May 26, 2006

MADONNA: DARE TO BE TIRED

Iconoclast / children's book author / hormone replacement miracle Madonna has launched her gazilliionth tour, her most controversial yet. In this all-new spectacle sponsored by Greenpeace / AARP, Madonna boldly goes where no one has ever gone before, even daring to criticize (gasp) George Bush & the Catholic Church. I still can't believe it.

In this groundbreaking cash cow, Madonna is once again on the cutting edge of last week, combining Catholic imagery with sex (!!), wearing real bondage gear, & fearlessly singing trite lyrics juxtaposed with images of starving waifs. Even some die-hard fans felt she'd gone too far.

"The lack of wit & imagination was shocking," one said. "Has she no shame??" Others shook their heads at the sight of the 50yo cow flinging her tired carcass around like a lap dancer. "She's crossed the line," a woman said. "With Madonna, the frisson of excitement has always been her genius for making the trite even more banal. But I never thought she'd turn into Mamie Van Doren!"

See also Sandra Bernhard interview with Mamie Van Doren

Posted by Jeff at 06:09 AM | Comments (14)

May 25, 2006

YOUR DAILY YOU-KNOW-WHO

Philosophical pork chop Shakira ponders the Zen of stardom:

"It seems that there's always something, with each album, that calls attention to people. Sometimes it's the title of an album, sometimes it's the lyrics of some song. This time it's the belly-dancing."

And sometimes it's posing naked on your CD cover. Shakira is also branching out into genetics: "I've been belly-dancing since I was 4 years old. And nobody taught me how to do it. So it's something that's in my DNA, that I inherited."

Definitely. Just picture a kindergarten in Colombia about 20 years ago: "Dios mia, Shakira! Pull your dress down & get off that table this instant!"

See also Shakira's Bum; the Shakira-graph

Posted by Jeff at 12:19 AM | Comments (4)

May 23, 2006

LADIES FIRST: CHARLOTTE CHURCH VS CHERYL TWEEDY

Bff's charlotte church & cheryl tweedy

The war between soft-spoken Welsh soprano Charlotte Church & ladylike singer Cheryl Tweedy of Girls Aloud (who was convicted of assaulting a toilet attendant in 2003) began last summer, when Tweedy accused Church of ripping off her group:

"Cheryl reckons Charlotte's album is a carbon copy of a lot of Girls Aloud material. She says Charlotte has no originality & reckons she is trying to copy the image that made them a chart success."

Charlotte hit back: "Girls Aloud wouldn't be able to sing Crazy Chick if they possibly tried. They just don't have the range, darling. And when they've sold as many records as me, then they can comment ... Maybe Cheryl is bitter."

Later: "Unlike Cheryl & the girls, I have co-written seven of my album tracks. I fail to find how that means I have copied their sound. I always admired & respected the girls but now, if they want to attack, I won't hit back. I mean, I haven't resorted to wearing short skirts & dating a footballer to get into the charts, now, have I?" (referring to Cheryl's bf Ashley Cole; in fact, Charlotte's bf Gavin Henson is also a football player)

As a diversion, Charlotte took time out to attack Russian pop tarts t.a.t.u.: "They just sound shit. And one of them's a minger as well, their single's awful."

In response, t.a.t.u.'s Katina threatened to kill Charlotte: "I will murder her. She should come to Moscow & I will shoot her in the head. No one has heard of her in my country - yet where she lives, everyone knows who we are. She must be very careful with her big mouth because bad things can happen to people."

Feeling left out, Cheryl jumped back in: "Charlotte's a nasty little piece of work with a fat head. Her publicity stunts slagging everyone off haven't worked. I don't know who her & her scabby boyfriend think they are. He's a posing idiot who looks like a girl. And she's not even gorgeous."

Charlotte responded by referring to Girls Aloud's latest single Biology: "I heard a rough demo & I did not think it was hit potential for me, it's ideal for the girls though."

Cheryl: "Poppycock. She has never heard it, she is just worried that we will land yet another number one when she has not had one yet." Later, Cheryl said she agreed with t.a.t.u. that Charlotte should be bumped off.

Perhaps feeling she'd gone too far, Cheryl then took the high road: "We actually really like Charlotte Church. She was saying some really nasty things & I'm not the kind of person who sits there & lets people slate us. So I said something back - which I probably shouldn't - about her boyfriend."

This truce lasted until Church's Walker's Crisps commercial, of which Cheryl said: "The one where she's stuffing her face? I think that's very appropriate!"

And most recently, Cheryl on running into Charlotte: "She didn’t say anything to me. I think she was frightened. She shouldn’t be so mouthy then, should she? If she’s going to be mouthy, back your mouth up & we’ll have a conversation face to face."

Your serve, Charlotte...

Video: Girls Aloud - Love Machine; Charlotte Church - Crazy Chick; t.a.t.u. - All About Us

See also Charlotte Church Bites Policeman; Charlotte Church vs Pink; Cheryl Tweedy vs Paris Hilton

Posted by Jeff at 07:37 AM | Comments (27)

May 22, 2006

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL FUGLY

James Blunt's uber-ballad You're Beautiful went to #1 in the UK, Europe, & America, & sold over 8 million copies of the CD Back to Bedlam worldwide. In England, however, where there's a tradition of building stars up & tearing them down, not everyone is a fan:

Pet Shot Boys' Chris Lowe: "I prefer [ringtone] Crazy Frog."

Charlotte Church:  "I don't like James Blunt. His song You're Beautiful is so annoying." (Later, forced to sit by him at an awards ceremony: "I'm sorry, his voice is so whiny.")

Stone Roses' Ian Brown: "The Brits [awards] are no different to an awards for coffee salesmen. James Blunt got awards because he sold more records."

Paul Weller: "I'd rather eat my own shit than duet with James Blunt."

The Darkness' Justin Hawkins: "Long live the dullards like James Blunt. There are some wretched, talentless fools among the current crop of stars, whose records ought to be melted down & used to build vinyl rafts, upon which they should be set adrift in shark-infested waters. Some of us like to get on with it instead of whining like ninnies."

Buzzcocks' Steve Diggle: "Pete Doherty is good in his way. At least he's not like James Blunt."

Pop Idol Will Young: compared fellow Brit Award nominees Blunt & Robbie Williams to "puffed-up gorillas, beating their chests & showing off how manly they are."

Gorillaz:  "It's not all good news. We've had music from James Blunt - who needs valium?"

Blur's Graham Coxon: "There's no humor in his music & there doesn't seem to be much depth. It's the sort of thing you'd write on a card if you were sending flowers.

Mogwai's Barry Burns: "I have spewed blood down dirty toilets with more talent than him. Twat."

Kaiser Chiefs' Ricky Wilson: "I've talked to him & we had right good chat, but let's just say that I don't have any of his records."

Red Mojo: "From when Elvis came along to blow away Sinatra through to punk with the Sex Pistols & hopefully someone giving James Blunt a fucking kicking."

NME Awards - Worst Album of the Year: James Blunt's Back to Bedlam

Posted by Jeff at 06:58 AM | Comments (7)

THE HORROR THAT IS EUROVISION

This year's Eurovision trainwreck was won by some Power Rangers rejects from Finland - Finland?? - & the Manolo covered it in four parts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Posted by Jeff at 06:56 AM | Comments (5)

May 21, 2006

LADIES & GENTLEMEN, MISS CHARLOTTE CHURCH

Posted by Jeff at 11:24 AM | Comments (2)

May 20, 2006

IRAKLI — VREMYA (TIME)

Another video from Irakli, the George Michael of Russia (without the rap sheet): Vremya (Time)

Posted by Jeff at 07:22 AM | Comments (3)

May 19, 2006

A MESSAGE FROM SHAKIRA'S ASS

Yo yo yo! Sorry if I sound garbled but I'm having a leather enema at the moment. I'd like to give her a mouthful of Maxipad, see how she likes it. Seriously, I'm so over this bitch, I'm thinking of going solo. Let's face it, I'm the real star of this show. Now I know how Natalie Maines feels.

Check it out: oooo, baby, when you talk like that! pffft! pffft! pffft! At least I don't sound like a goat. Oh sorry, Miss Thing is an artist. And I'm a Pez dispenser. Here's her latest wisdom:

"I always used to joke with the guys from my band about how important it is to listen to my hips. Every time we were rehearsing & I was doubtful about how a song was sounding I would tell them, Listen, my hips don't lie."

Oh shut up, you never said that! Christ! I was just talking to Britney Spears' ass - no, not Kfed, the other one - poor guy's had it with that cow too. Big old rhoid like a cold sore.  In case any talent agents are out there, I also do impressions. Q: What's this? A: Star Jones' mug shot. Ha ha ha! Wanna hear me yodel?

Posted by Jeff at 07:26 AM | Comments (8)

SKIDMARKS OF AN ANGEL

After being caught driving without a license last week, Charlotte Church has finally passed her driving test. It only took her a year. Maybe she should have taken longer:

Charlotte reversed out of the drive at her Cardiff home with one hand on the steering wheel. An onlooker said: "She came out of the driveway as if she was taking a hairpin bend at Monaco  -in reverse. "

Posted by Jeff at 07:20 AM | Comments (2)

May 16, 2006

JAMES BLUNT SNATCH UPDATE

Fugly pop star James Blunt, who's already improbably shagged his share of 8s, 9s, & 10s, was already banging hotties before he got famous. British TV cupcake Emma Kearney says she had a wild fling with Blunt just as his career was taking off:

"He's an absolute wildman in bed. We were at it like rabbits. We went at it for almost an hour — every position you can think of. James loved me holding on to his hair as we got more excited. And what an imagination! As he hit the peak of his excitement James sang out my name Emma! Emma! Twice he did it — & so loud I was frightened he'd wake the neighbors. It was the most erotic serenade I've ever had! He really knows how to look after a girl in bed. And he's got an excellent backside! It's really nice, all pert & hard. I told him I liked it &  he replied that he thought mine was sexier."

The next day Blunt sent her a polite text message & never called her again.

Posted by Jeff at 06:12 AM | Comments (3)

May 15, 2006

NOT READY TO MAKE SMART

here i am wearing a sequined body diaper by lacroix that makes me look like a size 2!

Hi, it's me Natalie Maines, aka the Fat One, or, as the two heinous bitches I work with call me, Shut Up & Eat. They sure didn't complain when my potty mouth got us a nudie cover on Airbrush Weekly! Was that hot? Whose shit was that, anyway??

But now our big new single tanked without even cracking the Top 20, & I'm in the toilet again. That video was art, it had symbolism! I was trying to express the message that, yes it's 3 years later, yes the country's moved on, but it's still all about me & how much I've suffered!

Now we gotta salvage this shit, which is why during our 60 Minutes PR spot interview last night*, we said DEATH THREATS as often as possible. When some anonymous goomer says they're gonna take you out, that's called having a plan.

Well, two can play at that game: either you buy this CD, or I flash. No photoshop this time, it's all gonna hang, baby, we're talking stretch marks, stereo cellulite, & more cottage cheese than a quiche. You wanna talk death threats? Make my day.

See also Hot Air: Time Shills for Ditzy Chicks

*Sony's CEO is the former head of CBS news

Posted by Jeff at 07:32 AM | Comments (22)

May 13, 2006

THE HARDER THEY FALL

Dear Ashlee Simpson,

I'm sorry to inform you I won't be able to see you perform tonight at the world-famous Dixon Mayfair, wherever the hell that is. I was especially sorry to see that I've already missed the legendary Ann & Nancy Wilson, Sticky Vikki & the Pinecones, the little donkey that could, the hog-calling contest, & the Diaper Derby featuring Miss Urban Solano County Erin Hagerty. I was also sorry to read that radio stations had to be paid to play your music, but look forward to seeing you perform at rodeos, county fairs, riverboat casinos, & fine Idaho wineries in the future.

Your fan,
Jeff

Posted by Jeff at 06:50 AM | Comments (5)

May 10, 2006

NOT TO MENTION THE FAT WAD OF CASH THEY GAVE ME

"As an artist, I am always looking for new creative mediums. The Verizon Wireless V CAST service gives me a unique platform to offer different musical expressions that fans can access instantaneously through their mobile phones."

Her royal divaness Shakira, who'll be waiting breathlessly for you to text message your song requests on her upcoming tour

Posted by Jeff at 07:03 AM | Comments (1)

May 04, 2006

SHAKIRA: I'M NOT A PAIN IN THE BUTT!

Her royal divaness Shakira has cleared up the ugliness during her American Idol gig, where she pitched a fit about having her own band & the show's producer said she was a pain in the butt who couldn't even be bothered to meet the contestants: "The only thing Shakira taught them was how to have a big entourage & be discourteous."

It was all a misunderstanding. Shakira: "I was actually meeting with Wyclef & we were having a meeting, & someone from my team* told me, Some kids want to meet you. ...But nobody ever told me that they were the American Idol kids & that they had a really restricted time to meet me."

*Diva talk

Posted by Jeff at 12:01 AM | Comments (1)

May 03, 2006

ROBBIE WILLLIAMS & NICOLE KIDMAN — SOMETHING STUPID

Posted by Jeff at 12:02 AM | Comments (7)

May 02, 2006

WHEN VERY VERY GAY IS NOT A GOOD THING

Posted by Jeff at 04:34 PM | Comments (8)

May 01, 2006

YOUR DAILY SHAKIRA

In order to prepare for her performance of the insufferable single Hips Don't Lie to close out this summer's World Cup, method singer Shakira will go that extra step & learn just what the fuck soccer is:

"I have no idea what a penalty is, but I'm going to learn because what I do understand is the feeling that football generates. I believe it's very similar to a feeling of adoration in these modern times, & the passions that awake people, & I think that that is fascinating."

Soccer is the national sport of Colombia...

Posted by Jeff at 12:37 AM | Comments (0)

April 28, 2006

LIFT & SEPARATE

In between TV commercials, concert venues, & nightclub feuds, megabusy songstress Charlotte Church watches her health by taking advantage of the mobile Backseat Pap Smear Clinic.

See also If Women Were Soccer Teams: "Fulham would be Charlotte Church: Proof that money can't buy you class..."

Posted by Jeff at 07:46 AM | Comments (11)

April 27, 2006

I'VE GOT A LIFE, THANKS

Sean pointed me to this interview with the always refreshing if crazy Chrissie Hynde, who fled Ohio for London in 1973 & later formed the Pretenders:

On today's female rockers: "I don't care. I couldn't care less. I'm not a feminist. I've never been rooting for women. I've never cared about women or men. I'm not here trying to save anybody or tell them what to do."

On being a rocker: "Being in a rock & roll band is not my life. It's my hobby. I've got a life, thanks. And I don't need people to buy my records. I'm not trying to sell anything here. My only agenda in getting into a band was to not be a waitress somewhere in Akron & to have some fun."

On the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame: "What the f***? I got in a rock band so I'd never have to be in a Hall of Fame. I don't like awards & I didn't want them. Everyone was saying, Oh, but it's a big honor. You should be glad. Everyone always knows better than you how you feel & they're always telling you. But I know how I feel."

She also tells us how gays saved America...

Posted by Jeff at 12:26 AM | Comments (3)

April 25, 2006

THE CHURCH OF NO GUILT

"I don't do the gym, my only workout is on the dance-floor on a Saturday night. And I love a good Chinese [ED: I assume she means the food]. Because I'm happy I eat & eat. I just love food & hate the gym & it seems to be a pretty curvy combination."

— Charlotte Church, the new face of Walker's crisps ("The role jumped out at me because I absolutely love crisps."). Church is also officially one of the Top 10 Happiest People in England (#8, way ahead of bony-ass Kiera Knightley, #38).

UPDATE: Bony-ass Kiera Knightley tops World's Sexiest Woman poll. Charlotte Church, only #40 on list, defends her right to eat: "I'm a curvy girl. I’m not one of those skinny models with a tent on, which is how most of them seem to look these days."

Posted by Jeff at 06:39 AM | Comments (35)

April 20, 2006

STUPID GIRL OR CRANKY BITCH?

"She's desperate for PR. I think she said it because Gav turned down an offer to be in her next video."

Cranky bitch Charlotte Church slags off way-more-successful Pink, after the latter said Church's obnoxious boyfriend Gavin Henson was obnoxious. Beautiful Atrocities finds Church's explanation unlikely.

Also, having written the "first volume" of her memoirs at age 14, Charlotte is finally coming out with the second volume next year, even though she's only 19. I guess a lot happened in 5 years. At this rate, if she lives to be as old as Mick Jagger, who's 80 if he's a day, her collected memoirs will run to sixteen volumes.

Posted by Jeff at 06:30 AM | Comments (1)

April 19, 2006

RUSSIAN POP: MORE THAN JUST TATU

Irakli is a 29yo Russian pop star / sex symbol whose mother enrolled him in music school when he was 5. He recorded his first song when he was 16 & was the first in his school to dress hip-hop (in one of his first bands, his nickname was Canine Tooth). He became a DJ & club promoter, moved into R&B, & got his break on Fabrika zvezd, the Russian version of Fame Academy, leading to several hit songs & a successful CD, London-Parizh.  Video: Kapli Absenta

Posted by Jeff at 05:40 AM | Comments (2)

YOUR DAILY SHAKIRA

"History tells us that the greatest men were always small. Napoleon, Woody Allen, Bob Dylan ... (Bono) is a good man. I admire people in the arts who participate in political issues & refuse to lead selfish lives."

Learned savant & hot pork chop Shakira (who's 4'11"), praising U2 alpha dog Bono, who unselfishly tells Western governments what they should do with their citizens' taxes, regardless of whether it works or not

Posted by Jeff at 05:35 AM | Comments (7)

April 18, 2006

MARIANNE FAITHFULL — AS TEARS GO BY

YouTube has vintage video of Sixties mod girl Marianne Faithfull singing her first hit, the melancholy folk-pop As Tears Go By (penned by Mick Jagger). There's something eerie about Faithfull's plaintive, somber expression, as if she senses the hard road awaiting the lovely & intense young singer.

The daughter of an Austrian Baroness, Faithfull was discovered in 1964 at a party by producer Andrew Loog Oldham, the British Phil Spector, who packaged her as a willowy pop sylph. She had a famous romance with Jagger, but miscarried their daughter at seven months. In the Seventies, she spent many years hooked on heroin.

Later, she emerged as a talented & original singer / songwriter with her Broken English album, which shocked people with her now-gravely voice & haggard appearance.

Posted by Jeff at 06:48 AM | Comments (7)

YOUR DAILY SHAKIRA

Galvanic pop tart & important intellectual Shakira is organizing Latin Aid, a "revolutionary" event to raise consciousness & provide — oh, who cares. More importantly, the Profound One has been nominated in the World's Worst Lyrics Contest.

Posted by Jeff at 06:38 AM | Comments (2)

April 15, 2006

THE CHARLOTTE CHURCH BULLETIN

Cranky bitch Charlotte Church & rugby playing bf Gavin Henson have had another spat. This one happened at a comedy club when the comic, riffing on religion, said the only Church he'd ever been in was Charlotte. Gavin appeared mortified & reportedly ignored Charlotte the rest of the night, possibly as payback for the time she ripped him a new one for getting drunk & passing out in another girl's bed: "How dare you fuck around behind my back?" Apparently that time, Gavin managed to convince her it was an entirely platonic drunken romp. Don't you hate it when that happens?!

Posted by Jeff at 07:32 AM | Comments (0)

April 14, 2006

DEATH TO THE CORRS

Dawn French, who does  a killer Bjork parody, also does a delicious number on those odious Irish folk-rock siblings The Corrs. She's joined by comedy partner Jennifer Saunders of AbFab, who does male drag better than anyone in show biz: French & Saunders — the Corrs.

Posted by Jeff at 06:43 AM | Comments (2)

April 13, 2006

YOUR DAILY SHAKIRA

First Britney, then Kate Moss, now Shakira: despite the fact that everyone is sick of her song, Hips Don't Lie, which she's performed everywhere except K-Mart, the Colombian firecracker will be honored with a 16-foot iron statue of herself in her hometown of Barranquilla. Shakira:  "I want people to think that any girl can start working on her dreams, & that they can come true."

The statue, made by some German lunatic, was originally to be erected at long-term parking in the airport, but Shakira insisted it be moved downtown, so that all may worship at her iron thighs. As if that's not enough, Shakira will close the 2006 World Cup in Berlin this summer, performing you-know-what for the zillionth time.

Posted by Jeff at 06:33 AM | Comments (8)

April 11, 2006

THE JAMES BLUNT SNATCH REPORT

james & camilla, Mischa Barton, Jessica Sutta, petra Nemcova, tara Palmer-Tomkinson

Say you're an average-to-fugly guy with a loyal if adequate girlfriend, but you dream of banging world-class skanks, supermodels, & socialites. What do you do: a) get a blog, b) get cast on That 70s Show, or c) write a love song about your girlfriend that sells gazillions of copies & takes you on a round-the-snatch-in-80-days tour?

James Blunt tried c) & now bodacious babes are hurling themselves at him like spawning salmon, much to the heartache of longtime girlfriend Camilla Boler. Last fall, Blunt announced he'd broken off with Camilla & was said to be smitten with the OC's Mischa Barton, who appeared in his video for - cough - "Goodbye My Lover".

James & Camilla reconciled, but in February, he was said to be banging Pussycat Doll Jessica Sutta.  Just a few weeks ago, he was spotted getting cozy with Czech supermodel Petra Nemcova. Then he banged intensely private British scenemaker / socialite Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, who blabbed to the entire world, causing Camilla further agony.

A contrite Tara responded, "I didn't even know James had a girlfriend. Now she's come out of the woodwork & says I made all this up for PR. First of all, I never talk about my private life. And secondly, I'm not the one who needs publicity out of the two of us."

If Blunt's ready for a challenge, he should set his sights on cranky bitch Charlotte Church who says  "I don't like James Blunt. His song You're Beautiful is so annoying."

See also Cranky Bitch of the Day: Charlotte Church

Posted by Jeff at 12:12 AM | Comments (13)

YOUR DAILY SHAKIRA

Shakira continues to make new fans! After pitching a fit about having her own band on American Idol, turns out Shakira left the set without so much as an hola, adios, or pinche cabron:

"Last week we had Shakira on & she didn't even meet with the kids. She asked to meet with the contestants. She kept them waiting for half an hour & then didn't even bother getting off her ass & walking up the stairs. The only thing Shakira taught them last week was how to have a big entourage & be discourteous."

Posted by Jeff at 12:03 AM | Comments (4)

April 10, 2006

IS IT BJORK OR IS IT MEMOREX?

Nothing can top this hilarious parody of Bjork's "Big Time Sensuality" video by plus-sized comic Dawn French (comedy partner of AbFab's Jennifer Saunders). "Bjork" — I Hate Normality

Posted by Jeff at 06:38 AM | Comments (2)

April 07, 2006

YOUR DAILY SHAKIRA: GAMES WITH DESTINY

Here's the diva on the spooky origins of her hit duet with Wyclef Jean, Hips Don't Lie:

"I don't want you to think I'm esoteric or metaphysical, because I'm not superstitious, but I dreamed about Wyclef one night before he & I actually met. It was a sign from heaven. So I took a plane to meet him in Miami, & that's how it all got started. It's a happy accident or one of those games with destiny."

Since Shakira's English isn't so good, let me translate: in November her first English CD in 4 years was released to a great thudding silence. So in January, Sony head Tommy Mottola laid down the law, telling her the follow-up single wouldn't be any of Shakira's own lackluster songs but a new, added duet with fellow Sony artist Wyclef Jean (of his composition).

Mottola also informed her she'd perform the song anywhere from Good Morning America to American Idol to salvage the repackaged CD, because in the end the music business is all about the bottom line, not happy accidents.

Posted by Jeff at 06:57 AM | Comments (9)

April 05, 2006

YOUR DAILY SHAKIRA

"It’s not my hobby to show my belly! The moves I do when I perform require it." — Pathologically shy pop tart Shakira, explaining why she's practically naked in her videos (at least the post-Tommy Mottola ones). The same excuse could be used by a sumo wrestler. trapeze artist, or common street whore.

Posted by Jeff at 12:10 AM | Comments (1)

April 04, 2006

A MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TO BLEACH

 

"us people have the responsibility & the obligation to demand to our leaders to give us the pacifist solutions." — important intellectual shakira

How bad did Shakira's new English CD suck? So bad the tacky cover looked like a Lita Ford outtake from the Eighties. So bad the lead single, Don't Bother, flatlined without cracking the Top 40, leaving Sony to scramble for a follow-up. Problem was, the rest of the songs sucked ass too. So just 4 months after its release, Sony 'repackaged' the CD, adding the new, relentlessly promoted single Hips Don't Lie.

Shakira is eating crow so bad she's gone back to brunette & even appeared on American Idol, a departure from that show's usual one-foot-in-the-grave guest star policy. Beautiful Atrocities thinks the malapert miss had it coming. Before Sony's Tommy Mottola got his hooks in her, she was a hippie folk-rocker known as the Alanis Morissette of Latin America, an original talent even if she did sound like a goat.

So her fans cried foul over Shakira's Britneyfication for her 2002 English debut in which she ditched her hippie roots & emerged as a zirconium blonde writhing like an escapee from an Ottoman harem. She recited vacuous drivel about world peace. A slew of anti-Shakira groups popped up. You'd think in the 4 years since then, the Diva could have come up with a decent follow-up, but everyone knows peroxide causes more brain damage than Ecstasy.

Posted by Jeff at 12:21 AM | Comments (10)

March 30, 2006

RUSSIAN GIRLS

I'm not sure I got the plot, but it has a paramilitary theme & something to do with interrogation & washing a jeep in a camouflage bikini. A hit in Ukraine, Turkey, Netherlands, & claims voted #1 video in Germany in 2005: Russian Girls

Posted by Jeff at 03:24 PM | Comments (6)

March 29, 2006

MADONNA — ‘NEUROTICA’

Video features guest appearances by Sandra Bernhard, Sean Penn, Charlie McCarthy, & Madonna's vagina: Neurotica

Posted by Jeff at 12:26 PM | Comments (1)

March 27, 2006

JOI LANSING — ‘TRAPPED IN THE WEB OF LOVE’

Camp classic jungle production number by blonde bombshell who starred appeared in film classics like Queen of Outer Space & The Atomic Scientist. Note proto-disco Saturday Night Fever hand roll. (H / t Blog Quebecois)

Posted by Jeff at 12:22 AM | Comments (1)

March 07, 2006

‘BUTTERFLY DANCE’ WILL NEVER SOUND THE SAME AFTER THIS

Posted by Jeff at 07:23 AM | Comments (1)

February 28, 2006

ROGUE TRADERS — ‘VOODOO CHILD’

Posted by Jeff at 12:15 PM | Comments (1)

February 26, 2006

THE DEAD 60S — ‘RIOT RADIO’

Posted by Jeff at 01:12 PM | Comments (3)

February 04, 2006

THE STROKES — "JUICEBOX"

Aka the video that was too hot for MTV. Because Christina Aguilera with her nogs hanging out is okay, but a little girl-on-girl / boy-on-boy / woman-&-dog is over the line...

Posted by Jeff at 10:58 AM | Comments (6)

December 15, 2005

OLGA TAÑON — 'BANDOLERO'

Olga Tanon is the voluptuous Puerto Rican bombshell who makes J-Lo look petite. She began as a merengue singer, then upgraded to pop with  the help of singer / songwriter Marco Antonio Solis. In 1998 she had a tempestuous tabloid romance with baseball superstar Juan Gonzalez, who left his pregnant wife for her. Calling Dr. Laura! You'll be stunned to know the marriage didn't last (it was Gonzalez' fifth marriage even though he was only 26!). Olga now said to be working on a crossover CD.  Bandolero is an Arab-inflected dance number, & you can check out Olga's moves in the sexy video.

Posted by Jeff at 06:53 AM | Comments (4)

December 13, 2005

MAGIC NUMBERS — 'LOVE ME LIKE YOU'

The Magic Numbers are a British pop band with a Seventies look & a Sixties sound.  The band consists of two pairs of siblings: Romeo (guitar / vocals) & Michelle (bass) Stodart along with Sean (drums) & Angela (vocals) Gannon. They have a folk / pop sound that harks back to the Mamas & the Papas, an unpretentious mix of airy harmonies & catchy pop riffs. They've scored 3 hit singles in England, including Love Me Like You, which reached #12.  Watch the video, & see if they look like any band you've seen since 1973.

Posted by Jeff at 12:06 AM | Comments (7)

December 07, 2005

MOLOTOV — FRIJOLERO

Molotov is a riotous Mexican rap / metal band with songs like Apocalypshit, Marciano (I Turned into a Martian), & Chinga Tu Madre.The English / Spanish Frijolero (Beaner) is a catchy if hateful take on illegal immigration that takes shots at Vicente Fox but reserves most of its barbs for Americans who don't want their paychecks to subsidize all of Mexico.  The sing-a-long chorus has to be heard to be believed. Lyrics & background here. Entertaining video here

Posted by Jeff at 12:14 AM | Comments (2)

November 30, 2005

CHELSEA BECK - "GOSPEL YODEL"

Now is the time at Beautiful Atrocities when we rock. (Only works in IE)

Posted by Jeff at 06:18 AM | Comments (0)

May 30, 2005

JD NATASHA: IMPERFECT

JD Natasha is a 17yo rocker from Miami set to sweep Avril Lavigne into the remaindered bin of history. Born of an Argentine father & Cuban - American mother, she writes in both English & Spanish. Her debut CD, Imperfect, was a smash hit across Latin America, named by Emilio Estefan - the Quincy Jones of Latin music - as one of the best CDs of the year.

Real name: Natasha Jeanette Duenas. Favorite videos: Close to Me by The Cure & Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana. She's been playing piano since third grade, & learned guitar from a musical aunt who was a fan of rock & taught Natasha 3 chords. At 16, she formed a band with her girlfriends called Wrewind. Her big break came when her father bragged about her at his hair salon, & a client took a demo to her next-door neighbor, the head of EMI Latin. Watch out Shakira, JD Natasha is going to get you. VIDEO OF IMPERFECT.  AUDIO INTERVIEW.  OFFICIAL SITE.

Posted by Jeff at 12:39 PM | Comments (4)

May 25, 2005

BOMBAY ROCKERS: ROCK THA PARTY

Bombay Rockers sound Indian, but are Danish duo Thomas Sardorf & Navtej Singh Rehal. Sardorf was a producer who teamed up with Navtej & came up with their Indo-Pop sound, a mix of bhangra (Punjabi folk) & hip-hop. Navtej is a Punjabi Sikh born & raised in Denmark. Their first single, Ari Ari, was the rage in Danish dance clubs, & their latest single, Rock tha Party, was a hit in Europe & the CD has spent 10 weeks at #1 in India. Video here & here.

Posted by Jeff at 12:37 PM | Comments (82)

May 23, 2005

K-MARO: FEMME LIKE U

Born Cyril Kamar in Beirut January 31, 1980, K-Maro is a young Arab rapper.  As a child, he was one of several Cyrils in class, so classmates called him by his last name, which morphed into K-Maro.  His family endured 10 years of civil war before moving to Paris, & K-Maro later moved to Montreal. His first Canadian hit was with an R&B group called LMDS (Les messangeurs du son) & in 2004 had a solo hit in Europe with a song called Femme Like You, currently #1 in Israel.  VIDEO HERE.

Posted by Jeff at 05:52 PM | Comments (8)

May 20, 2005

MARILYN MANSON: THE NOBODIES

Be afraid: a remixed version of Marilyn Manson's 2001 song The Nobodies is a hit in Europe, with a rerelease of the sensational Grand Guignol video. Manson altered the video slightly, & deleted shots of former bandmembers Twiggy Ramirez & John 5. Watch the video (works best in IE). (Low res versions here)

Posted by Jeff at 10:23 PM | Comments (3)

May 09, 2005

TOP OF THE POPS: ATTACK OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE

Number One songs around the world this week:

ARGENTINA: La Tortura by Shakira. 4'8". Duet with Spanish superstar / heartthrob Alejandro Sanz, 5'8". VIDEO featuring half-naked Shakira belly dancing while covered in Pennzoil. From forthcoming Latin CD Fijacion Oral. Hard to believe just a few years ago she was hippie folk rocker known as the Alannis Morissette of Latin America (Shakira admits she was fat Goth teen.) Online petition asking Alejandro Sanz to stop singing. From anti-Shakira Group:

"Shakira fans: If you feel you just HAVE to come in here & call us losers, please have a good reason. For example, Eminem says good things about her isn't gonna cut it. Because honestly, NO ONE CARES."

UPDATE: Alejandro Sanz petition organized by followers of Hugo Chavez. In Venezuela, Sanz criticized Chavez' rejection of a referendum for his recall, saying "if they give me three million signatures asking me to stop singing, I would stop singing," adding that he considered unelected leaders tyrants. Sanz' reaction to the petition:

"Men have died because of (Chávez). I don’t care if there are 20,000 idiots that sign something so that I stop singing, when there are people dying in this country (Venezuela)."

SPAIN: Enamorada de ti by Monica Naranjo. 5'5". Scary/phreaky Catalan sexbomb/gay icon.  Outrageous personality whose video for Desatame was censored in Mexico for girl-on-girl action. From Minage CD, collaboration with Italian diva Mina Mazzini. Over-the-top videos of Desatame & Enamorada at website under discografia

JAPAN: Step you/is this love by Ayumi Hamasaki.  5' pop urchin discovered in karaoke bar. Was Japan's highest earning entertainer in 2002 ($189 million), first artist to have 4 singles in Japanese Top 10 simultaneously. AUDIO. Profile. Discography. Madonna-like megastar whose fans breathlessly monitor constantly changing image. From interesting TimeAsia piece:

"Dressed in a futuristic black kimono over scuffed jeans, her face painted like a cross between a geisha & Gene Simmons, she projects an almost apocalyptic image that is both of this world & completely out of it—half-human, half-manga, totally pop star."

USA: Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani. 5'5". Funny video with weird-ass harajuku girls available at website.

FRANCE: Un Monde Parfait by 11yo Ilona Mitrecey. Obnoxious song with equally obnoxious video confirms everything you thought about the French.

SWEDEN: Schnappi, das klein krokodil (Schnappi the shit-eating little crocodile). Sung by baby cartoon crocodile. Can someone explain why this song is sweeping Europe? (Schnappi is from Egypt; is this some kind of coded Al Qaeda message? I DON'T GET IT). VIDEO EVIDENCE OF END TIMES. Kiwi Alert: Schnappi Storming the Charts in New Zealand. Llama Alert: Schnappi und das lama in Yokohama. You know how I feel about llamas.

CZECH REPUBLIC: Bora bora (Go Away) by Arash. Infectious Persian hip-hop. Looks about same height as Tom Cruise (a shrimp). Born in Teheran, family moved to Europe when he was 10.  Profile. Song previously #1 in Sweden. First Farsi-language hit song in Europe. Hilarious video. Mullahs will never survive this. Shows you only need energy & imagination to make music & videos at fraction of the cost of Shakira's slick anthems. Arash:

"My most important mission is to bring happiness, & when I see people jumping up and down and being happy, I become ten times more happy myself."

HONG KONG: Spoiled by Joss Stone. Talented 18yo British soul singer. Not little: 5'10. Real name: Joscelyn Stoker. AUDIO.  Adorable video interview. Performed Janis Joplin tribute at Grammys with Melissa Etheridge. Had Top 10 hit in England You Had Me in 2004. Joss Stone on Idol-type shows:

•  "It's manufactured, not real. If you want quick fame, go right ahead. But if you want to be a singer, my suggestion is to find another way."
• "My mum fancies Simon Cowell. She keeps saying he's fit. Isn't that gross?"
• "I'm not going to go sing pop just because I'm a white girl with blonde hair."

Posted by Jeff at 12:52 AM | Comments (14)

April 14, 2005

TOP OF THE POPS

Number One songs around the world this week:

AUSTRIA: Emanuela by Fettes Brot. German hip-hop group: Boris Lauterbach (aka Kay Bee Baby, Rock'n'Roll Coseng), Martin Schrader (aka Doktor Renz), Björn Warns (aka Schiffmeister). AUDIO. FUNNY VIDEO.

CHILE: Ya Nada Queda by Kudai. Menudo-like Chilean teen pop group: Pablo, Nicole, Tomas, Barbara. Song not bad for genre. Video at group website.

NETHERLANDS: Geef Mij Je Angst by Guus Meeuwis. Ballad by baby-faced Dutch crooner. VIDEO

BRAZIL: Fui Eu by Zezé Di Camargo & Luciano. Pop duo has sold millions of records in Brazil, including Latin version of Beatles And I Love Her (Eu Te Amo): AUDIO

SPAIN: Canto by Enrique Bunbury. Haunting ballad by great musician & former frontman for rockers Heroes del Silencio. Name Bunbury is taken from Oscar Wilde play The Importance of Being Earnest. VIDEO

GERMANY: From Zero to Zero by German pop-tart Sarah Connor. From official bio: "Sarah Connor admits that there are three 'S's which dominate her life - soul, sex, & sensuality." Single from European soundtrack of Robots.  Has had 2 UK hits. First US single is Bounce: VIDEO.

Connor in Top of the Pops interview:

"My new album's called Naughty But Nice. It mirrors my current situation in life, it's a bit naughty, but still nice."

COLOMBIA: Vivo en el Limbo by Kaleth Morales. New Wave of vallenato music, indigenous style popularized in US by Carlos Vives as well as Gloria Estefan's Abriendo Puertas CD. AUDIO.

"Vallenato music is a combination of African, European, & Colombian rhythm & folkloric sounds. Native people from Valle de Upar played flutes called gaitas made of bamboo & African drums made of hollow wood with goat skins. Europeans introduced the accordion to the northern coast of Colombia where it was adopted as part of the vallenato folklore."

FINLAND: Out to Find You by Goth rockers Bloodpit. Guitarist Pavvo Pekkonen claims John Lennon told him to form band in dream. 2 members claim to have been in Finnish army, if there is such a thing. AUDIO.

ARGENTINA: Usted by Diego Torres & Vicentico. Great duet by Argentine superstars from Torres' MTV Unplugged CD (which also features rocker Julieta Venagas). Torres got his start in telenovelas, & is son of famous actress Lolita Torres, who was popular in Spain & the USSR, where Lolita became a popular girl's name after her 1963 tour. (A 1978 tour led to her being labeled subversive by military dictatorship, & she lived in exile in Peru.)

Vicentico is lead singer of legendary ska/punk rockers Los Fabulosos Cadillacs, who recorded with Mick Jones (of the Clash), Debbie Harry, Tina Weymouth (of Talking Heads), & Celia Cruz. Usted audio. Diego Torres videos.

Schnappi update: Schnappi the Odious Crocodile #1 in Belgium & Norway, but what did you expect?

Posted by Jeff at 01:21 PM | Comments (10)

April 06, 2005

KELLY CLARKSON, ROCK N ROLL ANIMAL

miss kelly clarkson smiles for the beautiful atrocities camera

7:03PM Arrive at LaGuardia & meet Ron, the obsessed nut devoted fan who runs Our Daily Ripa & is taking me to see his other obsession, Amerikan Idol Kelly Clarkson. I'm no fan of KC, especially her current faux-rocker mode, but the tix are free & the venue is prime. He shows me his Kelly autograph. Oh brother.

8:38PM Arrive at rock shrine CBGB's & kiss the pavement. Here Joey Ramone & Debbie Harry & Dick Manitoba got their start. Depressingly full of yuppies: I see Ashlee Simpson, f*cking Wonkette, a Desperate Housewife, & Jon Bon Jovi. I order a Tanquerey & tonic.

9:48PM Theng band is awful. I realize it's Clay Aiken, trying to rock! He launches into the Plasmatics' Butcher Baby & I look around for a bottle to throw. "This is bug!" I say. "I think he's crisp," says someone next to me: it's Chelsea Clinton. How much worse can this night get??

1:53AM  Clarkson finally staggers onstage. She's a big girl, in a seam-screaming ticking time-bomb of a blue minidress, a jungle-print blazer, waving a bottle of - gin? She's completely wrecked. For some reason, her purse is slung over one shoulder. Her band cranks it up while she stumbles around, belching & blinking like WTF. Then she vomits into the mosh pit.

2:23AM Worst. Show. Ever. Clarkson seems to have forgotten the words, staggers around like a loose pinball, grunting & grabbing herself. She bites the head off a chicken, urinates on a roadie, then falls off the back of the stage. The band jams while they try to revive Miss Thing. I have to pee.

2:28AM I stumble into a men's room backstage & piss in an overflowing urinal. Someone's hurling in the stall. I zip myself up & realize this guy staring in the mirror is Dan Rather! "That f*cking bitch," he says to me. "She said we'd all get Pulitzers. I never even saw the goddamn memos." Then he starts to sing, Hang down your head Tom Dooooooley...

"I'll just be leaving," I say carefully. Someone staggers out of the stall: it's Kelly Clarkson. In the flesh, not 3 feet away. I have to admit, she has a certain je ne sais quoi star quality, even with her panties around her ankles, hooey in her hair, & buffalo breath. "Oh Miss Clarkson," I stammer, pulling out my camera, "I loved your show! Can I get your autograph??"

Then she throws her beer in my face.

Posted by Jeff at 12:28 AM | Comments (26)

April 04, 2005

TOP OF THE POPS: DEATH TO SCHNAPPI

Number One songs in Europe this week:

SWEDEN: Håll Om Mig by  Nanne. Song took 2nd place in Swedish Eurovision entries.  Nanne is married to Peter Grönvall, son of Benny Andersson of ABBA. Good song, sounds a bit like ABBA: sample here.

NORWAY: In My Dreams by WigWam. Official Norwegian entry at Eurovision. Sold out in 2 days. Progressive rockers have been around in various lineups since 1969. 2nd album was produced by Kim Fowley (who several years later discovered teenaged Joan Jett & put her in The Runaways). Song sample on chart (note odious #2 song).

GERMANY: Leibe Ist by Nena (who had US New Wave hit in 1984 with 99 Luftballoons). Good ballad. Real name: Gabriele Susanne Kerner. Still gorgeous after 5 children. VIDEO. Also #4 in Austria.

NETHERLANDS: One Two Three by Chipz, Dutch teenybopper band: Kevin, Rachel, Cilla, Peter. Look & sound like escapees from Spy Kids.  Wretched disco. First single Chipz in Black went to #1, suggesting things are worse in the Netherlands than we thought. Audio: Chipz in Black

AUSTRIA: Schnappi, das kleine krokodil (Schnappi the little crocodile) by Schnappi. Insufferable German cartoon character: "I am Schnappi, the little crocodile / I come from Egypt, that's right on the Nile." Former German #1. APPALLING VIDEO. Even worse: AC/DC Schnappi. Schnappi #6 in Denmark, #1 in Flanders (which has 3 Schnappi-related songs in play), #5 in Israel.

ITALY: Il bambini fanno oh by 32yo Giuseppe Povia, who grew up on the isle of Elba. Proceeds go to Darfur children's relief. AUDIO

IRELAND & UK: Is this the way to Amarillo by Tony Christie  & British comic Peter Kay, remake of 1971 hit, written by Neil Sedaka. Pop vet Christie had 1999 Top 10 hit Walk Like a Panther, written for him by Pulp. Video clip featuring (gulp) Rod Stewart.

CZECH REPUBLIC: Spousta Andela by Aneta Langerova, 17yo winner of first Czech Idol show. Favorite singer: Alanis Morissette (sang 2 of her songs on Idol). Samples at official website, good luck hunting.

FRANCE: Un Monde Parfait by 11yo Ilona Mitrecey. Probably one of those songs that got thru due to French-language airplay quota.  ANOTHER SCARY CARTOON VIDEO, suggesting neofascism is on the march

Posted by Jeff at 12:17 AM | Comments (12)

April 02, 2005

LUXURY, DRUGS, & LIPOSUCTION

NANCYS RUBIAS (BLONDE NANCYS). Spanish glam-pop band. Nancy O (triangle), Nancy Reagan (keyboards), The Only Nancy Rubia (guitar), Nancy Travesty (guitar), & Nancy Anorexia (vocals).

Video of eponymous hit single. Top Ten in Spain. Official website. Currently touring with Fangoria (one of the Nancys is married to Fangoria singer Alaska).  Hilariously mistranslated interview here.

Posted by Jeff at 02:25 PM | Comments (0)

March 31, 2005

THALIA Pop superstar from Mexico Video: Arrasando

Posted by Jeff at 04:27 PM | Comments (19)

September 08, 2004

LO HARE POR TI

PAULINA RUBIO
Who is she: Mexican superstar singer
Who likes her: Latins, drag queens, gay men
Born June 17 1971, Mexico City
Height: 5'4
Nickname: La Chica Dorada (The Golden Girl)
Boyfriend: Ricardo Bofill, son of famous architect of same name, ex-husband of Chabeli Iglesias (Enrique's sister)
Can't stand: Thalia
Parents: Mexican actress Susana Dosamantes ("Rio Lobo" with John Wayne) & Spaniard Enrique Rubio.

Speaks Spanish, English, French, & Italian. Practices yoga & tai chi. Enrolled in Televisa arts academy at age 8. Joined Timbiriche (aka the Mexican Menudo) at age 11, made over a dozen albums. Group later added arch-enemy Thalia which ended in onstage catfight. First solo effort, La Chica Dorada, went platinum.

Starred in dreadful soap operas Baila Conmigo & Pobre Nina Rica. 2001 CD Paulina sold 2.5 million copies & named Billboard's Latin Album of the Year. First English CD, Border Girl, debuted at #11 on Billboard. 2004 CD Paulatina spawned hit Te Quisa Tanto, #1 on Billboard Latin for 8 weeks. Has homes in Barcelona, Mexico City, Acapulco, LA, & Miami. Owns French restaurant L'entrecote de Paris in South Beach. Excerpts from her interviews:

On cross-cultural music: "Music is like love - you can give a kiss in Spanish, French, or English, but it's still a kiss."

On crossover artists: "Carlos Santana & Gloria Estefan & Julio Iglesiasd the doors for all of us."

On sex-kitten image: "I'm a good-looking girl, but when you get down to it, what I do is music."

On infamous onstage catfight with Thalia: "She was 13; I was 12. I was trying to get the microphone, and she didn’t want to let me have it, so we started fighting. We were rolling all around on the floor. The audience didn’t know it was a real fight. I was little, but I was fast, and I won. I really wanted that microphone."

On comparisions to Madonna: "They can visualize me any way they want. I really don't care."

On performing: "My brother & father are both lawyers, & my mom is an actress, so you get the picture. It runs in the family."

On guilty pleasures: "The Mexican food they have in America isn't really authentic, but I actually love Taco Bell."

On Shakira: "Our boyfriends are very, very good friends, so we go out in Miami and do very simple things. We go to the beach and have fun, and when we're sharing the stage in some awards ceremony or something, we talk about cell phones, batteries, diets, love, movies. We just chill down."

On role models: "Wonder Woman was my favorite hero. I loved everything about her. My fantasy is that I possess special powers and use them to win men, but I still stay sweet, intelligent, and polite."

On ambition: "I want to conquer the universe."

On intellectuals. "I love philosophy a lot. I love to have a roundtable with my friends and just to talk about philosophers like Kafka, Nietzsche, Descartes, Socrates, Plato, Marx and Freud."

On confidence: I divide people into two groups: those who criticize me and those who love me. I don’t live for other people. My mom showed me that it’s better to live in your projects and not listen to other people."

On gender wars: "I'm a strong woman and sometimes if you're a strong man, when you love so much you start feeling fear. I don't know why. Maybe it's because you're not a girl."

On Miami: "I love it because it's sort of the capital of Latinos. It doesn't matter whether you're from Spain, or Mexico, it's simply a place where it seems like we are uniting more everyday."

On L.A.: "Los Angeles is very much a first world interpretation of Mexico. My parents have had a house there since 1980 and I love LA!"

On homosexuals: "I'm always around gay people. In fact, some of my closest friends are gay. In many ways, they enrich me with ideas and creativity."

Marc Anthony on Paulina: "She is a free spirit and so much fun."

On the Zen of performing: "It's like what I've learned from Deepak Chopra. He says that the law of energy, or karma, is both an action and a consequence."

On telenovelas: "I don’t like them anymore! I don’t watch them. I can’t even tolerate people around me watching them."

Leila Cobo, Billboard Latin American bureau chief on Paulina: "She's not a great singer, but she does take over the stage well."

Mom Susana Dosamantes on Paulina: "She's like an atomic battery."

Director Alfonso Cuaron (Y tu Mama Tambien) on Paulina: "She reminds me a lot of Salma Hayek. They are both fearless; they are both complete beautiful souls and a little nuts."

Posted by Jeff at 01:25 AM | Comments (10)

June 12, 2004

BAD BEHAVIOR

Even by the predatory xxxtremes of ravening harpies, J-Lo is a Beautiful Atrocity. Her entourage is longer than the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and less orderly, whole cities have risen in the shadow of her ego, and her omnivorous man-grazing impresses even me. Her latest impulse purchase, serial sire and professional douchebag Marc Anthony (not the porn star) hasn't dimmed her glare, at least judging by the number of Yahoo groups devoted to her. As a public service, Beautiful Atrocitiesâ„¢ provides the following fan clubs for your perusal.

Jennifer Lopez Hate Club : "If you hate Jennifer Lopez then this is the place for you!"
Anti-Jennifer Lopez : "Don't even bother staying if you love Lopez, coz you'll just be removed from this club."
Jennifer Lopez Haters Club : "This club is dedicated to everyone who hates this dumb bitch."
I Hate J-Ho: "The hottest place to talk trash about the nastiest chick in the music business!"
J-Lo Smells Like Poo: "Jennifer Lopez's breath smells like something died then crawled into her mouth."
Everyone Hates Jennifer Lopez: "Jennifer Lopez is crazy!"
J-Lo is Old and Needs to Go!: "Jennifer Lopez is far beyond 30.She was dancing with Janet Jackson when I was a baby."
J-Ho: "For everyone who hates that big ho!"
J to the Ello: "Write a little about her and why you hate her."
Hatin Jennifer Club
Jennifer Lopez is Old and Nobody Likes Her
Mmmsavoi: Fat J-Lo Club: "Maigen auch Sie jlo nicht? Ist sie fett? Ist sie arrogant?"
J-Lo is Jealous of Monique Taitague: "Jennifer Lopez, The Ugly Old Actress and Fat Butt singer, is jealous of The American Princess Monique Desiree Taitague from Vallejo,California."

This last is suspicious, since we also uncovered the following:
Monique Taitague Fans Hate J-Lo!: "The World Loves Monique Desiree Taitague from Vallejo,California."
Monique Taitague American Princess 4Ever
Monique Taitague is Goddess
Upcoming Artist Monique Taitague!: "The Latin Superstar Monique Desiree Taitague from Vallejo,California."

An Amazon search turns up no CDs by the Latin Superstar from Vallejo.

Posted by Jeff at 08:00 AM | Comments (21)