May 05, 2006

REPRISE: HAPPY SUCKO DE MAYO, SUCKER

Posted by Jeff at 12:07 AM | Comments (2)

May 01, 2006

AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU ARE CRIMINALS...

Posted by Jeff at 12:43 AM | Comments (4)

April 29, 2006

OH SAY CAN YOU SEE BY THE JAIL'S EARLY LIGHT

"Even my record company abandoned me. (only) The gay community continued singing my songs. The transvestites continued imitating me. Against all odds, I love them. They support me & take care of me." — gloria trevi

When last we saw Mexican jailbird songbird Gloria Trevi, she was rotting in a Third World prison like a common street whore. Trevi, who in the 90s was Mexico's most outrageous personality, became famous as a pop singer & 'actress' in films like Zapatos Viejos (which also starred outrageous boxing champ Jorge Paez).

Then, with scumbag manager Sergio Andrade, Trevi became a fugitive from Interpol on charges of child slavery & child prostitution & spent several years in a Brazilian lockup. After an OJ-like circus trial, Trevi was acquitted in 2004 (Andrade was convicted of rape & kidnapping & sentenced to — time served).

Now she's putting her talents to better use, participating in the reconquista of the Star Spangled Banner. Along with [Puerto Ricans] Olga Tanon, Carlos Ponce, [Haitian] Wyclef Jean, & others, Trevi is heard on Nuestro Himno, in which the national anthem is rewritten in Spanish, & includes such PC nuances as avoiding references to bombs & rockets (which the un-PC British used to shell Fort McHenry).

See also Rise & Fall of Mexico's Madonna; Self-aggrandizing Trevi video: En medio de la tempestad. Audio: Nuestro Himno (H/t Fausta)

Posted by Jeff at 01:26 AM | Comments (8)

TAKE ME TO YOUR READER

Following up on my harajuku-Ikea post, in which I suggested the Japanese were from outer space, Russ sends along this essay on the weird-ass country, which observes:

"If you take the conventional gamut of human possibility as running, say, from Canadians to Brazilians, after 10 minutes in the land of the rising sun, you realize the Japs are off the map, out of the game, on another planet. It's not that they're aliens, but they are the people that aliens might be if they'd learnt Human by correspondence course & wanted to slip in unnoticed."

And then there's this:

"If religions were cars, Shinto would be a wheelbarrow.  It lacks the most rudimentary theology. Onto that was grafted Zen Buddhism. Zen is so desiccatedly aesthetic nobody knows what it means. On top of all that, the Japanese chose to add Confucianism. It has been said there’s no such thing as bad philosophy. Confucianism is the exception that proves the rule. Modern Japanese people get born Shinto, married Christian, buried Buddhist & work Mazda. Consequently they believe everything & nothing."

Posted by Jeff at 12:21 AM | Comments (6)

April 20, 2006

THE IKEA MATRIX

Ikea isng one of its hygenic Scandinavian monoliths in Tokyo, which is the sort of living Hell I can't even imagine. The only thing worse than that endless sanitized particle board purgatory of Muzak & bad furniture in hallucinatory rooms that keepng, one into another, like a series of Chinese boxes, would be some Bladerunner-noir Ikea wormhole with sushi bars, Yakuza wives, harajuku girls whose sneers can draw blood, & everywhere tense, compact nuclear clusters of Japanese, of all the people on the planet the ones most likely to be an alien infiltration, who bark sharply at each other in inscrutable cadences that aren't even Indo-European, but turn sinister halogen smiles on foreigners, smiles that say I see you but you can't see me, monkey boy, & conceal not just centuries of clannish isolation but a secret smoldering, fuel-efficient flame for world, if not galactic, domination...

See also How to Secure Screws in Particle Board; Ikeaphobia; Ikea Sucks; Japanese Pedicure. Via Sean

Posted by Jeff at 06:22 AM | Comments (7)