March 21, 2005
JIHAD: THE MUSICAL
ACT I - MADRASSA
OVERTURE
Mohammed, a Muslim youth, arrives at Ye Olde Madrassa, run by lecherous cleric Rashid, who raps about how Muslims will slaughter all infidels
RASHID: Jihad on the Dance Floor
At night, madrassa boys compare extremely limited knowledge of girls
MADRASSA BOYS CHORUS LINE: 72 Virgin Stomp
Mohammed receives letter from sister Nasreen, who wonders what life is like outside of burqa.
NASREEN: A Little Scratchy Under Here
Robert Fisk, masochistic lefty journalist, is beaten up by madrassa boys, to his delight
FISK: I've Been a Bad, Bad Boy
Rashid dreams of chain of bargain basement madrassas to continue youth outreach
RASHID: Just Let Me Get My Hands on You
MADRASSA BOYS WET DREAM SEQUENCE, featuring burqa-clad can-can chorus
ACT II - AFGHANISTAN
Mohammed & Taliban perform ritual pre-martyrdom grooming
TALIBAN CHORUS: A Close Shave
MOHAMMED: What I Did for Jihad
Mohammed meets American Taliban, who tells of journey from hippy dippy Marin County
JOHN WALKER LINDH: A Long Way From Whole Foods
On 9/11, Osama bin Laden gloats to lieutenants about WTC attacks
OSAMA BIN LADEN: My Bad
TALIBAN CHORUS: Pushing Up Daisy Cutters / 72 Virgin Stomp (reprise)
ACT III - GUANTANAMO
Mohammed & Gitmo detainees complain about weather while writing letters to secure their release
DETAINEES: Cuban Heat Mambo / Dear Mr. Chomsky
JOHN WALKER LINDH: (I'm so) Misunderstood
Mohammed receives letter from Nasreen, shocked to learn she's forsaken burqa, moved to newly-free Kabul, &d a paper bag store
NASREEN: Sensible Shoes
Lefty journalist Robert Fisk laments spread of democracy in Arab world
FISK: The Only Quagmire (Is in My Pants)
In ruined bunker, Osama bin Laden & lieutenants perform in motorized wheelchairs, reflecting on strategic blunder of 9/11
OSAMA BIN LADEN (REPRISE): My Bad
Mohammed is released to changed world: nascent democracy in Iraq & Afghanistan, pro-democracy protests across Arab World
MOHAMMED: Who Let the Genie Out?
Unable to find work with global jihad, Mohammed takes shit job with Lefty rag in England. On first day, beats up Robert Fisk.
FISK / MOHAMMED (REPRISE): I've Been a Bad, Bad Boy / What I Did for Jihad
Posted by Jeff at March 21, 2005 07:52 AM
Comments
brilliant!
if my actor-director brother wasn't such a typical lefty, he could direct it from your forthcoming script.
Posted by: andy at March 21, 2005 08:57 AM
Jeff, I'll produce it! Well, that is if you don't mind having screaming guitar solos in between chants of "Jihad, Jihad."
Posted by: TF6S at March 21, 2005 09:10 AM
Nicely done! If you can bring this project onto the stage, I'm predicting it will be the biggest hit since "Carrie: The Musical."
Just a guess, but I'll bet the accompanying photo was taken from Muhammed's toe-tapping number, "Who Let the Genie Out?".
Posted by: utron at March 21, 2005 09:44 AM
Would this brilliant and hilarious post be inspired (even in the tiniest way) by Sgrena! the musical?
Regardless Jeff. You freakin' rock!
Posted by: Gordon at March 21, 2005 10:59 AM
You've outdone yourself AGAIN Jeff.
Posted by: The Wife at March 21, 2005 11:14 AM
jeff, you *joy* me. Mmmmmwuh!
That was soooo good!!!
Are all the songs real tunes? Like, 'What i did for jihaad' is 'what i did for love', right?
Posted by: jinnderella at March 21, 2005 01:25 PM
Have you seen off broadway? This could work. Really.
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at March 21, 2005 04:07 PM
Wow Jeff, you really are on the anti-Jihadi rift. It's gonna get you called a "racist" again.
I've seen off-Broadway, and you are right, this would work. Maybe Chomsky would write you a check...
Posted by: scottm at March 21, 2005 06:01 PM
Better than Chomsky - what about Al-Saadi? With Nicole playing Nasreen? Talk about bank-rolling!
Posted by: Pappy at March 21, 2005 08:03 PM
I'm half-surprised Mid-Eastside Story wasn't included. But even without lyrics, I can tell OBL's gloating vs. apologetic versions of My Bad are the hit of the show!
Posted by: Jonathan at March 21, 2005 08:56 PM
Great job, Jeff! That's hysterically funny!
Posted by: zonker at March 22, 2005 06:33 AM
I'd like to write the liability insurance on the theater if you guys get this musical up and running!
Oh wait. No, I wouldn't.
Posted by: spongeworthy ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](/nav-commenters.gif)
at March 22, 2005 11:21 AM
Spongeworthy,
You can underwrite it, I'll short it and split the profits with you. Who said I have no respect for George Soros?
Posted by: TF6S at March 22, 2005 12:56 PM
Mohammad: I'm Gonna Wash That Jew Right Out of My Hair
Posted by: Daniel at March 22, 2005 06:50 PM
I laughed so hard I split my Rabbit Pants!
Posted by: The RaBBiT at March 23, 2005 07:28 PM
Some music for the production:
http://islamcomicbook.com/lyrics.htm
http://www.terrorists-suck.org/fight/the_shoe_bomber.mp3
Posted by: sheik yer'mami at October 22, 2005 12:14 PM