September 27, 2007
IT'S A SMALL, SMALL, SMALL FRENCH HELL
French manhood, last seen running screaming for the border in 1940, may be extinct, at least based on the French Top 40. Uber-regulated xenophobic laws mandate 40% of radio songs must be in French. This has spawned a bizarre cottage industry of massively popular state-subsidized nursery-school pop, sing-along ditties performed by toddlers featuring phreakish It's A Small World on acid cartoon videos with zoned-out ET-eyed waifs, rainbows, penguins, gumdrops, & shit-eating hebephrenic grins. The soothing wimp-factor can't-we-all-get-along lyrics surely constitute some from of mass hypnosis. Paris may be burning, but the French are too busy doing the penguin rap. Main players:
Ilona Mitrecey:
Horrid little pedophiliac pin-up scored #1 smash with
gob-smacking nut-shriveling Imagine-ripoff
Un Monde Parfait.
Where's Patsy Ramsey when we need her?
Sebasto:
Must-see horror: rancid, feathered, piss-yellow Barney-wannabe, aka French wog
in a chicken suit.
Fais le poule
reached #2. According to
whack-job conspiracy nutter Juliette Binoche, chicken is
appropriate symbol of French pride.
Holly Dolly:
Sick, scat-singing sexed-up donkey accompanied by dancing sheep, snowman, & other psychoses
(disturbing video
here) went to #4. Also covered pacifist anthem
Don't Worry Be
Happy.
Titou Le Lapinou:
Dancing homosexual rabbit went Top 10.
Video. Also has
dirty word rap.
Ozie Boo: 5
homosexual penguins: Ted, Ed, Ned, Nelly, & Fred. Pacifist propaganda:
Learn to Live
Together. "A place full of tenderness, humor & adventures especially
created for 2-7 year-olds & their families."
Official Ozie Boo
website.
Bebe Lilly.
Odious cartoon baby with 5 Top 10 hits. Current:
Les
Pirates. Also
Bebe Lilly Myspace.
Pinocchio:
Totally gay cartoon version of typical Frenchman whose only erections
are on his face. Scored 3 Top 40 hits in
one
week alone. Video:
T'es Pas Cap
(We Suck, We Know)
Gullia: Xenophobic, English-bashing cartoon hit
Oops! J'aime pas
l'anglais
Florabelle & the Mushroom Family:
Shit-eating diabetes-inducing mantis-eyed waif
with wimp anthem
Love is All, as
well as
Alphabet Rap (supplement to deficient French educational system).
Silly le petit phoque,
(Silly the f*cking little seal) nauseating baby Flipper singing hit song
Boum Boum.
Makes you long for an Eskimo with a cudgel.
Pigloo.
Androgen-deficient baby penguin hit Top 40 six times, including
#1 smash Le Papa
Pingoiun. Also castrates punk classic
Ca Plane Pour Moi
Cocorico:
Bumbling rooster whose cocorico (cock-a-doodle-doo) is symbol of
gonad-deficient French bluster, a "vainglorious cry of naive national pride".
Video.
See also Le Simpsons. Cross-posted at Agent Bedhead.
Posted by Jeff at September 27, 2007 07:36 PM
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Comments
Wow! It's been a long time. Nice to see you back!
Posted by: Omnibus Driver at September 28, 2007 10:42 AM
yaaaa..he's back.
Posted by: Bosk at September 28, 2007 03:47 PM
thanks ;p
Posted by: beautifulatrocities ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 28, 2007 07:42 PM
Been years. Glad I kept you in my RSS reader. Welcome back.
Posted by: p.serenissima at September 29, 2007 10:55 AM
Welcome back, Jeff.
Posted by: CraigC at September 30, 2007 10:24 PM
WHERE IS YOUR GREEN AND YELLOW ELEPHANT GOD NOW?
answer: playing golf.
Posted by: TC@LeatherPenguin at October 1, 2007 09:07 AM
Dude!
Nice to see activity here.
Haven't check in for the longest time, and only missed you for a few days. Must be karma...or kismet...or synchronicity...or sheer dumb chance.
Hope you are well, Jeff!
Posted by: EssEm at October 3, 2007 01:13 PM
Dude, the Frenchr riots ended two years ago.
But it's good to see you back. :-)
Posted by: Dean Esmay at October 4, 2007 06:54 AM
Just want to add a "Welcome Back".
Glad to see BA active again. Been too long.
-DPF
Posted by: DPF at October 4, 2007 08:00 PM
