Beautiful Atrocities: film Archives

May 23, 2006

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD IN HARAJUKU HELL

Posted by Jeff at 07:35 AM | Comments (7)

May 20, 2006

NOREEN AT THE MOVIES: SYRIANA SUCKS ASS

Posted by Jeff at 07:21 AM | Comments (1)

May 18, 2006

THE NEW & IMPROVED DA VINCI CODE

Posted by Jeff at 06:54 AM | Comments (1)

May 15, 2006

WETBACK MOUNTAIN

Posted by Jeff at 07:19 AM | Comments (0)

May 09, 2006

CAN YOU PUT THAT ON MY THETAN GOLD CARD?

"Hi, this is Kirstie Alley, I wanna order 3 buckets of Hot Wings with extra sauce, 2 bags of biscuits, a shitload of those potato wedges, a dozen apple pie minis, a Diet Sierra Mist, & twenty thousand tickets to MI3."

Posted by Jeff at 04:59 PM | Comments (7)

May 08, 2006

SEX! DRUGS! ISLAM! OH MY!

Posted by Jeff at 06:29 AM | Comments (0)

May 02, 2006

DON'T QUITE YOUR DAY JOB

I was very moved by this fan poetry inspired by Brokeback Mountain, but I do feel that if you're going to attempt such a thing, make sure you get the catchphrase right...

Posted by Jeff at 12:36 AM | Comments (2)

May 01, 2006

STRAIGHT TO NETFLIX

Following the incredible on-screen chemistry with then-squeeze Ben Affleck in Gigli, Jennifer Lopez is now making a movie with current squeeze Mark Anthony. Titled El Cantante aka Who Killed Hector Lavoe?, it's the story of salsa pioneer Hector Lavoe, whose tragic life just got a little more tragic.

Posted by Jeff at 12:08 AM | Comments (4)

April 04, 2006

ANOTHER GOOD REASON TO AVOID V FOR VENDETTA

Posted by Jeff at 12:41 PM | Comments (6)

April 03, 2006

ON A CLEAR DAY YOU CAN SMELL THE OFFAL

In addition to not having a Macy's charge card, only owning 6 pairs of shoes, & never downloading a single Madonna song, I'm also a complete failure as a homo due to my allergy to musicals. I break out in hives over Sondheim. CATS gives me impetigo. Liza makes me deathly ill.

However, I may at last get my Homo Card™ now that I've sunk to movie memorabilia. That's right, I'm now $100 poorer & the proud owner of a sheet from the first draft of Yentl. That's the film Barbra Streisand wrote, directed, & starred in, aka the one where she kisses Amy Irving - barf - while portraying a studious young Jewess, Yentlette, who impersonates a man, Yentl, so she can see Mandy Patinkin naked in a yeshiva. Or something like that. Behold:

Posted by Jeff at 12:22 AM | Comments (16)

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

Chaiya Chaiya is a foot-stomping song & dance number from a Bollywood musical performed entirely on top of a moving train. Awesome. This is not your mother's CGI shit either, this is the real thing. No word on how many dancers were killed in the process of getting it in the can: Chaiya Chaiya.

Posted by Jeff at 12:05 AM | Comments (3)

March 12, 2006

HOT NEOFASCIST OF THE DAY — ALAIN DELON

"Jean-Marie Le Pen is a friend. He is dangerous for the political set because he's the only one who's sincere. He says out loud what many people think deep down, & what the politicians refrain from saying because they are either too demagogic or too chicken. Le Pen is probably the only one who thinks about the interests of France before his own."

— Actor / sex symbol Alain Delon, a star of the French New Wave of the 1960s, who starred in Agnes Bernauer with hot neofascist Brigitte Bardot. In her knockdown drag-out memoir Initials B.B. Bardot said that Delon was as handsome & cold as her Louis XVI commode, & that he inexplicably preferred looking at the camera rather than her pretty face

Posted by Jeff at 12:52 AM | Comments (12)

March 07, 2006

ANOTHER THING WE CAN BLAME MARGARET THATCHER FOR

"When Margaret Thatcher was prime minister, I had the easiest time making the movie Yentl in London, & I'm convinced that's because there was a woman running the country ... By the time John Major was running the show, it had reverted to being a boy's club."

— Political scientist Barbra Streisand (who tells us she's also a great speller) (H /t Scott M)

Posted by Jeff at 04:37 PM | Comments (8)

March 06, 2006

ROSA PARKS, YOU'RE NO GEORGE CLOONEY

"We're the ones who talk about AIDS when it was just being whispered, & we talked about civil rights when it wasn't really popular. And we, you know, we bring up subjects. This Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I'm proud to be a part of this Academy. Proud to be part of this community, & proud to be out of touch." — Important intellectual George Clooney

Rhetorical question: why, 5 years after 9/11, won't Hollywood bring up Islamofascism?

AUDIO: Ground-breaking Academy Award-winning performance by an African American actress

Posted by Jeff at 12:51 PM | Comments (13)

March 05, 2006

CINTRA & CAMILLE CALL THE OSCARS

If like me, you can't stomach the Oscar snoozefest, your best bet is Salon's live Oscarfest featuring dueling Amazon flamethrowers Cintra Wilson & Camille Paglia:

Cintra on last year's schlockfest:

"Cate Blanchett & Scarlett Johansson presented the lesser Awards on various handicap ramps in the auditorium; a subtle semiotic way for the Academy to say to makeup artists & sound editors, Crawl back to Culver City & fuck yourselves for sucking precious camera time away from Renée."

Camille on Madonna at the 1998 marathon:

"What in Dante's Inferno is she wearing? It looks like Carol Burnett's dress made out of curtains in her sketch of Gone with the Wind! Her biceps are back (how passé!), & they don't go with that tent-sized evening dress. Haven't I always warned you people about post-pregnancy estrogen poisoning? On to the next costume phase, Madonna! She hasn't tried suits of armor yet. She should consult a state-of-the-art drag queen immediately..."

BONUS: Carol Burnett audio; Ann Coulter's Oscar Predictions

Posted by Jeff at 08:11 AM | Comments (9)

MR. CLOONEY, YOU'RE NO BARBRA STREISAND

Dear Beautiful Atrocities,

I'm a 100% heterosexual matinee idol, nominated for Oscars in two fearless movies nobody saw, but I get no respect & people are saying mean things about me. Should I hit them with my purse?

Anonymous

Dear Mr. Clooney,

Films need conflict, but in liberal Hollywood - where Alec Baldwin & Barbra Streisand pass for intellectuals - the list of P.C. villains is limited to US corporations, the US government, & the US military. It's a cheap way of adding moral weight to films that don't actually have any.

On the central conflict of our time - Islamofascism - Hollywood is silent because 1) they're afraid of CAIR, 2) they might get hurt, & 3) when it comes to terrorists & mass murderers, they don't believe moral weight is on their side (see Munich).

Good Night & Good Luck should get Best Picture of 1956. Otherwise, you might want to brush up your post-Soviet history, which confirmed the US government was riddled with Communist agents in the Fifties, a detail you left out, probably because the Commie Party platform called for overthrowing the US government.

Martin Amis argues that Communists were the moral equivalent of Nazis, a notion even the European Parliament is catching on to, so vacuous Hollywood pretty bois will be making fearless movies about it in 50 years. And if Syriana loses, it could still place at the Tokyo Rose Film Festival, for peddling Al Qaeda propaganda that the only problem for peace-loving Muslims is the Great Satan.

Your friend,

Jeff

Posted by Jeff at 06:57 AM | Comments (19)

March 04, 2006

MAKE SURE IT'S THE RIGHT DA VINCI FILM

Posted by Jeff at 08:26 AM | Comments (3)

March 03, 2006

COAL BLACK & DE SEBBEN DWARVES

YouTube has this amazing 1943 cartoon, an all-black jazz parody of Snow White that's considered both a masterpiece & a fascinating window into Jim Crow era stereotypes. (Via Sarah)

Posted by Jeff at 06:30 AM | Comments (0)

March 01, 2006

BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES AT THE MOVIES

Dark Water - categories:

Movies that suck
Movies where nothing ever happens
Movies that would have been more fun with Mo'Nique
Movies that Sarah Michelle Gellar probably turned down
Movies that could use a talking duck
Movies that probably won't become Broadway musicals
Movies where people say "I think my husband is trying to drive me crazy"
Movies that hawk Hello Kitty crap
Movies that make you feel like Sylvia Browne
Movies that at least don't have Orlando Bloom

Posted by Jeff at 12:10 AM | Comments (11)

February 27, 2006

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: "SHOW ME THE GODDAMN MONEY"

Posted by Jeff at 06:39 AM | Comments (6)

February 23, 2006

FOR COWBOYS WHO THINK THEIR SHIT DOESN'T STINK

Posted by Jeff at 03:35 PM | Comments (0)

January 26, 2006

JAAAAAAAACK! I MEAN JAAAAAAAKE!!!!!

Shhhh: just between you & me, I didn't find Brokeback Mountain very involving. I'm a huge Annie Proulx fan, whose dense, gritty novels are the literary equivalent of Diane Arbus' gallery of American grifters, losers, drifters, & misfits. There's something false in turning this oblique, dour story of outsiders into a vehicle for two Hollywood pinups.

Proulx on Gyllenhaal's Jack Twist: "The Jack that I saw was jumpier, homely." (The story mentions buck teeth & paunch.) But people wouldn't be talking about it if it starred two unattractive character actors. For some, however, the story of Jack Twist is a transformative experience comparable to that of Jack Dawson. Messages from the Jake Gyllenhaal Yahoo Group (aka Gyllenhaalics):

"Today I broke my old record of the movie I have seen the most, Titanic was up there with 7 times. BBM broke that record, I have now seen it 8 times & I still can't get enough. I want to keep on going & going."

"I went back today for the 5th time. It was just as good as the first."

"My name is maria i have seen the moive 3 time so far i can't stop myself i find myself going on my lunch break to watch i miss about 30min of it only which is ok because i would rather have something then nothing i don't what this movie has done to me but it has changed my life."

Susan: "I can't help it! Two guys together is just sexy to me." [see fag hag]

"As a 26yo straight man, I'm not surprised this film touched me. But why am I, 4 days after seeing the film, so utterly sad? I'm experiencing a palpable grief like no other in my life. I do not like this feeling & wish that I could dismiss it. Any suggestions?" [ED: try here]

"4 times in 2 weeks, i need help. I can't stop seeing this movie."

"i thought i was the only one losing it after seeing this movie. Couldn't sleep for days after ...& have seen it 4 times in 2 weeks as well."

"What i find puzzling are the handful of people who I've seen it with (during my 4 trips) who didn't really 'get it'... & don't seem AS affected by it. Maybe they're just better at hiding it." [Ed: that's probably it]

"Prepare thyself for the final scene. I have seen the film 3 times & each time this scene has left me totally devastated! It helps that Jack is a looker."

"The Arclight in Hollywood has their clothes on display. I stood until people started looking at me funny. I stood & looked. Then the show let out, see this wasn't my first or second time to see it & I've figured where I can slip out & keep my sainty [sic]. So here I am, looking at the shirts and the jacket & beginning to feel a little self conscious (I'm a straight woman in 50s)"

Sergio: "I have seen it 12 times...now I think that is crazy...."

"My goodness, I haven't even seen the darn movie yet & I am transformed just from what y'all write in here. Man! My heart has always gone out to the gay community & as a Christian woman that has been a HUGE issue of debate in my church Didn't Jesus teach us to love one another? Peace all, Terra Beara (oh by the way my gay friend gave me that nick name)"

"I love the movie seen it 5 times since it came out & everytime i cry like a wreck"

"I've been a basket case since seeing the movie last Sunday. I start to cry while sitting in front of my computer at work. What's wrong with me. I loved the movie more than any I've ever seen, yet at the same time it has made me miserable. I want it to stop. I have my own life to get back to. But I know I'll be out there seeing it again on Friday. What is the matter with me?" [See here]

Andrew: "I was obsessed too, i already am planning to see it like 3 more times."

"Thank you! I am not alone! I also saw BBM 4 times in 2 weeks. It was as if BBM took ahold in my body & wouldn't let go of me. My fourth time I still loved it. I've become a teenager again! I am woman 35, single, with no children living in Denmark. And all I can think of is Jake Gyllenhaal. I have used a lot of money to buy magazines where he is in I've spend too much time searching for stuff & pictures about him. I hope this will pass soon." [Ed: try getting a goldfish]

Lisa: "My husband's birthday is next week, so we are making BBM part of his birthday night out. A new box of tissues is on my shopping list for Saturday."

Christine: "The magic of it all / the blue eyes / the dark, spiky hair./ The silly laugh / & the mole./ The absurdity of / my Obsession with you / is not lost on me."

"Ever since the first viewing something has overpowered me & I just can't get over it! Jake...what have you done to me?!! I have spent every waking moment searching for everything Jake, Heath, & BBM on the internet. I went back to see the movie again & am planning my 3rd, 4th, 5th trips!! The second time I sat between 2 women I had never met & we all shared tissue!! [Ewww!] This movie will go down as a life-changing experience for me, as I'm sure it will for many others."

Posted by Jeff at 12:27 PM | Comments (46)

December 29, 2005

A GIRL & A GUN

Girls with Guns is a site devoted to cordite vixens from film & TV, featuring screen caps from scores of movies, from Assault of the Killer Bimbos to Zero Woman Returns. Features Godard's famous dictum, "All you need for a movie is a girl & a gun." And not too much apparel. (Via the blogosphere's original gun grrrl, Sondra K)

Posted by Jeff at 12:43 PM | Comments (13)

December 17, 2005

BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES AT THE MOVIES: KING KONG

The problem with Kong is it has no center. It needs a strong personality to anchor it, but Jack Black is either miscast or misused. What's the point of having Jack Black if you're not going to turn him loose? His obsessed director should be a maniac on a mission (he's competing with a 30ft ape), but he just stares off into eternity a lot.

Absent Black, you have Adrien Brody, who's too goddamned French* to be a matinee idol, & the lovely Naomi Watts, who's engaging but spends half the movie screaming & the other half gazing through Vaseline lenses. There's too many soulful gazes in this movie, some of them CGI.

So you have a lot of frenetic action swirling around nothing, which is good if you're a hurricane but not so good if you're a 3 hour $207 million kidney-buster. Director Peter Jackson refused to chop the Spider Pit sequence famously cut from the original. Is it creepy? Yes. Does it add anything to the characters? No. Does it add anything to the movie? About half an hour. CUT! Two camels.

Counterpoint: NY Daily News Jami Bernard, who cried when she saw Fahrenheit 9/11, on Kong: "I laughed, I cried."

* temperament, not ethnicity

Posted by Jeff at 10:11 AM | Comments (10)

December 16, 2005

THE WISDOM OF DAVID EDELSTEIN

Slate / NPR movie reviewer David Edelstein probably hasn't set foot outside New York since 1972, the last time his worldview was relevant. He sprayed all over Fahrenheit 9/11, pretending agonized equivocation while gushing

"What can even Bush partisans make of those seven minutes in the elementary school classroom after he received the news that a second plane had hit the World Trade Center & the nation was under attack?"

Suggesting Bush's response was insufficient is squealing hypocrisy, since liberals like Edelstein have spent 4 years shitting about Bush's all-too-sufficient response: the Taliban routed, Hussein overthrown, Patriot Act passed, no attack on American soil, democracy in Afghanistan & Iraq. In Edelstein's world, a cheap shot passes for a slam dunk.

He pulls the same act with Clooney's oppressed-liberals wet dream / flop Good Night & Good News - which at least admits it's fiction - shrugging off its rewritten history while assuring us "the movie's message that 'we should not confuse dissent with disloyalty' feels especially vital."

This is dissent as moral preening, with no thought it might have real-world consequences when, say, the head of the Democratic Party tells Islamofascists worldwide the US is doomed in Iraq, or a US Senator assures Al Jazeera's audience that Guantanamo, where no prisoner has died, is worse than the Holocaust (6 million dead), Stalin's gulag (18 million dead), & the killing fields of Pol Pot (2 million dead). Fifth columnist, anyone?

And when the vile Rosenbergs - those liberal icons - passed nuclear secrets to Joseph Stalin (a madman who murdered 20 million people) I guess it was just dissent. It's political protest as therapy: the important thing is that people like Edelstein vent.

Here's Edelstein's wisdom on King Kong:

"Jackson doesn't deal with the implicit racism of King Kong - the implication that Kong stands for the black man brought in chains from a dark island (full of murderous primitive pagans) & with a penchant for skinny white blondes."

Wow, who knew I enjoyed the original Kong because it made me want to join Robert Byrd's Klan & save Ann Coulter? I can't wait to hear what the dinosaur in Jurassic Park 2 stood for - the mainstream media? the Democratic Party? David Edelstein?

You'd think a man who dabbles in words would know their meanings. Racism refers to a theory of biological determinism, not 'anyone who thinks Jesse Jackson is a clown', & not 'anything that tickles Edelstein's white liberal guilt'. Edelstein proves the rule that 99% of the time when you hear the word racism, it's in a context in which it means nothing.

He's at it again on Memoirs of a Geisha:

"It has been something of a scandal in Asia that the principal actresses are Chinese & Malaysian, the idea being that they're better box-office in international (white) markets than Japanese women, & that, really: Who'll know the difference?"

Read that sentence & guess where the scandalized party changes from "someone in Asia" to "David Edelstein". Actually the scandal is all in Edelstein's head, like the faux-scandal about Margaret Cho's faux-sitcom, which (gasp) had non-Koreans playing Koreans! Because being Korean, or Japanese, is something so essential, only a Korean or Japanese can truly pull it off. (Throw out all those Othello DVDs.)

Edelstein doesn't follow his logic to its inevitable conclusion: Japanese actors should only play Japanese roles. But then, he never thinks anything through.

Posted by Jeff at 12:21 AM | Comments (21)

December 09, 2005

MOVIES NOBODY HEARD OF: GALAXIS

GALAXIS aka Galactic Force, Star Crystal, Terminal Force

Cast: Brigitte Nielsen, Richard (Night Court) Moll, John H. Brennan, Craig Fairbrass

Plot: "She came on a mission from a distant place, where the inhabitants are being exterminated by an evil intergalactic rogue. Her quest: secure the power source that will save her civilization. To that end, nothing & no one can stop her."

Review: "Apparently, Los Angeles is the temporal & dimensional center point of all time & space. How many time travel movies involve LA? Beast Master 2, Time Runner, Future War, Trancers, Trancers 2, & far more than that I can recall off the top of my head."

Amazon review: "This utter waste of time & money should have been used to feed starving children in Tasmania."

Joe Bob Briggs: "They’re trying to make you think it’s Galaxina, because there’ve been a whole bunch of sexy spacewoman movies, beginning with Barbarella. The most famous one besides Barbarella is Galaxina. But this isn’t Galaxina, this is Galaxis, originally released under the title Star Crystal & then they changed it to Terminal Force & then they changed it to Galactic Force. And still nobody wanted to see it."

Quote: "Resistance is futile."

Viewer comment: "Terrible acting, has-been stars, cheap effects, ripping off other films left & right. Her costume is quite appealing, even though she wasn't in the best shape & it shows through the tight leather."

Trivia: Nielsen is 6'1" 41DD-23½-37. Nemesis is played by Night Court's Richard Moll, 6'7½". In March, Nielsen married for 6th time, to a man 16 years younger, even though she's still married to her 5th husband. Denies sex romp with Arab prince who ponied up $1 million for her.

Dreadful Preview Here. The Making of Galaxis. Brigitte Nielsen's Dateline.

Posted by Jeff at 12:06 AM | Comments (5)

May 21, 2005

AND NOW FOR ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW...

SWISH Star Wars is So Horrible: "We are at the helm of a diverse, multi-racial, multi-gender, multi-age, multi-height, multi-talented, multi-multi movement of people mobilized against Star Wars." Offers clothing line.

Star Wars is Satan's Tool: "This is no mindless entertainment, but an attempt by DEMONS to distract you from your real mission on planet Earth, to give yourself to Jesus! Do not trust a Yodah [sic] puppet from Satan’s dream factory, trust in the Word of the Bible!" Related: Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy For America's Youth

78 Reasons to Hate Episode I Reason #14: "How can there always be a bigger fish? It's a lot like God making a boulder so heavy that he couldn't lift it. I think this will one day be the focus of a great deal of University philosophical debate."

64 Reasons to Hate Episode II Reason #8 Jedispeak: " "Master Yoda, we're out of Pop Tarts." "Oooh? So certain are you? Always the Pop Tarts can not be found." "But I looked in the cupboard & it's empty." "Empty the cupboard is not. Absent of food it is. As 'empty' the same it is not."

50 Reasons Why Jedi Sucks Reason #4: "It's just a bunch of Muppets!"

40 Reasons Why the Franchise is from the Dark Side Reason #3 The Woodenness: "As Harrison Ford said to Lucas, You can type this shit, George, but you sure can't say it."

Star Wars Bites Ass Latest message: "Check out this drunk girl..."

Star Wars Episode I - It Sucks So Bad: "What is this crap with the midichlorians??"

Anti-Luke "This is a club for those of us that have hated Luke Skywalker since he whined about having to 'Go to the tachi station to pick up some power converters.'"

Why Star Wars Sucks: "Do yourself a favor, go watch a real classic like Spaceballs."

Maddox on Episode I: "What's with Darth Maul dying? I thought he'd be murdering children & lepers throughout the whole movie, but he turns out to be some nancy boy that gets his ass kicked."

Star Wars Sucks T-Shirts: "Our printers refused to make it for fear of being sued."

Can Episode III Be Saved?: "Fire Lucas as director. Fire Lucas the writer, who has not come up with a single witty phrase in 4 hours of prequel. Fire Hayden Christensen, whose single emotive capacity is sullen petulance. Get rid of Natalie Portman, who has all the regal presence of a mallrat shopping at her local Fashion Bug."

Angry Reviews "Stupid movies really PISS me off! Especially Star Wars. This group might as well be called I HATE STAR WARS!"

F*ck Star Wars: "star wars sucks major balls, i cant stand u people who enjoy this shit. u should all eat shit & die."

Attack of the Star Wars Holiday Special: Little-known embarrassment that aired only once, Nov.17, 1978. Mind-boggling supporting cast includes Art Carney, Bea Arthur, & Harvey Korman. Also SW Holiday Special: "We feel that there are a lot of good or enjoyable aspects about the Holiday Special that are often overlooked."

How A Nice Little Saga About Fatherly Love Became An Elitist's Indoctrination Hate Screed: Ewoks ("merchandise pornography); Jar Jar Binks ("I be so happy to be yo' niggah, boss!); C-3PO ("Would someone mind explaining how C-3PO could forget to mention he had been created by Darth Vader & knew all about his turn to evil?") UPDATE: For last point, see Ace's #6 item here

How to Deal With Star Wars Fanatics: "Make unsettling insinuations about George Lucas. Try Isn't he involved in some sort of DNA-cloning controversy? or I hear he only talks to his mother via a TV monitor, or I read he said Star Wars was written for people who hate sex."

The Jar Jar Hate Ring Includes Die Jar Jar Binks, Die; National Assn for the Extermination of the Gungun Race; Jar Jar Binks Ate My Balls

Star Wars Despots vs Star Trek Populists: "Why is George Lucas peddling an elitist, anti-democratic agenda under the guise of escapist fun?"

Star Wars Widows: Ex-wife: "I grew to hate it. We never did anything together anymore. He always had a Star Wars excuse for everything."

Why Star Wars Sucks: "I'd rather watch Howard The Duck!"

Revenge of the Stiff: "George Lucas could release a film of himself taking a big, steaming dump onto the face of a bound, naked Cub Scout, & the dorks of the world would proclaim it epochal & timeless."

New Yorker: "A distinct improvement on the last 2 episodes, in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion."

Debra Saunders: "If only Hitler had sired a son. Then, after the Blitzkrieg & the Holocaust, Hitler might have had that redefining moment that would have gotten him in touch with his paternal inner self."

The Parade of Unfortunate Star Wars Costumes

Posted by Jeff at 01:35 PM | Comments (29)

May 12, 2005

TOO HIP

Do you think this has anything to do with this? Hollywood screenwriters have filed a class action suit, saying the industry discriminates against writers over 40, placing a premium on youth & hipness:

"Nearly 75 percent of writers within the guild age 30 or younger were employed in 1997, vs. 46 percent of those in their 40s and 32 percent of those in their 50s."

This goes a long way towards explaining the sorry product coming out of Hollywood in today's dumbed-down, youth-oriented market. Writing is a craft that takes years to learn, & having something to say about the human condition is something that requires some living. It also dovetails with the very low status of writers in Hollywood, which falls somewhere below spokesmodels.

Today writing isn't even viewed as a particular talent. When Sean Penn or Wilmer Valderrama announces they're writing a script, no one bats an eye, because anyone can do it, right? But imagine the reaction if Joe Eszterhas or Roger Simon announced they were going to star in a movie - are they crazy, have they had any training??

A random list of scripts that would have had trouble in today's Hollywood because the writers were over the hill:

Rainman by Ron Bass (written at age 46)
A Fish Called Wanda by John Cleese (49)
Kramer vs Kramer by Robert Benton (47)
The Jazz Singer by Alfred Cohn (47)
Norma Rae by Harriet Frank (62)
Midnight Cowboy by Waldo Salt (55)
True Grit by Marguerite Roberts (64)
Deathtrap by Jay Allen (60)
They Shoot Horses Don't They by James Poe (48) & Robert Thompson (43)
Alice's Restaurant by Arthur Penn (47)
Bridge on the River Kwai by Michael Wilson & Carl Foreman (both 43)
Vertigo by Samuel Taylor (46)
Patton by Edmund North (59)
North by Northwest by Ernest Lehman (44)
Network by Paddy Chayefsky (53)
The Apartment by Billy Wilder (54) & I.A.L. Diamond (40)
Hannah & Her Sisters by Woody Allen (51)
Bladerunner by David Peoples (42)
Gone With the Wind by Sidney Howard (48)
American Beauty by Alan Ball (42)
The Crying Game by Neil Jordan (42)
Chariots of Fire by Colin Welland (47)
Dog Day Afternoon by Frank Pierson (50)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind by Charlie Kaufman (46)
Gosford Park by Julian Fellowes (52)
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner by William Rose (49)
Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks (48)
In the Heat of the Night by Sterling Silliphant (54)
Cape Fear by James Webb (52)
The Pianist by Ron Harwood (68)
The Great Dictator by Charlie Chaplin (51)
Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo (66)
The Philadelphia Story by Donald Ogden Stewart (46)
Missing by Costa Gavras (49) & Donald Stewart (52)
The Best Years of Our Lives by Robert E. Sherwood (50)
McCabe & Mrs. Miller by Robert Altman (46) & Brian McKay (45)
The Postman Always Rings Twice by Harry Ruskin (52)
Imitation of Life by Eleanore Griffin (55) & Allan Scott (53)
San Francisco by Anita Loos (48)
Casualties of War by David Rabe (49)
Gaslight by John Balderston (55), John Van Druten (43), & Walter Reisch (41)
The African Queen by James Agee (42) & John Huston (45)
When Harry Met Sally by Nora Ephron (48)
Strangers on a Train by Raymond Chandler (63) & Whitfield Cook (42)
The Turning Point by Arthur Laurents (59)
Notorious by Ben Hecht (52), Alfred Hitchcock (47), & Clifford Odets (40)
The French Lieutenant's Woman by Harold Pinter (51)
Shadow of a Doubt by Thorton Wilder (46) & Alma Reville (aka Mrs. Alfred Hitchcock, 44) & Sally Benson (46)
Scent of a Woman by Bo Goldman (60)
The Three Faces of Eve by Nunnally Johnson (60)
The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty (45)
The Talk of the Town by Dale Van Every (46)
MASH by Ring Lardner Jr (55)
The Bad Seed by John Lee Mahin (54)
Mata Hari (Garbo) by Leo Birinsky (49) & Benjamin Glazer (44)
The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Howard Estabrook (60) & Thornton Wilder (47)
Road to Morocco by Frank Butler (52) & Don Hartman (42)
The Russians Are Coming by William Rose (48)
Pennies from Heaven by Dennis Potter (46)
The Grifters by Donald Westlake (57)

Posted by Jeff at 12:51 AM | Comments (26)

May 06, 2005

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN: IF YOU LOVED ALEXANDER...

mousse or gel: only eva green knows for sure

Ever since 9/11, liberals have been struggling with the problem that - as pointed out by Michael Walzer, editor of the left-wing Dissent - jihad can't fit into liberal ideology. One of the tenets of modern liberalism is the supposed conflict between the corrupt West & the innocent Third World, an idea that stems from Rousseau's 'noble savage' sulk.

Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven gives the Crusades the Rousseau treatment with murderous Westerners & pacifist Muslims, but this is only possible if you're selective about history. The First Crusade was launched in 1096, but Muslims conquered Christian Syria & Palestine in the 7th Century, invaded Spain in 712, & would have put the sword to Europe had they not been defeated at Tours (732). Some views on the film:

Ridley Scott: "There is no escaping the parallels with our time, when leaders who try to make peace are admired, but their efforts are subverted by more radical factions."

Hollywood Reporter: "A timely reminder that in the conflict between Christianity & Islam it was the Christians who picked the first fight."

Village Voice: "Can you make a film about the Crusades & pretend that the Christian invaders aren't mortally responsible for the world's longest-running imperialistic carnage? The catapult-shelling of Jerusalem is as close to the full-on bombing of Baghdad as American audiences will ever have to tolerate."

Mick LaSalle: "The West was wrong, the West lost, & this is not the era in which to expect Western audiences to embrace the sight of Muslim armies chopping up Christian invaders ... an intelligent and highly topical epic." [ LaSalle a big Fahrenheit 9/11 fan, a typical Left Coast liberal who has no idea how his politics intrude on his aesthetics.]

New Yorker: "A rambling, hollow show about a boy."

Salon: "Doesn't even have the cheerful ludicrousness of Troy & Alexander."

UK Guardian: "Uneasily like Scott's Black Hawk Down: an attempt to acknowledge a flawed military adventure, but fundamentally hamstrung by a deep reluctance to make our heroes look bad in any real way." [Another liberal canard: the Mogadishu raid was assisting a UN humanitarian effort to end genocide. Clinton's pullout was not a victory for noble Third Worlders, but for genocide]

Variety: "Correctly pins the lion's share of the blame for reigniting hostilities on a couple of rash Christian belligerents."

Seattle Weekly: "The Islamic characters are implicitly racist in their sentimental two-dimensionality. They're not characters, they're Christians' wishful thinking about how Muslims should be."

William Arnold: "Its best scene, in which Saladin explains how Jerusalem means both nothing & everything to all involved, is a very compelling argument for the growing contention that the city should be internationalized & administered for all faiths by the United Nations." [This is a growing contention?? Go here to see William Arnold's take on Fahrenheit 9/11]

UK Telegraph: "If you thought the Crusades were really about Christians & Muslims being nice to one another, this is the film for you."

Michael Wilmington: "Gargantuan ... a gorgeously shot anti-war battle epic." [Wilmington another big Fahrenheit 9/11 fan]

Rolling Stone: "The film is not anti-Muslim, it's anti-fanaticism. Scott's up against the same core contradiction as the U.S. in Iraq: How do you justify the spectacle of bloody carnage while preaching the gospel of give peace a chance?"

East Bay Express: "Phony & manipulative. Kingdom's wishful thinking about Crusader pacifism & Islamic mercy just doesn't wash."

Film Freak: "Leave it to the liberals to make a film so afraid to offend that it pisses everybody off."

Phil Villareal: "By the time the slow-motion plot creeps into its last hour, the film has become a Monty Python-like self satire."

NY Observer: "A tower of politically correct Jello."

Philadelphia Daily News: "The movie threatens to become Dances With Muslims."

Roger Ebert: "Better than Gladiator; deeper, more thoughtful, more about human motivation & less about action."

Atlanta Journal Constitution: "A blood-for-oil situation where greedy men use pumped-up & often pretend religious zealotry to cloak their lust for land & gold."

San Jose Mercury News: "The Crusades lasted over 200 years, which is longer than Kingdom of Heaven, although not by much."

Carrie Rickey: "A doughnut with Bloom as its hole."

Kenneth Turan: "An impressive film that resonates with lessons for an age when Crusaders in American uniforms are trying to save the Middle East from itself one more time." [Turan also a Fahrenheit 9/11 fan]

Reeltalk: "There's no consideration for the complexity of the driving forces behind Christian & Muslim motives & politics here -- just plain-faced moralizing."

Decent Films: "Could largely be described as the failure of moderate Christians to restrain fanatical Christians from oppressing innocent Muslims, thereby provoking justifiable Muslim retaliation." [Good historical background here.]

Fantastica Daily: "Can you imagine Hollywood producing a film this sympathetic to ancient German or Japanese warriors at the height of World War II? A historical epic totally destroyed by the infusion of contemporary political correctness & left-wing revisionist history."

Fred Topel: "Epics for Dummies."

For more background, see Whitewash: the CAIR Seal of Approval; Jihad Begot the Crusades

Posted by Jeff at 08:47 AM | Comments (24)

May 03, 2005

THE BIRDS IS COMING BACK

THE BIRDS MOVIE POSTER; PUBLICITY SHOT OF TIPPI HEDREN

Universal is planning a remake of Hitchcock's The Birds & people are upset. Original star Tippi Hedren:

"It's appalling, To take a work of art like that & try to copy it is like trying to imitate the Mona Lisa. To challenge a monster of cinema like Hitchcock is such a pompous thing to do. Hitchcock could terrify audiences & keep them in suspense. Nobody can make that film today & produce the same level of fear in an audience."

Hedren did, however, do a cameo bit in a forgettable 'sequel' The Birds II: Lands End. The new film won't be a remake per se, & will be based on the Daphne du Maurier story, from which Hitchcock took only the main idea. Du Maurier wrote it in 1952 & set it on a desolate strip of the Cornish coast:

"The idea for the story was born on my daily walks along the Cornish cliffs. I would see the farmer plowing his fields, his tractor followed by flocks of gulls screaming & crying. As they dived for worms & insects, I thought, Suppose they stop being interested in worms?"

The farmer in the story, Nat Hocken, intuits some connection between the bird attacks & the rising/falling of the tides. Through the radio, he learns that London is under siege, & the harrowing tale ends with Nat's family barricaded in farmhouse:

"Nat listened to the tearing sound of splintering wood, & wondered how many million years of memory were stored in those little brains, behind the stabbing beaks, the piercing eyes, now giving them this instinct to destroy mankind with all the deft precision of machines..."

Hitchcock's film was panned when it came out, with critics comparing Hitch's newest discovery, Tippi Hedren, unfavorably with Grace Kelly. Camille Paglia, in her book-length essay on The Birds, praises Hedren's economy of movement (from her modeling background), especially the classic scene where Hedren smokes elegantly while crows gather behind her on a playground (video link).

Tippi Hedren on Hitch's disdain for method acting: "When I heard that Sean Connery was going to be my leading man in Marnie, I said, Hitch, how am I supposed to react so coldly to this very handsome, absolutely marvelous man? And he said, It's called acting."

Suzanne Pleshette: "One day I got a blonde hairpiece, & I put it on, & I said, My agents are insecure. They think you prefer blondes. And he said, Take it off. You look like a female impersonator." Pleshette on Hitch's loyal assistant/henchwoman Peggy Robertson: "She would come & say to me, Don't put your cigarette out in your eggs. He hates eggs, & he hates cigarettes, & frankly, he hates you."

"Jessica Tandy, the mother, has one good moment, when she discovers a body & runs voicelessly out of the house & across the yard. Suzanne Pleshette as a local schoolteacher is unobjectionable. The rest of the cast are offensively bad." Stanley Kaufman, the New Republic (4/13/63). The Birds trivia:

• Nominated for Best Optical Effects Oscar, but lost to Cleopatra, which Hitchcock dismissed as 'Nothing, just quantities of people & scenery.'

• Had no musical score, only electronic effects by Hitch's favorite composer, Bernard Herrmann

• Hitch proposed never-filmed ending in which survivors flee to San Francisco, ending on shot of Golden Gate Bridge covered with birds

• Veronica Cartwright, who played adolescent Cathy, was sister of Angela Cartwright (Sound of Music, Lost in Space). As adult, Veronica appeared in sci-fi/horror films Alien, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Witches of Eastwick, & received Emmy nomination for The X Files

• 15-second shot of birds descending on Bodega Bay took 3 months to complete as birds were painted in frame by frame

• Famous movie poster of woman with hands over head is actually shot of Jessica Tandy, with hair painted blonde & dress painted green to resemble Hedren

• Hedren won Golden Globe for Most Promising Female Newcomer, along with Ursula Andress for Dr. No & Elke Sommer for The Prize.

• Wall clock inng scene shows same time asng of Psycho, 2:43PM

• Screenwriter Evan Hunter hated film's ending, which he called 'that mosaic of 3407 pieces of film.'

• Daphne du Maurier disliked the film & particularly changing the setting from rural Cornwall to small-town America.

• Hedren responsible for inflicting daughter, actress Melanie Griffith, on unsuspecting world

NY Times Movie Review April 1 1963; Truffaut on Hitchcock; Scare Tactics; The Sound of One Wing Flapping; Evan Hunter's Script for The Birds ; Advertising Hitch: Fascinating Compendium of Hitch Movie Posters in All Languages; TippiHedren.net (more interesting stuff); Swinging Chicks: Tippi Hedren; Hitch's Cameos

Posted by Jeff at 12:42 AM | Comments (15)

April 28, 2005

WHITEWASH: THE CAIR SEAL OF APPROVAL

Via LGF, we learn that the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) has given its seal of approval to Ridley Scott's new Crusader epic, Kingdom of Heaven. Unindicted spokesman for CAIR: "Muslims are shown as dignified & proud people whose lives are based on ethics & morality." Who is CAIR?

Founded 1994 by former officials of Islamic Association for Palestine, Hamas front group. Exec. Director Nihad Awad declared himself Hamas supporter in 1994. Cofounder Omas Ahmad praised suicide bombers & said "Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faiths, but to become dominant."

CAIR advisory board member Siraj Wahhaj: named as coconspirator in plot to blow up NY landmarks. At large

CAIR fundraiser Radih Haddad: co-founder of Global Relief Foundation, shut down by US on terror charges. Deported

Community relations director Bassem Khafagi: pled guilty on immigration & bank-fraud charges. Deported.

Randall Todd Royer, communications specialist at CAIR HQ: pled guilty to belonging to terrorist group & illegally acquiring firearms & explosives for terrorist missions. Sentenced to 20 years

Ghassen Elashi, founding member of Texas chapter: convicted of conspiracy & money-laundering in connection with shipment of high-technology items to Syria & Libya; recently convicted of sending money to Hamas leader Mousa Harbook

Given its pedigree, it's ironic that CAIR pitched a fit over TV show 24's portrayal of actual Muslim terrorists in the US. But the PC police are very powerful in Hollywood. For the film version of Tom Clancy's Sum of All Fears, the villains were changed from Palestinian terrorists to neo-Nazis. For this year's The Interpreter, the villains' home was moved from the Middle East to Africa.

Barry Unsworth's novel Sacred Hunger included an English slave ship bartering for slaves with African slave merchants. This is historically accurate: when the Portuguese arrived in Africa, Arabs had been trading for African slaves for 1000 years. Yet Hollywood film backers said they would not fund the movie version if it showed black slave traders. Spielberg's Amistad omitted the fact that the slave Cinque returned to Africa & became a wealthy slaver himself.

Perhaps CAIR liked Kingdom of Heaven because the filmmakers already excised scenes of Muslim warriors spitting on the True Cross & other unacceptable material after a Muslim professor complained. (No doubt this editing was coincidental.)

Ghassan Massoud, who plays Saladin, said he wouldn't participate in any film (or scene - he demanded changes) that perpetuated negative stereotypes of Muslims, & wanted to show the 'facets' of Saladin: "Saladin fights battles, but he also enters into dialogue. We want to show that dialogue can be much better than war. Today, America has overwhelming force but it is as if they don't want to build a dialogue."

Writer Paul Williams notes that Saladin's facets included ordering mass beheadings of prisoners & selling others as slaves.

A NY Times piece on the film notes "Muslims are portrayed as bent on coexistence until Christian extremists ruin everything." Coexistence: the First Crusade was launched in 1096. Prior to that, Muslims conquered Syria (635), Palestine (638), Persia (642), Eqypt (642), North Africa (642-698), Kabul (711), the Indus region (712), Samarkand (712), Spain (712), Toulouse (721), Kyrgyzstan (751, Chinese army defeated), & Armenia (1071).

Muslim expansion into Europe was only stopped when the French defeated them at Tours (732). Someone should tell French actress Eva Green, who says, "It's not like a stupid Hollywood movie. It's a movie with substance. I hope it will wake up people in America ... to be more tolerant, moretoward the Arab people."

Ridley Scott: "I am trying to get across the fact that not everybody in the West is a good guy, & not all Muslims are bad."

Advance review: "It's as disposable as they come. It's led by an actor who has no business leading films like this, Orlando Bloom. When he shares the screen with such proven talents as Jeremy Irons, Brendan Gleeson & David Thewlis he's just unable to hold his own. It's just another failed attempt to add to the pile of instantly forgettable blockbusters."

UPDATE: Zombietime has good post on the politics surrounding the making of Kingdom of Heaven. Interestingly, he links news items noting bomb threats on the Moroccan set, because elsewhere Ridley Scott denies this: "I have been asked, Weren't you threatened? Absolutely not. That's the tabloid press in Europe spreading stories & they are the worst thing."

Anti-CAIR.org; Censorship Then & Now; Complete Idiot's Guide to Crusades; Eva Green: Frog of the Month

Posted by Jeff at 12:26 PM | Comments (35)

April 15, 2005

GREAT MOMENTS IN TURKISH FASHION

Fosforlu Cevriyem, 1969. Click pic for even more lurid scene. Starring film legend Turkan Soray. Probably one of those pics you can enjoy even without subtitles.

Posted by Jeff at 07:23 AM | Comments (4)

January 12, 2005

Surfing Hobbiton scene cut from Return of the King: Dominic Monaghan (Merry), Sean Astin (Sam), Elijah Wood (Frodo), & Billy Boyd (Pippin). Upcoming projects:

ELIJAH WOOD

Happy Feet: Wood does voice of Mumbles, computer animated dancing penguin. With Brittany Murphy. 2006
Hooligans: An expelled Harvard boy moves to England where he's drawn into violent soccer club subculture. 2006
Everything is Illuminated, based on Jonathan Safran Foer's novel about an American Jew who travels to the Ukraine in an old Trabant, searching for woman who saved his grandfather from Nazis. Aug 12 2005
Sin City: Hypervisual Robert Rodriguez film based on Frank Miller's dark comics (with Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, & Rutger Hauer). April 1 2005

DOMINIC MONAGHAN

Lost: Plays Charlie on ABC TV series
The Purifiers: Scottish martial arts West Side Story. Guardian review: "A humourless, tensionless mess of a kung-fu movie about gangs of handsome teenagers back-flipping around shadowy, futuristic retail parks." No US release date.
Shooting Livien: Dark indie about a disintegrating rock singer. Debuts at South by Southwest Film Festival in Austin March 11 2005.

SEAN ASTIN

Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom Dancing & Charm School: About a man who takes a dying man's wish too far & assumes his identity. With Marisa Tomei, John Goodman, Donnie Wahlberg, Sonia Braga, & Danny Devito. Sundance, Jan 2005.
Thanks to Gravity: As HS debating coach. With CSI Miami's Adam Rodriguez aka one of People's Sexiest Men Alive. Fall 2005
Slipstream: Sci-fi about a scientist who uses time-travel meme to rob a bank. London Sci-Fi Film Festival Feb 2005
Mark Twain's Greatest Adventure: More time travel - Astin as HG Wells, who allies himself with Samuel Clemens, Arthur Conan Doyle, & Jules Verne to stop a villain. Pre-production.
Once in a Lifetime: Ghastly-sounding weeper about washed up baseball player & a kid with leukemia. Dec 17 2005
Smile: Filming in China, about relationship between American & Chinese teens. No release date
Bigger Than the Sky, aka Caught in the Act: With mom Patty Duke in tale of luckless man who no acting ability who ends up in community theater production of Cyrano. No release date

BILLY BOYD

Seed of Chucky: With psycho-cutie Jennifer Tilly. 2004
On a Clear Day: About a man determined to swim the English Channel. With Brenda Blethyn. Sundance, Jan 2005

See also Elijah Wood is Very Very Gay. Surfing pic from xteme LOTR gallery at Czech Rings site Pan Prstenu

Posted by Jeff at 10:20 AM | Comments (0)

August 31, 2004

HERO: GORGEOUS PROPAGANDA?

In Zhang Yimou's Hero, last week's #1 film in America, Hong Kong matinee idol Jet Li is Nameless, a mysterious stranger who engages a battle of wits with the Emperor. Li spins a series of pastel tales thatone into another, like Chinese boxes, as the Emperor & the audience try to puzzle out truth from lies.

Yimou drenches - some would say smothers - the movie in sensual poetry: sheets of arrows riddling a garrison, Maggie Cheung's swirling many-colored silk sleeves, a balletic duel across the surface tension of a lake, raindrops, blood-red leaves. Images crowd out the characters, & only Tony Leung, with his heartbreak eyes, & scene-thief Zhang Ziyi manage to hold their own.

Is it a fascist movie? In the film, an assassin aborts a plot against the Emperor, concluding that the kingdom needs a strong hand. Yimou: "My idea was to convey the message of peace." Li: "It talks about how violence is not the only solution." It does? This is a movie made in Communist China, a totalitarian state where only ghosts bear witness to Tienanmen Square, & filmmakers can only comment on society via metaphor & the panorama of antiquity.

The message of the film isn't pacifist, it's passivist (much like America's confused 'antiwar' crowd), its rebels finally endorsing the iron fist of the Emperor, a brutal warlord with imperial ambitions. No wonder Beijing likes this message of peace. American movie reviewers - one hesitates to call them critics - who previously gushed all over Agitprop 9/11, have been just as forgiving to Hero. Notable exceptions:

Joshua Tanzer, OffOffOff: "A beautiful parchment on which is written, in the most elegant calligraphy, a manifesto for evil."
Andy Klein, LA Citybeat: "The moral of Hero supports all the worst aspects of Chinese communism, disguised as support for the 'benevolent despotism' of the First Emperor."
Jeffrey Chen, Window to the Movies: "If we follow this logic through, we could find ourselves pitying any fascist-leaning dictator who believes peace is only achievable through means of forced submission."
J.Hoberman, Village Voice: "There's more than a bit of Leni Riefenstahl. Hero's vast imperial sets, its glorification of ruthless leadership and self-sacrifice on the altar of national greatness, are all redolent of fascinatin' fascism."

Don't get me wrong, it's amazing artistry, & I tend to Oscar Wilde's view: "There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well-written, or badly written." Hero is well-crafted propaganda. It's also a wrenching love story. CAST:

Jet Li: Born Beijing 1963. Began studying wushu in 1st grade. Won 1st martial arts gold medal at age 11. Performed for Richard Nixon on White House lawn in 1974. Paid 12¢ a day for 1st movie 25 years ago. Manager shot to death by organized crime. Pissed off Jackie Chan with High Risk, which featured no-talent sellout actor played by 'Jacky Cheung'. Turned down lead in Crouching Tiger because wife pregnant. Next up: Unleashed, aka Danny the Dog, with Morgan Freeman.

Maggie Cheung: Born Hong Kong 1964. Family moved to England in 1972. Runner-up 1983 Miss Hong Kong. Has made over 80 films. Best Actress, Cannes 2004 for Clean, directed by ex-husband Olivier Assayas. Memorable movies: Irma Vep, In the Mood for Love. Next up: sci-fi 2046.

Tony Leung: Born Hong Kong 1962. Quit school at 15 to work as paper boy. Tempestuous tabloid love life. Best Actor Cannes 2000 for In the Mood for Love (with Maggie Cheung). Played gay expatriate in Buenos Aires in Happy Together (Cannes Best Director 1997) with Cantonese pop star Leslie Cheung (Farewell My Concubine), who committed suicide last year. Also memorable: Infernal Affairs, Chungking Express. Next up: sci-fi 2046 (with Maggie Cheung & Gong Li).

Zhang Ziyi: Born Beijing 1979. Trained as dancer, joined Beijing Dance Academy at 15. Zhang Yimou cast her in first movie The Road Home. Rumors of affair led Chinese press to dub her Little Gong Li, after Yimou's previous dalliance/protege Gong Li. Ang Lee passed over more well-known Hong Kong actresses to cast her in Crouching Tiger (Best Actress, Toronto Film Festival). Next up: Memoirs of a Geisha with (gulp) Gong Li.

For a remarkably stupid take, see Liza Bear's interview with Yimou, in which she's not just oblivious to fascist overtones, but tries to connect red, white, & blue color sequences to American 'empire'. Also see detailed report on Human Rights Violations in China

Posted by Jeff at 12:32 PM | Comments (1)

June 27, 2004

A TALE OF TWO MOVIES: FAHRENHEIT 9/11 VS PASSION OF THE CHRIST

A.O. Scott, New York Times:

F9/11: Mr. Moore's populist instincts have never been sharper...he is a credit to the republic.

Passion: Gibson has exploited the popular appetite for terror and gore for what he and his allies see as a higher end.

Michael Wilmington, Chicago Tribune:

F9/11: Received both the first prize and the longest continuous standing ovation in the history of the Cannes Film Festival and it wasn't because of some cliched French antipathy to America.

Passion: Lacks artistic and even spiritual balance.

William Arnold, Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

F9/11: A masterful job of ridiculing the personality, intellect and employment resumé of George W. Bush ... could well become the docu-equivalent of "The Passion of the Christ" and even affect the presidential election.

Passion: Despite Gibson's claim that he's finally telling "the true story," his movie strikes me as less faithful to the Gospels than the earlier Christ movies. Crammed full of scenes and dialogue and minor characters that he's completely made up.

Jami Bernard, NY Daily News:

F9/11: I was in tears after first seeing "Fahrenheit" at Cannes.

Passion: The most virulently anti-Semitic movie made since the German propaganda films of World War II.

Ty Burr, Boston Globe

F9/11: Should be seen because it takes off the gloves and wades into the fray, because it synthesizes the anti-Bush argument like no other work before it, and because it forces you to decide for yourself exactly where passion starts to warp point of view.

Passion: If you come seeking theological subtlety, let alone such modern inventions as psychological depth, you'll walk away battered and empty-handed

David Edelstein, Slate:

F9/11: After the screening, a friend railed that Moore was exploiting a mother's grief. I suggested that the scene made moral sense in the context of the director's universe, that the exploitation is justified if it saves the lives of other mothers' sons.

Passion: A two-hour-and-six-minute snuff movie—The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre—that thinks it's an act of faith.

[Note: Mr. Edelstein feels this quote misrepresents his review. You decide.]

David Elliott, San Diego Union Tribune:

F9/11: He spends time with a caring, patriotic woman reduced to near-ruin when her son is killed in Iraq. And shows how Iraqi mothers respond, too. Call that "demagogic," if you have an agenda in place of a conscience.

Passion: "Single-mindedness is all very well in cows or baboons," wrote Aldous Huxley, but "(for those) claiming to belong to the same species as Shakespeare, it is simply disgraceful."

Eric Harrison, Houston Chronicle:

F9/11: (Moore) is an indispensable treasure, and his imperfections are part of the reason, because they mark him as real.

Passion: It's awful because everything he knows about storytelling has been swept aside by proselytizing zeal.

J.Hoberman, Village Voice:

F9/11: Let us not forget that Dana Carvey did more than anyone in America, save Ross Perot, to drive Bush père from the White House. There are sequences in Fahrenheit 9/11 so devastatingly on target as to inspire the thought that Moore might similarly help evict the son.

Passion: Sitting through the film's garishly staged suffering, one might well ponder the millions of people—victims of crusades, inquisitions, colonial conquests, the slave trade, political terror, and genocide—who have been tortured and killed in Christ's name.

Ann Hornaday, Washington Post:

F9/11: Moore exercises admirable forbearance ... his finest artistic moment.

Passion: Gibson has exhibited a startling lack of concern for historical context.

Mick LaSalle, SF Chronicle:

F9/11: What both exalts the experience and grounds the picture is Moore's essentially patriotic faith that a sincere, invested argument can get a hearing in America.

Passion: The story doesn't make Gibson bigger; he makes it smaller.

Tom Long, Detroit News:

F9/11: A film every citizen of voting age in America should see.

Passion: The feel-awful movie of a lifetime, a filmed bloodletting like no other on record.

Eric Lurio, Greenwich Village Gazette:

F9/11: Every Independent voter should see this movie and vote for Kerry

Passion: A snuff film.

Geoff Pevre, Toronto Star:

F9/11: A plea for America's deliverance ... it may not be an argument one agrees with, and it may be unbalanced and propagandistic, but it is both convincingly argued and sincerely motivated.

Passion: A work of fundamentalist pornography.

Rex Reed, New York Observer:

F9/11: There are multitudes of shattering, seminal moments in his brilliant Bush-whacking documentary.

Passion: A movie that doesn’t say much of anything new. Been there, done that, and you know how it all comes out already.

Carrie Rickey, Philadelphia Inquirer:

F9/11: A magnificent piece of filmmaking.

Passion: The first spiritual splatter film.

James Rocchi, Netflix:

F9/11: None of this is pretty. But it is real, in a way that we rarely get from major news outlets.

Passion: A horrifyingly violent, grisly film about state-sponsored torture and execution.

David Sterrit, Christian Science Monitor:

F9/11: Is the label "documentary" appropriate for thisy activist movie? Of course it is, unless you cling to some idealized notion of "objective" film.

Passion: The highly selective screenplay includes only a few of Jesus' words, spoken in occasional flashback scenes.

Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times:

F9/11: Moore makes a persuasive and unrelenting case that there is another way to look at things beyond the version we've been given.

Passion: A film so narrowly focused as to be inaccessible for all but the devout.

James Verniere, Boston Herald:

F9/11: At a time when the film industry is turning out sugarcoated, content-free junk, Moore has given American viewers a renewed taste for raw meat.

Passion: An exercise in sadomasochistic bullying.

Jeffrey Westhoff, Northwest Herald:

F9/11: Moore’s greatest contribution to the national debate is that he pulls back the veil on the bloodshed of a war that has been sanitized for the American public’s consumption.

Passion: The worst thing Gibson has done has been to allow his celebrity to eclipse the film

William Wolf, Wolf Entertainment:

F9/11: Anyone watching it might be stirred in the face of the total picture presented, especially on the mess the nation was misled into in what increasingly been coming apparent as a giant, costly fiasco and a diversion from the real fight against terrorism.

Passion: Gibson has every right to any interpretation he chooses and to make the film he envisions. But the rest of us have the right, and perhaps the obligation, to complain about his narrowly focused, extremely violent, ultimately exploitative personal indulgence.

All reviews available at Rotten Tomatoes

Posted by Jeff at 09:03 AM | Comments (0)