February 23, 2005
THE JUICE CHRONICLES
As a longtime A's fan, I've always liked Jose Canseco, his florid
personality, & wild off the field antics (even after he went to the
hated Yanks). The controversy over his tell-all roid romp,
Juiced, is perfectly in character, & it's especially rich to listen to
the chorus of denials claiming Canseco is only out for money.
As opposed to the selfless altruists in the MLB, right? The fact is, the owners, the managers, & the union had no problem with steroids putting money in their own pockets. And if some players, like Giambi, McGwire, & Bonds, were a little obvious about it, just look the other way. Some reactions to Canseco's book:
Roger Clemens: "When you're under house arrest & you have ankle bracelets on, you have a lot of time to write a book."
Clemens redux: "I knew him when he was arrogant & wouldn't even sign autographs for us. I also know his softer side. I know a different side. Maybe he's hurting for money."
Canseco on Clemens:
"He's one of the very few baseball players I know who never cheated on his wife.
I was amazed by him, to be honest. His wife should be very proud of him."
Barry Bonds: "I was better than Jose then, & I've been better than him his whole career. If he wants to go make money, go ahead. For somebody who brags about what he did, I don't see any of your records."
Mike Greenwell, 88 MVP Runnerup: "I was clean. If they're going to start putting asterisks by things, let's put one by the MVP."
Greenwell redux: “One day he hits a mammoth home run at Fenway & I said 'Jose, I’d do anything to have your power. It’s unbelievable,' & he said, 'Well, why don’t you come on down to Miami & I can give you the power."
Andy Pettitte:
"I know he's got a lot of problems in his life. Sometimes people get
desperate. That might be what's going on."
Canseco on Grieve (98 Rookie of the Year): "Ben Grieve is a kid who needed to take steroids. He had a slow bat, slow feet & average ability. I could have taken Grieve & turned him into a stud. He would have been the perfect kid to benefit from the combination of steroids & growth hormone."
Bret Boone: "I don't know the person. He doesn't know me. I've never had a conversation with him. As far as I'm concerned, it's absolutely ridiculous."
Canseco on A-rod: "He'll always give you a sentence or two to put on TV or in your newspaper. Sure, it'll be drivel. There won't be a spontaneous word there. But it sounds like ballplayer talk, & that's what matters."
Ivan Rodriguez (who arrived at Spring Training 22 lbs lighter):
"I didn't use any of that stuff. I don't need it. I've been in baseball
for 14 years & I don't need it."
Dodgers pitcher Wilson Alvarez: "My family, my kids & the people who know me, they know I don't do that stuff. People can believe what they want to believe. This is a free country, & they can say whatever they want."
Frank Menechino: "In baseball, I think everyone is just laughing at him. I think he's just a bitter person. He looks like a mob rat."
Jason Giambi: "He's delusional. Just about everything I've heard is incorrect. About (me), about a lot of people. The whole book is going to be on the fiction best-sellers."
Canseco on Giambi: "As surely as he went overboard with partying & chasing women, Giambi went overboard with steroids. He became the single most vocal, outright juicer in the game, & nobody cared."
Johnny Damon on his
own new book,
Idiot: Beating the Curse & Enjoying the Game of Life: "There's no juice involved in mine."
Kenny Rogers: "I don't want my name associated with anything Jose Canseco says. I don't want to be in the same breath."
Canseco on Mark Grace: "Mark Grace defined a slump-buster as the 'fattest, gnarliest chick you can uncover, & you lay the wood to her.' "
Joe Torre: "What goes on in the sanctity of the clubhouse, like the sanctity of the kitchen at home, needs to stay there."
Dave Stewart: "If you're an admitted steroid user, believe me, you know who uses them."
Mark McGwire: "I did not use steroids or any other illegal substance."
Miguel Tejada:
"I barely knew Jose during his career, so it is ridiculous for him to suggest we ever had discussions regarding their use. I work very hard to keep in shape,
& any suggestion that I use steroids, or any banned substance, is insulting
& not worth discussing."
Ken Griffey Jr. "Look at me, do I look like I'm on steroids? I wouldn't do that to my team or my family. I'm not going to cheat them or myself."
Canseco on the New World: "Everybody will be doing it. Steroid use will be more common than Botox. Every baseball player & pro athlete will be using at least low levels of steroids. As a result, baseball & other sports will be more exciting. Human life will be improved. We will live longer & better. And maybe we'll love longer & better, too."
Excerpt from Juiced; Greenwell for 88 MVP Petition
Posted by Jeff at February 23, 2005 07:36 AM
Comments
Kenny Rogers????
I always thought he was juicing when he did that Islands in the Stream duet with Dolly.
I mean c'mon look at the dude....
Posted by: Pile On® at February 23, 2005 07:52 AM
Being as how i always thought it would be a much better world if Kenny Rogers (or, for that matter, bill clinton) had contracted brain cancer instead of my beloved Bob Marley, i'll go with jose on this one. ;)
Posted by: jinnderella at February 23, 2005 08:09 AM
Not THAT Kenny Rogers ;p
Posted by: beautifulatrocities ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](/nav-commenters.gif)
at February 23, 2005 08:30 AM
What other Kenny Rogers is there?
Posted by: jinnderella at February 23, 2005 09:16 AM
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at February 23, 2005 09:22 AM
I tend to agree with Canseco on this. I find it hard to meaningfully distinguish steroids and other like-substances from all the other things that people do to their bodies to enhance them.
Posted by: Russell Wardlow at February 23, 2005 10:04 AM
Mark Grace defined a slump-buster as the 'fattest, gnarliest chick you can uncover, & you lay the wood to her.'
Which, incidentally, works for both baseball slumps and love-life slumps.
Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer at February 23, 2005 10:21 AM
Does it work for blogging slumps?
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at February 23, 2005 10:44 AM
Genetic juicing is next - impossible to trace, vastly more targeted and effective.
Undercover experimental gene therapy will debut at Beijing in 2008.
Within 15 years it will be common.
Posted by: Bill from INDC at February 23, 2005 12:34 PM
Joe Mark Grace defined a slump-buster as the 'fattest, gnarliest chick you can uncover, & you lay the wood to her.'
JeffDoes it work for blogging slumps?
Jeff, are you in a blogging slump? I'll send over Lynne Stewart... ;)
Posted by: scottm at February 23, 2005 01:00 PM
In theory, that would turn you into Ted Williams. Or Glenn Reynolds, as the case may be.
Indeed.
Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer at February 23, 2005 02:11 PM
Our research at the Institute on this slump buster theory is that it just turns you into a sneaking out of the apartment without turning on the lights jackass.
Posted by: Pile On® at February 23, 2005 04:10 PM
I saw Canseco on Dayside on Fox today right after a segment on a soldier from Iraq who came home after adopting an Iraqi little boy with cerebal palsey from an Orphanage there. They interviewed the father who is home now with his son (the father is single as well) It was the most beautiful story of a soldier whose heart was stolen by a disabled little boy who called him daddy as soon as they met. The guy had to jump through hoops to get the boy here and adopted.
Then there was Canseco, the contrast could NOT have been more different. The soldier was unselfish, loving, and had all his priorities in order. Canseco was selfish, disloyal, a cheater, and an ego the size of Texas.
He also looked like a gorilla. Guess that was "evolution" of steriods he kept referring to.
Jerk.
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at February 23, 2005 05:59 PM
He's not the brightest, I'll grant u that. And that bit about a PAY PER VIEW POLYGRAPH?? Is it heroic to be so utterly lacking in shame??
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at February 23, 2005 06:19 PM
Anybody with half a brain (Sandy Alderson just barely qualifies) knew Jose was juicing right when he came up. There is, somewhere, a picture of Jose taken with his twin brother, Ozzie, who at that time was in the Baltimore organization. This was right at the time the "Bash Brothers" nonsense became popular. Jose looked like the Michelin man; Ozzie just looked like a ball player.
Regrettably, Jose's stink will not tarnish the Oakland organization or Sandy Alderson, tho they both richly deserve it.
Posted by: JD at February 23, 2005 07:38 PM
I think he is lacking in money as well as shame. He was so used to all that $$$$$$ and I am betting he spent most of it.
The worst thing he said in the book was that in the 17 yrs of baseball he only knew one guy who was faithful to his wife. Roger Clemens. Now how many wives are just sickened now wondering if he is telling the truth and if their husband did cheat on them. It was just mean.
Did I mention he was a jerk?
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at February 23, 2005 07:41 PM
Hmmm, I fear Canseco may be hitting close to the truth with that. Anyone have any thoughts?
Posted by: beautifulatrocities at February 23, 2005 07:53 PM
Jeff,
Naw, it's just bitterness of Conseco's part. He hates the game, he hates the players, he wants to hurt. New definition of 'Roid rage...
Posted by: scottm at February 23, 2005 08:02 PM
Not sure I agree RWS. If a woman is worried sick she either
1) trusts the word of Jose Conseco over the word of her husband, or
2) has a lying husband.
Either way, it's not Jose's fault.
Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer at February 23, 2005 08:09 PM
Joe,
It would be one thing if he told the wives in private, then they could weigh the trustworthyness of their husbands vs. Conseco, but he did it on national TV, several times, so these wives have to go out in public and have everybody think they are a fool for not knowing about and staying with a cheating husband.
Posted by: scottm at February 23, 2005 08:18 PM
Well I do agree that Conseco was a jerk for doing it in the first place. I should have been clearer in my response.
Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer at February 24, 2005 10:59 AM