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April 30, 2005
HELP A CONFUSED LIMEY VOTER TODAY
Posted by Jeff at 01:54 PM | Comments (1)
TABLOID DISMAY: MISSING BRIDE NOT DEAD
Cries of dismay issued from the tabloid media with the discovery that Jennifer Wilbanks had not been brutally murdered by her fiance or at least a serial killer, but merely had cold feet. Fox's Greta van Susteran: "This would have been the bomb for sweeps. I just hope she realizes the pain she's caused all of us who have to scramble for new copy."
Sean Hannity
&
crew were particularly bitter, having paid for two full weeks at the
Sleepy Hollow Inn in Duluth, GA, as was CNN reporter/Delta Burke
lookalike Nancy Grace. "You think this is easy?" she snapped. "You try
doing 5 minutes on cold feet!" Before the story unraveled, Grace
unsuccessfully tried to push Wilbanks' father over the edge:
"Oh you po po man! Tell me, how does it feel knowing your own daughter may be sliced up in julienne pieces? Look, here's a butcher knife the fiend might have used," she added, running her tongue down the blade.
The Wilbanks anticlimax came at a bad time for the tabloid media, still looking for another hit after the Schiavo blockbuster. This week Court TV's Diane Dimond committed suttee on the steps on the Santa Maria courthouse after Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe gave groveling testimony in support of the embattled star. "You stupid cow!" Dimond screamed before combusting. "Couldn't you throw me a goddamn bone??"
Nancy Grace, for her part, rejects Jennifer Wilbanks' cold feet excuse: "I still say the fiancé killed her!"
See also Manolo's Shoe Blog: 14 Bridesmaids??
Posted by Jeff at 09:06 AM | Comments (14)
April 29, 2005
LIFE AT TRADER JOE'S
15YO CHECKER: Hey dude, you know you look like Jon Stewart?
ME: Oh? [Eff off, you effing little fetus!]
Posted by Jeff at 07:57 PM | Comments (14)
NBC AUCTIONS KATIE COURIC ON EBAY
IMPORTANT ANDREW SULLIVAN POST
WEEKEND AUDIO QUIZ: WHAT IS THIS MOVIE? For additional clue, click here
Posted by Jeff at 03:38 PM | Comments (9)
April 28, 2005
WHITEWASH: THE CAIR SEAL OF APPROVAL
Via LGF, we learn that the Council on American-Islamic
Relations (CAIR)
has given its seal of approval to Ridley Scott's new Crusader epic,
Kingdom of Heaven. Unindicted spokesman for CAIR: "Muslims are shown as dignified & proud
people whose lives are based on ethics & morality." Who is CAIR?
Founded 1994 by former officials of Islamic Association for Palestine, Hamas front group. Exec. Director Nihad Awad declared himself Hamas supporter in 1994. Cofounder Omas Ahmad praised suicide bombers & said "Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faiths, but to become dominant."
CAIR advisory board member Siraj Wahhaj: named as coconspirator in plot to blow up NY landmarks. At large
CAIR fundraiser Radih Haddad: co-founder of Global Relief Foundation, shut down by US on terror charges. Deported
Community relations director Bassem Khafagi: pled guilty on immigration & bank-fraud charges. Deported.
Randall Todd Royer, communications specialist at CAIR HQ: pled guilty to belonging to terrorist group & illegally acquiring firearms & explosives for terrorist missions. Sentenced to 20 years
Ghassen Elashi, founding member of Texas chapter: convicted of conspiracy & money-laundering in connection with shipment of high-technology items to Syria & Libya; recently convicted of sending money to Hamas leader Mousa Harbook
Given its pedigree,
it's ironic that CAIR
pitched a fit over TV show 24's portrayal of actual Muslim terrorists in the US.
But the PC police are very powerful in Hollywood. For the film version
of Tom Clancy's Sum of
All Fears, the villains were changed from Palestinian terrorists to
neo-Nazis.
For this year's The Interpreter,
the villains' home was moved from the Middle East to Africa.
Barry Unsworth's novel Sacred Hunger included an English slave ship bartering for slaves with African slave merchants. This is historically accurate: when the Portuguese arrived in Africa, Arabs had been trading for African slaves for 1000 years. Yet Hollywood film backers said they would not fund the movie version if it showed black slave traders. Spielberg's Amistad omitted the fact that the slave Cinque returned to Africa & became a wealthy slaver himself.
Perhaps CAIR liked Kingdom of Heaven because the filmmakers already excised scenes of Muslim warriors spitting on the True Cross & other unacceptable material after a Muslim professor complained. (No doubt this editing was coincidental.)
Ghassan Massoud, who plays Saladin, said he
wouldn't participate in any film (or scene - he demanded changes) that perpetuated negative stereotypes
of Muslims, &
wanted to show the 'facets' of Saladin: "Saladin fights battles, but he also enters into
dialogue. We want to show that dialogue can be much better than war.
Today, America has overwhelming force but it is as if they don't want to
build a dialogue."
Writer Paul Williams notes that Saladin's facets included ordering mass beheadings of prisoners & selling others as slaves.
A NY Times piece on the film notes "Muslims are portrayed as bent on coexistence until Christian extremists ruin everything." Coexistence: the First Crusade was launched in 1096. Prior to that, Muslims conquered Syria (635), Palestine (638), Persia (642), Eqypt (642), North Africa (642-698), Kabul (711), the Indus region (712), Samarkand (712), Spain (712), Toulouse (721), Kyrgyzstan (751, Chinese army defeated), & Armenia (1071).
Muslim expansion into Europe was only stopped when the French defeated them at Tours (732). Someone should tell French actress Eva Green, who says, "It's not like a stupid Hollywood movie. It's a movie with substance. I hope it will wake up people in America ... to be more tolerant, moretoward the Arab people."
Ridley Scott: "I am trying to get across the fact that not everybody in the West is a good guy, & not all Muslims are bad."
Advance review: "It's as disposable as they come. It's led by an actor who has no business leading films like this, Orlando Bloom. When he shares the screen with such proven talents as Jeremy Irons, Brendan Gleeson & David Thewlis he's just unable to hold his own. It's just another failed attempt to add to the pile of instantly forgettable blockbusters."
UPDATE: Zombietime has good post on the politics surrounding the making of Kingdom of Heaven. Interestingly, he links news items noting bomb threats on the Moroccan set, because elsewhere Ridley Scott denies this: "I have been asked, Weren't you threatened? Absolutely not. That's the tabloid press in Europe spreading stories & they are the worst thing."
Anti-CAIR.org; Censorship Then & Now; Complete Idiot's Guide to Crusades; Eva Green: Frog of the Month
Posted by Jeff at 12:26 PM | Comments (35)
April 27, 2005
See also It's a Paula Confusion
Posted by Jeff at 06:09 PM | Comments (18)
THE AIR AMERICA JUGGERNAUT
Via TC Lynch, we learn that
Air America is burning
up the airwaves in Manhattan, currently rated #23, well behind Rush
& Hannity (#8), & Savage/O'Reilly (#19). Since this is the world's most liberal
market next to Belgium, this is a bad sign. However, closer analysis shows
Franken's liberal juggernaut is making headway:
- in a salamander-shaped 6-block stretch of the Upper East Side, Air
America is #9
- among humanities assistant professors nationwide, Air America is
closing on NPR
- in Bozeman, Montana, Air America is #7 in a gated enclave of California ex-pats
- in Berkeley, Air America giving strong competition to KPFA's Herbal Highway & La Raza Chronicles
- Air America the station of choice at Moscow Food Coop in Moscow, ID; Lakewinds Natural Foods in Minnetonka, MN; & Karma Coop in Toronto
Nationwide, several Air America programs are showing legs:
LOVELINE with Mumia Abu-Jamal: A convicted cop-killer
answers your
relationship questions. Offers inmate dating service for prime USDA Death
Row beef
WOMANTALK® with Barbara Boxer: "We need regime replacement, not hormone replacement!"
WHY THEY HATE US: Paleoliberal academics discuss root causes of why Americans hate them. This week: Ward Churchill
WHO DA MAN? White liberals vie to prove
who's the blackest. This week: Anne Lamott on her nasty white dreads,
sings Got 2 B Real. Next week: Bill Clinton vs Wilt Chamberlain
GIULIANA WITH A G: Raucous shock radio from Stalinist cupcake Giuliana Sgrena & gushing sidekick David Brock: "Oh, you slay me, Giuliana! Stop! My side is killing me!"
EGGHEADS: PC poststructuralist gurus Cornel West & Judith Butler have
in-depth conversations consisting of meaningless gibberish
ROCK N ROLL
GENOCIDE: Kofi 'spins' the hits
See also Michelle Malkin: Al Franken, Proud Member of the Unreality-Based Community
Posted by Jeff at 12:52 AM | Comments (12)
April 26, 2005
PROBING TOM DELAY'S SPHINCTER
Posted by Jeff at 08:40 PM | Comments (1)
PERSONALIZE SONDRA K'S BUMPER
Posted by Jeff at 07:37 PM | Comments (0)
wrong!!!
AbstinenceOnly.com Providing America's youth with moral guidance in faith-f*cking, frottage, & Anal Abstinence:
"Take your penis & rub it against your faith partner’s buttocks until erect. Now straddle your partner & slide the underside of your penis back & forth along the crack of your faith partner’s ass. DO NOT penetrate your faith partner’s anus with your penis!
"Continue sliding your prayer rod along the cleft of your faith partner’s ass faster & faster so that your testicles slap against the juncture of their buttocks & thigh. As you approach orgasm we suggest firmly pressing the head of the penis against the small of the back or the top of one buttock cheek, taking care not to let any semen or ejaculate approach the anus. Wasn’t that fun?"
Posted by Jeff at 08:10 AM | Comments (8)
April 25, 2005
ATTILA GIRL ATTENDS THE L.A. BOOK FAIR
...& finds herself among enemies
Posted by Jeff at 03:33 PM | Comments (2)
GADDAFI: THE COMPENSATION GAME
sgt. kenneth ford, killed in 1986 labelle disco bombing; libyan musbah eter, sentenced to 12 yrs by german court
Libyan families of victims of the 1986 US airstrike filed a lawsuit seeking material & moral compensation. The committee of victims' families made the announcement during a rally outside Gaddafi's Tripoli residence:
"The blood & lives of the victims will not be allowed to go in vain. Libyans have the right to ask for just compensation from Washington in return for the terrorizing raid, which claimed the lives of children, women & elderly."
The official Libyan news agency ran an editorial defending Libyans' right for US compensation, without noting that the raid was in retaliation for Libya's terror-bombing of the LaBelle nightclub in Berlin 19 years ago April 5, which wounded 229 people & killed 2 US soldiers, 21yo Detroit church deacon Sgt. Kenneth Ford & 25yo Sgt. James Goins.
After the fall of the Berlin Wall, Stasi files led to the arrest of 3 Libyan embassy workers, who were convicted of attempted murder & given lenient sentences. The German woman who planted the explosives was convicted of murder & given 14 years. Reagan address on Libyan bombing here. Labelle bombing memorial.
DEJA VU: Malta & Libya engaged in diplomatic tug of war over Libya's recent claim to international waters. This echoes Gaddafi's 1973 claim to international waters off the Gulf of Sirte, which led to the US Sixth Fleet shooting down 2 Libyan warplanes & Gaddafi's retaliation bombing of the Labelle nightclub.
In Algiers for the Arab Summit recently, Gaddafi urged Algerians to seek compensation from the French.
¶ Libyan officials denied reports Libya would impose a trade embargo on Bulgaria for not paying compensation for children Libya claims were deliberately infected with HIV on orders from the Mossad. An official had previously stated:
"Libya will boycott Bulgarian companies & shut the doors of all investment & trade opportunities for Bulgarian companies because the Bulgarian government has ignored demands to take responsibility for the action of its citizens in the HIV case."
5 Bulgarian nurses & a Palestinian doctor were sentenced to death by firing squad, but Gaddafi has suggested the sentences could be overturned if Bulgaria would pay compensation equal to the amount Libya paid for the Lockerbie bombing.
Bulgaria has refused, although its Economic Minister arrived in Libya to 'improve economic ties.' US Deputy Defense Minister Paul Wolfowitz offered Washington's help to Bulgaria in the case. For full horror story of Bulgarian nurses, see John Bohannon's When Things Go Wrong in Libya.
¶
Advanced centrifuges for uranium enrichment, destined for Gaddafi's
secret $100 million nuclear weapons plant, disappeared in 2003 &
may have been sold to Iran. The entire plant was to be shipped in
pieces to Libya via Dr. A.Q. Khan's (r.) network, but US intelligence
intercepted a shipment in the Mediterranean, which led to Gaddafi's
public renunciation of WMDs.
It now appears that centrifuge rotors, components, & a ton of high-strength aluminum for centrifuge manufacture disappeared, & may have been sold to Iran. Dr. Khan is a national hero in Pakistan & many Pakistani cities have monuments to the creation of the 'Muslim bomb'.
¶ Tripoli now the chic port of call for cruise ships, despite a US travel warning. From the US State Department: "Libya remains on the State Sponsors of Terrorism List. Americans who decide to travel to Libya despite this Travel Warning should exercise a high level of caution."
¶ Gaddafi abruptly cancelled his visit to Jakarta for the Asian-African summit after Indonesia turned down his request to deliver a religious sermon in a mosque. 'Dozens' of Indonesian Muslims said to have expressed disappointment. Indonesia's Religious Affairs Minister later denied the story, but it's possible they feared what the famously unpredictable Gaddafi would say in the midst of the summit marking the 50th anniversary of the Bandung Conference. 130 of Gaddafi's security guards had already arrived. Amir Taheri has a eloquent obituary for Bandung's legacy.
¶
Ilija Loncarevic
has returned as Libya's national soccier coach, a year after being
sacked by Saadi Gaddafi (r.). Loncarevic's return was engineered by
Saadi's brother Mohammed, who took over as Libyan Football Federation
chairman after Saadi's resignation.
Saadi still bidding $300 million for Liverpool FC, & upping the
ante by offering a $120 million new stadium.
¶ US military would like to establish official ties with Libya’s armed forces if Libya can satisfy Bush administration it has renounced its sponsorship of terrorism, according to second-in-command at US European Command. Wheelus air base near Tripoli was once headquarters for 17th Air Force of US Air Forces Europe. Gen. Charles Wald: "I think it's going to happen."
Posted by Jeff at 12:38 PM | Comments (3)
April 23, 2005
MUST READ: VICTOR DAVIS HANSON VS JARED DIAMOND
Posted by Jeff at 11:11 AM | Comments (10)
April 22, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETTIE PAGE
Bettie Page aka the Girl with the Perfect Figure. 36 - 24 -36½
Born April 22 1923, Nashville, TN. Difficult childhood included stint in orphanage. Salutatorian of high school class, voted Most Likely to Succeed. In 1950, while walking on Coney Island, met Jerry Tibbs, police officer & amateur photographer who put together her first portfolio (& suggested trademark bangs). Quickly became most popular pinup in America.
1955 Playboy
centerfold, Miss Pin-Up Girl of the Year. Declined date with
Howard Hughes. Was forced to testify before Congress about bondage
photos, after which government destroyed negatives of many of her
prints.
Quit modeling in 1957, tried to live domestic life, entered religious seminary, worked as Christian missionary, plagued with mental problems & institutionalized. Currently living in Southern California. In 1980s, Dave Stevens used Page as inspiration for heroine of Rocketeer comic strip. Dave Stevens on film adaptation:
"Disney wanted nothing to do with a female character that was based on a real person for rights reasons. Plus it was a very sexy character. So they immediately called for changes. We were still calling her Betty in the first versions of the script, but by the time we were shooting, the name & appearance had changed, & she wasn't Betty anymore."
Biopic The Notorious Bettie Page due 2006, starring Gretchen Mol & Lili Taylor, produced by Christine Vachon (Boys Don't Cry). Renee Zellweger poses as Bettie. Bettie quotes:
"I never kept up with the fashions. I believed in wearing what I thought looked good on me."
"I was not trying to be shocking, or to be a pioneer. I wasn't trying to change society, or to be ahead of my time. I didn't think of myself as liberated, & I don't believe that I did anything important. I was just myself. I didn't know any other way to be, or any other way to live."
"I'm very sorry that when I turned my life over to the Lord Jesus in January 1959, I threw out all my netstockings, bikinis - some from Frederick's of Hollywood."
"I don't know what they mean by an icon. I was just modeling, thinking of as many different poses as possible. I made more money modeling than being a secretary. I had a lot of free time. You could go back to work after an absence of a few months. I couldn't do that as a secretary."
Official website. The Bettie Page. The Real Bettie Page. (Hat tip: TC Lynch)
Posted by Jeff at 10:32 AM | Comments (6)
April 21, 2005
VATICAN SHOCKER: NEW POPE IS CATHOLIC
passed over: deepak chopra & maya angelou
Legions of deeply spiritual media pundits, academics, & Hollywood celebrities expressed dismay over the Vatican's controversial decision to elect a Catholic as the new Pope. "I was hoping for Deepak Chopra or Maya Angelou," Oprah Winfrey said. "Ratzinger is not a brand name. As a living legend, I can tell you packaging is everything."
Gloria Steinem: "Diversity for diversity's sake is important. A Muslim Pope would have been very inclusive. And Latins are in right now. Gloria Estefan had a song ready & everything. Now I suppose they'll have to use that stupid Schnappi song."
Maureen Dowd, the manless bitter misanthrope at the Times: "I was hoping for Kerry. Again. Every time I get my hopes up about a guy, my heart gets walked on like linoleum. I hate my life."
Survivor producer Mark Burnett pitched a reality show, Cardinal Sins, covering the cutthroat backstage drama to select the Pope. "Viewers could have voted for their favorite guy. The last Pope was a hit, & follow-up is essential. Who's advising these people?"
Madonna, who has a Catholic name, said, "I haven't lasted 20 years by shoveling the same old crap. Faith, hope, & love abide, but I'd recommend a Kabbalah makeover for the guy." A sobbing, menopausal Barbara Boxer challenged the election results, citing voting irregularities & called for a supermajority. Elsewhere: upon hearing of the ascension of a German Pope, the French government immediately surrendered.
Posted by Jeff at 07:37 AM | Comments (10)
SAVE JORDAN'S JUGS!
Posted by Jeff at 07:33 AM | Comments (0)
April 20, 2005
PUNDITS ON THE POPE
joseph ratzinger, 1965
Robert Spencer: Cardinal Ratzinger: "We are moving toward a dictatorship of relativism which does not recognize anything as definitive & has as its highest value one’s own ego & one's own desires. The rebirth of Islam is due mainly to the knowledge that it is able to offer a valid spiritual foundation for the life of its people, a foundation that seems to have escaped from the hands of old Europe."
Roger Kimball: "Pope Benedict is an orthodox Catholic whose reflections (as he put it in his book Introduction to Christianity) 'finally lead of their own accord to the words in which Paul named the main supporting pillars of Christianity: So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of them is love." That's not so bad, is it?"
Victor Davis Hanson: "The current crisis in Western culture is the boredom of an affluent & leisured populace—yearning for transcendence beyond its rich but ultimately unsatisfying material world, & yet skeptical of anything not explicable by pure Reason. An inspiring pontiff challenges modern Western man to rethink that the world is only what he can see or hear; an irrelevant pope confirms cynics’ smugness that religion is an unnecessary & superstitious creed."
Michael Novak: "Cardinal Ratzinger portrayed a crucial parting of the ways: between modernizing the church, so as to seem to appeal to modern men at the expense of fidelity to the word of Jesus Christ; & being faithful to the word, at the expense of losing numbers. But he has also noted, correctly, that parishes & dioceses that choose 'modernization' usually end up losing numbers, while the more serious churches grow mightily."
EJ Dionne: Cardinal Ratzinger: "If it is true that a Christian faith taken seriously means nonconformity with a not inconsiderable number of contemporary social standards, then a more-or-less negative image is unavoidable. Nonconformists, after all, who enjoy general applause, are somewhat ridiculous figures, or at least unconvincing."
Charles Moore: "He is fascinated by Herman Hesse's novel Steppenwolf, with its portrait of the self-isolating man. Because today egotism is exalted rather than the love of God, 'this destruction of the capacity to live gives birth to deadly boredom. It is the poisoning of man. If it carried the day, man, & with him also the world, would be destroyed'".
Daniel Johnson: "The great issue for Pope Benedict XVI is the one that he set out in his remarkable sermon at the preconclave Mass in St Peter’s: Does he wish to lead the Church down the primrose path of secularism, following the Christian heartlands of Europe in their descent into moral relativism, or does he intend to turn towards the new missionary Church of Latin America, Africa & Asia, to reaffirm the faith of Christ, the faith of St Peter, the faith of John Paul II?"
Kenneth Woodward: "All the media focus on Rome when a new pope is elected distorts the nature of the church itself. The problems & opportunities facing Catholics around the world cannot be solved by papal fiat or pontifical programs. What the church needs most are Catholics who want to be Catholics, who know what that means, & who seek the grace to become true disciples of Christ. That they must do themselves."
Andrew Sullivan: "The space for dissidence is now extinct. And the attack on individual political freedom [sic] is just beginning."
The Hard Line on Ratzinger; Photogallery of Ratzinger's life
Posted by Jeff at 10:42 AM | Comments (19)
April 19, 2005
GREAT MOMENTS IN TURKISH CINEMA
click to enlarge
Aysecik ve Sihirli Gugeler aka Little Ayse & the Magic Dwarves, aka The Turkish Wizard of Oz, 1971
Film Threat: "The single stupidest production in the history of motion pictures. The magic midgets are constantly pinching & ogling Dorothy, & even Toto gets into the act by jumping up under her dress."
Wave Magazine: "Why the Turks chose to make Scarecrow gay will remain another Turkish film enigma. Every line this lunatic straw construct coos through his lipstick is accentuated with a limp wrist & a hip thrust. While Dorothy is oiling the Tin Man’s joints, the Scarecrow humps him."
Culture Dose: "The dialogue doesn't match the filmstock. The musical numbers are reminiscent of those Pakistani musicals in that the characters appear to be singing."
Viceland: "Turkish Dorothy is actually a rocking kind of goth/farm girl, & the Turkish Cowardly Lion looks like John Gacy trying out for Cats."
Gay City News: "The Scarecrow is quite the limp-wristed nelly & his excessively effeminate behavior makes you wonder which part of him was stuck up that pole in the cornfield. The Cowardly Lion looks like he has a Pekinese hanging from his groin."
Named one of 10 Best Unseen Films of 2000; starred Zeynep Degirmencioglu, who was named Aysecik in half the movies she made; See also Turkish Exorcist & Turkish Star Wars
Posted by Jeff at 09:54 PM | Comments (5)
CLUB A BABY SEAL FOR EARTH DAY
Posted by Jeff at 11:34 AM | Comments (2)
April 18, 2005
IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING....
'JUST A REMINDER / WE SHOW MOVIES HERE / SUPPORT LOCAL INDEPENDENT BUSINESSES'
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Oakland's Grand Lake movie theater would like you to know that in addition to promulgating crackpot conspiracy theories, sour grapes, political temper tantrums, & tired old paleoliberal canards, they also show theatrical films. Not sure if this is an occasional gig or standard procedure. Call for titles & showtimes. In other news from the Bay Area, aka the Lost Continent of Political Correctness:
¶ The SF Zoo shelved its contest to name their 2 new grizzly bears. Rules were the names had to be Native American. FYI 'Navajo Joe' & 'Chief Wahoo' were not acceptable. How about 'Ward Churchill'?
¶ In Oakland, Uhuru House, the local black racists, have launched a campaign against Patrick McCullough, a black anti-crime advocate who chased drug dealers out of his neighborhood & shot a young man who assaulted him:
"McCullough must be removed from the African community before he kills. The U.S. government hires sellouts like McCullough to make it look like we're killing ourselves. Whose side are you on? The people or the pigs?"
Uhuru House is run by the African People's Education & Defense Fund, which bills its mission as "Positively impacting the transformation for African people throughout the world" & calls for reparations to bring about that transformation.
¶ UC Berkeley's new chancellor Robert Birgeneau issued a call to action for greater ethnic diversity on campus, saying the inclusion of 'underrepresented' minorities is "the most significant challenge that Berkeley faces." Really?? Translation: UC now prohibited from using race as a factor in admissions thanks to Prop. 209.
I suppose underrepresented is a reference to the bogus notion of proportional representation (which began as an anti-Semitic ploy in the Twenties, with advocates saying Jews were overrepresented in the Ivy League compared to their numbers in the general population). Since anyone can apply to UC, Birgeneau isn't talking about equality of opportunity, but equality of results.
¶ Bay Area Reporter (not online) reports SF still trying to skirt Prop. 209. After the ballot measure banned minority preferences in public hiring, contracting, & education, SF continued its affirmative action until a Superior Court struck down the program last year. Since then, SF supervisors have been reauthorizing emergency legislation every 60 days to ensure 'nondiscrimination' despite 209.
¶ A federal grand jury re-indicted a self-described "voodoo chief" & "shaman psychologist" who performed exorcisms in Oakland on charges she failed to file income tax returns.
¶ West Oakland library will celebrate the life of Bobby Hutton, national treasurer of the murderous Black Panther Party who was shot & killed by police in West Oakland 37 years ago. Hutton is a famous martyr who was killed after a Party hit squad attacked San Francisco police in an attempt to 'avenge' the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.
¶ The SF Sheriff's Dept will be hiring a new batch of deputy sheriffs, but the oral tests, normally held at SF hotels, have to held outside the city limits, because none of the city's hotels offer domestic partner benefits, mandatory if you want to do business with the city of San Francisco.
¶ Dianne Feinstein is up against the Rev. Lou Sheldon for the dubious honor of the SF Pride Parade's Pink Brick raspberry. Her crime: making the shocking statement that the gay marriage push was "too much, too fast, too soon". Judging by the numbers of state constitutions being updated with gay marriage bans, looks like Feinstein's guilty of speaking the truth.
Posted by Jeff at 03:09 PM | Comments (4)
April 17, 2005
JOURNAL OF THE PLAGUE YEARS
Here's something incredible:
we once lived in a world without cell phones. People
managed to shop, drive, stand in line, go on dates, &
inhabit public spaces without a cell phone stuck to
their head. Incredibly, people made plans to meet in public &
pulled
it off, without being talked through the entire experience like a
suicide on a bridge.
You imagine a world full of confused people, wandering blindly, ignorant of what their friends were doing at that very second. But we managed. What if, you ask, you had to get hold of someone right away? You could call 911 (& reach a real operator!), but generally, nothing was that vital.
Cell phones are a plague: everywhere I go - the supermarket, the doctor's office, the bank, the freeway, the post office, the theater, the gym, lobbies, elevators, restaurants, buses, stop lights, any small public space where you're trapped & can't escape - people have cell phones stuck to their heads & they're all saying the same thing:
Ringggg! "Hello ... nothing ... talkin to you ... uh huh ... okay ... talk to you later..."
Sadly, some aren't so brief: at the
doctor's recently, out of 7 people waiting, 5 were
yakking away on cell phones. And yes, I was at a movie recently
where a cell phone went off. Oops. It's amazing more people aren't
bludgeoned to death over cell phones.
Cop: Okay, what happened?
Me: I don't know what came over me, I was just standing in line when she pulled out her cell phone & started shrieking about some stupid shit that's not even worth wasting your breath on, & finally I snapped.
Cop: Okay, I'm going to have to - RRRING - Hold on. Hello? Oh hi, honey...
UPDATE: This is truly obnoxious (thanks to RWS)
Posted by Jeff at 09:46 PM | Comments (25)
TABLOID ROUNDUP:
- the William Shatner story
- the Joan Collins story
- Wonkette: the Made-for-TV movie
- Ann Coulter, Queen of All Media
- I Thought Gordon Lightfoot Was Dead
- Donal Skehan, Superstar (If interested in booking future heartthrob Skehan, contact his agent, Elizabeth Wilberforce-Packard)
Posted by Jeff at 07:16 PM | Comments (2)
April 16, 2005
CELEBRATING MULTICULTURALISM
"Indian police have charged 80 people for burying children alive in an ancient Hindu ceremony known as 'the festival of pits'. The ceremony, in which children – some less than a year old – are buried alive briefly & then dug up, happened earlier this week. Every 2 years, parents who have vowed to bury their first-born if they are blessed with a child, take part in the ceremony. The children are drugged to make them unconscious & placed in shallow 'graves' in temple courtyards. The pits are covered with leaves & dirt & the children are pulled out after priests chant a brief prayer – lasting up to a minute."
from the Times of Malta
Posted by Jeff at 12:44 PM | Comments (6)
April 15, 2005
STRIKING TERROR IN THE HEARTS OF EVILDOERS
Posted by Jeff at 01:50 PM | Comments (3)
Signs of incipient Alzheimers: you finally find that celery you've been looking for - in the freezer. I wouldn't recommend using it at this point. FYI popping it in the microwave to thaw will only make the situation worse.
Posted by Jeff at 11:43 AM | Comments (11)
GREAT MOMENTS IN TURKISH FASHION
Fosforlu Cevriyem, 1969. Click pic for even more lurid scene. Starring film legend Turkan Soray. Probably one of those pics you can enjoy even without subtitles.
Posted by Jeff at 07:23 AM | Comments (4)
April 14, 2005
TOP OF THE POPS
Number One songs around the world this week:
AUSTRIA: Emanuela by
Fettes Brot. German hip-hop
group: Boris Lauterbach (aka Kay Bee Baby, Rock'n'Roll Coseng), Martin Schrader (aka
Doktor Renz), Björn Warns (aka
Schiffmeister).
AUDIO.
FUNNY VIDEO.
CHILE: Ya Nada Queda by Kudai. Menudo-like Chilean teen pop group: Pablo, Nicole, Tomas, Barbara. Song not bad for genre. Video at group website.
NETHERLANDS: Geef Mij Je Angst by Guus Meeuwis. Ballad by baby-faced Dutch crooner. VIDEO
BRAZIL: Fui Eu by Zezé Di Camargo & Luciano. Pop duo has sold millions of records in Brazil, including Latin version of Beatles And I Love Her (Eu Te Amo): AUDIO
SPAIN: Canto by Enrique Bunbury. Haunting ballad by great musician & former frontman for rockers Heroes del Silencio. Name Bunbury is taken from Oscar Wilde play The Importance of Being Earnest. VIDEO
GERMANY: From Zero to Zero by German pop-tart
Sarah Connor. From
official bio: "Sarah Connor admits that there are three 'S's which
dominate her life - soul, sex, & sensuality." Single from
European soundtrack of Robots. Has had 2 UK hits. First US
single is Bounce:
VIDEO.
Connor in Top of the Pops interview:
"My new album's called Naughty But Nice. It mirrors my current situation in life, it's a bit naughty, but still nice."
COLOMBIA: Vivo en el Limbo by Kaleth Morales. New Wave of vallenato music, indigenous style popularized in US by Carlos Vives as well as Gloria Estefan's Abriendo Puertas CD. AUDIO.
"Vallenato music is a combination of African, European, & Colombian rhythm & folkloric sounds. Native people from Valle de Upar played flutes called gaitas made of bamboo & African drums made of hollow wood with goat skins. Europeans introduced the accordion to the northern coast of Colombia where it was adopted as part of the vallenato folklore."
FINLAND: Out to Find You by Goth rockers Bloodpit. Guitarist Pavvo Pekkonen claims John Lennon told him to form band in dream. 2 members claim to have been in Finnish army, if there is such a thing. AUDIO.
ARGENTINA: Usted by
Diego Torres &
Vicentico. Great duet by Argentine
superstars from Torres'
MTV Unplugged
CD (which also features rocker
Julieta Venagas).
Torres got his start in telenovelas, & is son of
famous actress Lolita Torres, who was popular in Spain & the
USSR, where Lolita became a popular girl's name after her 1963 tour. (A
1978 tour led to her being labeled subversive by military
dictatorship, & she lived in exile in Peru.)
Vicentico is lead singer of legendary ska/punk rockers Los Fabulosos Cadillacs, who recorded with Mick Jones (of the Clash), Debbie Harry, Tina Weymouth (of Talking Heads), & Celia Cruz. Usted audio. Diego Torres videos.
Schnappi update: Schnappi the Odious Crocodile #1 in Belgium & Norway, but what did you expect?
Posted by Jeff at 01:21 PM | Comments (10)
April 13, 2005
CHURCH SIGNTO INTERPRETATION, or How to Slow Roast a Pope
SATIRIC POETRY CONDEMNED BY SF BOARD OF STUPES
SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVING WALMART
IMPEACH KENNEDY; IMPEACH SCALIA; IMPEACH GREER; IMPEACH BUSH; IMPEACH CHENEY
Posted by Jeff at 03:32 PM | Comments (3)
MOTHER OF THE YEAR: MRS. X
Amid the septic tank of human souls that is the Michael Jackson trial, the testimony of one woman stands as a paragon of responsible motherhood. Mrs. X & her son were chums with Jackson until alarm bells began to go off, warnings less conscientious mothers might have missed.
In 1993, Mrs. X
& her 13 year old son - we'll call him Noodles - began a lucrative
friendship with Jackson. Perks included an all-expense jaunt via private
jet to Vegas where they were put up at
the Mirage. During this trip, Jackson unexpectedly dropped in on Mrs. X
one midnight.
According to Mrs. X, Jackson was verklempt:
"He was sobbing & crying, shaking & trembling. He said, 'You don't trust me? We're a family. ... (The boy) is having fun. Why can't he sleep in my bed? There's nothing wrong. There's nothing going on.'"
Not wanting to be a spoil sport, Mrs. X relented, her misgivings evaporating the next day when Jackson gifted her with a gold Cartier bracelet. After the Vegas sleepover, Jackson & Noodles became very close, one might say inseparable, & Jackson spent many nights at Mrs. X's home in Santa Monica:
DA: "And where would he stay?"
Mrs. X: "In (my son's) bedroom."
Jackson lavished affection on Mrs. X & Noodles, whisking them to Disney World & even Monaco, where he packed her off on a prepaid shopping spree. Around this time, Mrs. X's brother questioned the relationship, & at this point Mrs. X became concerned. She voiced her concerns to Jackson, which netted her a necklace, a pair of earrings, a ring, & a $7000 gift certificate. (And, ultimately, an out of court settlement.)
Beautiful Atrocities salutes Mrs. X
for alertness above & beyond the call of duty. She joins previous
Mothers of the Year Patsy Ramsey, Susan Smith, Joan Crawford, &
Mama Rose.
Sadly, Mrs. X testified that Noodles, now 25, hasn't
spoken to her in 11 years. Isn't that a fine thank you!
Confidential to Mrs. X: If there's any of that settlement money left, I wouldn't give a penny to the ungrateful brat! See also Defense Cites Millions of People Not Molested by Jackson; American Pimp; Video: Beverly Hills Pimps & Hos
Posted by Jeff at 08:17 AM | Comments (5)
April 12, 2005
SUSAN LUCCI FINALLY WINS PULITZER
Posted by Jeff at 06:03 PM | Comments (0)
THIN LINE BETWEEN ART & TERROR
why is this man smiling: gaddafi with bodacious bodyguard
Scottish-Asian playwright Shah Khan is hard at work on the libretto for Gaddafi: the Opera. Music will be composed by Asian Dub Foundation, the show will be directed by Antonia Bird, & a film version will be helmed by Mike Figgis. Here's a sample of Khan's moral clarity:
"Gaddafi is a nutter, we know that, but so was Reagan. So is Bush, so is Blair. Gaddafi is a nutter because he blows people up. Do you not think they blow people up?"
The opera will center on Reagan's bombing of Tripoli in 1986, altho no word if Khan will mention this was in retaliation for Libya's terror-bombing of a Berlin nightclub. Even better: Khan admits he still hasn't written the Lockerbie bombing into the story, for which Libya has paid $1.4 billion in compensation, & says he doesn't know what to believe about it.
For enlightenment, Khan went straight to the horse's mouth: Gaddafi's son Seif, who said 'All world leaders are terrorists.' On Lockerbie, Seif says flatly 'We did not do this.' On the 1984 murder of London policewoman Yvonne Fletcher, which Libya also accepted responsibility for, Seif chokes up: 'I am ashamed.'
Seif, aka the Sensitive One,
d an exhibition of 40 of his paintings in Tokyo. Titled The
Desert is Not Silent (official
website here), the show includes a collection of Libyan
archeological artifacts, & will also hit Korea, Australia & the US later
this year.
PR blurb:
"Seif Gaddafi allows the immediacy of his raw materials to speak for him, to tell intimate stories of life in the desert, & the powerful emotions that it evokes in him. He melds the ancient & historic artistic traditions of Libya with an intense feeling for contemporary issues. He is a son of the endless deserts of Libya."
Uncharitable review from the Globe & Mail:
"Ever since Nero, there has been a depressing connection between bad art & megalomaniac regimes. As a painter he is not even a gifted amateur; his sentimentality is only exceeded by his technical incapacity. All those yellow suns, red roses & white horses don't even succeed in being eccentric or intense, just incredibly undistinguished."
The art critic for the Times said the paintings "might be more at home on park railings."
In Japan,
Seif met with the Japanese PM ("We are in real need of Japanese
help") & spoke out about North Korea,
saying the Stalinist state needs to be given incentives & rewards
to give up its nuclear program, an idea that's
never occurred to anyone before.
Slam Sports reports the status of Saadi Gaddafi's career as a soccer star is still a mystery. Saadi rumored to have made $300 million bid for Liverpool FC to add to his collection.
In Tripoli, work began on a $100 million Center for Infectious Disease Control in Africa, part of Gaddafi's plan to put Libya on the cutting edge of science & technology. Potential problems with this plan: Gaddafi's unorthodox views on disease (said malarial mosquitoes & tsetse flies were God's angels protecting Africa from Westerners) & the 5 Bulgarian nurses sentenced to death by firing squad for allegedly infecting Libyan children with AIDS on orders of the Mossad.
John Bohannon quizzed Khaled Deeb, Libya's unctuous Al Jazeera correspondent on the nurses' charges they were tortured. Deeb: "They are lying! I know they are lying because I know 110% that they are guilty. Why would my government use torture to make them say things if they are already guilty?"
Colonel Gaddafi condemned a UN vote to refer Sudanese accused of war crimes in Darfur to the International Criminal Court as a violation of Sudan's independence: "That decision aims at fanning the conflict in Darfur. It is an affront to all Sudanese & a blatant violation of Sudan's independence."
Posted by Jeff at 06:20 AM | Comments (4)
April 11, 2005
GWB & the 100,000 8000 IRAQI WAR DEAD
Posted by Jeff at 06:30 PM | Comments (5)
IS THAT THE NEW ONE WITH SANDRA BULLOCK?
'the republicans who preach a culture of life are guilty of mass murder in iraq'
Oakland's Grand Lake movie palace weighs in on the Schiavo affair with non-sequitur of the day. Beautiful Atrocities predicts the Grand Lake will soon be delinked with much pomp & circumstance by crackpot Schiavo groupie Hundred Percenter, who gives new meaning to PVS.
Posted by Jeff at 12:18 PM | Comments (10)
GOOD & BAD HAIR
gavin newsom & bernadette peters
If you're a guy who wants to look like SF pretty boi mayor Gavin Newsom - or a woman who'd like an introduction - the guy to see is Edgardo Chacon, who cuts his hair for $120 a pop & says of Newsom:
"A classic man, like a movie star from the old days, like a Clark Gable or a John Kennedy. My female clients just love him. He's as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside."
Chacon's a hairburner at Kamalaspa, where you get so much more than a haircut:
Talapodichil Scalp Mask: A rejuvenating herbal paste/mask is applied to the entire head for 45 minutes.
Maharaja Royal Shave: The face is massaged with pre-shave oil. The face is shaved twice, once with the grain, then across the grain. Alum block is applied for antiseptic & pore-closing purposes. The After-Shave Mask rejuvenates & purifies the skin. It is removed with natural sea sponges soaked in lemon essential oil.
Mehndi Art: The traditional artwork on hands & feet. The special Ayurvedic significance lies in its effect of balancing the doshas.
Dil Chahata Hai Nail Care: Includes luxurious exfoliating & hydrating mask, essential oil cuticle conditioning, nail shaping & polish change along with glorious massage
If that's not good enough, try Alex Chases, who starts at $100, expects his clients to book a year's worth of appointments at a time, & takes himself rather seriously: "The client is the art. I don't want anything inside the salon to take away from her. I breathe, live & work hair all the time."
Chases' rival is Nikas Nikas, who charges $450 a pop, pissed off Chacon by dissing Gavin's do, & won't touch curly hair: "If Bernadette Peters showed up, I'd turn her away." Please - curly hair separates the men from the nancy bois.
I have very wavy hair, but not in a good way. With a firm attitude & a supply of NASA-strength steel-belted hair wax, it can be pummeled into submission. I've gone to new hairstylists who beam confidence when I walk in the door, then after they wash my hair & start cutting, their expression morphs from puzzlement, irritation, exasperation, & finally despair.
The Man Behind Gavin's Do; Bernadette Peters Official Website
Posted by Jeff at 08:00 AM | Comments (10)
April 08, 2005
STALIN'S VISION OF MOSCOW
the never-built palace of soviets, for which stalin razed the church of christ the savior
From a fascinating photogallery of Stalin's vision for Moscow:
"The Palace of Soviets was planned to be the largest building in the world. Its height was to reach 415 meters - higher than the Eiffel Tower & the Empire State Building. The building was to be topped by a 100 meter statue of Lenin. The chosen location was the site of the demolished Church of Christ the Savior. By 1939 the foundations of the upper part were completed. Construction was suspended in 1941 because of the war & never resumed."
In his book Imperium, Ryszard Kapuscinski calls the Church of Christ the Savior one of the wonders of the world, raised by Alexander I in honor of Russia's deliverance from Napoleon:
- Took 45 years to build
- 30 stories tall
- Walls 3.2 meter thick, built from 40 million bricks & covered inside & out with slabs of marble & granite
- Crowned by cupola covered in 176 tons of bronze & a cross 3 stories high. Cupola was surrounded by 4 belfries with 14 bells weighing 65 tons. 12 bronze gates led into interior, which was lit by 3000 candles. Since each worshipper that entered also lit a candle (could hold 10,000 people), the windows glowed for a great distance.
- Iconostasis contained 422 kg of gold; walls covered in 177 marble plaques listing Russian battles, names of dead & wounded; unknown tons of silver, brass, enamel, & gemstones.
In 1931, Stalin decided to raze it. Kapuscinski:
"It is 1931. Let us imagine that Mussolini orders the Basilica of St. Peter in Rome to be razed. Let us imagine that Paul Doumer, president of France, orders the Cathedral of Notre Dame to be razed. Let is imagine that Poland's Marshall Pilsudski orders the Jasnogorski Monastery in Czestochowa to be razed. Can we imagine such a thing? No."
The Church was rebuilt after the fall of Communism.
Stalin's Moscow Photogallery; Church of Christ the Savior
Posted by Jeff at 12:42 PM | Comments (7)
GREAT MOMENTS IN POLITICAL EPILEPSY
Living here in the SF Bay area, I tried to be a good liberal. I even subscribed to the Nation. When Christopher Hitchens threw in the towel & resigned as a Nation columnist after September 11th, I wasn't surprised. To be a Nation writer, one has to be a raving ideologue impervious to reality & never acknowledge you were wrong. (Anything by Robert Scheer or Katha Pollitt is particularly insane.) Some prophetic wisdom from the Nation:
"Blue-collar Kucinich is the only one who can win back the blue-collar Reagan Democrats. Imagine him in a debate with Dubya. It would be a knockout in the first round, & we'd have an honest-to-God working-class President. Kucinich is the man to light the fire." Studs Turkle April 2002
"A military strike against the Taliban is full of perils that are far greater than the dangers we already face. Escalation is unthinkable. It must be avoided at all costs." Jonathan Schell, September 2001
"If the objective is to crush the networks of scattered terrorists--whoever they are--who organized the murderous assault, then military force is generally impotent." Editorial, September 2001
"Here we are in 2002, with the UN a wholly owned US subsidiary abetting an imperial onslaught as brazen & lawless as any colonizing sortie of the 19th Century." Alexander Cockburn, Dec 2002
"I don't think you have to love Saddam Hussein to be skeptical about the rosy scenarios being put forward on behalf of 'regime change'. Even Kanan Makiya, the Iraqi dissident who strongly favors invasion, admitted that there is only a 5% chance that the aftermath will be a democratic, peaceful Iraq that respects human rights." Katha Pollitt, Nov 2002
"As long as the UN inspection presence is at work in Iraq there is the possibility that Iraq can be disarmed, rebuilt & reintegrated into the community of nations." Dennis Kucinich, Jan 2003
"Not that we oppose the spread of genuine democracy, but we must oppose any democratizing project based on US economic interests & sustained by US military power--a project that is certain to provoke anger, resistance & violence around the world." Michael Klare, Feb 2003
"Bush & his colleagues are exhilarated & thrilled by the thought of war, the violence, the killing, the blood, the deaths, the horror Why do they want this war so much? Why do some people want to be whipped by a dominatrix? Why did Hitler want to kill the Jews? Why do some people collect coins? Why do some people collect stamps?" Wallace Shawn, March 2003
Posted by Jeff at 07:25 AM | Comments (14)
April 07, 2005
bush vs saddam / god vs allah / blood 4 oil/ who the f*ck cares?
SHITHOUSE LITERATURE from Kuwait (Ramrod's Blog). More bathroom graffiti at Satan's Laundromat. There's even a blog, Graffiti Paparazzi, dedicated to "bathroom stall poetry, spraypaint vigilantes & weird signage" (here's one of my faves). Also: The Bathroom Graffiti Project; Bathroom Graffiti Group Blog; Outhouse Graffiti.
Bathroom Graffiti archive: "I F*CKED YOUR MOTHER!" under which someone added: "GO HOME DAD YOU'RE DRUNK!"
The Writings on the Stall features this bathroom graffiti exchange from Dreamgirls Strip Club in Minneapolis:
-Brenda f*cked my man
-She f*cked mine too!
-Who's your man?
-Jayvon- I'll kick her ass
-I'm gonna kick YOUR ass-Jayvon's my man's name!!!!!
-Stop flattening my tires you stoopid hoes- u see hes not no good [from Brenda?]
-And now I'M f*ckin him! Trish
-Jokes on all of you- he gave my clamidia!!! Betsie
Not sure if this is same Dreamgirls that employs Esther Wilberforce-Packard as a bouncer. One often sees good bathroom graffiti, but seldom has a camera ready. On a whim, I just checked out my own bathroom & was hurt to find this .
Posted by Jeff at 12:06 PM | Comments (6)
AIZA TA'MILI HAGAT WISKHA MA'AYA?
Katie at Resplendent Mango had a memorable plane trip in which she came
close to 1) causing an international incident & 2) getting
her MRS degree. It began when the sleep-deprived New Yorker
found herself trapped beside seated next to an
overlarge, overly-friendly Arab:
"My seatmate asks if I speak French. I do not. He tells me that he is Lebanese. He asks me if I've been to Beirut. Nope. Do I want to go to Beirut? He gives me his phone number in Beirut. And Germany. And Detroit. He insists I put his numbers in my computer."
Katie tries to focus on her laptop, but when the pilot tells them to put away their electronic equipment, she's trapped:
"Now that my hands are free from the computer, he takes one of them & starts vigorously massaging it. I'm having a difficult time retrieving my hand, short of slapping him, which is a step I'm not ready to take for fear of causing an on-board disturbance/international incident.
"He lays his hand face up on my leg, begging to be held. I pick it up & place it back with a firm 'NO'. Enroute back to my lap, my hand is captured again.
"He asks if I am married. In an unfortunate fit of honesty, I say no. He asks me to marry him & come back to Beirut with him. He starts puckering up & beseeching me to kiss him, which gets a very emphatic no. He starts saying I love you! I love you! over & over."
Incredibly, the little tease turns down this offer, as if such chances drop into one's lap every day! Minx!
See also How to Swear in Arabic
Posted by Jeff at 07:57 AM | Comments (1)
April 06, 2005
KELLY CLARKSON, ROCK N ROLL ANIMAL
miss kelly clarkson smiles for the beautiful atrocities camera
7:03PM Arrive at LaGuardia &
meet Ron,
the obsessed nut devoted fan who runs
Our Daily Ripa &
is taking me to see his other obsession,
Amerikan Idol Kelly Clarkson. I'm no fan of
KC, especially her current faux-rocker mode, but the tix are free &
the venue is prime. He shows me his Kelly autograph. Oh brother.
8:38PM Arrive at rock shrine CBGB's & kiss the pavement. Here Joey Ramone & Debbie Harry & Dick Manitoba got their start. Depressingly full of yuppies: I see Ashlee Simpson, f*cking Wonkette, a Desperate Housewife, & Jon Bon Jovi. I order a Tanquerey & tonic.
9:48PM Theng band is awful. I realize it's Clay Aiken, trying to rock! He launches into the Plasmatics' Butcher Baby & I look around for a bottle to throw. "This is bug!" I say. "I think he's crisp," says someone next to me: it's Chelsea Clinton. How much worse can this night get??
1:53AM Clarkson finally staggers onstage. She's a big girl, in a seam-screaming ticking time-bomb of a blue minidress, a jungle-print blazer, waving a bottle of - gin? She's completely wrecked. For some reason, her purse is slung over one shoulder. Her band cranks it up while she stumbles around, belching & blinking like WTF. Then she vomits into the mosh pit.
2:23AM Worst. Show. Ever. Clarkson seems to have forgotten the words, staggers around like a loose pinball, grunting & grabbing herself. She bites the head off a chicken, urinates on a roadie, then falls off the back of the stage. The band jams while they try to revive Miss Thing. I have to pee.
2:28AM I stumble into a men's room backstage & piss in an overflowing urinal. Someone's hurling in the stall. I zip myself up & realize this guy staring in the mirror is Dan Rather! "That f*cking bitch," he says to me. "She said we'd all get Pulitzers. I never even saw the goddamn memos." Then he starts to sing, Hang down your head Tom Dooooooley...
"I'll just be leaving," I say carefully. Someone staggers out of the stall: it's Kelly Clarkson. In the flesh, not 3 feet away. I have to admit, she has a certain je ne sais quoi star quality, even with her panties around her ankles, hooey in her hair, & buffalo breath. "Oh Miss Clarkson," I stammer, pulling out my camera, "I loved your show! Can I get your autograph??"
Then she throws her beer in my face.
Posted by Jeff at 12:28 AM | Comments (26)
April 05, 2005
STUPIDEST. THEORY. YET.
Posted by Jeff at 08:44 PM | Comments (10)
This just in: Sen. Ron Wyden, who voted against ANWR oil drilling, demanded the Commerce Department release the names of American companies shipping US petroleum products to other countries, saying the info "is directly relevant to the Congressional debate on how to address our nation's dependence on imports of oil."
Posted by Jeff at 01:05 PM | Comments (9)
THE ROYAL TREATMENT
GWEN STEFANI & THE WEIRD-ASS HARAJUKU GIRLS
The Guardian reports on entourages of the stars:
| DIVA | POSSE | SPECIAL PERKS | ||
| J-Lo | 100 | Eyebrow technician, wind-machine operative, special bra to conceal dark nipples, 4 humidifiers, masseurs on stand-by, Egyptian cotton sheets. Showed up with 60 minders for 7 minute lip-synch on Top of the Pops. No one is to make eye contact or speak to Miss Thing |
||
| Justin Timberlake | 80 | Private gym, mirror on ceiling, Hershey bars. Had Harrodsup especially for him |
||
| Puffy | 60 | Personal jewelry protector, on-call writer, video diarist, life-sized pictures of Puffy on every wall, bowls of multi-colored Cheerios (not the brown ones), white orchids in bloom. |
||
| Eminem | 50 | |||
| Gaddafi | 40 | |||
| Outkast | 40 | Yoga practitioner, personal vegan chef | ||
| Mariah Carey | 30 | Person to hold her towel, person to have cool drink ready should she become thirsty, 3 animal handlers to provide kittens for her to stroke, 350 pairs of shoes, specific instructions about lighting in her suites, demands red carpet be rolled out - literally - for her arrival |
||
| Ricky Martin | 30 | Mineral water at room temperature, '10 bulging bodyguards', & (occasionally) girlfriend |
||
| Janet Jackson | 25 | Recycling consultant | ||
| Madonna | 22 | (Swells to 100 on tour) A room for her sewing machine, exercise bike, dehumidifier, box of plants, Kaballah Water, children's play room. Imposed cursing fine on entourage & ordered them to wear only white on trip to Israel |
||
| Shania Twain | 20 | 3 grooms for her horse, private juicer |
||
| Cher | 9 | Round-the-clock wig security & wig expert | ||
| Gwyneth Paltrow | 8 | Publicist, stylist, 2 assistants, nanny, macrobiotic chef | ||
| Gwen Stefani | 4 | 4 Harajuku girls contractually barred from speaking anything but Japanese |
||
| Alexandra Kerry | 5 | |||
| Kanye West | 1 | His mom | ||
| Beautiful Atrocities | 0 | Taking applications. Must address as O Genius One & be able to administer Neti pot |
Harajuku gallery. More Harajuku.
Posted by Jeff at 09:15 AM | Comments (16)
April 04, 2005
SCOOP!
Beautiful Atrocities has learned that a certain heir to the British throne is marrying his longtime squeeze CPB out of necessity, if you know what I mean & I think you do.
Posted by Jeff at 02:07 PM | Comments (13)
Q: Will the new Pope be John Paul³?
Posted by Jeff at 11:50 AM | Comments (10)
TOP OF THE POPS: DEATH TO SCHNAPPI
Number One songs in Europe this week:
SWEDEN: Håll Om Mig by
Nanne. Song took 2nd
place in Swedish Eurovision entries. Nanne is married to Peter
Grönvall, son of Benny Andersson of ABBA. Good song, sounds a bit like ABBA:
sample here.
NORWAY: In My Dreams by WigWam. Official Norwegian entry at Eurovision. Sold out in 2 days. Progressive rockers have been around in various lineups since 1969. 2nd album was produced by Kim Fowley (who several years later discovered teenaged Joan Jett & put her in The Runaways). Song sample on chart (note odious #2 song).
GERMANY: Leibe Ist by
Nena (who had US New Wave hit in
1984 with
99 Luftballoons). Good ballad. Real name: Gabriele
Susanne Kerner. Still gorgeous after 5 children.
VIDEO. Also #4 in
Austria.
NETHERLANDS: One Two Three by Chipz, Dutch teenybopper band: Kevin, Rachel, Cilla, Peter. Look & sound like escapees from Spy Kids. Wretched disco. First single Chipz in Black went to #1, suggesting things are worse in the Netherlands than we thought. Audio: Chipz in Black
AUSTRIA: Schnappi, das kleine krokodil (Schnappi the
little crocodile) by Schnappi.
Insufferable German cartoon character: "I am Schnappi, the little
crocodile / I come from Egypt, that's right on the Nile." Former German
#1. APPALLING
VIDEO. Even worse:
AC/DC Schnappi. Schnappi #6 in Denmark, #1 in Flanders (which has 3 Schnappi-related songs in play), #5 in Israel.
ITALY: Il bambini fanno oh by 32yo Giuseppe Povia, who grew up on the isle of Elba. Proceeds go to Darfur children's relief. AUDIO
IRELAND & UK: Is this the way to Amarillo by Tony Christie & British comic Peter Kay, remake of 1971 hit, written by Neil Sedaka. Pop vet Christie had 1999 Top 10 hit Walk Like a Panther, written for him by Pulp. Video clip featuring (gulp) Rod Stewart.
CZECH REPUBLIC: Spousta Andela by
Aneta Langerova, 17yo
winner of first Czech
Idol show. Favorite singer: Alanis Morissette (sang 2 of her
songs on Idol). Samples at official website,
good luck
hunting.
FRANCE: Un Monde Parfait by 11yo Ilona Mitrecey. Probably one of those songs that got thru due to French-language airplay quota. ANOTHER SCARY CARTOON VIDEO, suggesting neofascism is on the march
Posted by Jeff at 12:17 AM | Comments (12)
April 03, 2005
SAN FRANCISCO, WHERE BLOGS ARE A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE
Advice to SF bloggers: follow example of Mayor Gavin Newsom, who's shown you don't have to obey laws you disagree with
Posted by Jeff at 09:58 PM | Comments (3)
DESPERATION TANGO
diego maradona, before & after
Former soccer superstar Diego Maradona says he's in love with Hugo Chavez: 'I like women, but I left in love with Chavez. He's a 10,' Maradona said, after a 2 hour meeting with the Venezuelan president. Chavez called Maradona 'a friend & a revolutionary.'
Maradona, who led Argentina to a World Cup in 1986, is
also in love with dictator for life Fidel Castro: 'I am proud to
be a friend of Fidel, a friend of the greatest man in living history.'
Has tattoo of Castro on his leg, in addition to Che Guevara tattoo on
his arm. Maradona has lived in Cuba since 2000 while fighting cocaine
addiction. Criticized Argentina for backing vote against Cuba at the UN
Human Rights Commission.
In Cuba, Maradona was seen with teenaged girls on his arms, dressed as Osama bin Laden for his birthday party, & crashed head-on into a bus while driving the wrong way down a street. Cuban waitress: 'He ate like a barbarian & drank a lot, but never fell over.'
Maradona is also chums with Saadi Gaddafi, having attended Saadi's romantic wedding to the daughter of Libya's intelligence chief & assisted in Saadi's ill-fated attempt to be the 'best soccer player in Africa'. Both Maradona & Saadi were expelled from tournaments for testing positive for banned substances, as was Ben Johnson, Saadi's coach.
Maradona is not chums with great rival Pele, whom he claimed had a gay affair with a youth soccer coach. Yet Maradona's had his own share of accusations:
"In 1996, Maradona took part in a goal celebration with his best friend, Claudio Caniggia, that involved rather more kissing on the lips than your average Wimbledon centre-half would be comfortable with. Caniggia's wife: 'At times I believe Diego is in love with my husband. It must be the long hair & big muscles.'"
Nor was he a fan of the late Pope John Paul II: "I've been to the Vatican & seen the gold ceilings. And then I hear the Pope saying that the Church was concerned about poor kids. So? Sell the ceilings, mate! Do something!"
Maradona was confined in a psychiatric hospital in Buenos Aires last year & recently had stomach stapling operation in Colombia to lose weight. At 5'6, he was said to have weighed 264lb when admitted to hospital.
Rise & Fall of a Football Genius
Posted by Jeff at 02:31 PM | Comments (5)
April 02, 2005
LUXURY, DRUGS, & LIPOSUCTION
NANCYS RUBIAS (BLONDE NANCYS). Spanish glam-pop band. Nancy O (triangle), Nancy Reagan (keyboards), The Only Nancy Rubia (guitar), Nancy Travesty (guitar), & Nancy Anorexia (vocals).
Video of eponymous hit single. Top Ten in Spain. Official website. Currently touring with Fangoria (one of the Nancys is married to Fangoria singer Alaska). Hilariously mistranslated interview here.
Posted by Jeff at 02:25 PM | Comments (0)
April 01, 2005
THE GREAT DELINKATHON SWINDLE
The blogosphere was rocked this week when a religious fanatic called 'Hundred Percenter'
theatrically
flushed several more popular & frankly better written blogs, for
the sin of disagreeing with him. Ugly words followed,
some of them anti-Semitic, some bloggers
were so upset
they got potted, &
a
lot of hot air was blown around in comment threads. The term
'milquetoast' was used.
Beautiful Atrocities was suspicious of this story all along; if anyone should have been delinked, it's the Llama Butchers. We've since learned that the whole thing was a fraud, a monstrous practical joke perpetrated by one Sondra K. That's right, apparently stirring up shit & making fools & idiots of people is entertaining to Sondra K, aka the Holly Golightly of the blogosphere.
Not only is there no 'Hundred Percenter,' but the last time
Sondra K went to church was a
pancake breakfast for which she had a short stack coupon. She probably
wore her Sondra K thong,
for all I know.
Well here's a little advice, Sondra K: GROW UP. Not everything is a joke, not everything is funny. Oh wait, Sondra K, how about this: I'm delinking YOU! How do you like THAT, sugar??
Honestly.
UPDATE: More of Sondra K's infantile games here. Don't encourage her, people
Posted by Jeff at 09:46 PM | Comments (22)
GADDAFI & THE VAST BULGARIAN CONSPIRACY
Libyan Supreme Court will rule May 31 on whether it will uphold death
sentence of 5 Bulgarian
nurses & Palestinian doctor convicted of intentionally infecting 380 Libyan children
with HIV under orders from the Mossad & CIA. The nurses, who have been
detained since 1999, say their confessions were extracted by
beatings, rape, & electric shocks.
EU activists say infections were caused by Libyan Health Ministry's failure to screen blood. HIV discoverer Luc Montaigner testified that the children were infected in 1997, before the nurses arrived. Outside a hearing this week, entirely spontaneous protesters chanted Death! Death to the killers of our children. Oh Leader! Liquidate them as you liquidated monarchy rule!
Colonel Gaddafi: "The Bulgarians have killed our children. I swear by Allah that some Western officials come to me & say, 'We want to take them back today, so release them.' The West told us the opinions of your people do not interest us, our people are sheep & that we have no public opinion."
Seif Gaddafi contradicted his father, saying the women would not be executed & might be extradited to Bulgaria. Colonel Gaddafi said he would free nurses if Bulgaria paid compensation equal to the amount Libya paid to relatives of the victims of the 1988 Lockerbie bombing. Bulgaria declined the ransom, but may write off some of Libya's debt to obtain nurses' release. (The trial of 10 Libyan police whom the nurses claim tortured them was postponed for a second time.)
¶ Saadi Gaddafi has resigned as head of the Libyan Football Federation.
A spokesman said this had nothing to do with the fact that the Libyan coach dropped Gaddafi from the lineup in last week's 4-1 loss to Egypt
in their World Cup Qualifier, where Libyan fans ripped up
chairs & hurled them at Egyptian police.
Saadi, the world's most famous non-playing soccer star, traveled with the Libyan team to Australia where he didn't play but found time to wine & dine Nicole Kidman; he's also registered with Perugia, but has yet to play with them either. (Kidman on dinner: "That was business.")
¶ Colonel Gaddafi wrapped up his 9-day visit to Algeria, which he praised for throwing out the French & suggested Algerians seek compensation from France. Gaddafi: "I cannot describe the warm welcome & the sentiments of fraternity I was surrounded by during my stay in my [sic] country Algeria. It's a holy land." (He also took time for a dig at the Saudis: "American officials I met told me that the Saudis are dirty & closed-minded.")
Gaddafi's extended visit & vast entourage
worked the patience of his hosts:
Between Hospitality & Irritation
read a headline in Le Soir d'Algerie. Gaddafi was also
awarded an honorary doctorate in Social Sciences by Algiers University.
Some wisdom Gaddafi delivered to Arab League conference:
- "I am a philosopher. And I shouldn't be here among all of you."
- “The West Bank was Jordan's, & Gaza belonged to Egypt since 1948. Why didn't you establish a Palestinian state then? Where was this problem until 1967?”
- Said Sharon was not an enemy of the Arab world, but of the Israeli people.
- Said that during visit to Brussels, EU leaders talked to him about women's rights & circumcision instead of international affairs.
- "You are all corrupt. You are all opposed to reform."
Mubarek's retort: "Next time you come to lecture us make sure you have paid your fees."
Back home, Gaddafi was welcomed by cheering crowds. The Palestinians, meanwhile, asked for an apology after Gaddafi called them idiots: "The Palestinian people have enough headaches & do not have enough aspirin." The Lebanese were more pointed: "Shut up! Silence is golden, Moammar!" Israeli Foreign Ministry spokesman on Gaddafi's idiot remark: "It takes one to know one."
"The final cost of the project is expected to exceed $32 billion, enough to pay for a dozen desalination plants. A reporter who analyzed the project concluded that 'Food could be flown in from Fauchon in Paris at a fraction of the price of the Man-Made River. Pumping distant Saharan water costs almost as much as using bottles of Perrier for irrigation."
Posted by Jeff at 12:13 AM | Comments (7)