May 25, 2006
AYN RAND NUDE VOLLEYBALL CAMP

rugged individualists at ayn rand nude volleyball camp triumph over brute nature to prepare corn dogs
As slavish jargon-mumbling devotees of Ayn Rand, we know how difficult is the path of rugged individualism. We're sick of the WHO IS JOHN GALT'S DECORATOR T-shirts, we're tired of people comparing us to Trekkies & Scientolodroids, noting Rand's uncanny resemblance to Dracula, & pushing us down in parking lots.
At Ayn Rand Nude Volleyball Camp, our motto is: objectivism r fun! Here you'll socialize with other marginal, slack-butted misfits as well as pimple-scabbed teenagers using great big words. We'll also study the objectivist theory of volleyball, in which we use rubber spheres to represent balls, thus providing a perceptual framework for meaningless gibberish.
When we're not popping our cellulite on the courts, we'll be playing teleological tetherball, enjoying a fast-paced nude dodge ball tournament (ouch!), drinking Hawaiian Punch & reading the Queen of Fun's humorless, rigor mortis prose & prescription strength sermonizing.
Other events include the Atlas Shrugs doorstop toss & the Ayn Rand Costume Summertacular, in which we dress as our favorite two-dimensional Rand caricature, then pair off to have joyless sexual intercourse.
Located in the Hobo Jungle next to the Chrysler plant, that magnificent shrine to capitalist whatchamacallit.
See also the Atlasphere: the Online Dating Service for Ayn Rand Phreaks
Posted by Jeff at May 25, 2006 12:21 AM
Comments
Shakira is not truthful about not taking any belly dance lessons. She has studied Egyptian style dancing with dancers in the Miami area, including Tamalyn Dallal. Genes don't give you talent or knowledge in ANY dance form.
Posted by: Cassandra Shore at May 25, 2006 04:07 AM
This still looks like more fun than the Ayn Rand Nude Band Camp I went to. They promised me Alyson Hannigan and a flute but they lied.
Posted by: Flea at May 25, 2006 05:49 AM
Plz, jeffie, where do i go to meet someone that loathes Atlas Shrugged?
Posted by: matoko_anti-randian at May 25, 2006 06:11 AM
Look at the unit on that guy, Mate!
Posted by: pete doherty at May 25, 2006 06:34 AM
You're an odd duck, Jeff.
I play laissez-faire croquet where the object is to try to win without following the opressive rules created by the governing body who determines croquet rules, but it usually ends up where I get my ass kicked with the croquet mallet and the other guy wins by default.
I like some rules in my croquet, ya know.
Posted by: Feisty at May 25, 2006 06:54 AM
If you guys keep bashing Rand, I'm never going to make it through Atlas Shrugged. Sure, it's kinda tedious, but can a person (especially a capitalist like myself) claim to be well read if they haven't read a Rand or two? Is it good enough to merely have it sitting next to my bed?
Posted by: Carin at May 25, 2006 07:06 AM
It's the Randites I find especially annoying. You know who you are
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at May 25, 2006 07:23 AM
Ohhh, Sondra's gonna stomp you!
Posted by: Carin at May 25, 2006 07:46 AM
I know I'll get bashed for this, but I like Ayn Rand. The novels, anyway. I read them at an impressionable age, and they stuck with me. The bad guys give some very real insights into the liberal mindset.
That said, the whole cult thing is both creepy and ridiculous. I remember reading that at one point Rand declared Latin dancing to be the highest human art form (Shakira would be proud). Happened right around the time she started sleeping with a Cuban dance instructor, as I recall.
Posted by: utron at May 25, 2006 08:16 AM
Better than reading a Rand novel is get one on tape from the library. I hope you have long commute though. It only took me about 2 months to get through the 35 tapes of The Fountainhead.
But without a doubt, the sex in a Rand novel sounds as exciting as dry humping a throw pillow.
Posted by: KJ at May 25, 2006 08:18 AM
I liked The Fountainhead, and Atlas Shrugged is one of my favorite books.
Posted by: Lisa at May 25, 2006 08:43 AM
No it's not!!!!
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at May 25, 2006 08:45 AM
Atlas Shrugged is one of my favorites too, Shakiraboy. Give Rand a little credit; in her own essays, she said she wasn't trying to create naturalistic characters or to write plausible dialogue. Although I think she was trying to write hawtt sex scenes and man, was that a catastrophe.
On a personal note, I might mention that my Significant Other's daughter is named Dagny.
Posted by: utron at May 25, 2006 09:11 AM
I read Fountainhead about 18 months ago, and I rather enjoyed it. But, it took me a very long time to get into it. I've been stuck on page 80 of "Atlas Shrugged" for a while now.
Posted by: Carin at May 25, 2006 09:22 AM
Shakira boy. Heh.
Posted by: agent bedhead at May 25, 2006 09:56 AM
HELLO - this is NOT the Shakira post! Scroll down!!
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at May 25, 2006 10:15 AM
Jeff - As soon as Sondra gets home. . . I'M TELLING!!
Posted by: MCPO Airdale at May 25, 2006 01:47 PM
As a novelist, let's just say Rand's a conservative philosopher. All of that endless talk about phallic skyscrapers gets a bit much too. (Does she worship dick, or just envy it?) Honestly, Rand's ham-handed right wing propaganda isn't any better than the leftist tracts of Brecht, Odetts, and Kushner (and they at least are capable of stringing pretty-sounding sentences together.) But then I'm a centrist who likes my art to be art and not politics, so if she rings your bell, read on.
Posted by: LivingInReality at May 25, 2006 02:29 PM
I see we've found a whole new definition for minarchism here. :p
Posted by: Martin at Blogbat at May 25, 2006 02:50 PM
Perhaps discussing an Ayn Rand movie is off-topic, but for laughs The Fountainhead with Gary Cooper and Patricia Neal is just hilarious. If the ponderous Übermensch dialogue in it is a fair sampling of Rand's philosophy and "art," I'm glad I've never tried one of her books. And all the subliminal sex. Oh pleeaze; just bizarre.
Posted by: Redhand
at May 25, 2006 07:25 PM
I tried reading Atlas Shrugged, but didn't finish it. Why read a 1,000+ page philosophical novel when the Deep Philosophical Point has been remorselessly obvious since Page 15?
Posted by: Richard at May 26, 2006 01:56 AM
Why read a 1,000+ page philosophical novel when the Deep Philosophical Point has been remorselessly obvious since Page 15?
Why WRITE a 1,000+ page philosophical novel when the Deep Philosophical Point has been remorselessly obvious since Page 15? Write a fucking essay! There's something to be said for BREVITY
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at May 26, 2006 04:43 AM
I think Jeff did this just so Sondra would give him a spanking when she gets back.
Sondra: I hear you've been bad. Very bad.
Jeff: Oh yes (assumes the position with a grin).
Posted by: raz0r at May 26, 2006 05:16 AM
On the typical nudist scale, that bunch actually falls towards the attractive end.
Posted by: The Unabrewer at May 26, 2006 06:27 AM
That said, the whole cult thing is both creepy and ridiculous.
...
Why WRITE a 1,000+ page philosophical novel when the Deep Philosophical Point has been remorselessly obvious since Page 15?
Why read a 1000+ page novel and form a cult around it? L. Ron Hubbard, anyone? And how is slavish devotion to a cult/novel Randian at all?
The Atlas Shrugs doorstop toss!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAA!!!
Posted by: Antirandites Anonymous at May 26, 2006 08:38 AM
It's the pseudo-intellectualism that makes me want to jump out the fucking window. And the Internets Commandment that to be a proper Punditâ„¢, Thou Shalt Read and Parrot Ayn Rand for teh Cred.
Posted by: AA at May 26, 2006 08:44 AM
Which one of them is Alan Greenspan?
Posted by: Jonathan at May 26, 2006 11:29 AM
Anthem was the perfect length, like a Maupasant story.
Posted by: Dave Munger at May 26, 2006 08:11 PM
I think Ayn Rand is mostly forgotten outside of the states. I only know about her because I read a couple of American blogs.
There's a good Ayn Rand joke in the Simpsons - Homer leaves Maggie at the 'Ayn Rand School for Babies'. They have posters up saying things like, 'Pacifiers are for the weak!'. The whole place is like a prison camp, and the babies have to figure out a way to 'escape' it, like in a Steve McQueen movie.
We may not have Randians in Australia, but we do have nudists - even though some of them do have rather weird make up ...
http://avatarbriefs.blogspot.com/2006/05/shy-nudist-covers-toe-nails.html
Posted by: TimT at May 27, 2006 05:24 AM
Bloody brilliant bit there. Very sharp wit you have there, I'm glad you routinely stab things with it.
Posted by: Otto Wels at May 27, 2006 10:46 PM
Right on, now I know where to vacation this summer!
Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell's Fat Ass at May 28, 2006 10:07 PM
Accolades.
Posted by: Ayn Rand at May 30, 2006 01:22 PM
