May 15, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES TOPS ANDREW SULLIVAN!
At least on my PC...
Posted by Jeff at 05:40 PM | Comments (3)
May 12, 2006
CUTE, BUBBLY, & EFFER-F*CKING-VESCENT
After complaints about my relentless negativity & cynicism, I'm trying out a fresh new blog name. What do you guys think?
Update: The Belinda Carlisle Story has been retired by popular demand. Philistines. Names currently under consideration: Does This Blog Make Me Look Fat, & Atlas Fug. Suggestions welcome.
Posted by Jeff at 07:20 AM | Comments (62)
May 09, 2006
WE PAUSE FOR TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
Have been having difficulties on the site for the last day, mostly fixed but email still down fixed. If you've sent an email, I probably didn't get it. In the meantime, anyone who needs to contact me can use z997711 AT yahoo DOT com. Thanks...
Posted by Jeff at 04:57 PM | Comments (4)
May 06, 2006
WILL THE FLEA PLEASE COME OUT OF THE CLOSET?
On the controversial subject of outing, I agree with the Jeff Gannon haters: it's a bad thing, except when it's not. And it's time to out that closeted Canuckistan fop known as the Flea. Oh sure, the preening mooselover purports to drool all over Angelina Jolie, but it's her accessories he wants, not her ass (much as bulldyke Rosie wishes she had Tom Cruise's strap-on). Items:
His obsession with gay icon Kylie Minogue: standard homo glam diva imprinting, much the way I wanted to grow up to be Chaka Khan
His mutual admiration society with blogger bombshell / #1 fag hag Sondra K
His indifference to hockey, like precious Canucklehead ice prancer Jeff Buttle ("I was never a huge hockey fan")
His fey wardrobe fetish, shoe menagerie, Judi Dench fixation, & addiction to trashy Eurodisco
His constant bitchy references to my generous life experience
I've had it. Enough is enough. This can't go on much longer. It's time to come out of your maple-pomander closet, Flea. As Nicole Kidman says, You're not fooling anybody.
See also Miss Homo Hag
Posted by Jeff at 10:52 AM | Comments (22)
May 05, 2006
MICHELLE MALKIN IS AN ANDROID
michelle malkin without makeup (left) & in capri wig by look-of-love®
Progressives have long questioned the authorship of Michelle Malkin's books & articles, as it stretches credibility to imagine that someone who's a minority twice over - not just vertically challenged but from New Jersey - would be capable of spelling her own name. While it's true that Filipinos are known for being extremely rude, real Filipino women dress in mismatched prints & eat with their mouths open.
Astute observers have speculated that Malkin's husband, sinister Svengali Jesse Malkin, is Geppetto to her Pinocchio. In fact, Michelle Malkin doesn't even exist. She's a hoax, a caricature of a pushy, ungrateful minority perpetrated by the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy to confuse people.
The 'Michelle Malkin' you see on Hannity & Hot Air is actually an animatronic creation by Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems, a shady defense contractor & anime studio. In this Fox & Friends video, notice that the Malkin's hair doesn't move. That's because it's made of titanium chloride.
The Malkin seems to have been modeled on the Vanessa Kensington robotic template, which, while more realistic than the Valerie, still leaves flights of fancy like brown-skinned conservatives confined to the realm of science fiction.
Related: Invasion of the Asian Replicant Babes
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 AM | Comments (37)
April 14, 2006
JAMES HUDNALL
James Hudnall is a writer & artist who has a great blog I found via Tammy Bruce. Check out his posts on the opposing states of mankind, secrets of writing, the enemy above, & American intifada. I'm even willing to overlook the fact that he watches American Idol.
Posted by Jeff at 07:01 AM | Comments (0)
April 09, 2006
SPARKLE HITS THE JACKPOT ON MYSPACE
Posted by Jeff at 05:14 PM | Comments (2)
March 31, 2006
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES WEBSITE OF THE DAY
Posted by Jeff at 12:17 AM | Comments (4)
March 15, 2006
ZZZZZZZZZ.....
This blog is going into hypersleep...
Posted by Jeff at 07:22 AM
December 20, 2005
AND SPEAKING OF TORTURE...
Someone's mother-in-law is staying with her for two weeks, & she's not a happy camper. Today: buying a thong with your MIL. Next up: the fascinating dollar-store tour. Advice welcome.
Posted by Jeff at 09:42 PM | Comments (3)
November 28, 2005
DOWN & DIRTY: THE BAD BLOG AWARDS
Posted by Jeff at 12:04 PM | Comments (7)
May 30, 2005
BLOGGER MAKES GOOD: JANE NOVAK TRASHED IN YEMEN TIMES
Posted by Jeff at 11:39 AM | Comments (1)
May 25, 2005
CAN SOMEONE THROW ME A GODDAMN BONE?
It's bad enough that some obsessed, probably dangerously unbalanced fan has set up an online shrine to Josh the Conjecturer. Meanwhile, Sullywatch is entirely devoted to chronicling the madness of Andrew Sullivan, just as Donald Luskin performs a daily post-mortem on the psychopathology of Paul Krugman.
Now some nitwit's set up a Pile On for President blog, in honor of Pile On of the world-famous Ebb & Flow Institute. I guess that would make me refried crap on toast, huh? Hmmph. Beautiful Atrocities now accepting applications for cybergroupies, loyal minions, dull-witted stooges, deranged stalkers and/or suicidal devotees who worship me as a god.
Posted by Jeff at 08:53 PM | Comments (16)
May 13, 2005
ELECTROSHOCK BLOGGING
EMERALD BILE Noreen
& Ball Bag explain it all
LA PETITE CLAUDINE In Spanish, great pics, great links
THIS IS MY COMPUTER BLOG Total. F*cking. Insanity.
HUBRIS Worth it for the author pic alone
TOPIC DRIFT The tragic ramblings of Esther Wilberforce Packard of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Manager of future superstar Just Donal
SPIRIT FINGERS Hong Kong's guerrilla fashionista
MASAMANIA Insanity from Japan
Posted by Jeff at 09:00 AM | Comments (8)
April 07, 2005
AIZA TA'MILI HAGAT WISKHA MA'AYA?
Katie at Resplendent Mango had a memorable plane trip in which she came
close to 1) causing an international incident & 2) getting
her MRS degree. It began when the sleep-deprived New Yorker
found herself trapped beside seated next to an
overlarge, overly-friendly Arab:
"My seatmate asks if I speak French. I do not. He tells me that he is Lebanese. He asks me if I've been to Beirut. Nope. Do I want to go to Beirut? He gives me his phone number in Beirut. And Germany. And Detroit. He insists I put his numbers in my computer."
Katie tries to focus on her laptop, but when the pilot tells them to put away their electronic equipment, she's trapped:
"Now that my hands are free from the computer, he takes one of them & starts vigorously massaging it. I'm having a difficult time retrieving my hand, short of slapping him, which is a step I'm not ready to take for fear of causing an on-board disturbance/international incident.
"He lays his hand face up on my leg, begging to be held. I pick it up & place it back with a firm 'NO'. Enroute back to my lap, my hand is captured again.
"He asks if I am married. In an unfortunate fit of honesty, I say no. He asks me to marry him & come back to Beirut with him. He starts puckering up & beseeching me to kiss him, which gets a very emphatic no. He starts saying I love you! I love you! over & over."
Incredibly, the little tease turns down this offer, as if such chances drop into one's lap every day! Minx!
See also How to Swear in Arabic
Posted by Jeff at 07:57 AM | Comments (1)
April 01, 2005
THE GREAT DELINKATHON SWINDLE
The blogosphere was rocked this week when a religious fanatic called 'Hundred Percenter'
theatrically
flushed several more popular & frankly better written blogs, for
the sin of disagreeing with him. Ugly words followed,
some of them anti-Semitic, some bloggers
were so upset
they got potted, &
a
lot of hot air was blown around in comment threads. The term
'milquetoast' was used.
Beautiful Atrocities was suspicious of this story all along; if anyone should have been delinked, it's the Llama Butchers. We've since learned that the whole thing was a fraud, a monstrous practical joke perpetrated by one Sondra K. That's right, apparently stirring up shit & making fools & idiots of people is entertaining to Sondra K, aka the Holly Golightly of the blogosphere.
Not only is there no 'Hundred Percenter,' but the last time
Sondra K went to church was a
pancake breakfast for which she had a short stack coupon. She probably
wore her Sondra K thong,
for all I know.
Well here's a little advice, Sondra K: GROW UP. Not everything is a joke, not everything is funny. Oh wait, Sondra K, how about this: I'm delinking YOU! How do you like THAT, sugar??
Honestly.
UPDATE: More of Sondra K's infantile games here. Don't encourage her, people
Posted by Jeff at 09:46 PM | Comments (22)
March 30, 2005
GLENN REYNOLDS: CLAP YOUR HANDS FOR TERRI!
Glenn Reynolds, shocked at being delinked by Hundred Percenter for
being insufficiently rabid over the Terri Schiavo tragedy, made
a groveling apology today. Reynolds' Instapundit, the most popular
political website,
was ceremoniously delinked along with several insignificant
& frankly inconsequential blogs,
for being 'milquetoast' & showing a lack of revolutionary fervor on the Schiavo morass.
Alarmed at the prospect of losing the bulk of his traffic, Reynolds quickly did a 180 & issued the following mea culpa:
"I Glenn Reynolds, confess to having been insufficiently apocalyptic in my previous flip, glib reporting on the Passion of Terri Schiavo. Let me just say this: Terri ROCKS. I'm not a doctor, but if I was, I'd say Terri is no eggplant, she's not some beefsteak tomato, she's a REAL PERSON. She's just very restrained about it.
"Terri is dying, people! Her light is growing fainter! Her voice is so low I can scarcely hear what she's saying! She says ... she says she thinks she could get well again if children believed in fairies. DO YOU BELIEVE? If you believe, clap your hands! Go the window, clap your hands, & shout I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!! Do it, goddamit!!"
So, do I get relinked? No, seriously?
See also Protein Wisdom: It's All About the Caring; A Small Victory: Bottom's Up!
Just to set the record straight: prior to being delinked with Instapundit et al, Beautiful Atrocities had posted nothing on the Schiavo affair, which apparently amounts to a Crime of Omission
Posted by Jeff at 08:31 PM | Comments (19)
March 10, 2005
::: click :::
Posted by Jeff at 01:39 PM | Comments (4)
February 15, 2005
INSTAPOWER, BLOGGING MYTHS, & MEDIA HYPE
Posted by Jeff at 06:05 PM | Comments (0)
February 14, 2005
BLOGSWARM SMACKDOWN: EASONGATE VS GANNONQUIDDICK
TAG TEAM BLOGGING: MICHELLE 'CANNONBALL' MALKIN & LASHAWN 'BOOM-BOOM' BARBER VS THE INSURGENTS: MARKOS SCREW'EM ZUNIGA & ATRIOS J.
Malkin: "We're gonna make
dinuguan* outta you miserable moonbats!"
Zuniga:
"I
feel nothing over the death of wingnut bitches!! Screw'em!"
Barber: "Honey, you'll feel the back
of my hand!"
Atrios J: "Heh"
The whistle blows. Atrios J runs screaming out of the ring! Malkin clips Zuniga with a chick-kick! Zuniga hits below the belt! The Kossacks chant: "SCREW EM! SCREW EM!" But Barber stuns Zuniga with a Pentecostal Whip. Zuniga staggers up: "I feel nothing!!"
Malkin leaps onto the ropes. "Feel this!" she calls, & drops him with the Mabuhay Moonbat Moonsault. The crowd goes wild. The ref starts counting. Zuniga tries to crawl out of the ring, but the crowd pelts him with Little Green Footballs, & then LaShawn is there. "Vengeance is mine saith LaShawn!" she declares, & flattens him with her Boom Boom Bodyslam, the Bible Thumper!
MATCH: MALKIN & BARBER. NEXT WEEK: BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES VS OLIVER WILLIS
*Dinuguan = Midnight Meat aka the black death
Posted by Jeff at 07:11 AM | Comments (24)
February 11, 2005
WILL THE REAL JEFF GOLDSTEIN PLEASE COUGH UP YOUR FEET?
Recently, I did one of my quirky, trademark blogposts,
FOOT FETISHIST'S GUIDE TO THE BLOGOSPHERE, for which I solicited
blogger foot pix. Kos,
Atrios, &
Marshall turned me down;
Oliver Willis sent me
some pix but - well, I don't want to go into it.
Ace turned me down,
Kate turned me down,
Baldy turned me down, &
LaShawn told me to take a
flying leap at the moon.
I didn't ask Glenn, because I didn't want to sound fresh, & I didn't ask Michelle because I'm terrified of her. I went cyber-prowling & kiped foot pix of Frank J, Jeff J, & Keith B-J. I found a pic of Wonkette's foot, but it wasn't very good, & I didn't want any half-assed Wonkette foot porn.
I was particularly pissed when Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom turned me down, because quite frankly I made him what he is today. If his feet are as big as his head, it would have been choice. So I went trolling online, & discovered there's more than one Jeff Goldstein. I'm planning on including him in FOOT PHREAK II, THE SEQUEL, & have narrowed down the list of suspect Jeff Goldsteins responsible for the sledgehammer wit of Protein Wisdom:
THE NIGHTCLUB HIPSTER:
This Jeff Goldstein is a chi-chi Hamptons club promoter, site shows pix of him jonesing with
pals Kimora Lee Simmons & Tara Reid.
THE ACTOR: Accountant/tap dancer/stand up comic. Has appeared on Sex & the City, Law & Order, & Music Man summer stock. 5'8" 230 lbs.
THE SCIENTIST: "Dr. Jeff Goldstein is a planetary scientist at Challenger Center for Space Science Education. He studies weather on other planets."
THE KID: "My name is Jeff Goldstein. I am 22 years old. I live in Atlanta, Georgia, but was originally from Miami. I am dating Laura Gargala. Lots more to say, but I have tests & stuff to study for."
THE BODYBUILDER: 3rd place novice men's middleweight 2002 NPC Texas State Bodybuilding, Fitness, & Figure Championships
THE CANADIAN: "Jeff Goldstein is the designer & Proprietor of Finely Corked an Internet store he developed to sell the world’s finest corkscrews."
THE RESTAURANTEUR: Cofounder of world famous Sticky Fingers
restaurant chain & signature BBQ sauce line: "It was in Memphis that Jeff gained a love
& passion for ribs
& barbecue."
THE HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: Warner Bros executive VP, altho maybe not after The Matrix Revolutions
THE LITIGATOR: With Goldstein & Loots. Previously with Birch, Horton, Bittner, & Cherot; Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom; Morgan, Lewis & Bockius.
THE MOONBAT: Attorney seeking reparations for Hispanics or some such shit.
Posted by Jeff at 07:39 AM | Comments (19)
February 08, 2005
MORE PHREAKING ENCORES THAN CATS
Posted by Jeff at 08:33 PM | Comments (10)
February 01, 2005
...GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN
Posted by Jeff at 12:57 PM | Comments (11)
January 17, 2005
WINGNUTGATE
First came the Armstrong Williams scandal, next the blogosphere was rocked by the news that Daily Kos was a paid hack for the Dean campaign. 'Unbelievable,' said Wonkette, 'I just assumed he was an unpaid hack!'
Still, Markos has the last word: 'Until names are named, we can assume every conservative pundit is on the White House's payola rolls.' In fact, just about every conservative blogger received cash & gifts in exchange for endorsing Bush in the 2004 election:
Posted by Jeff at 01:44 AM | Comments (0)
January 10, 2005
FOOT FETISHIST'S GUIDE TO THE BLOGOSPHERE
Because Manolo's Effing Shoe Blog can't have all the fun. All pix actual bloggers feet, with possible exception of one.
With thanks to foot pimps Little Miss Attila, Jinnji, & Sondra KPosted by Jeff at 05:26 AM | Comments (1)
January 03, 2005
ONE BLOG FITS ALL
Jeff Jarvis links to a Pew study showing what we already know: everyone & his dog now has a blog. The staggering details:
8+ million blogsThe war & election have been major catalysts, altho no statistics on blog turnovers, which must be high. At any given time, there's a lot of new bloggers out there for whom the scene can be baffling, what with everyone yakking about things you've never heard of: Instapundit, link whores, Freepers, Margi Lowry.
32 million blog readers
14 million have posted material or comments on blogs
Blog traffic grew 58% in 2004
Here's a quick, non-partisan, do-it-yourself guide to creating an all-purpose blog post:
Posted by Jeff at 01:04 AM | Comments (0)
December 29, 2004
MERRY XMAS FROM RHIAN & THE PENGUINS
For those who don't know, Rhian Salmon has been blogging from the British Antarctic Survey the last year. Recently, she was stunned to see a cruise ship full of touists pull up!
"The first dear I met was 83 ( she told me as she ran up the steps while her companion nearly had a cardiac arrest behind her). She was petite & spritely & inquisitive, interested & so alive. She held my hand & kissed my face & asked really good questions & told me about having to pee into a bottle when she went to the South Pole."She also got a sunburn recently:
"Visited the penguins today, thousands of them cooing & trilling, so many that an entire ice cliff was grey with their shadow. The first time I saw an Emperor I was over-awed by its majesty. Now, visiting them is like going to feed the ducks. Very pleasant – but surely there's something not right?!Personally, I think she's going to smuggle one back:"Another thing that made me laugh was the queue that formed behind our backpacks while we walked among them. You can see for yourself the line that had formed by the time we returned. They really are sheep. "
See also The Zen of Penguins
"The downside is the stench. Fishy ammonia, green-brown penguin poo streaks all across the ice. Not dissimilar from pigeons. Birds is birds I guess."
Posted by Jeff at 09:57 AM | Comments (0)
December 23, 2004
OUTSOURCING THE BLOGOSPHERE SCRAPPLEFACE, the
SCRAPPLEFACE, the News Parody Blog®, has been purchased by Gawker & outsourced to a classroom of trained chimps in St. Louis. "Chimps are at least capable of your average parody," says Gawker honcho Nick Denton. "We throw them some newspapers & the little shits cut & paste with hilarious results!"
Now that Denton's trained chimps have copped a Weblog Award, other bloggers are doing the outsourcing thing:
THE LLAMA BUTCHERS: After their latest failed business venture (powdered beer packets: Just add tap water!), owners Robert & Steve turned their blog over to a sweatshop in Somalia, which is aggressively marketing itself as The New Guatemala. Robert: "These Central American kids used to be happy with a dollar a day. Now they're demanding breaks, food, Sundays off. F*ck that noise!"
And what of the fact that Somalian kids can neither read nor write English? Steve: "Our readers don't seem to mind."
PROTEIN WISDOM: As part of his community service plea bargain, Jeff Goldstein turned over production of his blog to inmates at Colorado State Penitentiary, where he's teaching remedial blogging & decoupage. "I was willing to do anything to avoid prison," Goldstein says, "I know what happens to white bois with righteous asses."
WONKETTE: The ruthlessly efficient Ana Marie Cox has taken a typically more professional approach, hiring Indian subcontractor Dillitech to do her blog. Dillitech founder Arjun Mehta: "We tutor our Bangalore employees in nuances of American snark & anal sex, yes? Soon we put American bloggers out of work, yes?"
Cox says Dillitech is a godsend: "Now that I have a novel contract, I don't have time to email my ghostwriter AND do the blog."
For those who prefer a more American touch, doddering 83yo Mrs. Esther Wilberforce-Packard of Minneapolis has set up a nice little blogging nest egg. In addition to her own rambling nonsense blog Topic Drift, Mrs. WP is currently writing Ace of â™ , IMAO, Knowledge is Power, Industrial Waste, & Manolo's Shoe Blog.
"The bloggers are such nice kids," Mrs. WP croaks. "It was that nice Bill Ardolino who told me minimum wage had gone up to $2.50!"
The Commissar at POLITBURO DIKTAT finds the whole trend contemptible. "I understand being busy," he says. "For the last few weeks, I've just been reblogging old posts with new names. No one notices, but at least it's MY retreads."
Others simply find the thrill of blogging wears off like a yeast infection. Rae at A Likely Story has switched to an all-guest-blogger all-the-time format. "I'm hoping no one notices," she confides. "The whole thing is frankly a pain in the butt."
RightWingSparkle also got sick of it & handed her blog over to her teenage daughter. "To be quite honest, I haven't looked at it in months," she admits. "God knows what she's up to."
Posted by Jeff at 02:17 PM | Comments (0)
November 08, 2004
MARGI'S BLOGGER BLOWOUT
Margi Lowry; Margi's mules
A blogger bash sounded harsh, especially hosted by good ole gal Margi Lowry. When shed the door, about 20 dogs ran over me. Margi's hubby manages a pet store. Call me silly, but where I come from, they keep the pets in the store.
People & pets were already tanked on Margi's Purple Passion Punch: blue rum, vodka, cognac, creme de eggplant, tabasco, & propane. Cassandra was doing the Time Warp, Sporting Steve was doing the Gay Patriot . Juliette put a mop on her head & did her hilarious Teresa Kerry act until TC Leather Penguin stuffed some gin-soaked raisins up his nose & went her one better.
The vivacious Miss O'Hara showed up, still wearing that same green dress & cranberry clutch. ('Does she SLEEP in it?' Margi muttered kindly & caringly.) But hey, Miss O'Hara's a hoot & a holler, especially after a couple of beers. Then a fire alarm went off when Margi forgot her microwave hot rollers & I began to feel queasy.
I stumbled to the bathroom only to find - AAUGHH! - those 2 idiots, Robert & Steve, the Llama Butchers, doing wild MuNuvian llama extract. I accidentally did a line & suddenly everyone began to sprout fur & spit cud. Poor homeless Rae showed up pushing her shopping cart . Margi, who moonlights at the Beauty Pit, wanted to give Rae a makeover, so we took a poll:
Spirit Fingers videoconferenced from Hong Kong, took one look at us, typed FASHION KUDZU, & logged off. Jinnderella got turned away for being underage. Sondra K was shooting beer bottles right outta partiers' hands. Brian, Jonathan, & Martin were buzzing around Miss O'Hara like China on Taiwan; what is it about a babe with a Bible?? Venomous Kate slithered in like strapless swamp gas; I offered her wine & she laughed in my face. Things were rocking until Andrew Sullivan tried to crash. Did I mention Margi moonlights as a bouncer at the Purple Nurple?'B-List bloggers, only, BITCH!' she snarled, booting him into the pink flamingos on her front lawn. I made it to my car just in time to see Leslie the Omnibus Driver roll over it in her rig. 'Was that a speed bump?' she asked, climbing down. 'It is NOW!' I snapped, & limped home.
Posted by Jeff at 01:40 PM | Comments (0)
October 30, 2004
BLOGGER BABES WE LUVS
| RAE | ||||
|
| ||||
| SONDRA | |||
| SPIRIT FINGERS | |||
| ACE | ||||
| MISS O'HARA | ||||
| JULIETTE | |||
Posted by Jeff at 01:24 PM | Comments (0)
BLOGGER BABES WE LUVS
| RAE | ||||
|
| ||||
| SONDRA | |||
| SPIRIT FINGERS | |||
| ACE | ||||
| MISS O'HARA | ||||
| JULIETTE | |||
Posted by Jeff at 01:24 PM | Comments (0)
October 07, 2004
THE LEAGUE OF MEAN GIRLS
So I heard my 15-year-old niece & her stone-bitch girlfriends giggling & going Hey Ace, Hey Wiz. "Are those your Sims names?" I asked. They looked at me like I was autistic. "NOBODY does Sims," they said, "those are our BLOGGER names." "Really?? I myself have a--" "Blogs," they explained,"are these utterly LAME websites that LOSERS put up like vanity license plates, & ramble as if anyone gives a rat's ass! SO - we started putting up blogs with fake names, & ranting, & people LOVED it!"
"But you don't know anything about politics," I said. "We just make shit up!" they screamed. "Your average blog-reader has the IQ of a bag of hair! Get this - they actually send us money!! See these shoes? THANK YOU PAYPAL! HA HA HA!" "But that's fraud--" I gasped. "Oh here," my niece rolled her eyes, pulling a wad of cash out of her murderous red-vinyl hobo bag, "go buy yourself some halfway decent clothes. HA HA HA!"
It took the better part of my paycheck, but I finally got my hands on that bloglist, & I'm blowing the lid off this scam:
| BLOGGER | IS REALLY MEAN GIRL | |
| "Bill" at INDC Journal |
| |
| "Ace of â™ " |
| |
| "Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler" |
| |
| "Jeff" from Protein Wisdom |
| |
| "Daily Kos" |
| |
| "Charles" from LGF |
| |
| "Wonkette" |
| |
| "Black5" |
| |
| "Andrew Sullivan" |
| |
| "Frank J" at IMAO | |
UPDATE: Add Michelle to that gallery of mean chicks. MEOW!
Posted by Jeff at 11:00 AM | Comments (0)
October 04, 2004
THE ZEN OF PENGUINS
"It's a beautiful place to wake up, Antarctica." Rhian Salmon
(photos by Rhian, except for beverages)
Rhian Salmon is blogging the poetry & tedium of a year stationed with the British Antarctic Survey on the Brunt Ice Shelf (on her brother's blog at Felix Salmon). Living at the end of the world with 17 humans & thousands of penguins, Rhian's a funny & thoughtful writer, & posts some majestic photos. Some common threads:
Sept. 22 - "We're running out of tea bags. This is serious. We have got through over 13,000 tea bags & about 2 tins of instant coffee. If anything is going to turn us into crisis mode, this is it."
Sept 7 - Dresses as Tank Girl for Antarctic bacchanal
August 31- "Breakfast, cup of tea, melt-tank a bit of a slog & off to work." [Ed. note: have no idea what she's talking about]
Aug 24: The Zen of penguins: "They don't strike me as being particularly intelligent – but they don't seem unhappy, either."
August 12 - Aurora: "Gentle green swirls in the sky, clear starry night, low-level mist, the Milky Way..."
August 7 - Stars: "So many stars you have no idea, I am clapping with joy. There's big smiley Scorpio & the bright lights of the Southern Cross. The Milky Way streaking like a great smoky line across the sky, even the magellanic clouds."
July 6 - Stares at sky. Has mug of vile-sounding malted beverage called Horlicks.
June 8 - "Get up, chat over a cup of tea, peg out, tog up & go out." [Ed note: What is she talking about?]
May 10 - "Blowing an absolute hoolie outside." ??????
May 4 - "Come inside for cup of tea & see that my sprouted mung beans have gone nuts."
April 19 - "Aurora smoking its way across the sky, green above, wisping eastwards, curling at its edge to meet the Milky Way. So many thousands of stars, they look like a bright white cloud in the sky. We're on the edge of this disc of stars. Two more puffs of clouds, Magellanic Clouds, two more galaxies. So clear, so unbelievable. Immense."
April 11 - "Drank a lot of tea, talked a lot of shit, saw a lot of orange."
March 14 - Drunken orgy & Antarctic porn photos. ADULT CONTENT.
Feb 27 - Photoblog. Gets pissed in snow
Feb 25 - Teabags & rusks. [Ed note: Brits love this sort of thing]
Feb 3 - "The scenery is huge & vast & dismissive. I am here, in the middle of nowhere, far, far, far away from the politics of the world."
Jan 17 - Cuts her bum.
Jan 8 - "O! the wildlife. I saw whales swimming under us, and seals: leopards and weddels, a pup sliding right close, snapping at the lines. Emperor penguins, the occasional adelie, so sweet, so comical. Wilson's storm petrels, & the ever beautiful snow petrels."
UPDATE: Rhian is THRILLED to learn that as a result of my post, she's now a cult figure. Please send Rhian a care package (with lots of tea) at Rhian Salmon, Halley, Antarctica c/o British Antarctic Survey, Falkland Islands [NOTE: We are willing to overlook the fact that Rhian's brother Felix is a Kerry supporter. IT'S NOT HER FAULT.]
Posted by Jeff at 03:01 PM | Comments (0)
September 15, 2004
PAJAMAGATE
This week, CBS News found itself up to its sphincter in a journalistic quagmire that threatened to annihilate any confidence the public had in it. Responding to questions about some memo kerfuffle, former 60 Minutes news exec Jonathon Klein urinated on the blogosphere, splattering your average blogger as "a guy sitting in his living room in his pajamas writing."
So far, despite a media hurricane, Mr. Klein has neither apologized nor offered any evidence to back up his totally unprofessional charges. Since CBS News has apparently abandoned any pretense at journalistic standards, yours truly took it upon himself to shrug on a pair of semi-fresh boxers and poll my fellow webrats about their typical blogging ensemble. Are you listening, Mr. Klein?
| BLOGGER | USUAL BLOGGING ATTIRE | |
| Wonkette | Racerback plunge bra with underwire cups; Jockey no-fly midway briefs; patent clogs with faux-fur trim | |
| Matthew Yglesias | Baby Einstein embroidered bib; Fussy Boyâ„¢ white snowflake booties | |
| Baldilocks |
| |
| Charles from LGF | Deodorant; hairnet; TAG Heuer chronograph watch; naturist, admits owns no pajamas | |
| Frank J | Wife beater, bandoleers, cigar, samurai sword | |
| Miss O'Hara | Chlorophyll-green charmeuse split-skirt frock with Mandarin collar; Sheer Caress control-top pantyhose; Bible **Update: Rcvd snippy email from someone claiming to be Miss O'Hara, who wants it known she does not wear pantyhose & most certainly does not need control-tops | |
| Boi from Troy | Durango buffalo leather chaps; Boi Watch cotton boxers; brushed-metal mesh circuit necklace; yellow bandana on right bicep **UPDATE: BFT claims dark blue left; Dan Rather has doubts | |
| Michelle Malkin |
| |
| Duncan | Humorous chicken-with-head-cut-off costume with dangling appendage & Media Matters puppet strings | |
| Daily Kos | Blood of Dead Americansâ„¢ skin-brightening Mesopotamian Mud facial moisturizer; anti-imperialist insurgent shora; Shrek mask | |
| Godless & Razib at Gene Expression | Drew Carey eyeglasses with photogrey lenses, floods, stained clip-on tie, 4-year-old condom in back pocket | |
| Jeff at Protein Wisdom |
| |
| Millionaire socialist Katrina vanden Heuvel | Tin foil hat; pannier hoops, skirt and bodice of vintage peach jacquard silk with scatter beads & ribbon roses | |
| John Derbyshire | ||
| Michele Catalano | Pauline Hansonâ„¢ jungle-print patio frock with spaghetti straps & garden trimmings | |
| Instapundit | Break-blogging athletic gear: Iridescent navy-blue polyester Taos warm-ups, Nike men's air Ultraposite with light-up shoelaces, Naypalm one-size-fits-all palm guard, Blastoff creatine | |
| My Pet Jawa |
| |
| Solomonia | Dora the Explorer fetish: pith hat, wig, yellow binoculars, adorable backpack, & foam rubber shoe covers | |
| Dean Esmay | Queen of All Evil odalisque love slave | |
| Betsy of Betsy's Place | Vivienne Westwood royal blue bumper dress with plaster-of-Paris legwarmers | |
| Armed Liberal |
| |
| Andrew Sullivan | White leather beaded wedding dress with matching jacket & Morticia train | |
| Patterico | ||
| Kim du Toit | Techniflo gas mask, relaxed fit bulletproof mid-length bathrobe by Monsanto, small armory | |
| Llama Butchers | ||
| Politburo |
| |
| Donald Luskin | Krugman Truth Squad union suit, Anti-stalker GPS monitoring anklet | |
| Bill at INDC Journal | ||
| Josh Marshall | Milla Jovanovich unisex Joan of Arc mail suit with flattering shoulder pads & Teflon jodhpurs | |
| Jimmy Taranto | ||
| Powerline | The exception: ratty old semi-sheer pj's with sagging crotch & no elastic, inside-out Minnesota Vikings sweatshirt, toast crumbs between toes | |
| Blog Quebecois | Underwear worn as Abu Ghraib over-the-head ear warmers | |
| Ace of â™ |
| |
| Allahpundit | Sea green one-size-fits-all Muslim prayer thobe with discreet dirty bomb pouch | |
| Wretcherd | ||
| Right on Red | Gore-Tex ECWCS trousers with zipper gussets & Hillbilly Jim possum-leather cap | |
| Wizbang | Hugh Hefner silk bathrobe with attachable blonde tomato & humorous boxers | |
| Venomous Kate | Black latex halter mini with Caribbean blue bodice, overflowing ashtray, bucket of martinis | |
| Michael Totten | ||
| Vodkapundit | 1940's alpaca pink rock'n'roll sweater with top button & neck loop | |
| Twisted Spinster | ||
| Lucianne Goldberg | Mug of warm milk, teddy bear, & brushed dalmation bathrobe | |
| Jeff from Beautiful Atrocities |
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Posted by Jeff at 11:38 PM | Comments (0)
August 24, 2004
POCKET GUIDE TO THE BLOGOSPHERE
The thing is, most people think bloggers are just pathetic losers who sit slack-jawed in front of a computer moniter in their underwear, tapping out posts like messages in bottles for other maladjusted miscreants who live with their mothers. But we're so much more than that. We all, for instance, have our own little pets & peeves. To wit:
BLOGGER | HAS A THING FOR | CAN'T STAND |
Paul Anka, stupid cowbell gif, MuNu domain of evil | Andrew Sullivan, Wonkette | |
Gay marriage | Maureen Dowd, John Derbyshire, Eric Alterman | |
Profiling, being a kitten with a whip | Wonkette | |
| Being a godlike figure, break-blogging, Wonkette | Dr. Laura |
Hilarious name-calling, cowardly pseudonyms, David Brock, hatred | Donald Luskin, 'Duncan', wit | |
Anal, trash, clawing her way to the top | Michelle Malkin | |
American corpses | Morality, Little Green Footballs | |
Hurricanes, interns, pissing down the leg of the Media Establishment | Barbra Streisand, Sidney Blumenthal | |
Pissing & moaning | Outer space, Little Green Footballs, Victor Davis Hanson | |
Cheesecake, ugly minivans, sucking up to Instapundit, you-know-who | Inaccurate flame-jobs | |
Amazing Race | The rest of Massachusetts | |
| America's Army | Oliphaunt, Dora the Explorer, SUVs |
Bois in uniform, innuendo, Wonkette | Exposure | |
Logic, metaphysics, Wonder Bra | Constitutional amendments, idiots | |
| Lite Jazz, bicycling | Rachel Corrie, Matthew Yglesias, Wonkette |
| Second Amendment, loser baseball teams | New improved Andrew Sullivan |
| Mensa geeks, statistics, Kristanna Loken | |
Kitsch, Jesse Ventura, domestic psychodramas | Fargo, Charlotte Raven | |
Three Strikes, anonymity | LA Times, Spy Wiper, LA Times, George Will, LA Times | |
Orientals, anal, Carrot Top | Ted Rall, deadbeat neighbors | |
Phototerrorism, MuNu Domain of Evil, spitting ruminants | Rosie O'Donnell (not technically a spitting ruminant), Wonkette | |
Millionaire socialist | Paranoia, impersonating a twit | Reality |
Bitchslaps, scatological asides, LOTR, getting ripped | Trolls, idiots, wussies | |
Verse, Hubble, Michelle Malkin | Technorati, Wonkette | |
SUVs, gay marriage | The other Zogby | |
Natalie Portman, tired old Star Wars shit, MuNu domain of evil | Religion of Peace, Andrew Sullivan | |
US military, LOTR, Cosby | Alan Keyes, Martha Stewart, Ted Rall, Maxine Waters | |
SSRI's, legalized drugs, abortion | Fetuses, Queer Eye, liberation of Iraq | |
Neo-Bolshevik camp, philatel-terrorism, sucking up to Instapundit | Communists for Kerry, Wonkette | |
| Good writing, Independents | Hugo Chavez, Vietnam, Pat Buchanan, |
Queen of All Evil, Grateful Dead, Tarantino | AA, PETA, feminazis, the new Andrew Sullivan | |
Neil Gaiman, Surge | Ted Rall, Micah Wright, Kirstie Alley, Kazaam | |
Nipples, LOTR, martinis, Wonkette | Ann Coulter, the new Andrew Sullivan | |
| Violence, Second Amendment, megalomania | Murderous jihadi psychopaths, Instapundit, the French, monkeys |
Hoisting idiots on their own petards, Roe effect, Wonkette | Gratuitous Vietnam riffs, gay marriage, former Enron advisors | |
Valerie Plame, living on another planet | VRWC, Marion Barry | |
Withering sarcasm | Margo Kingston, Helen Caldicott, Madonna | |
Rear-wheel drive, SUVs, Drudge | John Kerry, Paul Krugman, Media Whores Online | |
| Stalking, Ayn Rand | Paul Krugman, Brad Delong, Atrios |
Hugo Chavez, terrorists, sour grapes, sliming opponents | Right wing media monopoly, stupid idiots who disagree with him | |
Howard Stern | Andrew Sullivan | |
Christianity, David Hasslehoff, Jimmy Eat World | DC, Atrios, girly boys, Michelle Malkin (sort of) | |
| Moonbats, link whores | Moonbats, Wonkette |
| Second Amendment, Chico Marx, ugly minivans | Stanley Fish, porn, asshole liberals who think he's a Nazi |
Protest Warrior, Firefox | WMDs, UN, Johnny Depp, IE, Terayza | |
Denis Leary | "Who the HELL is Wonkette??" | |
Being a pushy bitch | ||
Ann Wilson, Days of our Lives, purple prose | (Loves everyone) |
Posted by Jeff at 03:53 PM | Comments (0)