March 10, 2005
SONDRA K & THE TWELVE MOHAMMEDS
A while back, I wrote a post called I've Got a Terrorist in My House about a woman who found herself living with an Islamonutter. Since then, I've received many emails from women worried they're in the same boat. Here's a sample letter, from a woman I'll identify only as Sondra K for her protection:
Dear Beautiful Atrocities,
I'm afraid I'm married to one of them Islamonutters too. It all started when my Italian hubby suddenly introduced me to his 'cousin' Mohammed. I'm like, 'Gee, would that be the wop part of Pakistan, honey?' Then he started screaming, 'I am God! Follow the rules!' WTF???!!!!
Suddenly creepoids were coming out of the woodwork & I'm running a
f*cking
hostel. You haven't lived till you've accidentally served 12 guys named
Mohammed
pigs-in-a-blanket. I had to put up signs like NO SHAVING YOUR
ASS ON THE GODDAMN COUNTER & DEODORANT IS YOUR FRIEND.
One day hubby asked me to take some pix of Der Weinerschnitzel with my Titty Cameraâ„¢. It wasn't so different from our usual games, so I went along with it. A few days later the damn place blew up. 'My god,' I told Margi Lowry over cocktails, 'that could have been me!!!!!'
One day I found one of our guests
wearing my stewardess costume while another snuck up on him with
box
cutters. Needless to say, it was all stretched out. By the time
hubby got home, I'd polished off a pitcher of martinis. 'Okay,' I fumed,
'I'm sharing my home with a bunch of nancy-boys who are using my Nair &
wearing my clothes. ARE YOU A F*CKING HOMOSEXUAL OR WHAT???'
One night I found the twelve Mohammeds burying some suitcase shit in the garden. 'If you tear up my peonies, you'll need the microcondoms!' I screamed. I didn't think about it again until I noticed my tomatoes were the size of basketballs & my sunflowers were clipping low-flying planes.
When I overheard
hubby wiring money to Tora Bora, I wept: he was playing the horses
again. But the last straw was when he told me we couldn't have alcohol
in the house because of his mom. 'Your mom is a goat-f*cking whore!' I
snapped. 'Not Mom,
Imam,' he
said. 'What,' I said, 'are you friends with
David Bowie now?' WTF is going on?????
Dear Sondra K,
Either your husband is an Islamonutter, or he's a homo & you're living with the Village People. Get out.
Posted by Jeff at March 10, 2005 04:45 PM
Comments
Please tell me Sondra didn't throw out the Pigs in the Blanket. Yummy...
Speaking of which, what ever happened to White Trash Wednesdays?
Posted by: TF6S at March 10, 2005 05:52 PM
It better a been the Pigs in a Blanket what beminded you of White Trash Wednesdays, TF6S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: SondraK at March 10, 2005 06:05 PM
No matter how many times I click on that stewardess picture, it never gets bigger. I mean the picture never gets bigger!
Posted by: Jonathan at March 10, 2005 06:15 PM
what's up with Jeff and piggys in a blanket?
Posted by: scottm at March 10, 2005 06:26 PM
Ha haha haha! Dude, this is headed for the sidebar.
Mike
Posted by: Mike at March 10, 2005 07:14 PM
This is satire? More like sadtired. I find that when
someone spends so much of thier time and creative energy obsessed with others sexual preferences that it usually points to some confusion that person has in thier own. I've concluded that neo-cons as a rule
are not funny. So finish your circle jerk and go find real work.
Posted by: stephen at March 10, 2005 07:27 PM
SondraK, you're white? ;-)
Posted by: TF6S at March 10, 2005 07:31 PM
And I've concluded that people who spend so much time reading and commenting on sites when they hate the author's political views are deeply pathological...
Posted by: scottm at March 10, 2005 07:33 PM
TF6F.....I'm a white Neo Con who spends so much of her time and creative energy obsessed with others sexual preferences like Jeff does....that I don't have a real job either!
Aren't we all?
Hellooooooooo!
[BTW: I'll bet it's pronounced STEF-ahhhhhhn, eh?]
Posted by: SondraK at March 10, 2005 07:44 PM
I have found some things as well.
And yet, strangely I feel no impulse to share them here.
Posted by: Pile On® at March 10, 2005 07:47 PM
Dude, u calling me a HOMO? U talking to ME???? U are banned like DDT!!!!!!
Posted by: beautifulatrocities ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](/nav-commenters.gif)
at March 10, 2005 08:31 PM
Jeff is Gay??????????????????????
Posted by: SondraK at March 10, 2005 08:57 PM
Shit. Guess I'll change my last name to GANNON
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at March 10, 2005 09:14 PM
Jeff CANNON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wheeeeeeeee
Posted by: SondraK at March 10, 2005 09:25 PM
Methinks SondraK is having too much fun.
Posted by: scottm at March 10, 2005 09:28 PM
Stephen: "so much of 'thier' time ... points to some confusion that person has in 'thier' own."
We have a rule about circle jerks around here, Stephen. Idiots that can't spell the word "their" have to sit in the middle. Hope you brought your rain coat, Sploogey!
Posted by: Dan at March 10, 2005 09:36 PM
We have a rule about circle jerks around here, Stephen. Idiots that can't spell the word "their" have to sit in the middle. Hope you brought your rain coat, Sploogey!
It's Bukkake time!!!
Posted by: scottm at March 10, 2005 09:39 PM
Stephen,
We're going to frost you like a cupcake
Posted by: scottm at March 10, 2005 09:46 PM
Stephen gets to be the pivot man... hee hee
Posted by: Lucius Severus Pertinax at March 10, 2005 10:53 PM
mmmmmmmmmmmm, CUPCAKES!
OH GOODY!
*clap*clap*clap*
Posted by: SondraK at March 10, 2005 10:54 PM
I have no idea what "finish your circle" means.
Someone want to help me out on that one?
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at March 10, 2005 11:12 PM
I almost feel sorry for poor Stephen, who clearly had no idea what he was getting into, here. The really beautiful part is that his taking offense rests squarely on the assumption that Jeff was a straight guy writing that post. So it's a question of Stephen being too "hetero-normative."
Of course, I said almost, and I'm all for the coed circle-jerk, especially since I'm a girl and I've never attended one before. So this is exciting.
Of course, I'm not a female ejaculator, so I'll just have to pee on Stephen. Hope that's okay.
Posted by: Attila Girl at March 10, 2005 11:24 PM
Righty--I'll e-mail you. ;)
Posted by: Attila Girl at March 10, 2005 11:27 PM
This was all wandering off the screen for me, but
Attila Girl's last two sentences redeemed it all! Thanx, O Queen Who Showers Gold (Not you, Jeff;-))
Posted by: EssEm at March 10, 2005 11:32 PM
Ahah! Oh my. Attila...that adds a whole 'nother interesting (much more interesting) dimension to this.
Posted by: Desert Cat at March 10, 2005 11:35 PM
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(can you just see me and Atilla Girl writing our names on STEPH-aaaaaaaaaaaaaan-like-the-snow?)
Posted by: SondraK at March 11, 2005 01:23 AM
I may have had a few too many bourbons tonight, but it seems as if I missed the circle thingy....::kicks dirt:::: Could ya' all like call me next time you do something like this? I mean, I can claim neo-con and stuff. Oh yeah, and I'll pee on Stephen too...
Posted by: TF6S at March 11, 2005 01:24 AM
Man I get so tired of you bible thumping right wing extremist uptight nutjobs.
Posted by: Pile On® at March 11, 2005 06:12 AM
I often wonder whatever happened to Stephen
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at March 11, 2005 06:47 AM
Sondra...oh, I can! I can!
That's just the thing...
Posted by: Desert Cat at March 11, 2005 07:24 AM
Moonbats like to spend way too much time attacking sites they don't like. They think that by being offensive they will shock those prude, uptight conservatives and then . . . One of them comes up against the gang at Beautiful Atrocities and gets blasted (figuratively, I hope).
Man! Too bad that the kind of response that Stepehen got won't be used by Michelle Malkin or Charles at LGF. They should.
Think about it. Michele to a Stephen-like Moonbat(in Soup Nazi voice) I pee on you!
Posted by: John at March 11, 2005 08:24 AM
And BTW....DAMN YOU STEPH-ahhhhnnnnnnn!
This WAS all about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, BASTARDO!
Posted by: SondraK at March 11, 2005 08:29 AM
Boy, the things you miss while you're invading a Muslim backwater...
So finish your circle jerk and go find real work.
Jeff, why didn't you tell him that, like all 'neo-cons', you're independently wealthy?
Posted by: Pappy at March 11, 2005 08:50 AM
jeff -
Ok, I may be late to the party, but all I have to say is that you must have some serious sexual confusion, what with devoting this much creative energy to japing about Llamas, steroids, others' sexual preferences, and the like.
It's almost like you're a queer or something.
Posted by: Bill from INDC at March 11, 2005 08:59 AM
Well, rats. Here I just spent my morning making breakfast and going to my real job, and I missed out on a perfectly good bat-whacking. Obviously I need more time on my hands.
Posted by: utron at March 11, 2005 09:09 AM
Crap. Yesterday was my birthday, I take off from work early, and THIS is what I miss? The delici...I mean, delightful SondraK....
whew, is it hot in here all of the sudden...
in circle-jerk...
sweating so much, I think I need to take a shower.
Yes, that will do the trick. Cold. Very cold. A very cold shower.
Um. What was the topic again?
Posted by: Kaptain Krude at March 11, 2005 09:43 AM
Bukkake. Sondra. Circle jerk.
How did it come to this?
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at March 11, 2005 09:48 AM
You know. This whole thing has started me thinking that if I were Bill Gates I'd be able to pay Ann Coulter and Al Franken to have her pee on his head. That's the sort of random, out-of-the-box thinking that Beautiful Atrocities induces on me.
Posted by: John at March 11, 2005 10:05 AM
I'm not sure, but I'm beginning to think yall are dirty.
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at March 11, 2005 11:07 AM
Golden showers as performance art . . .
Poor Jeff. ;) I've messed up his comments section.
And poor Sondra. It was supposed to be her thread.
Posted by: Attila Girl at March 11, 2005 12:15 PM
::Eyes wide::
Posted by: Rae at March 11, 2005 01:28 PM
Bwahaha! Sondra K and the Twelve Mohammeds was excellent, but Stephen was the icing on the cake, c'mon jeff-- you PAID him to say that!!!!!
Posted by: jinnderella at March 11, 2005 01:32 PM
I think we can safely say Stephen is not a regular reader ;p
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at March 11, 2005 01:39 PM
Heavens to Murgatroit RWS! You think that's true?
Maybe I need a shower...
Posted by: Desert Cat at March 11, 2005 09:51 PM
I miss all the good stuff.
Next time, shoot me an e-mail, SOMEONE. (Pun intended.)
I have to go back to my non-job circle jerk. This one looks like a helluva lot more fun.
I love it here (TINH*).
.
.
.
.
.
*There Is No Here
Posted by: Margi at March 12, 2005 12:04 AM
What's the matter with you dudessses, a girl can't write her name in the snow! Unless her name is pronounced "splotch-dibble-dibble-splotch-splotch" and spelt *..**
Posted by: Neal at March 12, 2005 09:43 AM
Neal.....WRONG....sooooooooooooo wrong. You been hangin with the wrong kind of ladies.......
S O N D R A K................in pale yellow on a white back ground. Uh huh.
Posted by: SondraK at March 13, 2005 05:09 PM
As one of the original "yellow journalists" I challenge you, Sondra K. First one with a Pulitzer wins!
Posted by: Neal at March 13, 2005 11:19 PM