October 06, 2007
IT'S A SMALL, SMALL, SMALL FRENCH HELL
French manhood, last seen running screaming for the border in 1940, may be extinct, at least based on the French Top 40. Uber-regulated xenophobic laws mandate 40% of radio songs must be in French. This has spawned a bizarre cottage industry of massively popular state-subsidized nursery-school pop, sing-along ditties performed by toddlers featuring phreakish It's A Small World on acid cartoon videos with zoned-out ET-eyed waifs, rainbows, penguins, gumdrops, & shit-eating hebephrenic grins. The soothing wimp-factor can't-we-all-get-along lyrics surely constitute some from of mass hypnosis. Paris may be burning, but the French are too busy doing the penguin rap. Main players:
Ilona Mitrecey:
Horrid little pedophiliac pin-up scored #1 smash with
gob-smacking nut-shriveling Imagine-ripoff
Un Monde Parfait.
Where's Patsy Ramsey when we need her?
Sebasto:
Must-see horror: rancid, feathered, piss-yellow Barney-wannabe, aka French wog
in a chicken suit.
Fais le poule
reached #2. According to
whack-job conspiracy nutter Juliette Binoche, chicken is
appropriate symbol of French pride.
Holly Dolly:
Sick, scat-singing sexed-up donkey accompanied by dancing sheep, snowman, & other psychoses
(disturbing video
here) went to #4. Also covered pacifist anthem
Don't Worry Be
Happy.
Titou Le Lapinou:
Dancing homosexual rabbit went Top 10.
Video. Also has
dirty word rap.
Ozie Boo: 5
homosexual penguins: Ted, Ed, Ned, Nelly, & Fred. Pacifist propaganda:
Learn to Live
Together. "A place full of tenderness, humor & adventures especially
created for 2-7 year-olds & their families."
Official Ozie Boo
website.
Bebe Lilly.
Odious cartoon baby with 5 Top 10 hits. Current:
Les
Pirates. Also
Bebe Lilly Myspace.
Pinocchio:
Totally gay cartoon version of typical Frenchman whose only erections
are on his face. Scored 3 Top 40 hits in
one
week alone. Video:
T'es Pas Cap
(We Suck, We Know)
Gullia: Xenophobic, English-bashing cartoon hit
Oops! J'aime pas
l'anglais
Florabelle & the Mushroom Family:
Shit-eating diabetes-inducing mantis-eyed waif
with wimp anthem
Love is All, as
well as
Alphabet Rap (supplement to deficient French educational system).
Silly le petit phoque,
(Silly the f*cking little seal) nauseating baby Flipper singing hit song
Boum Boum.
Makes you long for an Eskimo with a cudgel.
Pigloo.
Androgen-deficient baby penguin hit Top 40 six times, including
#1 smash Le Papa
Pingoiun. Also castrates punk classic
Ca Plane Pour Moi
Cocorico:
Bumbling rooster whose cocorico (cock-a-doodle-doo) is symbol of
gonad-deficient French bluster, a "vainglorious cry of naive national pride".
Video.
See also Le Simpsons. Cross-posted at Agent Bedhead.
Posted by Jeff at 07:36 PM | Comments (13)
May 17, 2006
REMEMBERING A DUTCH PATRIOT: PIM FORTUYN
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 AM | Comments (4)
March 29, 2006
PLUGGING THE HOLE IN THE DYKE DIKE
The Netherlands has solved the problem of incorporating 7th Century Muslims into 21st Century Europe: from now on, prospective immigrants will have to watch a public service video featuring homosexuals kissing. Good. That should do it. Imagine the quandary facing Mohammed Whozzit, who's spent his entire life in a morass of poverty, authoritarianism, & medieval superstition:
"Hmmm, should I stay here in this dirt poor kleptocracy whose chief industries are graft & bullshit, eking out a living in the cracks & crevices of the modern world, or should I emigrate to the land of Europlenty, where me & my 3 wives & 12 kids can go on the dole in our own little Shariatown & bully terrified civil servants who jump when I say boo! & who wouldn't dream of forcing their depraved Western values or work ethic on me, even though I might see a couple of sodomites who should be swinging from a gibbet swapping spit?? On the other hand — since our birthrate is measured in exponents & the Dutch birthrate is measured in decimals & the Dutch homo birthrate is exactly zero - let's go!"
Posted by Jeff at 07:09 AM | Comments (3)
February 28, 2006
A CANDLE IN THE DARK
Light a candle for Ilan Halimi, a young French-Moroccan Jew lynched, tortured, & murdered by a Muslim gang. See R.I.P. Ilan Halimi (Via Stefania)
Posted by Jeff at 12:19 PM | Comments (3)
February 24, 2006
R.I.P. ILAN HALIMI 1983 — 2006
"Hundreds of thousands of people crowded on either side of the street, waiting their turn to enter the synagogue. The synagogue's 3000 seats were full, dozens more mourners stood in the aisles & many thousands remained outside & could not get in. During the chilling ceremony, an 8-year-old read the Psalm I will raise my eyes to the mountains, whence will come my help? near a giant picture of Halimi. This Sunday a huge procession in his memory is scheduled to take place in Paris."
Had enough, Europe? Even the left-wing Liberacion says "Hatred of the Jews has left the category of the unacceptable to become something normal - especially in the eyes of many young people." More at Michelle Malkin
In other news, Muslims all over the world did not riot like animals over the lynching of a Jew by a Muslim gang...
Posted by Jeff at 04:12 PM | Comments (11)
December 28, 2005
A LETTER TO OUR FRIENDS IN AUSTRIA
Dear Euroeunuchs,
We were going to expunge Austrian contamination from California, but the cuckoo clock market isn't what it used to be, although we are seeking reparations for that Rock Me Amadeus shit. Don't you people have better things to do, like singing Edelweiss, managing the transition to Sharia law, & discovering the First Amendment?
I'm sure Austria had its moment, like steam engines & Bananarama, but these days you're just the Tori Spelling of Europe, you know - oh, is she still around?? I just hate these pathetic two-bit little has-been states that can't accept that their day in the sun is over, & it's time to retire to infomercials & the slag-heap of history.
Your friend
Jeff
See also Attitude Dancing; Democracy, European Style: "A poll found that over 70% of the public opposed removing Schwarzenegger's name from the stadium."
Posted by Jeff at 12:11 AM | Comments (18)
December 13, 2005
NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS
"Tookie Williams' violent past was well known, but he had become a textbook version of rehabilitation & his execution was a travesty of justice." — Kate Allen, Amnesty International
Posted by Jeff at 03:36 PM | Comments (9)
November 30, 2005
PEACE MOONBEAM GOES TO FRANCE
From the Peace Moonbeam Chronicles, in which our drippy heroine goes to Paris to heal the French intifada:
"When we reached the parking lot we found they had burned our rental car into something that looked like a charcoal briquette. After renting another car, we headed out. While better than the first car, the interior of this one still smelled like a diseased yak marinated in urine. No wonder they like burning these things. We no sooner arrived at our destination than a mob came rushing towards us! They looked just like the angry Palestinians you see on TV only with sweaters tied around their shoulders & really stylish haircuts. In hindsight, trying to placate these marauding Euro-Jihadists by yelling that we were Americans, not French, probably wasn’t the greatest idea ever.
"With the sound of our burning car exploding behind us & the mob at our heels shouting Allah Akbar, we ran for our lives until we came to a gendarme. Screaming for help, we ran inside only to have the officers on duty throw themselves sobbing at our feet while several others waved crude white flags fashioned from what appeared to be their underwear. The rioters came in & pummeled us all before heading to the parking lot to burn the police cars. While we weren’t able to bring an end to this conflict, we still have enjoyed the beauty of Paris, at least what little we can see through the thick clouds of acrid black smoke."
Posted by Jeff at 06:16 AM | Comments (1)
November 08, 2005
SUPPORT THE INSURGENTS! DEFEND BORED YOUTH!
The glorious French insurgency began when disaffected, pissed off, fully subsidized & fairly worthless youths, driven mad by relentless airplay of Un Monde Parfait single by obnoxious brat Ilona Mitrecey (#1 for 14 weeks), began torching fuel-efficient cars to demand that imperialist French police stop leaving them alone.
Things escalated after Sarkozy called the rioters racaille (which can mean either riff-raff, excitable youths, camel-f*ckers, or E.coli) & is now spreading across Europe. Note: This is not about the M-word*! As Michel Moore said, "One man's pyre of Western civilization is another man's youth unrest." Important players (in order of name length):
Valerie Elise Plame Wilson: SHHHHHHH!!!!!
Jacques Rene Chirac: Weaselly triangulator, lunch meat in Sarkozy / Villepin sandwich. Licked Laura Bush.
Johnny Depp: Important intellectual / American expatriate: "France & Europe have a great culture. I'm afraid that American culture is a disaster."
The French army, overextended in Cote d'Ivoire & EuroDisney, called in support from the Foreign Legion (whose soldiers were too busy shagging each other somewhere in the torrid, tempestuous Sahara). UN peacekeepers are being rushed in to file reports while France burns.
Join us tonight in SF, where the usual spotty crowds of shiftless rabble will assemble with signs reading SARKOZY=HITLER, NO BLOOD FOR CREME BRULEE, & VOULEZ VOUS COUCHER AVEC MOI, then proceed to chant incoherently, torch Peugeots, make jackasses of ourselves, & hopefully get laid.
See also Projecte Quel Dommage; Melissa Theuriau Fanpage; the Resistance; Citoyens de France Contre la Racaille
*No, I don't mean Madonna
CORRECTION: We have been informed that the photo of Dominque de Villepin above is actually a photo of American intellectual Jennifer Aniston. Sorry.
UPDATE: ABU GHRAIB ON THE SEINE!!
Posted by Jeff at 12:09 AM | Comments (21)
May 24, 2005
SOPHISTICATED EUROPE: FALLACI ON TRIAL
"WWII Resistance fighter & war correspondent Oriana Fallaci to face trial for insulting the Muslim faith in her latest book. The president of the Muslim Union of Italy says Ms Fallaci has been advocating & spreading hate against Islam & Muslims."
Europe discovered the New World in 1492. When will it stumble across the First Amendment? UPDATE: The silence from the effete literati – about a fellow writer charged with expressing politically incorrect opinions – is thunderous. Just as Hollywood liberals had nothing to say about a Dutch filmmaker murdered for the same thing.
Posted by Jeff at 01:27 PM | Comments (11)
May 04, 2005
WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL FOR US ARMY BULLY
The UN will bring war crimes charges against a US
Army
interpreter who
admits he punched Saddam Hussein in the mouth when the mass
murderer was captured. "You can't just go around hitting people," a
spokesman said. The interpreter could also be
charged with Hate Crimes since he called Hussein a motherf*cker,
an SOB, a rat, a bastard, & spit on him.
UN spokesman: "We will not tolerate spitting."
Originally from Nasiriyah, the interpreter was miffed that Hussein slaughtered thousands of his fellow Shias, & told Hussein he was going to "f*ck him in the ass," so could also be charged with sexual harassment. A UN spokesman, swamped with sex crimes allegations against UN peacekeepers, said "He was a head of state, not some piece of gash."
The tribunal will be convened in the Hague, where the smash-hit war crimes tribunal of Slobodan Milosevic has been running for 3 years & become a cottage industry. "Let's face it," says an insider, "except for war crimes trials, European industry is in the crapper. We're hoping to corner the tribunal market with incentives & gift baskets."
It's hoped more tribunals could ease unemployment & become a tourist magnet like Eurodisney or Audrey Tautou. The EU has no death penalty, but since Hussein is Muslim, the case could be transferred to its new Sharia division, & the trial moved to a Muslim country, possibly Sweden.
Posted by Jeff at 12:34 AM | Comments (15)
March 24, 2005
THE LITTLE TOTALITARIAN
Once there was a little duck named
Giuliana. She said,
When I grow up, I wanna be a totalitarian!
So she joined the Commuducks, whom
many didn't like because
they broke about
100 million eggs & enslaved half a continent.
But Giuliana said Phooey!
She wrote indignant columns for Quack Manifesto, which
wasn't a real newspaper but a party rag.
Quack quack quack! she wrote, shaking with
fury.
When she read the Ameriducks were fighting the Islamoducks, she
was mad. Islamoducks were also totalitarians, so
naturally Giuliana liked them.
She
waddled down to the war, found some Islamoducks, & said I am your friend!
Can you believe they kidnapped
her?
Don't hurt me, hurt an Ameriduck! she said bravely.
Shut up,
bitch, they said, & she did.
A Euroduck could be swapped for lots of cash with which Islamoducks could
break a lot of eggs at police stations & markets & schools.
They put
Giuliana in front of a camera & said, Quack, bitch!
Some Euroducks had too much integrity for this, but not Giuliana.
QUACK QUACK QUACK! she went.
She quacked so well that she ended up fetching a really good price.
Unfortunately, a brave policeman, whose job it
was to bail Giuliana out of the mess she'd made, got killed in the
process; it was, after all, a war & not a playground.
When Giuliana got home, she was famous! People shoved cameras in her
face.
QUACK QUACK QUACK! she said angrily. She was a star!
Of
course, it was too bad a brave policemen was dead, & a lot more soon would be
thanks
to her filthy capitalist ransom.
But as Giuliana always said,
You have to break some
eggs.
Posted by Jeff at 07:18 AM | Comments (24)
February 06, 2005
OH THOSE SOPHISTICATED EUROPEANS!
Posted by Jeff at 01:54 PM | Comments (6)