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December 30, 2005
AND IF YOU TURN THE GRAPH UPSIDE DOWN, IT REFLECTS THE TIMES' READERSHIP...
Posted by Jeff at 02:38 PM | Comments (3)
December 29, 2005
A GIRL & A GUN
Girls with Guns is a site devoted to cordite vixens from film & TV, featuring screen caps from scores of movies, from Assault of the Killer Bimbos to Zero Woman Returns. Features Godard's famous dictum, "All you need for a movie is a girl & a gun." And not too much apparel. (Via the blogosphere's original gun grrrl, Sondra K)
See also the Gun Moll Page; Wanted Cowgirls; Alex in Wonderland; Fatal Beauties; Macho Women with Guns; The Lady in the Car with Glasses & a Gun
Posted by Jeff at 12:43 PM | Comments (13)
WHEN MORDOR'S NOT AVAILABLE: VACATIONS IN LIBYA
Posted by Jeff at 12:40 PM | Comments (1)
December 28, 2005
HE'S LUCKY IT WASN'T TERI HATCHER
"He's not possessive or jealous or looking for reasons to argue. He's laid-back ... he's a perfect gentleman."— Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria on Spurs squeeze Tony Parker
"I ordered AP [Arrested Person, ie, Tony Parker] to move his vehicle. AP & his passenger FC [Field Contact, ie, Eva Longoria] began screaming in a verbally abusive & demeaning manner. AP continued questioning why I would touch the vehicle. FC told me I had an ego problem. I told FC I had no intentions of getting into a shouting match with her. She responded 'Well fuck you, then!' While issuing the citation, FC was hollering 'He's just a Mexican bike cop!'" — Police report on colorful traffic stop
Posted by Jeff at 05:24 PM | Comments (6)
A LETTER TO OUR FRIENDS IN AUSTRIA
Dear Euroeunuchs,
We were going to expunge Austrian contamination from California, but the cuckoo clock market isn't what it used to be, although we are seeking reparations for that Rock Me Amadeus shit. Don't you people have better things to do, like singing Edelweiss, managing the transition to Sharia law, & discovering the First Amendment?
I'm sure Austria had its moment, like steam engines & Bananarama, but these days you're just the Tori Spelling of Europe, you know - oh, is she still around?? I just hate these pathetic two-bit little has-been states that can't accept that their day in the sun is over, & it's time to retire to infomercials & the slag-heap of history.
Your friend
Jeff
See also Attitude Dancing; Democracy, European Style: "A poll found that over 70% of the public opposed removing Schwarzenegger's name from the stadium."
Posted by Jeff at 12:11 AM | Comments (18)
December 27, 2005
CAUGHT IN HIS OWN TRAP
Libya's sham Supreme Court
has overturned the bogus death
sentences of 5 Bulgarian nurses & a Palestinian doctor, granting
them a new fake trial. In Libya, this is called progress.
It also raises the possibility that
Austria's Schwarzenegger stadium will be renamed Gaddafi Stadium
to honor the spirit of clemency.
By coincidence, the reversal
comes just after
European & US officials agreed to set up a ransom fund
for the families of AIDS-stricken children in Libya.
The saga began in 1999 as a blame game for Libya's appalling
hospital hygiene, & a clever way for Gaddafi to channel popular
anger at a powerless scapegoat.
The accused were originally charged with bioterrorism, with Gaddafi claiming the virus had been bioengineered to experiment on Libyan children. When this proved too loopy even for Gaddafi, they were charged with deliberately infecting children on orders of the Mossad.
They were convicted & sentenced to death by firing squad, even though they said their confessions had been obtained by torture & rape, & HIV discoverer Luc Montainger testified the infections started a year prior to the defendants' arrival. Gaddafi then toyed with his captives, trying to extort billions from Bulgaria, which wouldn't play.
But with the Iraq War & Gaddafi's Madonna-like reinvention as America's BFF, he got caught in his own trap. With Bush & the EU coming down hard on him, Gaddafi now has to alienate either the West (& Western investment) or the Libyan people, who he's whipped into hysteria.
Posted by Jeff at 09:04 AM | Comments (7)
ALLAH'S COMPLETE GUIDE TO NATURAL DISASTERS — & WHY THEY'RE SOME BITCH'S FAULT
Posted by Jeff at 09:03 AM | Comments (9)
"ARLENE, I'M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN — GET OFF THAT GODDAMN PHONE!"
Posted by Jeff at 08:07 AM | Comments (2)
December 26, 2005
GETTING FERGIE'S GOAT
Dear Fergie,
I realize you're no longer married to Prince Andrew, but you're
still the
Duchess of York & should comport yourself as such. I read
that you recently
urinated
all over yourself onstage, & I think you are going too far.
This is behavior I might expect from Princess Anne, but not you.
I know you've had a hard time of it, what with that awful poll where 87% of Brits said they'd rather shag a goat than you, being called the Duchess of Pork, those ghastly topless pics that probably finished Edward on women forever, & the fact that you're a great big heifer. True, you were the spokesbacon for Weight Watchers, but given that Kirstie Alley is flogging Jenny Craig, that's not saying much now, is it?
I also read you'll be appearing as a stripper on the Sopranos. Was Kathy Bates unavailable? Did it occur to you these people might be making fun of you? When you get to be as famous as I am, you'll learn not to trust just anybody.
Your friend,
Jeff
Posted by Jeff at 01:18 PM | Comments (14)
BEWARE THE GREEN FAIRY!
Posted by Jeff at 01:13 PM | Comments (4)
December 24, 2005
SOPHISTICATED EUROPE: GET NAKED FOR CHRIST
Posted by Jeff at 05:03 PM | Comments (11)
December 23, 2005
LEADING DEMOCRATS' ARCTIC NATIONAL WILDLIFE REFUGE PHOTO OP
photo © beautiful Atrocities
DURBIN: My god, what a pristine wilderness!
BOXER: Breathtaking! What time does the sun come up?
BIDEN: Around June. For 10 minutes.
JESSE JACKSON: That could be good for tourism, no risk of sunburn.
BYRD: Do you people sunburn?
JACKSON: What kinda racist KKK shit is that??
BYRD: Oh don't crimp your pubes, I'll make another goddamn 'contribution' to PUSH. Damn, you bargain like a Jew.
JACKSON: Now that's funny!
PATTY MURRAY: What the— who the hell is dry-humping my ass??
("mumble mumble baby got back hiccup!")
MURRAY: Ted! Get off me, you oaf!
BIDEN: Is that water running?
BOXER: Sorry. I had to tinkle.
REID: You're desecrating a pristine wilderness! What if some pitiful animal drinks that?
MURRAY: Are there even any animals here?
(grrrrowl)
MURRAY: Oh my god, what's that??
DURBIN: Heh-heh.
MURRAY: You asshole, Dick! That's not funny.
HOWARD DEAN: Magnificent. This is exactly the kind of lifeless, desolate wasteland we should be preserving for - YEEEOWWWWGGGGHHHHHHHHH
REID: Howard, that screaming schtick is getting so old. (pause) Howard?
BIDEN: It almost sounded like he fell into a crevasse.
KERRY: Fell - or was pushed.
HILLARY: Heh heh.
Posted by Jeff at 06:30 AM | Comments (17)
December 22, 2005
VOTE SONDRA K HOTTEST BLOG DIVA!
See also the Sondra K Interview
Posted by Jeff at 01:29 PM | Comments (2)
CAN YOU GET THE CLAP FROM A BLOG?
Posted by Jeff at 01:27 PM | Comments (2)
THINGS COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE...
A new feature at Beautiful Atrocities, where we set aside our usual mind-deadening negativity to focus on gratitude & infantile humor.
America is a many-faceted cesspool: a rogue state (Andrew Sullivan), a gay dungeon master (Jesse Jackson), morally repugnant & not worth fighting for (Cindy Sheehan), a police state (Rep. Ron Paul), passionately racist (Susan Sontag), ignorant (Michael Moore), the torture & political murder capital of the world (Noam Chomsky), a dumb puppy with big teeth (Johnny Depp), a dictatorship (Sean Penn) & a nightmare of hysteria, ignorance, stupidity, & belligerence (Harold Pinter).
However, it could be worse. We could, for example, be living on
Jupiter's moon Io, where geysers
spew sulfur 300 miles
high, so you can imagine the stink. Frenchmen on Io would be
insufferable, sulfur-farting surrender monkeys . Also, we would have to learn to live
without many things we take for granted, like oxygen & Desperate
Housewives.
The gravitational pull of Jupiter produces "tides" in the rocky surface of over 300 feet. Dramamine would be a human right, & since Io is constantly resurfaced by molten sulfur, Yahoo Maps would be even more unreliable than it is.
Io is also surrounded by something called a plasma torus, which sounds rude. With mean surface temperature -225F, baseball games would have to be played indoors on plastic grass, which isn't baseball but billiards. And since the rock tides continually heat & melt Io's interior, a working toilet would be a miracle.
Even worse, since the surface gravity is only .183 that of Earth, as soon as you crapped, it would flypaper itself to your ass. Bidets would be useless, as they would spray water senselessly in all directions, so they would really be fountains. So you see, things could be worse.
Posted by Jeff at 12:34 AM | Comments (16)
December 21, 2005
CITIZEN RACONTEUR SEAN PENN ON HOLLYWOOD'S BIGGEST FLOPPIES
Posted by Jeff at 08:29 PM | Comments (1)
WHO WOULD DIEBOLD BOMB?
You see what I have to put up with? More delirium tremens graffiti from the certifiable crew at Oakland's Grand Lake Movie Palace, which sometimes even shows movies. While I was taking the pic, a stylin' young black woman walked past & said "Ain't that the truth?" A spirited exchange followed. We're no longer friends.
More fun with signs here & here
Posted by Jeff at 11:07 AM | Comments (22)
December 20, 2005
AND SPEAKING OF TORTURE...
Someone's mother-in-law is staying with her for two weeks, & she's not a happy camper. Today: buying a thong with your MIL. Next up: the fascinating dollar-store tour. Advice welcome.
Posted by Jeff at 09:42 PM | Comments (3)
"HONEY! I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO BLOG! IF ANYONE CALLS FOR MATA, LOLA, ALOTTA, SAPPHIRE, OR 99, SEND IT UP!"
Posted by Jeff at 07:37 AM | Comments (4)
ONE MAN'S TORTURE IS ANOTHER MAN'S DAILY DISH
Posted by Jeff at 12:15 AM | Comments (21)
BLAST A PALESTINIAN TERRORIST BINGO
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 AM | Comments (1)
December 19, 2005
THE INDC BILL INTERVIEW
A hard-hitting interview with INDC Bill, the Lord Voldemort behind INDC Journal, one of the brightest success stories of the New Media, & a man widely noted for his scorn for Intelligent Design, his unrequited passions, & his tragic inability to play well with others.
BA: Have you ever been sent to anger management?
INDC:
Back in Florida we called it the Lee County jail.
BA:
Ever put your fist through a wall?
INDC:
No, drywall knows when to keep its big fat mouth shut.
BA:
If you were a doctor, what medication would you prescribe for
Tom Cruise?
INDC:
Lorazepam 4 mg 2xpd baseline, 12 - 15 mg as needed for
manic episodes.
Trifluoperazine 10 mg, 3x daily for "Thetan suppression &
removal" Lotronex .5mg 2xpd tapering up to 1g 2xpd for
IBS
BA: Paula Abdul?
INDC:
Gradually taper back current klonopin scrip to 2 mg 3xpd.
Valtrex: 500 mg 1xpd suppressive, 500mg 2xpd for
acute reduction of
transmission, 500mg 2xpd - 3 days for recurrent outbreaks
BA:
Lindsay Lohan?
INDC:
Chlorpromazine 25 mg 3x per day initial, 50 mg 3x pd maintenance for A.
Nervosa.
Ceftriaxone 125 mg intramuscularly. Levonorgestrel 0.75mg as needed (1.5 mg recommended for usage related to
Wilmer Valderrama)
BA:
How much can you press?
INDC:
Incline, decline or flat bench? Dumbbells or bar?
BA:
Oh shut up. Has a man ever made a pass at you? If yes, was it
Oliver Willis?
INDC:
Yes, & No.
BA:
Ever pissed next to someone famous?
INDC:
No, but I farted while taking a picture with Mike Wallace.
BA:
Worst vice?
INDC:
Burr.
BA: Weak! Have you ever been asked to leave a bar or restaurant?
INDC:
No, but I've been "told," "dragged" & "dragged & then tossed
from." BA:
In terms of women, do you prefer clay court or Astroturf?
INDC:
What the hell does that mean? [Clarification follows]
In that case, I'm just happy to be hitting balls around.
BA:
How many restraining orders have been
taken out on you?
INDC:
Just the one [epithet removed].
BA:
What woman do you consider a guilty pleasure?
INDC:
I used to feel guilty about Hermione
Granger, but
John Derbyshire disabused me of such silly artificial shame constructs.
BA:
Are you pee-shy?
INDC: Only on camera.
BA:
Number of Madonna CDs you own?
INDC:
Zero. If possible, that would be a negative integer.
BA:
Do you think Mike Tyson got a bad rap?
INDC:
Not really. Now Shaquille O'Neal, there's a man with a bad
rap
BA:
Do you think Kelly Clarkson should just go back to selling Avon
& shut up?
INDC:
That strikes me as a leading question.
BA:
Smartest Republican?
INDC:
Paul Wolfowitz, if he's a Republican. Otherwise, Rudy.
BA:
Smartest Dem?
INDC:
Hmmm. Well that's ... um ... ...
BA:
What advice would you give Hillary Clinton for 2008?
INDC:
On one of those fact-finding trips to Iraq, have yourself
"accidentally" videotaped killing a jihadi with a hunting knife.
BA:
To what do you attribute your
Andrew Lloyd Weber obsession?
INDC:
I saw Phantom in high school, & it stirred dormant musical
tastes that I've since come to accept & ultimately embrace. But you know
what? Deep down? I always knew. Since I was very young.
BA:
What do you want for Christmas?
INDC:
Final Christian Dominance over the Earth's damned hordes. But
I'll settle for a copy of
Prisoner of Azkaban on DVD.
Posted by Jeff at 05:03 AM | Comments (15)
December 18, 2005
WHAT DID YOU SAY THAT THING WAS?
Jodie Marsh, the proud & talentless bimbo whose goal it is to supplant proud & talentless Uber-bimbo Jordan as England's sweetheart, has broken off with ex-Blue star Antony Costa, but she's taking the high road:
"He's very, very, very, very small, the smallest I've ever seen in my life. I'm talking like maybe two inches tops. It's not just a little bit small, it's like a button mushroom. Apart from his problems in the trouser department, he was passionate in every other way. If he was bigger I'd have given him 10 out of 10 as a lover. But because he's not, it makes it awkward & no matter what people say, you notice. With that in mind, I'd have to give him one or two out of 10. It's not his fault. He can't help how big he is. He hasn't got the best bum and is a bit overweight, but I'd rather have a man with a pot belly & a flat nose than a man with a six pack & a perfect face. He was always called the ugly one in Blue & he knew the band was coming to an end. He was on a real downer."
See also Keeping It Real by Jodie Marsh
Posted by Jeff at 05:48 AM | Comments (9)
WHEN DOCUMENTARIANS LIE ... & GET CAUGHT
Posted by Jeff at 05:45 AM | Comments (4)
December 17, 2005
BREAKING: PAULINA RUBIO HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND...
For those too stupid to know who Paulina Rubio is, see videos here, try Lo Hare Por Ti (I'll Do it For You), good crunchy pop / rock song
Posted by Jeff at 02:03 PM | Comments (6)
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES AT THE MOVIES: KING KONG
The problem with Kong is it has no center. It needs a strong
personality to anchor it, but Jack Black is either miscast or misused.
What's the point of having Jack Black if you're not going to turn him
loose? His obsessed director should be a maniac on a mission (he's competing with a 30ft ape), but
he just stares off into eternity a lot.
Absent Black, you have Adrien Brody, who's too goddamned French* to be a matinee idol, & the lovely Naomi Watts, who's engaging but spends half the movie screaming & the other half gazing through Vaseline lenses. There's too many soulful gazes in this movie, some of them CGI.
So you have a lot of frenetic action swirling around nothing, which is good if you're a hurricane but not so good if you're a 3 hour $207 million kidney-buster. Director Peter Jackson refused to chop the Spider Pit sequence famously cut from the original. Is it creepy? Yes. Does it add anything to the characters? No. Does it add anything to the movie? About half an hour. CUT! Two camels.
Counterpoint: NY Daily News Jami Bernard, who cried when she saw Fahrenheit 9/11, on Kong: "I laughed, I cried."
See also Naomi Watts Pays Her Dues; Adrien Brody on Kong; Jack Black on Kong; Gollum on Kong; Kong: Nature vs Civilization; Going Ape Cocktail Recipe; A-Z Guide to Kong; David O. Selznick: Godfather of Kong
* temperament, not ethnicity
Posted by Jeff at 10:11 AM | Comments (10)
December 16, 2005
"BILLY? IT'S TIME TO COME INSIDE & PLAY WITH YOUR SISTER."
Posted by Jeff at 12:15 PM | Comments (18)
THE WISDOM OF DAVID EDELSTEIN
Slate / NPR movie reviewer David Edelstein probably hasn't set foot outside New York since 1972, the last time his worldview was relevant. He sprayed all over Fahrenheit 9/11, pretending agonized equivocation while gushing
"What can even Bush partisans make of those seven minutes in the elementary school classroom after he received the news that a second plane had hit the World Trade Center & the nation was under attack?"
Suggesting Bush's response was insufficient is
squealing
hypocrisy, since liberals like Edelstein have spent 4 years shitting
about Bush's all-too-sufficient response: the Taliban routed, Hussein
overthrown, Patriot Act passed, no attack on American soil, democracy in
Afghanistan & Iraq. In Edelstein's world, a cheap shot passes for
a slam dunk.
He pulls the same act with Clooney's oppressed-liberals wet dream / flop Good Night & Good News - which at least admits it's fiction - shrugging off its rewritten history while assuring us "the movie's message that 'we should not confuse dissent with disloyalty' feels especially vital."
This is dissent as moral preening, with no thought it might have real-world consequences when, say, the head of the Democratic Party tells Islamofascists worldwide the US is doomed in Iraq, or a US Senator assures Al Jazeera's audience that Guantanamo, where no prisoner has died, is worse than the Holocaust (6 million dead), Stalin's gulag (18 million dead), & the killing fields of Pol Pot (2 million dead). Fifth columnist, anyone?
And when the vile Rosenbergs - those liberal icons - passed nuclear secrets to Joseph Stalin (a madman who murdered 20 million people) I guess it was just dissent. It's political protest as therapy: the important thing is that people like Edelstein vent.
Here's Edelstein's wisdom on King Kong:
"Jackson doesn't deal with the implicit racism of King Kong - the implication that Kong stands for the black man brought in chains from a dark island (full of murderous primitive pagans) & with a penchant for skinny white blondes."
Wow, who knew I enjoyed the original Kong because it made me want to
join Robert Byrd's Klan & save Ann Coulter? I
can't wait to hear what the dinosaur in Jurassic Park 2 stood for
- the mainstream media? the Democratic Party? David Edelstein?
You'd think a man who dabbles in words would know their meanings. Racism refers to a theory of biological determinism, not 'anyone who thinks Jesse Jackson is a clown', & not 'anything that tickles Edelstein's white liberal guilt'. Edelstein proves the rule that 99% of the time when you hear the word racism, it's in a context in which it means nothing.
He's at it again on Memoirs of a Geisha:
"It has been something of a scandal in Asia that the principal actresses are Chinese & Malaysian, the idea being that they're better box-office in international (white) markets than Japanese women, & that, really: Who'll know the difference?"
Read that sentence & guess where the scandalized party changes from "someone in Asia" to "David Edelstein". Actually the scandal is all in Edelstein's head, like the faux-scandal about Margaret Cho's faux-sitcom, which (gasp) had non-Koreans playing Koreans! Because being Korean, or Japanese, is something so essential, only a Korean or Japanese can truly pull it off. (Throw out all those Othello DVDs.)
Edelstein doesn't follow his logic to its inevitable conclusion: Japanese actors should only play Japanese roles. But then, he never thinks anything through.
See also Protein Wisdom: Monkey Shines; Racism: What the Hell is It?
Posted by Jeff at 12:21 AM | Comments (21)
December 15, 2005
MAKE POVERTY HISTORY FOR CHRISTMAS
...with someone else's money. See also For God's Sake, Please Stop the Aid!
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 PM | Comments (0)
I'M NOT AN INTELLECTUAL BUT I PLAY ONE ON TV
Posted by Jeff at 07:01 AM | Comments (17)
OLGA TAÑON — 'BANDOLERO'
Olga Tanon
is the voluptuous Puerto Rican bombshell who makes J-Lo look petite. She
began as a merengue singer, then upgraded to pop with the help of
singer / songwriter
Marco Antonio Solis. In 1998 she had a tempestuous tabloid
romance with baseball superstar
Juan Gonzalez, who left his pregnant wife for her.
Calling Dr. Laura! You'll be stunned to know the marriage didn't
last (it was Gonzalez' fifth marriage even though he was only
26!). Olga now said to be working on a crossover CD. Bandolero
is an Arab-inflected dance number, &
you can check out Olga's moves in the sexy video.
Posted by Jeff at 06:53 AM | Comments (4)
BUTTWATCH
Butt Leads Pakistan Fightback: "Salman Butt quickly made England aware they had a challenge on their hands. Lancashire pace bowler James Anderson shiftedr Kamran Akmal cheaply but Butt responded with a quickfire 67."
See also Profiles in Courage: Salman Butt; Butt Seriously
Posted by Jeff at 06:50 AM | Comments (3)
MR. KRUGMAN, PLEASE COME IN OFF THE LEDGE...
Posted by Jeff at 06:49 AM | Comments (0)
December 14, 2005
VINTAGE ANTIQUE ARAB NUDES
Posted by Jeff at 04:47 PM | Comments (4)
THE SONDRA K INTERVIEW
Sondra K is the pneumatic gun-toting blogdiva behind Knowledge is Power, which is nominated for Best Culture Blog in the Weblog Awards (last day to vote!). An original who doesn't suffer fools lightly, she's known for her shoe fetish, her armory, her patriotism, & for bitch-slapping A Small Victory. Personally, I'm waiting for the Sondra K Calendar, but until then here's an exclusive interview:
BA: What were you like in high school?
Sondra:
I was the stoner brainy babe. First solo flutist out of 27 in band, honors
classes, top 10% of my class.
BA: Ever make out with a teacher?
Sondra:
Let's just say Yes.
(ED: X-rated details omitted. She got an 'A'.)BA: Favorite gun?
Sondra: For practice, a
Sig .22,
& a CZ83 .380
in stainless that I carry.
BA: Dream car?
Sondra:
Bugatti Veyron 16.4
BA: Any advice for Elton
John on his upcoming nuptials?
Sondra:
Don't shout out Eminem at that moment...it could be a bummer.
BA:
What woman would you most like to snog?
Sondra:
Angelina Jolie. Hands down. And if she was too busy adopting kids that
weekend then
Fairuza Balk.
BA: Know any martial arts?
Sondra:
I take four Kickboxing classes a week, silly!
BA: Ever done a Chinaman?
Sondra: I've done
an Asian dude....don't know from where but OMG he was
BEAUTIFUL!
BA: Celebrity blog you'd read?
Sondra:
Chris Walken.
BA: Worst fashion mistake men make?
Sondra:
Dress socks with shorts.
BA: Ever been thrown out of a bar?
Sondra:
Lots of times!
BA: Ever appeared in an adult magazine or
film?
Sondra:
No, but I was on a bathing suit calendar when I was 17, er, 18.BA: What do you hate
more, MoveOn or those Lord of the Rings movies?
Sondra:
SHIT! This is the hardest one yet! I'd have to say MoveOn
because they don't have Liv Tyler.
BA: Sex or shoes?
Sondra:
Ohhhhhhhhh...sex WITH shoes. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Posted by Jeff at 06:48 AM | Comments (17)
SEPARATED AT BIRTH: BARBARA LEE & THE BRIDE OF WILDENSTEIN?
Dear Barbara Lee,
I was noticing your recent makeover & it looks like you've had some work done. Your face is getting that Press'n'Seal surface tension, & your eyes have an Asiatic, feline look, meaning you either got the Blue Light HMO Special or told your doctor you wanted to look like Catwomen of the Moon.
Careful, Barb, it's a slippery slope, & you could end up looking like Jocelyne Wildenstein. Then instead of being a laughingstock as the only member of Congress to vote against a military response to 9/11, you'll been known as Hello Kitty & everyone on the Hill will be sniggering behind your back (something you're probably already used to).
Frankly, I'm surprised, because everyone knows Black Don't Crack. I know 40 year old white women with a lot of tread who'd gladly put up with some institutionalized racism & voter disenfranchisement for a little high & tight. So it all evens out.
Your friend,
Jeff
See also Scary Jocelyn Wildenstein Video; Meet Barbara Lee!; Kitty Klux Klan
Posted by Jeff at 06:15 AM | Comments (7)
ZARQAWI: YOU CAN'T GET GOOD HELP THESE DAYS
Posted by Jeff at 06:11 AM | Comments (0)
ON A SCALE OF PAULA ABDUL TO MAUREEN DOWD?
"I'm probably one of the most neurotic people on the face of the earth." — Ryan Seacrest
Posted by Jeff at 06:03 AM | Comments (2)
December 13, 2005
NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS
"Tookie Williams' violent past was well known, but he had become a textbook version of rehabilitation & his execution was a travesty of justice." — Kate Allen, Amnesty International
Posted by Jeff at 03:36 PM | Comments (9)
EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT'S A ONE-PARTY TOTALITARIAN SHITHOLE RUN BY BEA ARTHUR IN DRAG
"The direct popular democracy exercised in the Libyan Jamahiriya represents an evolution of the conception of democracy & mankind should emulate it." — Former Democratic Senator Mike Gravel in Tripoli
In case you're thinking he's just a crank, Gravel was the person who read the Pentagon Papers into the Congressional Record, seconded his own nomination for Vice President at the 1972 Democratic Convention, & authored a book called Citizen Power, in which he advocated a guaranteed annual wage of $5000 whether one worked or not.
In 2003, he spoke at a conference for the anti-Semitic Barnes Review, which includes articles like Hitler: Overlooked Candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize; Holocaust Smoke & Mirrors; Joseph Mengele: A New Look; Masonry & the Secret Empire; & Resisting the Smotherout ("Worse than any German war crimes, real or alleged, were the actual crimes of the Allies.")
Posted by Jeff at 12:29 PM | Comments (3)
MOXIE: LIVEBLOGGING THE TOOKIE RIOTS
...and if those riots crap out, maybe this will do it
Posted by Jeff at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)
RACISM: WHAT THE HELL IS IT?
Posted by Jeff at 12:08 AM | Comments (12)
IF CAMERON DIAZ POOPS IN THE WOODS, DOES IT MAKE ANY NOISE?
Posted by Jeff at 12:07 AM | Comments (3)
MAGIC NUMBERS — 'LOVE ME LIKE YOU'
The
Magic Numbers are a British pop band with a Seventies look
& a Sixties sound. The band consists of two pairs of
siblings: Romeo (guitar / vocals) & Michelle (bass) Stodart along with
Sean (drums) & Angela (vocals) Gannon. They have a folk / pop sound that
harks back to the Mamas & the Papas, an unpretentious mix of airy
harmonies & catchy pop riffs. They've scored 3 hit singles in England,
including Love Me Like You, which reached #12.
Watch the video, & see if they look like any band you've
seen since 1973.
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 AM | Comments (7)
December 12, 2005
TOOKIEMETER®
|
|
See also Tookiepoll: Cast Your Vote!
UPDATE: The Governator comes thru!
GUESS SHE CAN CALM DOWN NOW: "I'm more worried that white people are going to start a riot when he's given clemency." Robin Toma, executive director, Los Angeles County Human Relations Commission
"Tookie Williams is a tragic example of a wasted life brought by irreversibly poor choices. His life should be remembered as a waste & not extolled in martyrdom & legend." Mychal Massie, Project 21 black leadership project
WTF Alert: "To execute one of the nation's most effective spokesmen against gang violence is to effectively condemn hundreds more poor, black youth to the same fate." Ajamu Baraka, executive director of something called U.S. Human Rights Network (ED: but not if they don't cap anyone)
YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP: Campaign to End the Death Penalty will protest Tookie's 'legal lynching' outside the Justice Department in D.C. tonight. Note to CEDP: since capital crimes are referred to in the 5th Amendment, if you want to end the death penalty, you'll have to amend the Constitution.
IF THIS DOESN'T RISE TO THE LEVEL OF SELF-PARODY, WHAT DOES? "Troy Goodwin brought his 2 children, 12-year-old Trayva & 11-year-old Tevin [?], to the prison gates on what he said was a reality-check field trip. 'I want them to see the pros & cons behind this issue up close & personal,' Goodwin said. 'The message is that no matter how good you become, they still crush you.' Protester Carolyn King was crying: 'If he doesn't rise to the level of clemency, then what does?'"
Posted by Jeff at 12:16 AM | Comments (39)
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES' ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO METH
The 80s were a Golden Age of low taxes, cheap gas, Prince, Cheers, & beautiful people tweeking out on fine imported pharmaceuticals. Then came the 90s: Friends, the Clintons, Celine Dion, & crack. If coke was Macy's, crack was Target: cheap no-frills off-the-rack thrills.
Now we have meth, the Walmart of recreational drugs. No longer can you glamorously piss your life away along with the soulless Hollywood glitterati. Now it's you & every other trailer park Sally from Tucson to North Platte. In an effort to maintain some semblance of standards, here are a few places where producers still attempt a quality product:
Stockton / Modesto: As Napa is to Chardonnay, the
Central Valley is to meth, turning out a product with E-cup personality
& a caustic yet delicate bouquet with flavors of battery acid,
lighter fluid,
Maximum Strength Dristan, chloroform, Mountain Dew, pine tar, MSG, & a
whisper of balsamic vinegar. The ammonia finish lingers forever.
Literally.
Mexicali: For the more refined palate that prefers an
imported blend. Produced in quaint, well-fortified bodegas, it boasts an
ice-pick pungency with notes of chipotle, cyanide, hydrochloric
acid, horchata, ether, manzanita,
Laetrile,
epazote, & the piquancy of utter desolation. Good with
Skittles & Alka Seltzer.
Lincoln / Omaha: Many fine houses springing up along
Nebraska's Highway 80, aka
Hwy
Eight Ball. A naphtha-laced nose packed with Dexatrim & sugar
beets. With heat, gives notes of Drano, Red Bull, turpentine, mesquite,
road tar, & mercury. An unpretentious product that can be used young
or cellared for next weekend.
Nacogdoches: The piney woods of East Texas are home to
an unfiltered, opaque gray product with arabesques of lye, Sudafed, Liquid
Smoke, burnt toffee, hydrogen peroxide, swamp gas, & Worcestershire
sauce. Occasional off-odor like decomposing corpse. An acquired taste, like
blowfish or Andrew Lloyd Weber.
Goes well with Excedrin & orange marshmallow peanuts.
See also the Amazing Meth Makeover
Posted by Jeff at 12:04 AM | Comments (16)
JOCELYNE WILDENSTEIN'S PLASTIC SURGERY TIPS
Posted by Jeff at 12:00 AM | Comments (1)
December 10, 2005
THE TOOKIE DIARIES
7:00 Get up. Do 4000 push-ups. Check emails from posse of borderline bitches. "Damn," I tell Scott Peterson, "I'm so horny I pop wood at a
spreadsheet! Don't stop, buddy!"
9:00 Meet with Janaene Garofalo & Bianca Jagger. DAMN, girls, what you been drinking, Ugly In a Can?? How come it always be the muggsly crackers go for the bruthas? Where be Kelly Ripa?? Where be Hillary Duff??
10:00 Watch Power Rangers
1:00 Word is, the bruthas gonna riot if they fry me. There's just one problem with that plan: HOW DOES THIS HELP THE TOOKSTER? SHIT! CAN SOMEONE THROW ME A GODDAMN BONE?
2:00 Dismantle cot, destroy toilet as social protest. SOMEONE GET ME A GODDAMN PLUMBER! WHAT YOU THINK THIS IS, GITMO? I AM A GODDAMN POET! I SAY!
3:00 Watch Days of our Lives. Damn, that Sami Brady is fly, I could just smack her up! SCOTT!!!!!!
4:00 12,000 push-ups.
5:00 Dear Pope ?: I ain't killed no one since I been in prison, altho with the stupid dumbass muthaf*ckers in here I been sorely tempted. Also, my buddy OJ is looking for the real killers...
8:00 You know the worst day of my life weren't when I capped those dumb Buddhaheads, it was when those NAZI REPUBLICAN MUTHAF*CKERS RECALLED MY MAN GRAY DAVIS! ARNOLD! JESSE! KOFI! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING QUICK! SHIT, ROLL OVER, SCOTT, & FOR F*CK SAKE TRY TO LOOK LIKE HALLE BARRY!
Posted by Jeff at 10:34 AM | Comments (26)
December 09, 2005
GET UR PHREAK FRAUD ON
Dear Diebold,
Your friend,
Jeff
Posted by Jeff at 12:10 AM | Comments (27)
WOULD THAT BE A COMEDY ABOUT A FAT RACE-BAITING ANTI-SEMITIC CON ARTIST WITH BOUFFANT HAIR?
Posted by Jeff at 12:07 AM | Comments (1)
MOVIES NOBODY HEARD OF: GALAXIS
GALAXIS
aka Galactic Force, Star Crystal, Terminal Force
Cast: Brigitte Nielsen, Richard (Night Court) Moll, John H. Brennan, Craig Fairbrass
Plot: "She came on a mission from a distant place, where the inhabitants are being exterminated by an evil intergalactic rogue. Her quest: secure the power source that will save her civilization. To that end, nothing & no one can stop her."
Review: "Apparently, Los Angeles is the temporal & dimensional center point of all time & space. How many time travel movies involve LA? Beast Master 2, Time Runner, Future War, Trancers, Trancers 2, & far more than that I can recall off the top of my head."
Amazon review: "This utter waste of time & money should have been used to feed starving children in Tasmania."
Joe Bob Briggs: "They’re trying to make you think it’s Galaxina, because there’ve been a whole bunch of sexy spacewoman movies, beginning with Barbarella. The most famous one besides Barbarella is Galaxina. But this isn’t Galaxina, this is Galaxis, originally released under the title Star Crystal & then they changed it to Terminal Force & then they changed it to Galactic Force. And still nobody wanted to see it."
Quote: "Resistance is futile."
Viewer comment: "Terrible acting, has-been stars, cheap effects, ripping off other films left & right. Her costume is quite appealing, even though she wasn't in the best shape & it shows through the tight leather."
Trivia: Nielsen is 6'1" 41DD-23½-37. Nemesis is played by
Night Court's Richard Moll, 6'7½". In March, Nielsen married for 6th time, to a
man 16 years younger,
even though she's still married to her 5th husband.
Denies sex romp with
Arab
prince who ponied up $1 million for her.
Dreadful
Preview Here.
The
Making of Galaxis. Brigitte
Nielsen's Dateline.
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 AM | Comments (5)
December 08, 2005
LIFE IN BEVERLY HILLS
"Warren, honey? It's Barbra. Listen, as long as you're still subscribing to that right-wing rag, could you save the Calendar section for me? That's a love. Please don't read it on the toilet."
See also Funny Lady
Posted by Jeff at 07:38 AM | Comments (1)
"MR. CRUISE! PLEASE COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!"
Posted by Jeff at 07:37 AM | Comments (4)
December 07, 2005
CINDY SHEEHAN: I'M STILL HERE, DAMMIT!
After her flop book tour, Cindy Sheehan fired her agent & hired a new publicist who's scheduled a media blitz to change her image & restore her status as America's sweetheart:
I'm a
Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here: In the Sunni Triangle,
Cindy & pals run for their lives to avoid becoming Al Jazeera's
Snuff Vid of the Day. Also stars Alexis Arquette, Charles
Rangel, Bai Ling, former Power Ranger Michael Copon, Heidi Klum, Flavor Flav, &
Nancy Pelosi
Trading Spouses: Cindy's exasperated family swaps her for
famous nutjob Marguerite Perrin of Ponchatoula, Louisiana, figuring
batshit Pentecostal jeremiads (notorious
video here) can't be worse than Cindy's stale old paleoliberal
rants. Bonus:
Marguerite Perrin Reality Show Plea Petition
American's Top Model: Cindy's stats: Age - 48.
Hometown - Vacaville, CA. Occupation - Citizen /
Superstar. Favorite TV show - The Ashlee Simpson Show.
Favorite magazine - Cahiers du Cinema. Favorite movie - Girl on Girl Pt
7. Favorite food -
tabbouli.
Extreme Tetherball:
Cindy & Louis Farrakhan face off against Hootie & the Blowfish.
Losers are decapitated
I Can't Believe
I Wore That!: Bo Derek ribs a good-natured Cindy about her
regrettable
taste for tie-dye, her
appalling straw hat fetish, & inappropriate display of
argyle body stockings,
camel toe, &
Wonderbras
Loveline with Mumia abu Jamal: A giggling Cindy plays Robin
Quivers to wisecracking cop-killer Mumia, who gets her to take her top
off. "You are a bad boy, Mumia, I could just give you a lethal injection!!"
Private Passions - Ultimate Fantasies: Host Nancy Grace gets Cindy to reveal her dream of some back-door action in
a Shemar Moore / Hugo Chavez sandwich.
WWE Smackdown:
Cindy & Ron Jeremy take on
Trish Stratus
& Hillary Clinton. Cindy bashes the bejesus out of Hillary's
botox, screaming "Stop the killing you warmongering whoremonkey*!"
Days of our Lives:
Bo & Hope's shaky marriage hits the skids when Hope's old ice-skating
rival Veronique Vernieux (Cindy Sheehan) shows up to make
trouble. Veronique: "If you need me, Bo, just moo. You know how
to moo, dontcha? Just put your lips together & moooooooooooo!"
* try saying warmongering whoremonkey 10 times fast
Posted by Jeff at 12:18 AM | Comments (17)
IT'S TIME TO LAY OFF THE CARBS, SISTER
Posted by Jeff at 12:15 AM | Comments (5)
MOLOTOV — FRIJOLERO
Molotov
is a riotous Mexican rap / metal band with songs like Apocalypshit,
Marciano (I Turned into a Martian), & Chinga Tu Madre.The
English / Spanish Frijolero (Beaner) is a catchy if hateful take
on illegal immigration that takes shots at Vicente Fox but reserves most
of its barbs for Americans who don't want their paychecks to subsidize
all of Mexico. The sing-a-long chorus has to be heard to be
believed.
Lyrics & background
here.
Entertaining video here
Posted by Jeff at 12:14 AM | Comments (2)
GADDAFI PRIZE WINNER: MUSLIMS NOT SCARY ENOUGH
Ex-Malaysian PM Mahathir Mohammed accepted the 2005 Gaddafi Prize for Human Rights (sic), saying "It is an honor. It's even nicer to receive the award initiated by Libya, a country that has never oppressed or colonized others."
Mahathir, who previously told us Jews rule the world, condemned human rights violations at Abu Ghraib & Guantanamo, & upbraided Muslims for not thinking bigger: "We don't plan for ultimate victory, for a long-term solution. We merely seek revenge." He urged his listeners to instill respect & fear in their detractors, & follow the example of the Prophet to realize the worldwide ummah:
"His struggle resulted in Islam being spread from Spain to China. If he could struggle for 23 years, who are we to wish for victory overnight? The ummah must be prepared to struggle much longer, to patiently plan a good strategy & make necessary preparations to regain the status, if not the glory of the Great Muslim Civilization,"
Posted by Jeff at 12:13 AM | Comments (1)
December 06, 2005
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES COMPLETE GUIDE TO JENNIFERS
Jennifer was the most popular girls' name in the 1970s, which explains why we're now up to our ass in Jennifers. If, like me, you have trouble telling them apart, here's a handy guide:
Jennifer Garner:
1972 5'9.
Actress /
CIA recruiter. Made series of bombs - Electra, Daredevil - before finding fame as spook on Alias,
cancelled after
Garner married
Ben Affleck.
Bitten by Colin Farrell. Voted
Best Female Arms on Access Hollywood. Low point: Pearl Harbor.
High point: none.
Jennifer Connelly.
1970 5'7½ 34C/D-22-34. Teen model who appeared in Duran Duran video Union of the
Snake. Survived certain career death of
appearing in movie with
Melanie Griffith, won Oscar for enduring Russell Crowe. Had
breast reduction.
Dresses
kids in fashionable Che. High point: A Beautiful Mind.
Low point: The Hulk.
Jennifer Aniston:
1969. 5'6. 34C-23-35½ Aka Rachel, also name of eponymous 90's hairdo.
Currently transitioning from TV star to box office poison.
Drove Brad Pitt away with obsessive Bush-bashing.
High point: Friends. Low point: in progress.
Jennifer
Love Hewitt: 1979 5'2½ 34C-24-33 Teenybopper actress. Worships Gwyneth Paltrow as goddess, sent her roses before 1999 Oscars, which is creepy. High point: Party of Five. Low point: dating Wilmer
Valderrama.
Jennifer Lopez:
1969 5'6 Morphed
from competent actress to grotesque man-eating diva (P. Diddy, Ben
Affleck) with entourage even bigger than you-know-what.
High point: Selena. Low point: Gigli. Heather Mills
stormed Lopez' office to protest use of fur, but escaped death when
Lopez not there.
Regularly
slags
off peers.
Jennifer Tilly:
1958. 5'5½
36C-24-34. Kewpie-voiced Amerasian psychocutie / champion poker player. High point: Bound.
Low point: Seed of Chucky. Has made 45 movies, many fairly
obscure. #5 on Mr Blackwells' 1997 Worst Dressed List.
Jennifer
Eccleston: 1969 Fox News reporter, embedded with US troops in
Iraq War. Placed
3rd in Wizbang's Hottest Newsbabe poll. Degrees from Georgetown
& London School of Economics.
Jennifer Morrison:
1979
5'5 Debuted at 15 in Richard Gere / Sharon Stone bomb
Intersection, but survived. High point: Dawson's
Creek. Low point: The Ashlee Simpson Show. Cubs fan. Worked
with Affleck, claims he does not wear a toupee.
Jenna Jameson (Jennifer Marie):
1974 5'6 34DD-23-33 Porn star /
bestselling author. Quote: "Fuck Gloria Steinem." 2004
Award Best Girl/Girl scene My Plaything 2. Daughter of
cop & Vegas showgirl. Within 1 year, went from HS cheerleader to
stripper to nude model to porn actress to crackhead. Likes back door
action.
Jennifer Ellison:
1983
5'6½ Bodacious British soap star / pop diva. Starred as vixen on soap
Brookside: "If it's supposed to be a really passionate snog,
you slip the tongue in." Said to be only reason men watch soaps in UK.
Denies implants.
Jennifer Esposito:
1973 5'5 High
point: Crash. Low point: Dracula 2000. Favorite sandwich:
Nutella & sliced bananas on Wonder bread. Big break: Spin City.
Jennifer Walcott:
1977 5'3 32C-22-32 Playboy Playmate of the Month August 2001.
"Special skills" include aerobics, roller blading, & broadcast
journalism. Film credits: Hot Lips, Hot Legs; No
Boys Allowed.
NSFW
gallery.
Jennifer Cavalleri: Ali McGraw's (5'9½ 33A-24-34) character in
1970 weeper Love Story. Inspiration for bijillions of namesakes. In
2000,
Al Gore claimed he was inspiration for Ryan O'Neal character,
foreshadowing incipient madness. Quote: "Love means never having to say
you're sorry," altho in my sorry experience it's the exact opposite.
Jennifer North: Bimbo with a heart of
gold from Valley of the Dolls. Played by Sharon Tate (5') in
camp classic 1967 movie.
Quote: "What the hell, let 'em droop."
Jennifer Follia: 5'6
Madonna
impersonator at clubs, fashion shows, conventions, & fine cruise ships.
Also channels Gwen Stefani, Lesley Ann Warren, Uma Thurman, & works to
save Indonesian orangutan from extinction. Advice: "Never bleach your
hair more than once a month."
See also Voice of a Jen-eration
Posted by Jeff at 06:57 AM | Comments (41)
December 05, 2005
DEAR HEIDI, I AM ENCLOSING MY RESUME & SEVERAL ENTHUSIASTIC REFERENCES...
Posted by Jeff at 06:32 AM | Comments (3)
December 03, 2005
JUST PLAIN NUTS
Barbra Streisand cancelled her LA Times subscription after it replaced oped liberal Robert Scheer with conservative
Jonah Goldberg, leaving her with no breakfast reading except the NY
Times & Revolutionary Worker:
"I'm almost embarrassed for you seeing the LA Times being
referred to as the Chicago LA Times* on the myriad of
internet sites I've visited in the last few days."
A quick google shows that myriad = 2, Talk Left & Think Progress, where a commenter helpfully notes that Scheer can still be read at the World Worker Party [sic] paper (link here, pdf). Fun game: read the entertaining comment threads at Talk Left & Think Progress & try to guess which commenter is Barbra Streisand.
Babs' letter, which at least was spell-checked, rambles about "diversity blah blah integrity yada yada swiftly diminishing free press" etc. Her Truth Alerts are always fun - she just called for impeaching Bush - but my fave riff is this give-her-enough-rope segue:
"August 6 marks the 60th anniversary of the US bombing of Hiroshima. This is also the anniversary of another 'bomb' that was dropped 4 years ago into the lap of President Bush in the form of a memo titled Bin Laden Determined to Strike in the US."
Gee Babs, that's kinda poor taste. Couldn't you think of another bomb, like The Mirror Has Two Faces or Nuts?
See also Silly Barbra Streisand
*The la times is owned by the chicago tribune
Posted by Jeff at 12:25 PM | Comments (12)
TOP 10 KATIE COURIC CONTRACT DEMANDS
Posted by Jeff at 12:22 AM | Comments (2)
December 02, 2005
A MOMENT WITH MARIA SHRIVER
Beautiful Atrocities: Maria, you come
from a distinguished pedigree of bleeding hearts, social
workers, crybabies, & 5150's. As First Lady of
California, will you have any input on Arnold's decision regarding the
execution of mass-murdering Gandhi figure Tookie Williams?
Maria: Arnold was elected by the voters, & he will make the best decision for California. And if he wants any more of this fly snatch, he'll make the right choice.
See also I'm Ready for My Closeup, Miss Sarandon; Send a message to Governor Schwarzenegger
Posted by Jeff at 03:31 PM | Comments (5)
THE OFFENSICON PROJECT - WARNING: NSFW!
Posted by Jeff at 03:13 PM | Comments (1)
CURSED! THE CYBILL SHEPHERD STORY
1950: Cybill born in Memphis. Korean War starts.
1966:
16yo model Cybill
goes to third base with 24 yo Gray Davis. Later shags fat Elvis. Both men come to hideous ends.
1974: Director casts her in Last Picture Show.
Leaves wife & kids for her. Stars her in musical disaster
so wretched he issuesletter of apology. Movie
career over.
1985: Cybill in hit TV show, Moonlighting, about bickering private
eyes. Bickers with
costar, a Republican with no previous experience. Show
tanks. Costar goes on to
have some success.
1995: Cybill in new comedy about struggling actress, which
she knows something about. Having destroyed 2 careers via a) show
tunes & b) not playing well with others, Cybill does both. Slashes role of
scene-stealing costar who is frankly funnier than Cybill,
begins
belting out torch songs in the middle of shows, which makes
no sense. Show tanks.
1999:
Gloria Allred tells Cybill to run for President.
She doesn't, a move she will regret when someone else is elected.
2003:
Portrays Martha Stewart. Martha comments: "I don't screech & I don't scream." Advises Cybill to use tea bags for eyebags.
2004: Martha sent to big house. Cybill endorses
John Kerry, ending his political career. By now, all Hollywood fears
& shuns her.
See also Manolo: Cybill the Sibyl; the Cybill Shepherd Quiz; the Scariest Picture of Cybill Shepherd Ever; Cybill Shepherd - Get the Look; Simple Shepherd; Larry King Interview in which Cybill Pretends She Wasn't Jealous of Bruce Willis
INSPIRED BY PILE ON
Posted by Jeff at 07:25 AM | Comments (9)
December 01, 2005
NOREEN: OFFER IT UP, YOU CUNTS
"Suicidal people are the most tedious people in the world, I fucking wish they would just get on with it. People who just go off & die are alright, but it is the ones who are -idal, rather than actually dead who are the world's biggest fuckers. I especially hate the suicidal ones who make a nuisance of themselves with the act. Those fuckers who jump off bridges & splatt all over the roads holding up the traffic. They could at least think of the people left behind, sitting in fucking traffic while someone else peels mangled guts off the road. Either fucking do it or offer it up, you miserable cunts."
Posted by Jeff at 07:24 AM | Comments (7)