDS
Posted by Jeff at 11:38 PM | Comments (6)
ROSIE O'DONNELL: BETTER THAN CATS
More gushing fan letters to Rosie can be found at SaveRosie.com. Rosie's blog, written entirely in verse - I'm not making that up - can be absorbed here. Or you can check out the Rosie O'Donnell Hatred Club: "Hi! I loathe & hate Rosie O'Donnel [sic]. If you hate, dislike, or just can't stand her join this club."
Posted by Jeff at 12:12 PM | Comments (1)
May 01, 2005
BLOGSCAPES AROUND THE WORLD
KORANTENG'S TOLI: PHOTOBLOGGING GHANA
MADAME SHUTTERFLY: NOODLE SHOPS OF HONG KONG
NASIRI'S PHOTOBLOG: MULLAH COUTURE
MICHAEL TOTTEN: POSTCARDS FROM LEBANON
TAKHTESIAH: ARMENIAN PROTEST IN IRAN
Posted by Jeff at 10:34 PM | Comments (2)
April 30, 2005
HELP A CONFUSED LIMEY VOTER TODAY
Posted by Jeff at 01:54 PM | Comments (1)
April 29, 2005
NBC AUCTIONS KATIE COURIC ON EBAY
IMPORTANT ANDREW SULLIVAN POST
WEEKEND AUDIO QUIZ: WHAT IS THIS MOVIE? For additional clue, click here
Posted by Jeff at 03:38 PM | Comments (9)
April 26, 2005
PROBING TOM DELAY'S SPHINCTER
Posted by Jeff at 08:40 PM | Comments (1)
PERSONALIZE SONDRA K'S BUMPER
Posted by Jeff at 07:37 PM | Comments (0)
April 25, 2005
ATTILA GIRL ATTENDS THE L.A. BOOK FAIR
...& finds herself among enemies
Posted by Jeff at 03:33 PM | Comments (2)
April 19, 2005
CLUB A BABY SEAL FOR EARTH DAY
Posted by Jeff at 11:34 AM | Comments (2)
April 17, 2005
TABLOID ROUNDUP:
- the William Shatner story
- the Joan Collins story
- Wonkette: the Made-for-TV movie
- Ann Coulter, Queen of All Media
- I Thought Gordon Lightfoot Was Dead
- Donal Skehan, Superstar (If interested in booking future heartthrob Skehan, contact his agent, Elizabeth Wilberforce-Packard)
Posted by Jeff at 07:16 PM | Comments (2)
April 15, 2005
STRIKING TERROR IN THE HEARTS OF EVILDOERS
Posted by Jeff at 01:50 PM | Comments (3)
April 13, 2005
CHURCH SIGNTO INTERPRETATION, or How to Slow Roast a Pope
SATIRIC POETRY CONDEMNED BY SF BOARD OF STUPES
SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVING WALMART
IMPEACH KENNEDY; IMPEACH SCALIA; IMPEACH GREER; IMPEACH BUSH; IMPEACH CHENEY
Posted by Jeff at 03:32 PM | Comments (3)
March 28, 2005
IT'S NOT LIKE PRETTY WOMAN
Posted by Jeff at 08:58 PM | Comments (13)
March 27, 2005
Suicidal Vatican Protester Offers Valuable Photography Lesson
esther wilberforce packard's Loathing of Carolyn Forché
knowledge is power jumps the shark
WELCOME TO MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL HOSPITAL
Posted by Jeff at 09:00 PM | Comments (4)
March 25, 2005
SECOND AMENDMENT SEX
And there's more for horse lovers...
Posted by Jeff at 08:22 AM | Comments (7)
March 23, 2005
::: click :::
via Frank's Journal
Posted by Jeff at 10:11 AM | Comments (11)
The aging tyrants of the Arab League met in Algiers this week. Their response to world-changing events in Iraq & Lebanon as well as pro-democracy protests across the Arab world can be summed up in one word: "ISRAEL! ISRAEL! ISRAEL!" Gaddafi, in a rambling speech many in the audience found amusing, defended fellow Sunni thug Bashir Assad: "Syria should be rewarded because it sacrificed for the sake of civil peace in Lebanon."
Gaddafi on Israel: "I cannot recognize either the Palestinian state or the Israeli state. The Palestinians are idiots & the Israelis are idiots." On Egypt's bid for a seat on the UN Security Council (which Gaddafi wants for himself): "This is a terror council, not a security council. It is a terrorist organization. Why should we expand it?"
Elsewhere, bloggers are showing their capacity for bad jokes: A DOG STORY; ANOTHER DOG STORY; THE BRITISH WORE RED; THE TRUE ORIGIN OF ST. PATRICK'S DAY
Posted by Jeff at 08:15 AM | Comments (1)
March 15, 2005
EAT JANE WIEDLIN FOR PETA DAY
Posted by Jeff at 01:06 PM | Comments (9)
March 14, 2005
JADA PICKETT SMITH, HATEMONGER
Posted by Jeff at 08:22 PM | Comments (7)
WHAT MAUREEN DOWD DOES IN THE SHOWER
Posted by Jeff at 08:22 AM | Comments (13)
March 11, 2005
THE WORLD'S MOST EXCITING BLOG
(via the
Institute)
NEW JOB TITLE: FISH EMPATHY PROJECT MANAGER (via the Omnibus)
KEEP YOUR COLONIAL MITTS OFF MY JUGS
ANGELINA JOLIE'S OMNIVOROUS APPETITES
Posted by Jeff at 02:10 PM | Comments (8)
March 10, 2005
THIS IS JUST EVIL
Posted by Jeff at 06:41 AM | Comments (8)
March 08, 2005
ITALIAN REPORTER ALREADY 12 MINUTES INTO FAME
REPORTER: 'COALITION FORCES ASKED ME TO DRESS LIKE ENGINE BLOCK'
HISTORY OF THE VRWC, PART I: 1943 - "Eisenhower uses a garlic press to extract sperm from Adolph Hitler’s remaining testicle & smuggles the smut to U.S. military scientists in King of Prussia, PA. A dozen unsuspecting war widows are impregnated during routine gynecological exams throughout the continental U.S..."