May 21, 2006

HOW TO STOP AIDS IN 4 EASY STEPS

In 2003, the folks at Love Life: Stop AIDS, decided to put an end to the disease by spreading the message of prevention:

However, due to cost-cutting measures, they hired illegals to do the work, & something was lost in translation. As a result, AIDS was not stopped. For 2004, they decided to bypass words altogether, & spread the message of safety in the universal language of symbols:

Unfortunately, many interpreted the signs as sex ads the Moral Majority had defaced by placing stickers over the good parts. Once again, AIDS was not stopped. For 2005, the committee switched to scare tactics to frighten people into using good sense. A variety of approaches was considered, involving horrifying pictures of lesions, tumors, & bloody fluxes, until test audiences agreed on the single most terrifying image of all:

Sadly, this didn't work either, as most gays assumed it was some tired-ass drag queen campaigning for Empress. For 2006, therefore, the committee decided to cut to the chase & get gay men's attention:

...which will probably have much the same effect as those Weight Watchers commercials that feature pornographic close-ups of dark chocolate cake...

See also Love Life Stop AIDS website, which features heinous talking condom (H / t Bill)

Posted by Jeff at 12:54 AM | Comments (4)

March 08, 2006

WHO KNEW THERE WAS A SCRIPT?

Gay porn ring busted in Morocco: "A search at the production manager's house led to documents of the actors' salaries & contracts, in addition to erotic photos & movie scripts..."

Posted by Jeff at 05:16 AM | Comments (8)

March 04, 2006

WHAT ABOUT THE AXIS OF TWIT?

"When it comes to homophobia, the USA & Axis-of-Evil member Iran are sisters under the skin."

Except for stoning, hanging, & pushing walls on top of them. Other than that... (Via Andy)

UPDATE: Dutch to send Iranian Gays Home to Be Executed

Posted by Jeff at 09:52 AM | Comments (4)

January 24, 2006

DOES THAT MEAN I CAN'T CALL ROSIE A CLAM BUMPER?

Posted by Jeff at 12:59 PM | Comments (21)

May 25, 2005

US OUT OF MY GAY UTERUS

With the advent of a prenatal test for the gay gene, gay rights leaders dropped their support for abortion & marched on Washington, chanting DON'T FLUSH DIVERSITY DOWN THE DRAIN. Barbara Boxer introduced federal legislation to make aborting a gay fetus a hate crime punishable by death. "The freedom to choose is precious," she said. "Except when it's not."

A pro-abortion counter-march was led by Maggie Gallagher, the Rev. Fred Phelps, & Dr. James Dobson.  "Abortion sounds so oogly," Gallagher said. "Let's just call it a nip & tuck." Phyllis Schlafley suggested setting up federally funded gay orphanages, preferably in Thailand.

A confused Rosie O'Donnell ran madly from one march to the other, babbling regrettable free verse.  Gay leaders, panicked at the thought of imminent extinction - as well as a badly decorated & shabbily dressed future - urged homos to lay the pipe with dykes to make gay babies: "We must renounce homosexuality in order to save it!"

Tony Kushner announced a new anti-abortion play, Splooge, & Hollywood launched a series of Oscar-hopeful socially-conscious movies: Bad Mother, Stupid Bitch, Murder in My Pants. Dr. Laura demanded over-the-counter access to RU-486, & said women would eat nails rather than give birth to a pole-smoker. "In the future," she predicted, "homosexuality will be strictly a Third World thing, like merengue & malnutrition."

Hat tip: Keith Burgess-Jackson

Posted by Jeff at 12:18 AM | Comments (15)

February 23, 2005

GREAT FUDGE-PACKERS OF OUR TIME

:::click each:::

Posted by Jeff at 02:50 PM | Comments (23)

February 21, 2005

MAKING THE WORLD SAFE FOR TRANSGENDER ISLAMONUTTERS

You can always count on the PC Bay Area to get its priorities, uh, straight. The Bay Times, which apparently can't afford a website, has the skinny on the most important aspect of the REAL ID Act recently passed by the House to prevent terrorists from entering the US:

"The measure places an unfair & discriminatory burden upon transgender individuals. 'On a nationally regulated ID card, it might be harder to change gender markers,' said Mara Keisling, director of National Center on Transgender Equality. 'This is especially bad for people who can't afford, don't want, or for health reasons can't have surgery.'

Jerrold Nadler, Manhattan Dem concurs: "If it would become law, it would place another barrier in front of transgender people." The bill was also opposed by the Transgender Law & Policy Institute.

(FYI, splicing the transgender label onto gay/lesbian/bi is a total scam by a tiny minority trying to increase its clout, even though it has NOTHING to do with being a homo.) See also Lesbo Gorillas in SF

Posted by Jeff at 01:53 PM | Comments (16)