May 11, 2006

ASK BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES!

Confidential to 'Lindsay':

Sometimes, my dear, when you're down & feel like the whole world hates you - it's true.

(H/t Josh)

Posted by Jeff at 03:20 PM | Comments (1)

December 09, 2005

GET UR PHREAK FRAUD ON

Dear Diebold,

I wanted to congratulate you on 2004, another successfully stolen election.  It's pretty clear now the Dems could run Jesus Christ himself & we'd still whip his ass like I-Can't-Believe-it's-Not-Butter. For my part, I was instructed to intimidate & disenfranchise black voters.  Whenever a black voter approached the precinct, I started doing the robot dance & singing Missy Elliot's Get Ur Phreak On. You shoulda seen 'em run! Hush yo' mouth! Silence when I! Spit it out! hach-PTOOEY! Some even gave me money to shut up, HA! But seriously - I've been nominated in this Weblog Award shit, & frankly I'm getting my ass kicked. I'd appreciate it if your chimps could flip the switch & put me about 4 squillion votes ahead. Long live the New World Order!

Your friend,
Jeff

Posted by Jeff at 12:10 AM | Comments (27)