May 20, 2006
PAGLIA ON CONDI
"She has advanced the persona of the first woman president way beyond any other woman in my lifetime. She has gravitas! As a musician & an athlete, she has a sense of command & theatricality. She has an ability to improvise that Hillary Clinton utterly lacks."
Lesbian fag-hag / iconoclast Camille Paglia, who also has this to say about gay activists, which I've observed also.
See also Camille Paglia: the Gay Inquisition; Paglia: I'll Take Religion Over Gay CulturePosted by Jeff at 12:18 PM | Comments (21)
May 18, 2006
I'M GLAD THEY'RE ONLY ON THE EDGE
Posted by Jeff at 06:12 AM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2006
"HEATHER? IT'S TIPPER. I THINK I'D LIKE THE NAME OF THAT DIVORCE LAWYER AFTER ALL..."
Posted by Jeff at 06:14 AM | Comments (0)
May 05, 2006
WHIPLASH!
"I was recently asked about the difference between the Democratic & Republican parties. The essential difference is that the Democrats fundamentally believe it is important to make sure that American Jews feel comfortable being American Jews." — Howard Dean, 2006
"I think no one likes to see violence of any kind. I will say, however, there is a war going on in the Middle East, & members of Hamas are soldiers in that war." — Howard Dean, 2003
Posted by Jeff at 12:04 AM | Comments (4)
May 04, 2006
PLEASE STOP LEAVING US ALONE!
The Joe Wilson & Valerie Whozzit Solitude Tour. With guest appearances by Oprah, George Clooney, Larry King, & Angelina Jolie.
Posted by Jeff at 12:04 AM | Comments (1)
April 26, 2006
DAMN. I WAS HOPING IT WOULD BE NANCY GRACE...
Posted by Jeff at 06:58 AM | Comments (0)
COMPLETE D.I.Y. GUIDE TO BLACK SITE PRISONS
Say you're a world pariah who's recklessly led your country into an illegal & frankly messy war, shredded the Constitution, violated the phone confidentiality of terrorists, & pissed all over the Geneva Conventions. Now of course you'll want to build a sooper-secret network of black-site prisons to incarcerate the victims of your foreign depredations.
Impossible? Hardly. Even though such an undertaking will involve hundreds, if not thousands of people, including Bush-hating journalists hungry for Pulitzers, it can be done. And as we know from the Vast JFK Conspiracy & the 9/11 Controlled Demolition, it's possible to pull it off without a single person blabbing:
Martin's Classified Guide to Black Site Prisons
Posted by Jeff at 05:34 AM | Comments (3)
April 19, 2006
I'M MIKE GRAVEL & I APPROVED THIS GIBBERISH
Proving the Democrats aren't just the party of tertiary-stage Bush
Derangement Syndrome, former Alaska
Senator Mike Gravel became the first Democrat to announce his candidacy for President,
vowing to transfer the power to declare war
from Congress to "the people", to recall all US troops from Iraq, &
to fight terrorism by forming a global committee. Good. That
should do it.
Gravel, who's used to going where no space probe has gone before, seconded his own nomination for Vice President at the 1972 Democratic Convention, read the Pentagon Papers into the public record, advocated a guaranteed annual wage of $5000 whether one worked or not, & proposed a Teflon-domed city near Mt. McKinley.
In 2003, he spoke at a conference for the anti-Semitic Barnes Review, which includes articles like Hitler: Overlooked Candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize; Holocaust Smoke & Mirrors; Joseph Mengele: A New Look; Masonry & the Secret Empire; & Resisting the Smotherout ("Worse than any German war crimes, real or alleged, were the actual crimes of the Allies.").
And last winter, Gravel visited Libya & praised Colonel Gaddafi, saying "The direct popular democracy exercised in the Libyan Jamahiriya represents an evolution of the conception of democracy in the world, & mankind should emulate it." At last, a sensible alternative to the Angry Left!
Posted by Jeff at 05:42 AM | Comments (5)
April 10, 2006
THE HORSE'S MOUTH
So Andrew Sullivan has a new book coming out: The Conservative Soul: How We Lost it, How to Get it Back. Exactly who is the audience for this book? Liberals aren't going to buy it. Most gays aren't going to buy it. And conservatives lost respect for Sully after his bizarre public phreak-out / 180 on Bush, the War, & Everything, which was really all about the Federal Marriage Amendment, aka the Defining Issue of Our Time.
Should sell about as well as Wonkette's novel...
Posted by Jeff at 06:35 AM | Comments (4)
April 07, 2006
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK: THE WORLD TOILET SUMMIT
ATL Malcontent has the down & dirty on this essential use of your tax monies, including the amazing 3-D toilet game "to educate toilet users on proper toilet hygiene & toilet etiquettes."
Posted by Jeff at 06:38 AM | Comments (0)
April 02, 2006
THUG OF THE DAY: HUGO CHAVEZ, FIDEL'S REVENGE
Posted by Jeff at 12:09 AM | Comments (1)
March 31, 2006
HOW TO SPOT A MAD BLACK CONGRESSWOMAN
Posted by Jeff at 12:09 AM | Comments (0)
March 07, 2006
BUSH DID IT: CHAPTER XXXVIII
Posted by Jeff at 12:49 PM | Comments (1)
January 23, 2006
WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN
Dear Cyber Patrol,
I see you've
flagged my site as Hate Speech, probably because of
my
thing about Ashlee Simpson. While I have not called for
physical
violence against Miss Simpson,
I did say she sucks ass. I also
hate &
despise her, her
sister, her father, & all her relatives. Get over it.
It's possible you flagged me because of my thing about Islam. Please note I don't hate all Muslims, just the ones who hang rape victims & stone gays & fly airplanes into the sides of buildings & blow themselves up in supermarkets & restaurants & police stations, as well as the vast & teeming hordes whose inscrutable silence tolls like a dirge for the sleep of reason & who dwell like medieval pilgrims in this modern world.
Also, I write satire, which isn't supposed to be very nice. If you want nice satire, try Doonesbury or Jesus' General. In the meantime, here are some more sites you might want to flag as hate speech:
Jennifer Lopez Haters Club
Blooming Idiot: Orlando Bloom Hate Site
Emma Watson Sucks
Emerald Bile (hates everyone)
How Much Do YOU Hate Hilary Duff?
Rosie.com - really baaaaaaad poetry
Why I Hate Whole Foods
Barbra Streisand.com - atrociously written screeds devoid of syntax & spell-check
Your friend,
Jeff
See also Human Rights Sites Blocked by Web Censors; How to Disable Your Blocking Software
Posted by Jeff at 12:16 AM | Comments (9)
January 01, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES PREDICTIONS FOR 2006
Get real. Why should I bother when so many great minds have already spoken?
Daily Pundit: Kirstie Alley will get
good news
Daily Kos: Dems won't retake Congress in 2006
The Anchoress: Hillary will cry in public
Cindy Sheehan: We will prevail!
Kabbalah: Violence on August 3rd
Alec Baldwin: Democrats take Senate, leading to Cheney's impeachment.
Bits Blog: Global warming blamed for everything
Sigmund, Carl, & Alf: Tipper Gore admits she voted Bush in last 2 elections.
Juan Cole: Palestinian struggle* will continue because of those awful Israelis
Ron Bailey: No asteroid strike (but look out for 2036)
Attack Machine: FOX launches Missing White Girl Channel©
Dean Esmay: Castro croaks [Ed: BA doesn't believe this]
Kellyanne Conway: Valerie Plame in Playboy
Oliver Willis: Another White House insider indicted, but MSM will ignore it the way they have ignored the Libby case
Viking Pundit: Air America will fold
Nina Burleigh: A secular intellectual / left-leaning politician will be arrested based on his views & 'associations'
Jeff Goldstein: Hillary will swap spit with Barbra Streisand during You Don't Bring Me Flowers duet
Glittering Eye: Iran will test a nuke. No one will do anything
Rightwingduck: Mary Mapes gets fired from bank teller job
Sundries Shack: John Kerry will announce he's running for President in 08 before he announces he's not
Beautiful Atrocities: Wonkette's novel quickly joins Washingtonienne's in remaindered bins of history; Mayo Clinic issues gallstone warning for readers of Andrew Sullivan's leaden prose
*struggle = terrorism
Posted by Jeff at 04:50 PM | Comments (5)
December 10, 2005
THE TOOKIE DIARIES
7:00 Get up. Do 4000 push-ups. Check emails from posse of borderline bitches. "Damn," I tell Scott Peterson, "I'm so horny I pop wood at a
spreadsheet! Don't stop, buddy!"
9:00 Meet with Janaene Garofalo & Bianca Jagger. DAMN, girls, what you been drinking, Ugly In a Can?? How come it always be the muggsly crackers go for the bruthas? Where be Kelly Ripa?? Where be Hillary Duff??
10:00 Watch Power Rangers
1:00 Word is, the bruthas gonna riot if they fry me. There's just one problem with that plan: HOW DOES THIS HELP THE TOOKSTER? SHIT! CAN SOMEONE THROW ME A GODDAMN BONE?
2:00 Dismantle cot, destroy toilet as social protest. SOMEONE GET ME A GODDAMN PLUMBER! WHAT YOU THINK THIS IS, GITMO? I AM A GODDAMN POET! I SAY!
3:00 Watch Days of our Lives. Damn, that Sami Brady is fly, I could just smack her up! SCOTT!!!!!!
4:00 12,000 push-ups.
5:00 Dear Pope ?: I ain't killed no one since I been in prison, altho with the stupid dumbass muthaf*ckers in here I been sorely tempted. Also, my buddy OJ is looking for the real killers...
8:00 You know the worst day of my life weren't when I capped those dumb Buddhaheads, it was when those NAZI REPUBLICAN MUTHAF*CKERS RECALLED MY MAN GRAY DAVIS! ARNOLD! JESSE! KOFI! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING QUICK! SHIT, ROLL OVER, SCOTT, & FOR F*CK SAKE TRY TO LOOK LIKE HALLE BARRY!
Posted by Jeff at 10:34 AM | Comments (26)
November 28, 2005
NO. SHIT. SHERLOCK.
"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." George Bush, Nov. 28 2005
Posted by Jeff at 09:54 PM | Comments (7)
November 27, 2005
SO MUCH FOR THE FIFTH COLUMN STRATEGY
Howard Dean: "Okay, it looks like our Plan A to retake Congress isn't working, so we'll switch to Plan B. Does anyone have a Plan B?"
Posted by Jeff at 06:38 PM | Comments (0)
July 13, 2005
VALERIE PLAME: "PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME ALONE!"
Supersecret deep-mole undercover CIA operative Valerie Plame held a press conference outside CIA headquarters today, begging the press to stop respecting her privacy. A glamorously distraught Plame hinted that if the media did not stop avoiding her, she would be forced to write a bestselling book, & has already lined up gigs with Cosmo, Maxim, & a shot as guest host on Saturday Night Live.
A covert secret agent like Carmen San Diego,
Plame previously posed as Agent 99 for Vanity Fair & regularly
made the dangerous commute to CIA HQ in Langley, where she cleverly
posed as a useless paper-pusher in the CIA's discredited WMD division.
"Wow," said coworker Varla Jean Merman, speaking on condition of
anonymity, "she totally fooled me. She sometimes made phone calls from
her shoe, but aside from that she was just a typical
civil servant if you know what I mean & I think you do."
Plame was upset about a report that Karl Rove leaked her identity as a covert travel agent who arranged 2 trips to Africa for her husband, failed diplomat & unemployed layabout Joe Wilson. Plame was also an undercover literary agent who scored an improbable book deal for Wilson in this email exchange:
Plame: I don't want to hurt your feelings, honey, but you're a loser. You were ambassador to Gabon. Hell, Shirley Temple was ambassador to Ghana. You were such a zero, you were drummed out of the Foreign Service. That's like being too crazy for the Scientologists. The only way a cipher like you could get a book deal is with the right packaging.
Wilson: You mean a snazzy book cover?
Plame: No, you moron. I mean we'll pretend you're an important person - I know, I know, it's a stretch - & you're going to call the President a liar. Bush-bashing is even hotter than chick-lit right now, & with American soldiers dying every day - well, you just can't buy that kind of publicity.
Wilson's book was shredded by a Senate Intelligence Committee, but hailed by Moveon.org (an overt agent for George Soros) as well as the NY Times (an overt agent for the Democratic Party). Speaking off the record, Times editor Bill Keller said "We're really hurting after a string of failed scandals: Rathergate, Gannongate, Toiletgate, & now this. Our only successful scandal was Jayson Blair, but that wasn't exactly what we had in mind."
See also Michelle Malkin: The NY Times' Rove-mania
Posted by Jeff at 10:08 AM | Comments (21)
June 01, 2005
IN THE FUTURE, EVERYONE WILL BE HITLER FOR 15 MINUTES
Rick Santorum
compares Democrats to Hitler
Robert Byrd compares Republicans to Hitler
John Glenn compares Republicans to Hitler
Martha Stewart compared to Hitler
The Gallery of Bush=Hitler Allusions
George Soros: Worse than Hitler
North Korea compares Rumsfeld to Hitler
Hugo Chavez compares Spanish PM Jose Aznar to Hitler
Global warming worse than Hitler
"Look, he's a Hitler lover." Donald Trump on Pat Buchanan
Sharon is Hitler Clothing Line
Madonna compares AIDS & Hitler
Ted Turner compares CNN rival Fox to Hitler
Ad Compares Taiwanese President to Hitler
"Those who support
gay & lesbian families are no different from those who supported
Adolph Hitler."
Sheri
Drew, who ledng invocation at 2004 Republican Convention
Sean Penn compares Bill O'Reilly to Hitler
Czech PM compares Yasser Arafat to Hitler
British Foreign Secretary compares Saddam to Hitler
Robert Mugabe compares himself to Hitler
"The actions of the Hitler-like district attorney & his storm trooper henchmen are reprehensible." Phil Spector
Archbishop Desmond Tutu compares Israel to Hitler
Rumsfeld compares Zarqawi to Hitler
"First there was Herod, then there was Hitler & Stalin, & today unborn children are being killed in their millions." Cardinal Joachim Meisner
Ralph Peters compares Howard Dean to Hitler
Ross Perot compares Clinton to Hitler
Hawaii ACLU compares Clarence Thomas to Hitler
Justice Scalia worse than Hitler
“What is the difference between Lomborg's view of humanity & Hitler's?" UN official denounces The Skeptical Environmentalist
Truman compares Dewey to Hitler
Schwarzenegger: Hitler on Steroids
Michelle Malkin: the Filipina-American Hitler
Jawa Report: The Pope = Hitler
Beautiful Atrocities compared to Hitler
See also Hillary Duff is a Nazi; Compatibility of Hitler with Angelina Jolie
Posted by Jeff at 12:50 AM | Comments (78)
April 05, 2005
STUPIDEST. THEORY. YET.
Posted by Jeff at 08:44 PM | Comments (10)
This just in: Sen. Ron Wyden, who voted against ANWR oil drilling, demanded the Commerce Department release the names of American companies shipping US petroleum products to other countries, saying the info "is directly relevant to the Congressional debate on how to address our nation's dependence on imports of oil."
Posted by Jeff at 01:05 PM | Comments (9)
March 31, 2005
ISRAELIZE TAIWAN?
Is China using North Korea to distract us from its grab for Taiwan? Eternity Road has a provocative piece about China's farcical attempt to lend respectability to its land grab: the 'anti-secession law' that 'authorizes' the use of military force to 'prevent the breakaway of the Taiwanese province.' (Hitler used the same faux-diplomacy to grab Austria & Czechoslovakia.)
"Beijing hopes to gain by intimidation what it's not yet ready to take by force. But there are other pieces in the game, most notably North Korea. Beijing has nothing to gain directly from its support of Pyongyang. It has never been clearer that Kim Jong-il's Stalinist satrapy & its clownish bid for dominance over the peninsula are gambit throws, intended to distract our attention from Red China's true area of interest."Negotiations serve no purpose. Like Islamists, Communists regard any cessation of hostilities as merely an interval in which to rearm for a later, conclusive strike. The sole arrangement that appears satisfactory is to Israelize Taiwan & South Korea: that is, to make them into nuclear powers, capable of deterring Communist aggression."
Siberian Light reports China tried to turn 2005's joint Sino-Russian military maneuvers into a mock invasion of Taiwan (Moscow wisely backed out). Certainly China has nothing to fear from the UN, which issues a million resolutions supporting the Palestinians but doesn't even acknowledge the existence of 23 million Taiwanese.
Or does Taiwan already have the capacity to build nukes?
Posted by Jeff at 08:04 AM | Comments (3)
March 16, 2005
WANGARI MAATHAI
Fabulously dressed Nobel Peace Prize winner 2004. Born in Kenya 1940. First woman from East or Central Africa to earn a doctorate degree. As child, sent to school only after older brother pressured parents. Came to New York in 1960 & lost shoe on first escalator she ever rode on. On coming to America as a student:
"When autumn came, my first autumn, the experience of trees losing leaves was, for me, phenomenal. Trees losing their leaves! They were of course very beautiful & different colors & this doesn't happen in Kenya. So that was phenomenal. And then they all fell, every one of them.
"And the tree literally went to sleep. And then the wind. You read in novels about whispering winds. It was only in Kansas that winds ever whispered! And they blew through those trees like violins. I never heard anything like that."
Founded Green Belt Movement in Kenya in response to deforestation which wiped out 90% of Kenya's forests. Began by planting 7 trees, largely female grassroots movement has planted 30 million & provided poor women with income & education. Persecuted by Kenyan dictator Daniel Arap Moi:
"It was not the tree planting that Moi was against; he was against the educational component, the civic & environmental education, because that touched on governance, touched on democracy, respect for human rights, respect for environmental rights, protection of natural resources, equitable distribution of resources."
Successfully led protest against
Moi's plan to build luxury resort skyscraper & statue of Moi in Nairobi's Uhuru
Park (which would add 200 million to Kenya's debt). Voted into
Parliament in 2002. Has been arrested, teargassed, jailed, clubbed unconscious, threatened with death.
On fear: "People often ask me why I was not afraid. The best way I can explain it is to say that I did not project fear. If you project that you might die, that you might lose the privileges of the position you hold, that you might be fired, you begin to focus on the consequences. But if you stay focused on what you want to attain, then you actually go right in there where many people would not dare to go."
Member of Parliament said curse should be placed on her. Moi called it 'un-African & unimaginable for a woman to challenge or oppose men.' Has been dubbed 'mad woman,' 'threat to the order & security of the country,' 'an ignorant & ill-tempered puppet of foreign masters,' 'unprecedented monstrosity,' &, by ex-husband, ‘too educated, too strong, too successful, too stubborn & too hard to control'.
On the male ego: "I'm sick & tired of men who are so incompetent that every time they feel the heat because women are challenging them, they have to check their genitalia to reassure themselves. I'm not interested in that part of the anatomy. The issues I'm dealing with require the utilization of what's above the neck. If you don't have anything there, leave me alone."
On women: "We did not have any guns & we were not going to use force, even when they used force to try to stop us. We are the ones who can change government, we are the ones who can decide what kind of leaders to put in place. And so we got rid of our fear, we refused to be victims of government intimidation."
On respect for the
planet: "I'm a Christian
& a Catholic. If you read the book of Genesis, you will see that God created other species before he created humanity. He created humanity last. But if he had created us before, we would probably not have survived. The moral of the story is that it is the other species that were created before us, which we need to survive. Whereas they don't need us."
On jail: "It is dehumanizing. It is filthy. It is crowded. You are put in areas where people will mock you, guards & even prisoners. You are put there to humiliate you."
On the contributions of women: "Women, I think, have a capacity to care for others, to see beyond personal gain. Many women, I believe, are at their happiest & best when they are serving. I myself am at my happiest & my best when I am serving."
On corruption: "Today's African leaders are comparable to the African slave barons who facilitated the capturing & selling of millions of their fellow blacks to distant lands where they were subjugated into slavery, only today they are subdued within their own borders."
On the impact of the Nobel Prize: "The message for Africans is that the solutions to our problems lie within us. The work we have been doing with the Green Belt Movement is a local response to a local problem."
On ethnic wars: "It is the threatened elitist leaders who are using tribes to arouse ethnic nationalism to cling to power. Such leaders speak peace while they are planning civil wars. In Africa it would be impossible for any community to train militia, arm them, kill members of the targeted communities (in full view of the police force) without the personal sanctioning of the Heads of States who are also the Commanders-in-Chief."
On Third World debt:
"The people who are really being punished are the poor people who never
received that money to begin with. Those who did business with our leaders knew they were corrupt, that they were not delivering services, that the money was stolen
& stashed away. Yet when you request cancellation (of debts), people want to pretend that you got that money."
On AIDS: "I may not be able to say who developed the virus but it was meant to wipe out the Black race. I cannot prove this but everybody knows that there are biological weapons. America invaded Iraq because they believed such weapons existed. Why is the rest of the world just watching, doing nothing while Africans are being wiped out?"
(Maathai denies this statement, but told TIME magazine: "I have no idea who created AIDS & whether it is a biological agent or not. But I do know things like that don't come from the moon. I have always thought that it is important to tell people the truth, but I guess there is some truth that must not be too exposed." Official website states: "I neither say nor believe that the virus was developed by white people in order to destroy the African people. Such views are wicked & destructive.")
On people power: "We must never lose hope. When any of us feels she has an idea or an opportunity, she should go ahead & do it. I never knew when I was working in my backyard that what I was playing around with would one day become a whole movement. One person can make the difference."
NPR interview; official website; Greenbelt Movement; Fabulous African Imports
Posted by Jeff at 04:01 PM | Comments (14)
March 13, 2005
HILDABEAST: COMING TO AN OVAL OFFICE NEAR YOU
I've always scoffed at the idea of President Hillary, but this weekend saw how it could easily happen. Condi Rice gave an interview in which she described herself as 'mildly pro-choice': "We should not have the federal government in a position where it is forcing its views on one side or the other."
Reaction from conservative bloggers was swift, some saying they would sit out a Condi/Hillary race over abortion. One blogger told me he thought girls who have abortions should be sterilized & abortion doctors killed This is where moral opposition morphs into the American Taliban: we have American soldiers fighting overseas, Islamofascists who behead innocents & seek WMDS to lay waste American cities, but the only important thing is abortion.
This is Hillary's game. Come 2008, she'll have a
massive war chest &
the authority to avoid a punishing primary campaign; she needn't pander
to the extreme Left because they know what she is. Republicans,
on the other hand, could fall into the Primary Death Trap:
competing for the extreme fringe to outmaneuver their rivals, & ending up miles from the center.
I can't stand Hillary, but would hold my nose & vote for her if the race was, say, Hill v Santorum. She'd be less odious than Kerry, especially if restrained by a Republican Congress. But a Hill presidency would mean a return to pre-9/11 mentality, kowtowing to Kofi Inc., & - if she gets a chance - colonizing the Supreme Court with social engineers who'll find a new 'right' every week & genuflect to mushy Europrudence. And she'll have the Republicans to thank.
Souvenir Hillary mask; Hillarywatch; Condi: the anti-Hillary
Posted by Jeff at 08:28 PM | Comments (121)
March 08, 2005
REMEMBER THOSE POLLS THAT SAID DEAN WAS A SHOO-IN?
Posted by Jeff at 01:28 PM | Comments (3)
March 07, 2005
SEN. CLINTON & MRS. HYDE
Being the diary of a woman who, gobbling red pills & blue pills, veers from mild-mannered red-state conservative to ruthless blue-state dominatrix.
Morning affirmation: Even.If.It.Kills.Me. |
||
|
Canseco sticks me in ass with more testosterone. Afterwards want to straddle an aircraft carrier & bully a Third World country |
|
Prayer meeting. (Q: What do people pray for? Have staff research.) Fall asleep again. |
Morning briefing. Love it when you look in someone's eyes & see cold naked fear. My staff is getting bigger than J-Lo's ass, but it takes a village... |
|
Sometimes I think people are lying to me. Asked David Brock over canapes & mimosas, 'Do you think I look like Cate Blanchette?' 'Oh DAHLING yes!' he shrieked. On a hunch, I said 'Should I wear knee-highs with culottes?' 'Oh yes!' 'Is my ass on fire?' 'Yes!' 'Are you a shit-eating little wombat?' 'Oui oui oui oui!' All the way home, no doubt. Will pray for the vicious little bitch. |
|
|
Confession: (Q: Do Southern Baptists confess? Have staff research). Unclean dream again involving Hannity & cigar. Holy holy HOLY, Lord forgive me! |
Item: Suck up to red states by pushing more prosecutions. Suck up to blue states by extending vote to ex-cons, HA! I AM SO GOOD AT THIS |
|
Charles is going to marry Camilla. Good for her. Like me, she stood by her man. Admittedly, in a trampy, common, adulterous sort of way, but still. |
|
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Watched Passion. Identify with Christ on the cross, being pilloried by His enemies. Especially because you know that if he wanted to, he could shoot balls of fire out of his eyes & incinerate them all like Drew Barrymore in Firestarter so they burn in the flames of Hell forevermore. Amen. |
Watched Manchurian Candidate. Streep is terrifying, a great woman, a grand woman, a frightfully grand woman! |
|
Phone message from Bill. Bill? Oh, that Bill. My lawfully wedded whozzit, whom I'm joined to in the eyes of our Lord, & will probably be linked to for all eternity, in this world & the next...OH GOD I CAN'T TAKE THIS, I NEED A BLUE PILL!!! |
|
Posted by Jeff at 01:13 AM | Comments (11)
March 01, 2005
INTERVIEW WITH JEFF GANNON
In which Mr Gannon comes across as having integrity, unlike gay Stalinists like David Brock, whom Beautiful Atrocities thinks doth protest too much...
Posted by Jeff at 09:27 AM | Comments (5)
February 21, 2005
HILLARY: 'CANSECO NEVER INJECTED STEROIDS INTO MY BUTTOCKS'
Senator Hillary Clinton denied reports that baseball bad boy Jose Canseco injected steroids into her buttocks to beef up her public image & project a commandress-in-chief aura. In his tell-all book Juiced, Canseco claims he pimped steroids for a select group of nancy Democrats seeking to pump up their macho quotient & appear less wimpy to voters.
According to Canseco, when Clinton invited him to her Senate office,
he assumed it was for one of his Private Performancesâ„¢, a sort of
Chippendales routine he performs for small groups to help pay his legal bills.
Instead, Clinton asked "Are you packing?" then led Canseco to a Senate washroom & into a stall, where she
stood on the toilet seat, rolled down her girdle, & ordered him "Stick
me in the buttocks! In the buttocks!"
Canseco: "Why do white folks say that? Can't they say my ass, or my culo? It's like 'beverage,' what's that shit? Last time a stewardess asked me if wanted a 'beverage', I said, No, bitch, but how about a blowjob?"
Canseco claims he also injected image-enhancing steroids into the posterior of Howard Dean, whose buttocks-rhoid rage resulted in the infamous Dean Scream, as well as John Kerry, John Edwards, Janet Reno, Tom Daschle, & Barbara Boxer. A spokesman for Boxer denied the allegations: "One look at Senator Boxer & you know no one's injected anything into her ass in years."
See also Juiced Book Tour Schedule, Jose's Love Affair with Steroids, Steroids.org
Posted by Jeff at 07:20 AM | Comments (15)
October 29, 2004
THE ART OF THE UNENDORSEMENT
Andrew Sullivan: I completely understand those who look at this man's record & deduce that he is simply unfit to fight a war for our survival. They have an important point.
Andrea Dworkin: Because my Massachusetts amoeba is better than Texas primordial sludge.
Sara Dickerman, Slate food writer: I'd like to see the right to choose preserved for my newborn child.
Washington Post: Some of Mr. Kerry's strengths strike us as potential weaknesses.
Sharon Stone: Women, if you vote thoughtfully ... for violence against women to be thoughtfully considered, then vote John Kerry.
Paul Berman: I'm voting for Kerry, with no great belief that he will be a first-rate president
Writer Dan Chaon: Seems like a decent fellow — perhaps capable of rising to the occasion.
John Perry Barlow, Reason: I'm voting for John Kerry, though with little enthusiasm.
Diana Kerry: John Kerry's promises are not empty. I'm his sister & an educator & I can vouch for that.
John Rennie, Scientific American editor: Of course, I'm keeping my expectations low.
Paul Boutin, Slate: I'll take a chance on Kerry, but if he wins I'll skip the victory party.
Howard Stern: Payback is a bitch.
Robert Wright, Slate: At least he's not the anti-Christ.
Philadelphia Inquirer: You've heard that John Kerry is a flip-flopper. No doubt, he's a man who relishes nuance.
Dan Drezner: I remain completely unconvinced that Kerry understands the limits of multilateral diplomacy.
Economist: Seems to have made up his mind conclusively about something only once, & that was 30 years ago.
Christopher Hitchens: Kerry should get his worst private nightmare & have to report for duty. [Note: endorsed Bush in the Nation]
Mickey Kaus: [As vote against Bush's War on Terror] I don't expect Kerry to be a successful president in any other respect.
Kathleen Kincaid, Slate: Is he a strong candidate? No. Do I agree with all his positions? No. I've decided he's good enough.
Deirdre Hall (Marlena on Days of Our Lives): I can't wait to have more of the real thing — & Kerry is the real thing.
Scott Moore, Slate: These times demand strong positive leadership. I don't know if John Kerry can provide it, but...
Michael Moore: There's a reason that they're saying Kerry is the No. 1 liberal in the Senate. It's because he is the No. 1 liberal in the Senate.
Timothy Noah, Slate: John Kerry is the least appealing candidate the Democrats have nominated for president in my lifetime.
Rosie O'Donnell: Because America knows the difference between genuine and junk.
Meghan O'Rourke: Kerry may not be quick with the quips, but he appears to struggle with the contradictions in his beliefs.
Peggy Kerry: Let me tell you what my brother is going to fight for — pay equity.
Leonardo DiCaprio: We've got to get off Middle East oil dependency. We have to vote for the future.
Jacob Weisberg, Slate: I remain totally unimpressed by John Kerry.
Peter Bagge, Reason: If it looks like my home state could go either way by Election Day, I'll vote for John Kerry.
Chris Suellentrop, Slate: He can't be any worse than Bush.
Economist Jude Wanniski: I'm leaning toward Kerry because I prefer recession to imperialist war.
Chicago Sun Times: Yes, he sometimes changes his mind, but what the Republicans tar as waffling strikes us as flexibility.
AND NOW FOR ANOTHER POV: Watch this priceless Good Morning America clip where Curt Schilling dumbfounds the ABC crew by endorsing Bush! Gibson is speechless!
Posted by Jeff at 04:29 AM | Comments (0)
September 19, 2004
THE VAST BOOK CLERK CONSPIRACY
When Little Green Footballs alleged the book clerks of America were conspiring to hide all the Swift Vets books, I was skeptical, so I drove to the Barnes & Noble megastore, which is the size of Ikea, to see for myself. "Excuse me," I asked the pneumatic babe at the register, "do you have Unfit for—" "NO," she snapped. "But it's #1," I pointed out. "Not in my end zone," she sneered.
She was a cinnamon-black woman with ice-green eyes like a Siamese, springy platinum dreads, & a pink tongue between pearl-white teeth like a half-clam. Did I mention I'm secretly terrified of black women? It's true, ever since that time — well, never mind. She leaned over, clicking her lacquered crimson press-on claws on the counter & frankly checking me out.
"Look lover," she purred, "I'll let you have the Joe Wilson book for $10, cheap. $5 if you buy a whole carton." "He's a proven liar!" I said. "There's a lot of that going around," she laughed, then picked up a microphone. "ATTENTION," she thundered over the intercom, "paging Darwin, we have a REPUBLICAN who wants the Swift Vet thingy."
This was Berkeley, so the entire store froze. People gasped & glared, some pointing like pod people. She rang off. "It's his day off," she shrugged. "FINE!" I said. "I'll find it myself!!" So there I was, wandering thru 5 acres of book stacks while that witch taunted me over the intercom: "You're cold, baby, rrrrrrreal cold! Oh, you're freezing!"
I was briefly distracted by a Days of our Lives almanac, but she started in again. "ATTENTION SHOPPERS! For the next 10 minutes, all copies of Michael Moore books are ABSOLUTELY FREE!" "Bitch!" I yelled, before I was trampled. Finally I got lost & sat on a footstool to have a fruit wrap. A book jumped down off the shelf: Hillary's Living History.
"You," I gasped. The little minx ruffled her pages against my leg. "Aren't you going to congratulate me on Operation Swift Vet?" she smirked. "You mean YOU—??" I said, & she nodded. "Face it, I'm IN for 2008. And I ALWAYS win in the end. Whitewater, Vince Foster, that Lewinsky cow, Rudy, those damn firefighters — I'm unstoppable."
"You'll never get away with it," I breathed. I stumbled away from her but an enormously fat book blocked my way: Rosie O'Donnell's Find Me. "Neener neener!" her hideous mug slavered, then snapped the fruit wrap right outta my hand. Suddenly all the books jumped down & attacked me like a shark pack of liberal matrons: Maureen Dowd, Molly Ivins, Helen Thomas, David Brock. "No!" I screamed, "noooo..."
I woke up. Huh?? I was at the movies, where I'd dozed off during Catwoman. Phew! I curled up & went back to sleep...
Posted by Jeff at 03:29 PM | Comments (0)
September 13, 2004
THE REVOLUTION WILL BEGIN WITH PASTE & CONSTRUCTION PAPER
Hostess/artist/Jewish-American mommy Mishlei alerted me to the good news that, in the midst of so much strife, a Jewish/Arab grade school has quietlyd in Israel. Bridge Over the Wadi is the fourth cross-cultural schoold by Hand in Hand, & the first located in an Arab town. Two other schools, in Jerusalem & Galilee, have already outgrown their original campuses & are planning to move.Bridge Over the Wadi is located in the Arab town of Kafr Kara. The schoold September 1st with 106 children - half Jewish, half Arab - as well as two principals - a Jewish man & an Arab woman - and Jewish & Arab teachers for each class. The students study both the Koran & the Torah, & observe both Jewish & Muslim festivals.
Original plans to locate the school on a nearby kibbutz would have been too costly. Asnat Riffkin, whose 2 children are enrolled: "We don't want the school to be too expensive for parents." The move to Kafr Kara caused some Jewish parents to withdraw, afraid for their kids' safety. Many Arab parents, on the other hand, saw the school as good opportunity for their children.
Kafr Kara resident Afnan Younis, whose 2 sons are enrolled: "We live here together. If each side understands the other, it will be better for all." Zohair Yahya: "Residents of Kafr Kara have excellent relations with their Jewish neighbors. We are not extremists, & understand the rules of democracy. Most Jewish adults know nothing about their Arab neighbors. Real friendships can flourish from a young age. This is the basis for a new Middle East. While the politicians talk, we are realizing this vision."
A film about the school is in production. See also Bridging the Gap Between Shalom & Salaam, Jewish-Arab School Preaches Equality & profiles of four families involved in cross-cultural schools.
Posted by Jeff at 11:15 PM | Comments (0)
July 26, 2004
COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO BUMPERSTICKERS
If you visit me in Oakland, you'll find that the Bay Area, in addition to having more Kucinich supporters per square foot than the Mother Jones editorial board, is also the world capital for bumperstickers. True, you won't see many stickers like the ones on my car [BUILD BOMBS, NOT SCHOOLS] or my old car [I BELIEVE YOU PAULA, KATHLEEN, MONICA, DOLLY, JUANITA, GENNIFER, HAVE-I-FORGOTTEN-ANYONE?]. The Bay Area is a lot like academe, where the only diversity is between the Far Left and the Doppler Shift Left.
On some cars, particularly older Volvos driven by lesbians, the entire back end is wallpapered in bumperstickers, ranging from the vintage [FREE NELSON MANDELA], the graphic [EAT PHISH], the eclectic [WICCANS FOR CHRIST], the kill-two-birds variety [KEEP YOUR NUKES OFF MY OVARIES], and the superannuated: END RACISM. [Ed. note - In fact, racism officially ended on May 19, 1988.]
My friend Bertha's precocious son used to peel the rainbow stickers off cars and reapply them to others, which probably led to amusing misunderstandings. To help you avoid faux pas in this sometimes confusing art form, here's a handy reference to the Complete Idiot's Guide to Bumperstickers.
FREE PALESTINE. People outraged that West Bank is run by Arafat & his platoon of Keystone killers and want it stopped.
FREE TIBET. People who want Bush to attack China, overthrow its government, and liberate Tibet. I supported the Iraq War, but I have reservations about this one.
KILL CORPORATIONS. "I want to be unemployed"
WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER. PHD in military history.
LIAR/CROOK 2004. Sly reference to Kerry's infamous untruth about throwing away his Vietnam War medals, as well as Edwards' fleecing of America via trial lawyer obstetrics scam.
POWERFUL ARE FEMINISTS WHO UNITE. Feminists without syntax.
ANOTHER REPUBLICAN FOR KERRY. Intriguing if doubtful and probably mythical bumpersticker that has never been seen anywhere.
NO WAR ON _____ . All-purpose DIY bumpersticker for anti-everything crowd. Available in bulk.
REAL MEN DO LAUNDRY. Pussywhipped.
I BRAKE FOR BUTTERFLIES. "I'm an insufferable twit, slap some sense into me"
IS THE CLIMATE CHANGING OR IS IT JUST ME? Menopausal Berkeley BMW liberal matron, en route to Whole Foods for something her maid forgot.
NO ONE DIED WHEN CLINTON LIED. Good-natured jest at Clinton's amusing perjury, for which he was disbarred
U.S. OUT OF IRAQ. Iranian secret police. Avoid.
EX-REPUBLICAN: ASK ME WHY. David Brock's Spectra. Take evasive action.
GET YOUR RELIGION OUT OF MY GOVERNMENT. People upset with recent Michigan referendum allowing mosque to broadcast call to prayer 5X a day, since if Christian church pulled this, ACLU would be all over it like John Edwards on a cripple.
VOTE FOR ME AND YOU GET DICK. Gay driver, apparent reference to famous well-filled flight-suit photo op.
HE'S NOT A LIAR, HE'S JUST STUPID. Clinton hater.
I'M MOVING TO CANADA 2004. Barbra Streisand's Masarati. (We've heard this before.)
BUSH 2004 FOR PRESIDENT OF IRAQ. Joyful Iraqis expressing gratitude for release from bondage.
TEXAS DEMOCRAT. "I'm from Austin"
RAISE MY TAXES. A Leftist of the most unhinged & unpredictable variety. Let him pass & do not provoke.
KUCINICH 2004. See above.
KEEP YOUR ORANGE ALERTS TO YOURSELF. "There are no terrorists." Repeat over and over.
REELECT BARBARA LEE. When the vote is 420 to 1, you're either a genius or an idiot.
THE SEPT. 11 HIJACKERS ALSO PRAYED TO GOD. Makes astute point that we have as much to fear from the Unitarian down the street as from murderous jihadi psychopaths.
ABSTAIN FROM ABSTINENCE. Oh wait — that's me.
Posted by Jeff at 07:30 PM | Comments (2)