November 08, 2005
SUPPORT THE INSURGENTS! DEFEND BORED YOUTH!
The glorious French insurgency began when disaffected, pissed off, fully subsidized & fairly worthless youths, driven mad by relentless airplay of Un Monde Parfait single by obnoxious brat Ilona Mitrecey (#1 for 14 weeks), began torching fuel-efficient cars to demand that imperialist French police stop leaving them alone.
Things escalated after Sarkozy called the rioters racaille (which can mean either riff-raff, excitable youths, camel-f*ckers, or E.coli) & is now spreading across Europe. Note: This is not about the M-word*! As Michel Moore said, "One man's pyre of Western civilization is another man's youth unrest." Important players (in order of name length):
Valerie Elise Plame Wilson: SHHHHHHH!!!!!
Jacques Rene Chirac: Weaselly triangulator, lunch meat in Sarkozy / Villepin sandwich. Licked Laura Bush.
Johnny Depp: Important intellectual / American expatriate: "France & Europe have a great culture. I'm afraid that American culture is a disaster."
The French army, overextended in Cote d'Ivoire & EuroDisney, called in support from the Foreign Legion (whose soldiers were too busy shagging each other somewhere in the torrid, tempestuous Sahara). UN peacekeepers are being rushed in to file reports while France burns.
Join us tonight in SF, where the usual spotty crowds of shiftless rabble will assemble with signs reading SARKOZY=HITLER, NO BLOOD FOR CREME BRULEE, & VOULEZ VOUS COUCHER AVEC MOI, then proceed to chant incoherently, torch Peugeots, make jackasses of ourselves, & hopefully get laid.
See also Projecte Quel Dommage; Melissa Theuriau Fanpage; the Resistance; Citoyens de France Contre la Racaille
*No, I don't mean Madonna
CORRECTION: We have been informed that the photo of Dominque de Villepin above is actually a photo of American intellectual Jennifer Aniston. Sorry.
UPDATE: ABU GHRAIB ON THE SEINE!!
Posted by Jeff at November 8, 2005 12:09 AM
Comments
Hooray! A post!
Nicolas Paul Stephane Sarkozy de Nagy-Bocsa: Rude, ill-mannered ladies man / Interior Minister. 'Right-wing' (ie, not a member of the Communist Party)
I read today a report about the riots and France's ruling party was called "conservative."
So sophisticated he writes poetry & has a girl's name.
For the record, it is common for French men to take "Marie" as a middle name in honor of Mary, the Mother of God. (At least traditionally). Men in Catholic religious orders do the same.
Turning number: 884268. As in, the security code is 884268.
Posted by: Patrick at November 7, 2005 10:53 PM
Okay, but Dominique is a girl's name. Boys spell it Dominic (as in Dominic Monaghan)
Posted by: beautifulatrocities ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](/nav-commenters.gif)
at November 7, 2005 11:08 PM
Minor correction/beef: that should read noted American intellectual Jennifer Aniston.
Posted by: The Unabrewer at November 7, 2005 11:34 PM
Hey, Jeff. What can beat laughing at the French courtesy of Beautiful Atrocities...well, maybe shagging with the Legion!
Posted by: EssEm at November 7, 2005 11:59 PM
You sure get the mileage out of Jennifer Aniston!
Apparently, so does Mister Vince Vaughn.
Coincidence? I think not.
Posted by: Sadie at November 8, 2005 02:44 AM
Welcome home, Sparky!
Posted by: Gordon at November 8, 2005 03:19 AM
Nice to see you back, even if it took a cataclysm in La belle France to rouse you from your lethargy. I love the reference to Depp; I wonder if he'll be re-evaluating the wisdom of living in his Gallic cultural paradise.
Posted by: Redhand at November 8, 2005 03:21 AM
Nice to see you surface again, Jeff. BTW, links to the Melissa Theuriau are always welcome. She makes me feel all tingly.
-DPF
Posted by: DPF at November 8, 2005 05:50 AM
Good to have you back. Great stuff, as always.
Posted by: Jennifer at November 8, 2005 08:29 AM
It's about time you were obnoxious on your own site.
*wink*
I was hoping you'd post a taunt at the French.
Love you long time,
M
Posted by: Margi at November 8, 2005 09:17 AM
Welcome back - stick around a while!
Posted by: Preston Taylor Holmes at November 8, 2005 09:50 AM
Shouldn't that be “No Blood for Yogurt”?
Posted by: Dave Schuler at November 8, 2005 09:51 AM
Preston Taylor Holmes. Do you build houses? That would be a great name for a home builder.
Posted by: Patrick at November 8, 2005 11:24 AM
The last time I got all effusive about your reappearance, you wandered off to Tijuana or something for the next three months. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... Hell, you might as well go for the triple.
Anyway, nice to see you back, Jeff.
Posted by: utron at November 8, 2005 02:00 PM
But what am I to do about my love of French food, French fashion, French salon music, French jazz?
Fine. Fine!
Posted by: Rae at November 8, 2005 02:51 PM
Eat couscous. Buy a festive headscarf. I hear North African music is all the rage
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at November 8, 2005 02:53 PM
What Margi said. All of it.
Posted by: Juliette at November 8, 2005 08:49 PM
Johnny Depp is a rich nauseating poltroon. What does he mean "France and Europe" I thought France was a part of Europe. Oxymoron. I remember his discolored teeth making me sick in Legend of Sleepy Hollow. He is an illiterate who would father sub-intelligent children.
Posted by: True Brit at November 8, 2005 10:20 PM
Are you staying this time? Summer vacation is OVER, d00d!
And what better time to return than the Nouveau French Revolution?
Posted by: Beth at November 8, 2005 11:32 PM
Paris on fire wakes you up...then you wonder why, " "Fuck, let then burn,".
I AM SO pissed off at you, and in adjoinered, your sluty brown babe.
Hey, B: BBBB "I Dont't Care, Fuck thhe French."
Posted by: TC@LeatherPenguin at November 9, 2005 02:03 PM
Actually, the Legion may not be a bad idea. Just role in the 1er REP, point them at the "suburbs" and say "Look! Algerians! Remember them?"
Then we retire for brie and chardonnay while ernest Greek filmmakers shoot the documentary...
Posted by: richard mcenroe at November 12, 2005 10:39 AM