May 17, 2006
MARRIED ... WITH CHILDREN
THE COLONEL
By now everyone knows we've normalized relations with Libya, although normal isn't a word you associate with the Colonel. The Gaddafi clan runs the country like its own little petroleum theme park, yet all of them, from the Colonel on down, deny they have any role in running the country (the Colonel's title is Guide to the Revolution). They just happen to be filthy rich & own everything. Everyone knows the Colonel (whom some say is of Jewish descent*), but now that we're bffs, it's important to know the whole posse:
Muhammed: Eldest son
by first wife who's 'out of favor'. Heads Libyan telecom
monopoly, says by 2008
every single Libyan will have mobile (they might settle for
breakfast). Also heads Libyan Olympic Committee. Gave Libya black eye in
2004 when Libya hosted World Chess Championship &
reneged on agreement to allow Israelis: "We did not invite, &
will not invite the Zionist enemy to this tournament." Hobbies:
scuba diving.
Safiya.
Second wife, mother of Saif al Islam, Saadi, Hannibal, Aisha, Saif
al-Arab, Khamis (police officer), & Motassim
(lives in exile in Egypt,
possibly connected to 2002 coup attempt).
Comes from influential tribe. Went postal after US Army killed Uday & Qusay Hussein,
demanded Colonel save her sons from a similar fate. Saif denies his
mother has any public role despite her numerous state visits, including
a 1999 visit to Chad, which
she thanked for helping Libya resist international sanctions.
Saif al Islam.
b.1972. Name means sword of Islam. Heir apparent. Studied
economics in London & Vienna where he enjoyed lavish lifestyle.
Heads Gaddafi Intl. Assn. for Charitable Organizations, front
for Gaddafi family business.
Denies any role in government
(as well as existence of any opposition), yet told Judith Miller
getting rid of WMD program was his initiative. Also owns lucrative
national fishing company. Called on Austrian Muslims to
take to the streets over Danish cartoons.
Nicknames: the Principal, the Brave Young Man, Our Young Friend. Hobbies: Bengal tigers (has 2), falconry, blondes, painting: traveled the world with art exhibition The Desert is Not Silent, of which the Globe & Mail said "Since Nero, there has been a depressing connection between bad art & megalomaniac regimes." Friends: Jorge Haider. Currently shagging: Israeli actress Orly Weinerman.
Saadi:
b. 1973. Shares father's delusions of grandeur. Dreamed of
being greatest soccer player in Africa. Described as useless by coach.
Bodyguardsd fire on fans chanting against him at 1996 match, killing several people. Bought his way into
Italian football league, played 2 games in 3 years. Suspended for doping.
Plays movie mogul as head of World Navigator Entertainment. Share
of family's purloined wealth said to be $8 billion; made $300 million
offer for Liverpool FC.
Nickname: the Hooligan. Also known as His Arrogance in Sardinia, where he crashed his 130-ft yacht into a wharf & was ejected from the Billionaire's club for being an ass. Hobbies: jetsetting. Has partied with Nicole Kidman, Diego Maradona, 50 Cent, Enrique Iglesias, & Anna Kournikova. Married to daughter of former Libyan intelligence chief. Imagines himself likely candidate for (cough) Libyan ambassador to US.
Hannibal:
b. 1974 Occupation: dissolute wastrel. Attended business
school in Denmark. Has been involved in drunken brawls in Cagen,
Rome, & Paris, where he was stopped for driving the wrong way on the
Champs Elysees, assaulted his pregnant girlfriend & smashed up 2 hotel
rooms. Hobbies: Getting pissed, attacking police officers.
Currently shagging:
Model Aline Skaf
Aisha:
b. 1976 Sometimes-blonde bombshell & lawyer, referred to as
Doctor. Fond
of IRA terrorists & fellow Sunni nutter Saddam Hussein. Called Saddam's
trial a sham & served on defense team before she got canned.
Jordanian reporter vanished after writing article about Aisha
that upset the Colonel. Heads "charity" that oversees "social
rehabilitation centers,"
which strongly resemble prisons. Was
married last month to Libyan army officer,
reportedly her father's cousin. Nickname: Claudia
Schiffer of North Africa.
See also Gaddafi Family Album; Ask Colonel Gaddafi; Michael Totten: In the Land of the Brother Leader; Circle of Fire
*this is the same bio as the wikipedia entry, which omits only that crucial detail
Posted by Jeff at May 17, 2006 12:10 AM
Comments
What a wonderful bunch. *shudder*
Posted by: Jenny at May 17, 2006 06:00 AM
I smell reality show!
Posted by: Gordon at May 17, 2006 06:12 AM
Claudia Schiffer has her faults, but she's never run a prison camp. You're thinking of Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS.
Although Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks might be another possibility.
Posted by: utron at May 17, 2006 08:53 AM
But this is a participatory democracy. Not like the "two party" Coke/Pepsi system you Americans naively think of ""democracy"".
/moonbat
Posted by: Flea at May 17, 2006 09:16 AM
Wow, they're just like "The Brady Bunch" except for their debauchery, wealth, stupidity, and fine linen garments. Cool.
Posted by: peacemoonbeam at May 17, 2006 11:40 AM
For once, I'm so creeped out that I'm speechless.
Posted by: agent bedhead at May 17, 2006 11:48 AM
Is Saif wearing hideous green eyeshadow?
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at May 17, 2006 09:47 PM
Just FYI, Aisha was the name of the 6-yr-old girl that mohammed married (he had the good taste to wait until she was twelve to consummate the marriage).
Posted by: CraigC at May 17, 2006 10:30 PM
She is hot, sort of like Gwyneth Paltrow, but without the brains...
Posted by: Martin at Blogbat at May 17, 2006 11:06 PM
Craig, I thought Mo's wife-child was 9 at the point of assault.
Posted by: Martin at Blogbat at May 17, 2006 11:07 PM
I think Saif is wearing glasses, but he may be wearing eyeshadow. Don't forget the Arab custom of wearing kohl as eyeliner, used by warriors as baseball outfielders use grease to lessen glare
Posted by: beautifulatrocities ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](/nav-commenters.gif)
at May 18, 2006 05:38 AM
Yeah - Aisha was nine when Mofo raped her. Before that he just bounced her on his lap.
Posted by: Jenny at May 18, 2006 01:26 PM
Girls matured much younger in those days...
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at May 18, 2006 01:33 PM
I really hate that Nicole Kidman is such a farking moron. Tom Cruise? Then a Qaddafi?
Suddenly I don't feel so bad about my two divorces. :D
Posted by: Beth at May 18, 2006 11:24 PM
OK, from the link to Aisha's wedding thing...
"Her wedding comes as Libya is commemorating the 20th anniversary of the US bombing raids on Tripoli and Benghazi, with a high-profile concert featuring American singer Lionel Richie."
HUH??? WTF!
Posted by: Beth at May 18, 2006 11:26 PM