May 21, 2006
GOOD & BAD GENES
Beastie Boys, before & after. Al Gore, before & after. Sparkle, before & after. Brandon Davis: if this if before, what will the after look like??
Posted by Jeff at 12:28 AM | Comments (4)
December 14, 2005
SEPARATED AT BIRTH: BARBARA LEE & THE BRIDE OF WILDENSTEIN?
Dear Barbara Lee,
I was noticing your recent makeover & it looks like you've had some work done. Your face is getting that Press'n'Seal surface tension, & your eyes have an Asiatic, feline look, meaning you either got the Blue Light HMO Special or told your doctor you wanted to look like Catwomen of the Moon.
Careful, Barb, it's a slippery slope, & you could end up looking like Jocelyne Wildenstein. Then instead of being a laughingstock as the only member of Congress to vote against a military response to 9/11, you'll been known as Hello Kitty & everyone on the Hill will be sniggering behind your back (something you're probably already used to).
Frankly, I'm surprised, because everyone knows Black Don't Crack. I know 40 year old white women with a lot of tread who'd gladly put up with some institutionalized racism & voter disenfranchisement for a little high & tight. So it all evens out.
Your friend,
Jeff
See also Scary Jocelyn Wildenstein Video; Meet Barbara Lee!; Kitty Klux Klan
Posted by Jeff at 06:15 AM | Comments (7)
November 27, 2005
BUTT SERIOUSLY
The latest on cricket supersensation / pinup / franchise-in-waiting
Salman Butt:
Hair Defends Butt Decision
No Butts About It - Salman Was Lucky
Butt Hopes to Resolveng Problem
Gutsy Butt Keeps Pakistan Afloat
Butt Hits 50, which includes this riveting account:
"Butt played Shaun Udal into the off-side & set off for a single but on reaching the other end he saw Hair signaling a dead ball & asking him to go back to the strikers end. Udal trapped Butt leg before next ball, bowling round the wicket."
See also Profiles in Courage: Salman Butt; Salman Butt Fan Club
Posted by Jeff at 02:26 PM | Comments (1)
May 12, 2005
CHARLIE'S ANGELS GO TO IRAN
Posted by Jeff at 03:35 PM | Comments (2)
May 02, 2005
PROFILES IN COURAGE: SALMAN BUTT
Name: Salman Butt
Who he is: Rookie
cricketer sensation for Pakistan.
Born: October 7, 1984, Lahore, Punjab
Bats: Left-handed
Bowls: Right-arm off-break
(whatever the f*ck that means)
Favorite stadium: Gaddafi Stadium in Lahore
Hero: Saeed Anwar, Pakistani superstar who
grew beard & turned to
preaching Islam
after death of daughter, retired 2003
Butt on religion: "We are Muslims & we believe in Allah. We do whatever Islam says & we try to be what we are supposed to be. Religion is the complete code of life & we follow its guiding principles."
Butt on cricket: "It is a natural passion for the game since I was a child. In fact I have one or two pictures at home from when I was just able to stand, holding a bat."
Butt on infantile jokes about his surname: "I've been fortunate enough not to have heard even one about it so far." [BA finds this hard to believe]
Butt Graphics; Butt Touches Down; Salman Butt Heaves to the Leg Side; Pakistan Puts Faith in Butt; Butt Stats; No Ifs in Butt's Mind; Salman Butt in Holland; Pak Cricketers Exposed
Posted by Jeff at 12:40 AM | Comments (43)
January 14, 2005
FILTHY LUCRE
Sparring points in postmarital squabbling between Ron Burkle & his estranged wife Janet. Burkle is billionaire who's contributed millions to Democrats & counts as friends Bill Clinton, Al Gore, & Gray Davis. Contributed to former SF mayor Willie Brown & California State Treasurer Phil Angelides, both of whom sit on state pension board, which later awarded Burkle lucrative contracts.
| SHE SAID | HE SAID | |
| 'My husband cannot tolerate losing anything! I cannot sense (sic) strong enough that my husband will do anything to win!' | Wife's claims are 'a final desperate attempt to extract money from me for a lifestyle which I find shocking' | |
| Says separated in 2002 | Says separated in early 90s | |
| Wants $296,500 spousal & child support / month. Says 1997 'post-marital agreement' invalid because husband hid assets. Lowered request to $232,800/month | Wife waived spousal support in 1997 agreement; says wife's monthly expenses actually $73,000 | |
| Husband's Greenacres mansion (formerly owned by silent film star Harold Lloyd) had 8 bedrooms, 13 bathrooms, pool, screening room, wine cellars, 3 butlers, 3 maids, 3 security guards, 7 groundskeepers; later admitted wine cellar referred to room with wine rack in it | No staff, wine cellar, or screening room, altho latter does feature wet bar, popcorn machine, & automated red velvet drapes, which sounds suspiciously like screening room | |
| Says husband owns Boeing 757 + additional airplanes & helicopters | Jet owned by his Yucaipa Companies, helicopter crashed in 2001 | |
| Wants $46,500 / month compensation for circle seats at Hollywood Bowl, floor seats & skybox at Staples Center. Lowered request to $12,000/month | Wife rarely used tickets which were owned by business fund | |
| Wants $23,000 / month in movie premieres, bday parties for son, & misc parties. Lowered request to $12,500 | Offered $667/month for movie premieres | |
| Wants $9853 / monthly clothing allowance. Claims he spent $50,000/month on clothes | Does not contest clothing allowance, but says he spent less than $3000 month on clothes. "I dress mainly in jeans & T-shirts." | |
| Adult daughter Carrie says father has video of Janet & personal trainer/boyfriend Charles Allen having rough sex. Allen's attorney, ace OJ prosecutor Christopher Darden, says Burkle's employees followed & harassed Allen | Says Allen is security danger to Burkle's son, as he was charged with attempted murder & convicted of assault in drug deal. Obtained restraining order on Allen | |
| Daughter Carrie has also sued father for $938,000 | Says daughter owes him $76,000 |
UPDATE: Janet's not the ONLY ex who's unwilling to settle for petty cash.
Posted by Jeff at 03:08 PM | Comments (0)
January 11, 2005
GOOD GIGS FOR JOB SECURITY
The problem, of course, is that today's graduates can't hope to keep the same stultifying soul-killing job for 40 years like their parents. The key to job security in the 21st Century is finding an occupation where there's no connection between performance & job security. Some good bets:
UN SECRETARY GENERAL: Say a UN general urges your office to destroy the arms of Hutu militias to avert genocide, & you order him to remain impartial, resulting in the slaughter of 800,000 human beings. Even the phone company would probably fire you for much less, but as UN Secretary General, you're immune to petty sniping.
Or say you allowed a humanitarian UN mission to devolve into a corrupt billion-dollar boondoggle while Iraqis starved & your own son feathered his nest with their leavings. Fear not, the NY Times will defend your criminal incompetence.
This is a great job if you like high-profile meaningless symbolism, which is probably why it appeals to Bill Clinton, who proved that perjury is no impediment to the Presidency.
HOST OF SABADO GIGANTE: Chilean Don Francisco, aka Mario Kreutzberger, has been hosting this Saturday night phreakout on Univision for about a hundred years. Fashions come & go, but there will always be Don Francisco, presiding over this bizarre anarchy of music, half-naked women, game shows, comedy skits, makeovers, maudlin sob stories, & interviews of presidential candidates.
DNC CHAIRMAN: Say in 2000 your party had the advantages of a popular sitting President & a strong peacetime economy, & the Republicans still fought you to a draw. Do you engage in introspection as to why half the voters rejected you? NO.
Instead, spend the next 4 years yelling about a STOLEN ELECTION & failing to articulate a coherent philosophy that appeals to Americans, guaranteeing more losses in 2002 & 2004, till your party has fewer seats in the House since 1940. Any repercussions from such spectacular failure? NONE.
SOAP DIVA: Good for ex-cheerleaders, who can play the same role day in & day out for 30+ years. No matter how low the ratings sink, if you have the right combo of imperious ruthlessness & marginal talent, you can hang on while driving younger, better actresses off the show to film careers, or watch younger, equally untalented costars soar to fame for no reason whatsoever.
US SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION: Conduct study on securing civil rights of air passengers just months before 19 Arab terrorists use these civil rights to slaughter thousands. Respond by prohibiting profiling at airport security screenings. Sue airlines that try to protect passengers. Despite calls for impeachment, keep job.
BLOGGER/PUNDIT: Endless opportunities. Drawbacks: little/no pay. Advantages: can blather on about anything, especially if you know nothing about it.
Posted by Jeff at 01:48 PM | Comments (0)
December 20, 2004
'MADELEINE'
Photon Courier reports that it was 60 years ago Sept. 11 that Noor Khan was executed at Dachau. A Sufi princess & remarkable woman who joined the WAF in WWII, Noor's life reads like a potboiler:
- Father was Sufi mystic invited to Russian court by Rasputin. Noor was born in Kremlin Jan. 2, 1914
- Family moved to London before outbreak of WWI, afterwards to Paris. Noor took degree in child psychology at Sorbonne.
- Published book of Buddhist children's stories, Twenty Jataka Tales, which is still in print
- When Nazis overran France, escaped on last boat evacuating British subjects
- Enlisted in RAF in 1940, learned Morse code, became 1st female wireless operator to infiltrate Nazi-occupied France
- Was secretly flown into France June 17, 1943, under code name Madeleine. Made her way to Paris, joined group that was arrested a week later, tho Noor escaped.
"On one occasion, she was putting up her transmitting antenna when a German soldier asked what she was doing. She told him it was a clothesline, & he helped her put it up. On another occasion, a German insisted that sheup the suitcase which contained her radio equipment. 'It's a movie projector, she told him. 'See all the little lights?'"Betrayed by Frenchwoman to Gestapo in October 1943, made 2 escape attempts, then shipped to Germany. Executed at Dachau Sept. 11, 1944: A witness to the shooting said that the last word she spoke was ‘Liberte’ – before she was shot.' The striking, artistic Noor wasn't a great choice for such a job, yet she volunteered knowing the mission carried 'a 50 – 50 risk of capture, torture & death at the hands of the Nazis,' & refused several offers to return to England as the Gestapo closed in. Humbling!
Noor's brother, Sufi leader Vilayat Khan, died earlier this year
Posted by Jeff at 12:17 PM | Comments (0)
October 31, 2004
CAMILLE UNCUT
Art is full of crimes — Camille Paglia
Camille Paglia, like my mayor Jerry Brown, is libertarian, unpredictable, exasperating, but like most intelligent people, usually interesting. No one did more to savage PC in the 90s than Paglia, a Sixties rebel who launched a rear-guard assault on academe to reclaim liberalism from Stalinist dogma.
She respected the intelligence of Limbaugh & Hannity, & actually listened to them, surely not the case for 99% of liberals. And I can't fault a woman who's a die-hard Young & the Restless fan. I don't agree with her Kerry endorsement, but her anthropological skills were on display in last week's Salon interview:
On Kerry's wimp factor: "Kerry's weakness as a personality became clear when he wasn't able to dislodge McAuliffe from the DNC. He wanted to get rid of McAuliffe -- that servile water boy of the Clintons -- and he choked."
On Swift Vets: "There really is ambiguity about how Kerry won his medals. There was a story there. I absolutely believe Kerry was injured, but I was certainly very surprised to learn that he won 3 Purple Hearts for wounds that never required hospitalization. He had minimal medical treatment & never missed a day of work."
Paglia suggests the tipping point in energizing the Republican base was Fahrenheit 9/11. "For Moore to turn a sitting president of the United States into a joke, & to use his position abroad to foment anti-Americanism, has had a huge backlash."
On Bush the campaigner: "If Bush wins this election, he did it on his own. Ever since the Republican Convention, he's been on fire, with a dynamic energy that makes him look like the underdog. He's cast off his paternalistic mentors & come into his own as president."
On electoral shift: "Republicanism is becoming populist. Republicans believe that tax cuts to large & small businesses help growth, encourage spending & investment, & create jobs. The Democrats have no answer to that except hysterical rhetoric."
On Michael Moore: "I'm sorry, I cannot respect people who deliberately try to fool the public."
On Marygate: "I was absolutely sickened by the use of Mary Cheney as a political gambit by both Kerry & Edwards. I found it utterly offensive & manipulative. What the hell do you know, John Edwards, about what's going on in that family? As a lesbian, I strongly object to the Democrats' amoral use of sexual orientation as a wedge issue. The Democrats are using an assertion of gayness to unsettle the Evangelical followers of the Republicans. They're deliberately fomenting & reinforcing hostility to gays!"
On Hannity: "He's a dynamo on the radio. Even though I don't agree with his politics, I find him riveting. He's funny, he's ebullient, he has endless energy, & when he gets going on a tirade, he has the rhythmic passion of generations of Irish-Catholic priests!"
On O'Reillygate: "Unlike Rush or Hannity, O'Reilly doesn't really have core values. And now we know why!"
- I don't buy her analysis of the war, or her suggestion that Kerry will make the world like us (yeah, right). She calls out Kerry's abysmal campaigning & utter paralysis in the face of Swift Vets, but comes to the wrong conclusion. The punishing American election marathon is just a small taste of the pressures an elected president faces; with Swift Vets, Kerry failed the test.
• Madeleine Albright: Possible Secretary of State. When Al Qaeda attacked the USS Cole, murdering 17 US sailors, Albright argued against strikes on Al Qaeda camps because it would be bad PR. Argued US should wait until Israeli/Palestinian conflict 'settled'. If Gore had been elected, Albright would still be negotiating with the Taliban.
• Jimmy Carter: Angling for admin post. Angel of death, friend of tyrants. Presided over worst foreign policy of 20th Century. More recent successes: Oslo accords inviting terrorist army to rule West Bank with predictable results, handing nuclear materials over to North Korea, & lending credibility to thug Hugo Chavez. If Carter had won in 1980, the Soviet Union would still exist.
• Joe Biden: Possible Sec of State, already getting foreign policy experience trying to clean up Kerry's Allawi insult fiasco.
• Paul Krugman: Said to be in running for admin post. Malignant narcissist who projects all his anxieties onto mythic figure of George Bush. Opposed every single Bush initiative to stimulate economy, but could never admit he was wrong.
• Jamie Gorelick: Possible Attorney General. Clintonista with blood on her hands: author of infamous Justice Dept memo that reinforced walls between intelligence agencies & placed good PR over needs of intelligence (this, after 1993 WTC attack), & directly contributed to 9/11 intelligence failures.
• Richard Holbrooke: Another Sec of State wannabe, whose beliefs dovetail nicely with Kerry's faith that War on Terror is really a police action, not a war.
Robert Reich: Clinton Labor Secretary, who famously penned essay stating Terrorism is not the greatest danger we face, equating murderous Islamonazis with Christians who oppose abortion & gay marriage. Cut his teeth writing economics treatises with Marxist Bernard Bluestone, in effect calling for central planning of US industry, scorned Reaganomics & lacks fundamental understanding of market economy. For successes of Reaganomics, see here. For Reich's amusing list of Bush's 2nd term goals, see here.
Imagine this crew at the helm, & then imagine Bill Clinton as UN Sec General to boot. I think I'll pass. For more of Camille's bracing opinions, see
Reason Magazine interview with Camille; Yale Journal of Ethics Interview. Also: Young & the Restless Official Site.Posted by Jeff at 07:02 PM | Comments (0)
September 27, 2004
KATHLEEN NAMPHY
Adventurer, scholar, fearless broad; Mt. Damavand at dawn
It was with some humility that I read the obituary of this woman in the SF Comical. She died at age 69 climbing Iran's highest mountain, but that's nothing:
- •Father was forest ranger. Grew up home-schooled in Cascades, 60 miles from nearest town
• Enrolled in University of Washington at 15. Won Fulbright grant to study Elizabethan drama at Oxford.
• Studied tribal languages in Amazon basin. Wrote grammar of Amazonian tribal language.
• At age 21, drove Volkswagen Beetle from Germany to Burma, hiked thru Hindu Kush to retrace steps of Marco Polo & Alexander. Trapped by landslide in India, underwent appendectomy without anesthesia while reading medical manual aloud to doctors. Hiked 500 miles on foot from Thailand to Vietnam. Worked her way across Pacific in laundry room of cruise ship.
• Won gold medal in high jump at East-West Games, Moscow 1957
• Lived in Iran from trapping animals for American zoos
• Taught at American University in Beirut for 7 years.
• First woman to reach base camp on Mt. Everest in 1950s. Scaled Mt. Whitney, hiked Mojave Desert solo every spring.
• Professor emeritus in English at Stanford for 30 years
• Cancer survivor. Diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease in early 80s. In 1990, doctors removed one breast & most of right shoulder muscle. Learned to carry 40 lb pack on left side.
• Scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro last year (2nd time), raising $10,000 for breast cancer research
• Peace activist. Taught poetry at Baghdad University 2002-03.
• Fell last month while descending (!) 18,600 ft Mt. Damavand in Albroz Mtns in Iran.
Posted by Jeff at 09:11 PM | Comments (0)