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February 28, 2005
"I sold ‘Frida,’ which is a love story about a hairy crippled Mexican communist artist & her fat Mexican communist artist husband. Nobody wants to make movies about artists anymore because they say they’re not commercial. Not to mention movies about communists, Mexicans, or period pieces about a fat man & a hairy woman. And yet, I sold it." — important artist salma hayek
Hi, I'm Salma Hayek. I'm really excited to present this Oscar thing about Che Guevara, 'cause he was really neat & played a guitar & stuff. Does this make me look fat? Oh, & Gael Garcia Bernal & me started together in telenovelas, now we're bigger than ever.
For example, I played Frida Kahlo, who was this really important person. I know she was important because important actresses like Madonna & J-Lo wanted to play her. She was a painter & had a mustache, something many of us Latinas have struggled with.
She also had a thing for Joseph Stalin, some guy who killed a lot of people & stuff, which is why Gael said if Frida was alive she'd be against the Iraq War. Makes sense to me. She'd also be 98 years old, which is really phreaking me out.
Probably someone will make a movie of my life one day, & probably Madonna will want to play me, HA! No really, does this make my butt look big?
See also The Truth About Che; The Truth About Frida; Compatibility of Chow Yun Fat & Salma Hayek
Posted by Jeff at 04:17 PM | Comments (16)
WARD CHURCHILL GRIEF-A-THON
What I really admire about Ward Churchill is his voracious appetite for grief:
"I mourn the victims of the Sept. 11 attacks, just as I mourn the deaths of those Iraqi children, the more than 3 million people killed in the war in Indochina, those who died in the U.S. invasions of Grenada, Panama & elsewhere in Central America, the victims of the transatlantic slave trade & the indigenous peoples still subjected to genocidal policies."
Wow. Such an awesome talent for grieving is surely beyond most of us. However, as a certified hypochondriac, I long ago learned that in order to maximize my worrying, it helped to make a schedule. This can easily be adapted to help manage your grieving for humanity, & perhaps approach the saintly angst of Mr. Churchill.
Here then is your grieving schedule for the week. Or as as Ward Churchill might call it, your grief quota:
| MONDAY | Mourn for 6 million victims of Holocaust. 100 million slaughtered by Communists, millions slaughtered by Aztecs, Mongols, Huns, Saddam Hussein, Idi Amin, Mobutu, Mugabe, Khmer Rouge, Mengistu, Seiko Toure, victims of Arab slave trade, + 4 American workers in Iraq eulogized by Markos Zuniga |
| TUESDAY |
|
| WEDNESDAY | Mourn unjustly cancelled soaps: the late great Santa Barbara, Sunset Beach, Dark Shadows (& Dark Shadows redux), Edge of Night. Ashley Bashioum, fired from Young & the Restless. Austin Peck, fired from Days of our Lives. Deceased soap stars Grayson Hall, MacDonald Carey, Gerald Anthony, Brenda Benet |
| THURSDAY | Advance mourning: Brittany Spears, Fidel Castro, Revenge of the Sith, Boy Assad, Arrested Development, Kelly Clarkson, Orlando Bloom, Jason Giambi, J-Lo & Marc Anthony, Kofi Annan, Seattle Mariners, Hillary 2008, MSNBC, Beautiful Atrocities |
| FRIDAY |
|
| SATURDAY | Mourn Ward Churchill, who after all is being unfairly singled out for persecution. Aside from his candor, little distinguishes him in the sewer of politically correct conformism that is academe, where ideology, identity politics, ethnicity - even faux-ethnicity - have long supplanted scholarship. Ethnic studies is a toilet & Ward Churchill is the attendant |
See also University of Colorado Grants Churchill Pilot's License; Killers of the 20th Century; International Atrocity Day; Megamurderers
Posted by Jeff at 06:12 AM | Comments (35)
February 26, 2005
STILL LIFE WITH MOLE HAIRS
The library assistant was a pretty young woman with a large mole on her right cheek. It was a flat dark mole the size of a concord grape. It was not unattractive - it didn't look like a malignant melanoma - but it had long dark hairs growing out of it. Her mouth was moving, but all I could do was stare at the long coarse mole-hairs.
I just knew someone had told
her
not to shave it because it would grow back thicker. Why do
people believe this? If that were true, men's faces would have exploded
long ago. Maybe she didn't like stubble, but I don't either,
which is why I shave every day HINT HINT.
There's also bleach.
I used to work with this Chinese woman who was very nice - she gave me a live turtle for some ungodly reason - but she had hag's moles on her chin with long scraggly black hairs sprouting from them. She practically had a goatee. I constantly had to resist the temptation to reach out & snatch them out.
When she got pregnant, I was amazed, because I found the mole hairs
so repellent. I wondered if her husband
found them erotic, or possibly
even nursed at them. I suppose it's all relative; if I was
an alien from
the 8th Dimension, all humans would look so grotesque, I
probably wouldn't
even notice a few mole hairs.
Who can fathom the mystery of human personality? See also American Electrology Assn; Buckaroo Banzai
Posted by Jeff at 07:15 PM | Comments (27)
ng of a famous novel I'm reading. What is it? No fair googling.
"The temperature hit 90° the day she arrived. New York was steaming — an angry concrete animal caught unawares in an unseasonable hot spell. But she didn't mind the heat or the littered midway called Times Square. She thought New York was the most exciting city in the world..."
Posted by Jeff at 03:19 PM | Comments (19)
THE ABOMINABLE SNOWBEAST
Posted by Jeff at 03:13 PM | Comments (5)
February 25, 2005
ANOTHER WOMAN WHO WON'T SWALLOW
CULT OF PERSONALITY: BOY ASSAD PHOTO ALBUM
ESTHER WILBERFORCE-PACKARD'S TO-DO LIST
BECAUSE HE PAID ME TO LINK HIM
Posted by Jeff at 02:01 PM | Comments (15)
BLACK HAIR & BLACK RACISM
Apollonia Jordan, crack reporter for SF Bayview, National Black Newspaper, provides a textbook case of demonizing middleman minorities in a rant against Asian-owned beauty supply stores :
Apollonia makes the ludicrous claim that Asian-run stores have "locked out Black-owned manufacturers fromng up beauty supply chains." Of course, the only way a new minority can 'take over' a market is to undersell, in this case by providing service in high-risk, high-crime neighborhoods.
William Raspberry on middleman minorities: "Their advantage is not knowledge but values: the willingness to live upstairs over the store, to put their children to work behind the counter & to keep to themselves. Make no mistake, they do serve - no matter that their service is likely to be described by those who depend on it as gouging, exploitation or bloodsucking.
"The problem is, their entrepreneurial activity often involves intangibles: walk-to locations, convenient business hours, willingness to run the risks of robbery, theft & nonpayment - all of which are exchanged for cash."
Thomas Sowell:
"Where the middleman function has been performed by an ethnically distinct group, such groups have been among
the most hated minorities anywhere. Few have experienced the centuries of
animosity, persecution, mob violence, mass expulsions
& wholesale slaughters which have been the fate of such middleman minorities as the overseas Chinese in Southeast Asia, the Jews in Eastern Europe or the Armenians in Turkey.
"All the blacks lynched in the entire history of the U.S. do not add up to the number of Chinese slaughtered in one year in 18th-century Vietnam or in 17th-century Philippines, & the mass killings of Armenians & Jews in the 20th century have been many times greater. Often such groups have been accused of charging exploitative prices & usurious interest. Yet it has been common for their expulsion to be followed by rising prices, higher interest rates & shortages of goods."
Kim McKee on the Black-Korean Conflict (pdf): "Many African Americans are unaware that these stores operate on a low overhead & are mom-and-pop establishments, where in the owner's mind, any time he loses a candy bar, a bottle of milk, or a package of cracker jacks, that’s 10¢ more he has to take out of his pocket to service the debt.
"Merchants in D.C. routinely work 12-to-14 hour days, 6 days a week. Yong Kim, a Korean grocery store owner, works from 10 to 9, 6 days a week, every week of the year because the $5700/month he owes in rent & taxes means he can never close his store. Kathleen Hom, a mayoral assistant on the Commission on Asian & Pacific Islander Affairs, discovered that merchants make an average of $8000 a year: 'Most rent their spaces & have no medical or property insurance.'"
Note that Apollonia's rant is in a paper that's big on reparations. So while she's pissed at the work ethic of Asian immigrants, the message to black kids is, Whitey owes you, so why work hard?
See also Black Racism: the Hate that Dare not Speak its Name; Hype Hair Magazine; Apollonia Kotero
Posted by Jeff at 07:26 AM | Comments (22)
February 24, 2005
AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS
Via Six Meat Buffet
Posted by Jeff at 01:34 PM | Comments (4)
GADDAFI'S AMAZONIAN GUARD
6/12/98: "A female bodyguard sacrificed her life to save Colonel Gaddafi from assassination. The beautiful security girl was one of a 40-strong, all-woman unit of personal guards who are trained killers & also claim to be virgins.
"She threw herself on top of the Libyan leader when rebelsd fire on his motorcade, & died riddled with bullets. Seven other women bodyguards were also seriously wounded. A source said: 'Gaddafi was deeply distressed. Aisha, the woman who died, was his top bodyguard.'
"Gaddafi surrounds himself with handpicked female bodyguards to foil such attacks. All of them swear an oath that they will give their lives for him. They never leave his side, night or day, & he insists they remain virgins. There is no shortage of volunteers for what is seen as a prestigious job. A special training college puts recruits through a tough program. Girls who don't drop out emerge as trained killers, experts with firearms & martial arts. Gaddafi makes the final selection &, despite the virginal tag, rumors abound that he demands their sexual favors."
New opera based on the life of Libyan leader Moammar
Gaddafi, featuring rapper as Gaddafi & chorus of all-female bodyguards;
Brawl between Gaddafi's women bodyguards & Egyptian security;
Gaddafi humiliated when notorious female bodyguards unceremoniously disarmed
by Ethiopian Security
Gaddafi on women: "Women should be trained for combat, so that they do not become easy prey for their enemies." In the West, "the situation for women is hardly enviable: she has left home but only to confront a difficult fate, driving trucks & trains."
Posted by Jeff at 09:02 AM | Comments (24)
::: CLICK :::
Posted by Jeff at 08:25 AM | Comments (6)
February 23, 2005
'LIFE IS A DECISION YOU MAKE'
Powerful post by Rightwingsparkle about her father:
"What my father taught me most of all is that life is a decision you make. Every day you decide whether you will be happy or not. My dad had nothing but rage fueling him growing up. He could have let that rage ruin it all & he almost did. But that fateful night he decided to turn it all around. He decided to be a wonderful husband, father, friend, & public servant. He chose love over hate."
Posted by Jeff at 06:25 PM | Comments (2)
GREAT FUDGE-PACKERS OF OUR TIME
:::click each:::
Posted by Jeff at 02:50 PM | Comments (23)
TAMMY BRUCE: NO GIRLIE WOMEN
Tammy Bruce will be debating the president of the California Nurses Association on Hannity & Colmes tonight. The Nurses are pouting that Arnold's a 'bully' for calling their unions - gasp - special interests! Tammy's advice:
Posted by Jeff at 01:08 PM | Comments (10)
THE JUICE CHRONICLES
As a longtime A's fan, I've always liked Jose Canseco, his florid
personality, & wild off the field antics (even after he went to the
hated Yanks). The controversy over his tell-all roid romp,
Juiced, is perfectly in character, & it's especially rich to listen to
the chorus of denials claiming Canseco is only out for money.
As opposed to the selfless altruists in the MLB, right? The fact is, the owners, the managers, & the union had no problem with steroids putting money in their own pockets. And if some players, like Giambi, McGwire, & Bonds, were a little obvious about it, just look the other way. Some reactions to Canseco's book:
Roger Clemens: "When you're under house arrest & you have ankle bracelets on, you have a lot of time to write a book."
Clemens redux: "I knew him when he was arrogant & wouldn't even sign autographs for us. I also know his softer side. I know a different side. Maybe he's hurting for money."
Canseco on Clemens:
"He's one of the very few baseball players I know who never cheated on his wife.
I was amazed by him, to be honest. His wife should be very proud of him."
Barry Bonds: "I was better than Jose then, & I've been better than him his whole career. If he wants to go make money, go ahead. For somebody who brags about what he did, I don't see any of your records."
Mike Greenwell, 88 MVP Runnerup: "I was clean. If they're going to start putting asterisks by things, let's put one by the MVP."
Greenwell redux: “One day he hits a mammoth home run at Fenway & I said 'Jose, I’d do anything to have your power. It’s unbelievable,' & he said, 'Well, why don’t you come on down to Miami & I can give you the power."
Andy Pettitte:
"I know he's got a lot of problems in his life. Sometimes people get
desperate. That might be what's going on."
Canseco on Grieve (98 Rookie of the Year): "Ben Grieve is a kid who needed to take steroids. He had a slow bat, slow feet & average ability. I could have taken Grieve & turned him into a stud. He would have been the perfect kid to benefit from the combination of steroids & growth hormone."
Bret Boone: "I don't know the person. He doesn't know me. I've never had a conversation with him. As far as I'm concerned, it's absolutely ridiculous."
Canseco on A-rod: "He'll always give you a sentence or two to put on TV or in your newspaper. Sure, it'll be drivel. There won't be a spontaneous word there. But it sounds like ballplayer talk, & that's what matters."
Ivan Rodriguez (who arrived at Spring Training 22 lbs lighter):
"I didn't use any of that stuff. I don't need it. I've been in baseball
for 14 years & I don't need it."
Dodgers pitcher Wilson Alvarez: "My family, my kids & the people who know me, they know I don't do that stuff. People can believe what they want to believe. This is a free country, & they can say whatever they want."
Frank Menechino: "In baseball, I think everyone is just laughing at him. I think he's just a bitter person. He looks like a mob rat."
Jason Giambi: "He's delusional. Just about everything I've heard is incorrect. About (me), about a lot of people. The whole book is going to be on the fiction best-sellers."
Canseco on Giambi: "As surely as he went overboard with partying & chasing women, Giambi went overboard with steroids. He became the single most vocal, outright juicer in the game, & nobody cared."
Johnny Damon on his
own new book,
Idiot: Beating the Curse & Enjoying the Game of Life: "There's no juice involved in mine."
Kenny Rogers: "I don't want my name associated with anything Jose Canseco says. I don't want to be in the same breath."
Canseco on Mark Grace: "Mark Grace defined a slump-buster as the 'fattest, gnarliest chick you can uncover, & you lay the wood to her.' "
Joe Torre: "What goes on in the sanctity of the clubhouse, like the sanctity of the kitchen at home, needs to stay there."
Dave Stewart: "If you're an admitted steroid user, believe me, you know who uses them."
Mark McGwire: "I did not use steroids or any other illegal substance."
Miguel Tejada:
"I barely knew Jose during his career, so it is ridiculous for him to suggest we ever had discussions regarding their use. I work very hard to keep in shape,
& any suggestion that I use steroids, or any banned substance, is insulting
& not worth discussing."
Ken Griffey Jr. "Look at me, do I look like I'm on steroids? I wouldn't do that to my team or my family. I'm not going to cheat them or myself."
Canseco on the New World: "Everybody will be doing it. Steroid use will be more common than Botox. Every baseball player & pro athlete will be using at least low levels of steroids. As a result, baseball & other sports will be more exciting. Human life will be improved. We will live longer & better. And maybe we'll love longer & better, too."
Excerpt from Juiced; Greenwell for 88 MVP Petition
Posted by Jeff at 07:36 AM | Comments (22)
February 22, 2005
SICK OF ACADEMIC MOONBATS? SEND YOUR KID TO TRUCKING SCHOOL
Via American Digest
Posted by Jeff at 04:28 PM | Comments (3)
WAR IS NOT GUD
Sondra has an
email from the sister of the American soldier who got flamed by a 6th
grade social studies class accusing him of murdering civvies &
destroying mosques. (Maybe the kids got their tips from Eason Jordan.)
But 6th graders are the perfect intellectual level for the empty canards that pass for argument on the antiwar
Left!
These kids, like the antiwar Left, know nothing of the Gulf War, nothing of the terms of the ceasefire, nothing of the UN resolutions Hussein flouted, nothing of the Kay report, which found extensive weapons systems violations, & nothing of what's currently going on in Iraq.
The antiwar Left, having been wrong about everything from Day 1, & now having to witness tectonic, world-changing elections in Iraq & Afghanistan, is reduced to sniffing that the war was immoral because innocent people got hurt. Never mind that fewer people have been killled than were Hussein left to his own murderous designs.
Saying that war is only acceptable if no one gets hurt is NOT an intellectual argument, & just makes you look like a twit. At least 6th graders have an excuse for their ignorance.
Posted by Jeff at 01:22 PM | Comments (13)
LOOK AT MY CHEST WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!
Obnoxious t-shirts from T-shirt Hell:
WHO NEEDS BIG TITS WHEN YOU HAVE AN ASS LIKE THIS?
COULD YOU COME BACK IN A FEW BEERS?
I WAS MOLESTED BY MICHAEL JACKSON & ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT WITH MY MILLION BUCKS
I ONLY SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE IF BOTH CHICKS ARE HOT
I DONATED MY HYMEN TO TSUNAMI RELIEF
RAPE IS NO LAUGHING MATTER, UNLESS YOU'RE RAPING A CLOWN
I
LIKE MY WOMEN LIKE MY COFFEE; GROUND UP & IN THE FREEZER
IF YOU THINK MY SHIRT IS TIGHT...
IS IT PEDOPHILIA IF THE KID IS DEAD?
GREETINGS FROM IRAQ (click at your own risk)
And for babies:
NOW THAT I'M SAFE, I'M PRO-CHOICE
Posted by Jeff at 08:09 AM | Comments (19)
February 21, 2005
SANDRA DEE
'I was a junior Doris Day for years' - Sandra Dee
Real name: Alexandra Cymboliak Zuck. Married to: Bobby Darin
"Her breakthrough role was Imitation of Life in '59 alongside Lana Turner; supposedly Natalie Wood was the preferred choice for Sandra's part, but as a veteran of 20 movies already, Natalie may have been too pricey. NY Times said Imitation of Life was "probably Sandra's finest sustained performance in certainly the most important of all her films." For 15-year-old Sandy, 2 huge hits quickly followed: A Summer Place with Troy Donahue, & Gidget with James Darren & Cliff Robertson." - Swingin Chicks of the Sixties
"Went & saw them film my movie. . . . God was it ever stupid to see Sandra Dee play my role. . . . All the actors looked like complete fagits." Diary entry June 30, 1958 by Kathy Zuckerman, aka the real Gidget
Sandra Dee dies at 62; Ultimate Sandra Dee Website
Posted by Jeff at 05:36 PM | Comments (2)
MAKING THE WORLD SAFE FOR TRANSGENDER ISLAMONUTTERS
You can always count on the PC Bay Area to get its priorities, uh, straight. The Bay Times, which apparently can't afford a website, has the skinny on the most important aspect of the REAL ID Act recently passed by the House to prevent terrorists from entering the US:
"The measure places an unfair & discriminatory burden upon transgender individuals. 'On a nationally regulated ID card, it might be harder to change gender markers,' said Mara Keisling, director of National Center on Transgender Equality. 'This is especially bad for people who can't afford, don't want, or for health reasons can't have surgery.'
Jerrold Nadler, Manhattan Dem concurs: "If it would become law, it would place another barrier in front of transgender people." The bill was also opposed by the Transgender Law & Policy Institute.
(FYI, splicing the transgender label onto gay/lesbian/bi is a total scam by a tiny minority trying to increase its clout, even though it has NOTHING to do with being a homo.) See also Lesbo Gorillas in SF
Posted by Jeff at 01:53 PM | Comments (16)
HILLARY: 'CANSECO NEVER INJECTED STEROIDS INTO MY BUTTOCKS'
Senator Hillary Clinton denied reports that baseball bad boy Jose Canseco injected steroids into her buttocks to beef up her public image & project a commandress-in-chief aura. In his tell-all book Juiced, Canseco claims he pimped steroids for a select group of nancy Democrats seeking to pump up their macho quotient & appear less wimpy to voters.
According to Canseco, when Clinton invited him to her Senate office,
he assumed it was for one of his Private Performances™, a sort of
Chippendales routine he performs for small groups to help pay his legal bills.
Instead, Clinton asked "Are you packing?" then led Canseco to a Senate washroom & into a stall, where she
stood on the toilet seat, rolled down her girdle, & ordered him "Stick
me in the buttocks! In the buttocks!"
Canseco: "Why do white folks say that? Can't they say my ass, or my culo? It's like 'beverage,' what's that shit? Last time a stewardess asked me if wanted a 'beverage', I said, No, bitch, but how about a blowjob?"
Canseco claims he also injected image-enhancing steroids into the posterior of Howard Dean, whose buttocks-rhoid rage resulted in the infamous Dean Scream, as well as John Kerry, John Edwards, Janet Reno, Tom Daschle, & Barbara Boxer. A spokesman for Boxer denied the allegations: "One look at Senator Boxer & you know no one's injected anything into her ass in years."
See also Juiced Book Tour Schedule, Jose's Love Affair with Steroids, Steroids.org
Posted by Jeff at 07:20 AM | Comments (15)
February 18, 2005
FUN THINGS TO DO IN THE BAY AREA
The great thing about the San Francisco Bay Area is that there's always interesting & informative events to get involved in. Upcoming:
Feb 17-21: International Bear Rendezvous
in SF. Annual gathering of bears & bear-lovers. Flashback:
Andrew Sullivan
TMI on bear admirer putting
the moves on him: "You know what I think is so f*cking hot about
you? Your pot-belly, man. It's so f*cking hot."
Feb 18: Huey Newton Celebration: "We are celebrating the life of Dr. Huey P. Newton, founder of the Black Panther Party". (For Newton's murderous legacy, go here.)
Feb 19: Sex Work Smorgasbord. Learn how to make gay porn, treat a sex worker politely, be a bondage model, & more with porn producer Mark Klein, bondage model Tina Butcher, author Greta Christina, & others.
Feb 19: Naomi Klein on How Economic Shock Therapy Backfired in Iraq. For sample of Klein's wisdom, see What Are we Fighting For, in which Klein reveals that the Iraqi elections are the real WMDs.
Feb 22: White People Against the U.S. War on the Black Community "Let's take action to challenge the attacks on African people in our city! "
Fed 22: “Not Your Typical Apologist or Reactionary Black History Month Celebration”: "Black History Month is still celebrated despite the fact the black community deals with state repression, mass incarceration, forced sterilizations & poverty on a daily basis."
Feb 23:
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi invites you to her Social Security Town Hall Meeting
Feb 23: Black Reconstruction mental health group . "We want to help people recover from the addiction of white supremacy."
Feb 23: "American Dictators" a documentary by Alex Jones. This film documents the staged "election" of 2004.
"We don't know the future but we’ve studied human history & regardless of who wins the November election in 2004 the New World Order wins. In a dictatorship there is no choice. The elections are controlled. The police are the military. Fear equals control. Speech is suppressed. The economy is looted. The people are slaves."
Feb 24: Free classes in Afrocentric parenting skills.
Feb 24: Vaginas: An Owner’s Manual, "an empowering guide to womanhood."
Feb 24:
Radical Woman
meeting: "Tonight we'll
be discussing our current revolutionary feminist
campaigns for social change. Dinner with vegetarian options."
Feb 25: The 9/11 Omission Report: What the Comission [sic] Didn’t Answer. 'John Judge warns us that the events of 9/11 have been used as a pretext for the invasions of Afghanistan & Iraq, and have become a symbol of an end to democracy."
Feb 26: Bringing Hip Hop Youth into the Struggle for Reparations, with panelists from National Coalition of Blacks for Reparations in America, Malcolm X Grassroots Movement, African People's Socialist Party, International People's Democratic Uhuru Movement.
March 12: IN DEFENSE OF IRAQI WOMEN. "As the racist & futile 'war on terror' rages on, the lives of Iraqi women continue to worsen. Bring your ideas for jump-starting a revitalized movement against the brutal U.S. occupation."
March 19: International Clitoris Day. "Clitoris Celebration combines humor & education in an effort to bring celebration to various parts of the female sexual organ that have been neglected & ignored."
Posted by Jeff at 09:13 AM | Comments (26)
February 17, 2005
BAGHDAD DWELLER: WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE MEDIA?
"Did you know that 47 countries have re-established their embassies in Iraq?
"Did you know that the Iraqi government employs 1.2 million Iraqi people?
"Did you know that 3100 schools have been renovated, 364 schools are under rehabilitation, 263 schools are now under construction & 38 new schools have been built in Iraq?
"Did you know that Iraq’s higher educational structure consists of 20 Universities, 46 Institutes or colleges & 4 research centers?
"Did you know that 25 Iraq students departed for the United States in January 2004 for the re-established Fulbright program?
"Did you know that the Iraqi Police Service has over 55,000 fully trained & equipped police officers? Did you know that there are 5 Police Academies in Iraq that produce over 3500 new officers each 8 weeks?
"Did you know there are more than 1100 building projects going on in Iraq? They include 364 schools, 67 public clinics, 15 hospitals, 83 railroad stations, 22 oil facilities, 93 water facilities and 69 electrical facilities.
"Did you know that 96% of Iraqi children under the age of 5 have received the first 2 series of polio vaccinations? Did you know that 4.3 million Iraqi children were enrolled in primary school by mid October?
"Did you know that there are 1,192,000 cell phone subscribers in Iraq & phone use has gone up 158%?
"Did you know that Iraq has an independent media that consist of 75 radio stations, 180 newspapers & 10 television stations? Did you know that the Baghdad Stock Exchanged in June of 2004? Did you know that 2 candidates in the Iraqi presidential election had a recent televised debate recently?"
Posted by Jeff at 10:42 AM | Comments (14)
"Nothing prepares you for it. It is overwhelming & the smell is still there."American soldier B, from Going Down Range, blogs his experience at Dachau
Posted by Jeff at 10:32 AM | Comments (0)
From Combat Doc's gallery of souvenirs from his Iraq tour:
"This is a5.56mm round I started carrying in my body armor about a month after arriving in country. When the beheading videos started to surface I pulled the first round out of my magazine, stared at it knowing its fate, & placed it in the strap behind one of my mag pouches. I would pull it out every once in a while to inspect it & put it right back. Most guys would joke about it but a few of us actually talked about it & what it was for. That's usually when the conversation quickly changed. No one would admit it but the thought of getting captured was worse than having to eat this thing. No way was my family going to see me online. I'm glad that we both made it home."
Posted by Jeff at 09:19 AM | Comments (4)
ASSISTED-SUICIDE BOMBER IN BAGHDAD
Vatican condemns. Via Ebb & Flow Institute
Posted by Jeff at 12:36 AM | Comments (3)
February 16, 2005
BECAUSE EVERY NOW & THEN YOU FIND A BLOG THAT'S COMPLETELY WHACKED
Via TexasBestGrok
Posted by Jeff at 03:23 PM | Comments (21)
WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY: GOOSE BARBIE WTF
wtf goose couture from goose clothes galore
I knew a seemingly normal, urbane San Franciscan who moved to Ohio. In no time, he had a ceramic goose on his front porch, complete with seasonal outfits & accessories. Alarmed, I suggested serotonin-rebalancing. But it turns out to be some sort of Midwestern cult! You can purchase entire wardrobes for your goose, as well as smart accessories, goslings, & slim-line models made of polyvinylchloride.
I've ordered my own ceramic foie-gras goose doorstop complete with cute removable hose (not approved by PETA), & for those of you looking for a cult to join, here's some places you can start:
Goose Clothes Galore: "A well dressed goose is a happy goose!!" Wigs (in assorted colors), Nun, Pink Flamingo, Cheerleader, Cow dress, Dracula, as well as useful FAQ:
Q: Our cement goose's neck has broken. What can we do?
A: Go to a hardware store & purchase Clear PVC pipe glue. You could also replace it with a plastic goose.
Lawn Goose
Designs: "It's like Barbie Dolls for adults."
Emily's Gifts: "Dress up Mama Duck has 8 outfits to celebrate every holiday! Baby Duck has 8 hats to match each of Mama's!" Includes Alien Goose outfit
Goose Garb: Snorkel with fins, Housework Makes Me Ugly, Housecoat & Rollers. Accessorize with sunglasses & braids
Rip n roll Goose Clothes: "We've got a variety of handmade goose clothes to help make YOUR GOOSE the best-dressed on the block!" Features goose muu-muus for the full-figured bird
Goose Clothes by Just Ducky: "BBQ Apron & Hat is made from red/white check fabric with large corn on the cobs across it. The apron has a pocket on the front to hold plastic dinnerware & comes with a matching chef hat."
Sunburst, Home of the Fashionably Dressed Goose: Halter dress, watermelon dress, freakish spider, beautician with curlers, & Y2K bug (special reduced price - DUH)
The
Kraft Korner, Goose Clothes that Help Everyone Smile: "The goose clothing we offer is all designed
& made by Fran. Her enthusiasm for goose clothing began in 1992 when her husband presented her with her first concrete goose."
Gingham Goose: Haute Couture for the Discriminating Goose. Celebrity geese: Dorothy, Tin Man, Jedi Knight
See also Theory & Practice of Lawn Goose Dressing; Invasion of the Yard Geese
More White Trash Wednesday at Cranky Neocon, Cry Freedom, Dangerous Logic, Fistful of Fortnights, Fragile Darkness, Hector Vex's Infotainment, It Is What It Is, My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, Rachael Ray Redux, Riehl World, Six Meat Buffet, Ebb & Flow Institute, Jawa Report, Llama Butchers, Vince Aut Morire. Special bonus feature: Esther Wilberforce Packard Wednesday
Posted by Jeff at 07:27 AM | Comments (16)
February 15, 2005
INSTAPOWER, BLOGGING MYTHS, & MEDIA HYPE
Posted by Jeff at 06:05 PM | Comments (0)
GADDAFI REPORT: SAADI & ZELJKO, BFF!
¶
Delusional soccer wannabe Saadi Gaddafi has revealed former Perugia teammate,
Aussie Zeljko Kalac (r.) told him to quit
after just 2 days in camp: "He was very friendly (so) I asked him to come to my room
& give me some advice." Kalac told Saadi to go home. In Sydney,
Gaddafi said
"Every day he sends me messages on the mobile phone.
He say, 'Oh, I wish I was with you, in my city, in my country'."
Saadi adores his new best friend, whom he calls Spider:
"He's super funny. The most funny guy I have seen in my life."
'My father wants me to come back to Libya. He doesn't want me to play football, he says, 'You are bigger than that, you have to be something more than a player.' But this is my passion. I say, 'OK, just let me finish my contract.' Maybe then I can be Libyan ambassador in the United States, or have some other kind of very sensitive position. To retire from football is a very big decision for me, because I love it so much. I want to play forever. It is in my heart."
¶
Gaddafi to the rescue? Colonel Gaddafi
said to have responded warmly to South Korea's request he visit North Korea in bid to persuade
Kim Jong-Il to abandon nuclear weapons. This would probably not
be a good idea, as North Korea denounced Gaddafi as 'coward' & 'fool' when Gaddafi renounced production of WMDs.
Gaddafi also gave US top-secret info on atomic weapons shared by North Korea
& Libya
¶ Gaddafi lobbying to block transfer of Lockerbie bomber Abdel Baset al-Megrahi to a different Scottish prison, requesting he serve his life sentence in Libya or another Muslim country. Libya has complained to both Britain & the UN, claiming that transferring Megrahi breaches the agreement by which Libya handed Megrahi over for trial. Libya is particularly concerned about Meghrahi serving time with inmates scheduled for release: "If the other people around him are ready to go home that would drain him psychologically."
¶ Gaddafi warned that in event of foreign military intervention, he would back out of the mediation to end genocide in Darfur. Reacting to Kofi Annan's suggestion that NATO should intervene in Darfur: "The brother Kofi Annan's statement is very dangerous & stops us from pursuing the African efforts. If his statement were to be implemented that will make Sudan a second Iraq." (As opposed to a second Rwanda, I suppose.)
¶
Faux-American Indian Ward Churchill met with Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi in Tripoli in 1983
—
2 years after the U.S. banned Americans from traveling to Libya. Churchill made the trip as emissary of the American Indian Movement
& sought diplomatic support from the Libyan strongman. Churchill defended the visit, arguing it
wasn't that bad & that he had not, "requested arms from the Libyan government."
¶"Only two countries have the capacity to double their oil production - Libya & Iraq." The high quality of Libya's low-sulfur crude & quick travel time to U.S. - half the time it takes Saudi crude to reach Gulf Coast - adds to the attraction. Industry executives eager to see what properties will be up for grabs when Libya hosts next bidding contest next month.
Posted by Jeff at 01:03 PM | Comments (2)
NEPHEW: Psst, hey Uncle Jeff, I know the B-word!
ME: Really?
NEPHEW: Bitch! I also know the S-word!
ME: Really?
NEPHEW: Shit! And I even know the C-word!
ME: (spits up coffee) You do??
NEPHEW: Crap!
ME: Oh. THAT c-word.
Whew.
Posted by Jeff at 11:56 AM | Comments (6)
JIHAD, THE FRAGRANCE
It's the scent of a thousand years of cultural
stagnation...
of getting your ass kicked from Tikrit to Tora Bora...
the menthol tang of your buddy's shaved for martyrdom ass...
the
gelignite confidence of a killer as comfortable in Darfur & Kashmir
as Madrid & Manhattan...
It's 7th Century savagery with 21st Century precision,
It's the horny bouquet of Eternity spent porking 72 virgins whose hymens
grow back every time, like those lizards when you cut off their tails,
you know the ones I'm talking about.
Jihad le Parfum, by Beautiful Atrocities
And for her: Sharia Feminine Hygiene Spray, because it's not just good hygiene; it's the law
See also Jihad Male
Posted by Jeff at 06:16 AM | Comments (9)
February 14, 2005
Dear Oprah,
I see you're having another big show about how you lost the weight & how I can too. I think this is a bad idea, because you've done these shows about 5000 times before, usually right before you blow up like one of those self-inflating life rafts. I'm just saying.
Your friend,
Jeff
Posted by Jeff at 01:12 PM | Comments (5)
I WUV YOU VAWENTINES FROM MIKE TYSON
DON'T CROSS KATIE COURIC Via Sporting Life
Posted by Jeff at 10:06 AM | Comments (4)
BLOGSWARM SMACKDOWN: EASONGATE VS GANNONQUIDDICK
TAG TEAM BLOGGING: MICHELLE 'CANNONBALL' MALKIN & LASHAWN 'BOOM-BOOM' BARBER VS THE INSURGENTS: MARKOS SCREW'EM ZUNIGA & ATRIOS J.
Malkin: "We're gonna make
dinuguan* outta you miserable moonbats!"
Zuniga:
"I
feel nothing over the death of wingnut bitches!! Screw'em!"
Barber: "Honey, you'll feel the back
of my hand!"
Atrios J: "Heh"
The whistle blows. Atrios J runs screaming out of the ring! Malkin clips Zuniga with a chick-kick! Zuniga hits below the belt! The Kossacks chant: "SCREW EM! SCREW EM!" But Barber stuns Zuniga with a Pentecostal Whip. Zuniga staggers up: "I feel nothing!!"
Malkin leaps onto the ropes. "Feel this!" she calls, & drops him with the Mabuhay Moonbat Moonsault. The crowd goes wild. The ref starts counting. Zuniga tries to crawl out of the ring, but the crowd pelts him with Little Green Footballs, & then LaShawn is there. "Vengeance is mine saith LaShawn!" she declares, & flattens him with her Boom Boom Bodyslam, the Bible Thumper!
MATCH: MALKIN & BARBER. NEXT WEEK: BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES VS OLIVER WILLIS
*Dinuguan = Midnight Meat aka the black death
Posted by Jeff at 07:11 AM | Comments (24)
February 13, 2005
MODERN TIMES, or HOW I $PENT MY SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Posted by Jeff at 08:50 PM | Comments (16)
SKIDMARKS ON MY HEART
Posted by Jeff at 03:50 PM | Comments (3)
IN PRAISE OF PURPLE PROSE
From Rikki Ducornet's The Jade Cabinet, in which Baconfield, a turn of the century architect, descends into an Egyptian tomb filled with 1 million ibis mummies:
"...the architect began to explore, first the blebs & blisters
of that
infundibular terrain, & then, naked as a worm & carrying a
torch, the very catacombs themselves. The maze of mummies
stretched out for countless miles in all directions; the sight of
innumerable cadavers sealed within clay cones shaped like the wishing
caps of wizards or dunces cast a spell upon his brain.
"Naked & panting, he explored on his ten toes the curiously cluttered galleries where the hot air was thin & the dust many centuries old. A man inspired, he stumbled on like a gnat ever more entangled in a web, tirelessly exploring that lugubrious colander truffled on all sides with dead birds & knotted in shadows.
"Sometime the inevitable occurred: Baconfield's torch lacked fuel & he was hopelessly lost among the mummies. For a day & a night he dragged himself in the utter darkness among those hideously persistent cornets, ravenous for food & above all for water. Just when he had abandoned all hope he saw a luminous diamond shining in the inky darkness: day was breaking.
"Digging with bare fingers through
fragments
of blue faience & bone, he lost his grip & tumbled down a
shallow well, into a partially collapsed chamber cluttered with a muddle
of outsize alabaster vases which in the light of dawn glowed eerily; he
took the vases for eggs & feared he'd stumbled upon the nest of some
colossal ibis..."
See also BOMB magazine interview with Rikki Ducornet; CBC interview; The Fan-Maker's Inquisition
Posted by Jeff at 08:26 AM | Comments (9)
February 11, 2005
Dear Kelly Ripa,
I notice that as part of your dangerous madness vulpine charm you
have a thing about your mug. You seem so attached to it, I'm
wondering if it's just caffeine or something more essential.
I know I said you were a crackhead but I was JUST KIDDING. Frankly, I'm
worried you're going to take somebody out with that mug, the way you're
always waving it around like a madwoman.
So I was thinking it would be really great if you'd start using an official Beautiful Atrocities souvenir mug. It would gain you lots of new viewers, that's for sure! I'll give you one FREE, & also one for Regis, who needs something to do since you never let him get a word in edgewise. Just between you & me, I'd watch my back.
Lately he has a look about him of an arachnid, crouched, tensed, poised to strike. When you hit those falsetto squeals, there's this vein in his neck that starts throbbing like the malign darkness that gnaws at the margin of our souls. I'm just saying. My mug + your lips, soon!
Your friend,
Jeff
Pics courtesy obsessed nut devoted fan
Ron at Our Daily Ripa, who
wishes he was Kelly's mug.
Posted by Jeff at 06:57 PM | Comments (3)
WILL THE REAL JEFF GOLDSTEIN PLEASE COUGH UP YOUR FEET?
Recently, I did one of my quirky, trademark blogposts,
FOOT FETISHIST'S GUIDE TO THE BLOGOSPHERE, for which I solicited
blogger foot pix. Kos,
Atrios, &
Marshall turned me down;
Oliver Willis sent me
some pix but - well, I don't want to go into it.
Ace turned me down,
Kate turned me down,
Baldy turned me down, &
LaShawn told me to take a
flying leap at the moon.
I didn't ask Glenn, because I didn't want to sound fresh, & I didn't ask Michelle because I'm terrified of her. I went cyber-prowling & kiped foot pix of Frank J, Jeff J, & Keith B-J. I found a pic of Wonkette's foot, but it wasn't very good, & I didn't want any half-assed Wonkette foot porn.
I was particularly pissed when Jeff Goldstein of Protein Wisdom turned me down, because quite frankly I made him what he is today. If his feet are as big as his head, it would have been choice. So I went trolling online, & discovered there's more than one Jeff Goldstein. I'm planning on including him in FOOT PHREAK II, THE SEQUEL, & have narrowed down the list of suspect Jeff Goldsteins responsible for the sledgehammer wit of Protein Wisdom:
THE NIGHTCLUB HIPSTER:
This Jeff Goldstein is a chi-chi Hamptons club promoter, site shows pix of him jonesing with
pals Kimora Lee Simmons & Tara Reid.
THE ACTOR: Accountant/tap dancer/stand up comic. Has appeared on Sex & the City, Law & Order, & Music Man summer stock. 5'8" 230 lbs.
THE SCIENTIST: "Dr. Jeff Goldstein is a planetary scientist at Challenger Center for Space Science Education. He studies weather on other planets."
THE KID: "My name is Jeff Goldstein. I am 22 years old. I live in Atlanta, Georgia, but was originally from Miami. I am dating Laura Gargala. Lots more to say, but I have tests & stuff to study for."
THE BODYBUILDER: 3rd place novice men's middleweight 2002 NPC Texas State Bodybuilding, Fitness, & Figure Championships
THE CANADIAN: "Jeff Goldstein is the designer & Proprietor of Finely Corked an Internet store he developed to sell the world’s finest corkscrews."
THE RESTAURANTEUR: Cofounder of world famous Sticky Fingers
restaurant chain & signature BBQ sauce line: "It was in Memphis that Jeff gained a love
& passion for ribs
& barbecue."
THE HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: Warner Bros executive VP, altho maybe not after The Matrix Revolutions
THE LITIGATOR: With Goldstein & Loots. Previously with Birch, Horton, Bittner, & Cherot; Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom; Morgan, Lewis & Bockius.
THE MOONBAT: Attorney seeking reparations for Hispanics or some such shit.
Posted by Jeff at 07:39 AM | Comments (19)
February 10, 2005
SHARIA COURT AWARDS WOMAN HALF OF FACE
ELIZABETH WILBERFORCE-PACKARD'S SPEECH TO FORMER DRUNKS WITH DREAMS, INC
WE HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE OF PUBLIC EDUCATION, & IT'S HOT
Posted by Jeff at 01:35 PM | Comments (17)
I HATE WHOLE FOODS
So I thought I should do something about my resolution to eat healthier. Nothing drastic, like cooking. My friend suggested protein bars. I HATE protein bars. "Well," he said, as if talking to a child, "they would make a better breakfast than cigarettes & croutons."
So I drove to
Berkeley's Whole
Foods. I HATE that store. They should call it Weird Foods,
because
there's not a single brand you've ever heard of. The cereal aisle is a phreakshow of
Nutty Date Clods & Jet Puffed Millet Meal & Fruity Leather Gobs.
They don't carry Soap Digest
or Weekly World News, you're
expected to stand in line & browse Algae or Afterbirth or
Yoga Triathlon, or just watch the slovenly workers, who sport more metal than an Iron Maiden CD.
The worst are the patrons. One twit was actually asking for vegetarian flax oil. I'm like, "Would that be different from the free-range flax oil??" She said flax oil came in gelatin capsules derived from animals. GET A JOB. So I asked where the protein bars were.
Check it out, protein bars have arrived. They have their own section, like a
little amphitheater. I stood there surrounded by protein bars,
protein bars in raked tiers, receding to the misty distance, in shapes & sizes & flavors I'd never heard of. I
went mad. I grabbed the Turducken bar & the Miso BBQ & the Green
Goddess & the Chianti Snap & the Praline Yuck & the Double
Teriyaki Taffy & the Cran-Tomato & the Turtle Pie & the No-Carb
Gluey Chocolate Sludge & the Spirulina
Pepsi Swirl—
And they all tasted like crap. Anyone got a light?
See also Craiglist rant WHY I HATE WHOLE FOODS: "Could all you people that shop & work there maybe occasionally take a f*cking shower?"
Posted by Jeff at 08:00 AM | Comments (56)
February 09, 2005
IT'S HARD FOR THE VRWC TO GET GOOD HELP
LEFTIST HOMOPHOBIA aka OH THOSE TOLERANT HOMOS! Remember this one next time some queen bitches about how 'intolerant' society is. INDC JOURNAL ON THE STORY TOO
Posted by Jeff at 07:07 PM | Comments (4)
THE RIGHT TO SCREW UP YOUR LIFE
linda lovelace
World Net Daily's Joseph Farah is the sort of right-wing evangelical who'll jump into bed with leftist feminazis. Farah's worked up over Inside Deep Throat, a film about the Linda Lovelace porn classic. To Farah, a documentary that isn't an antiporn jeremiad must be endorsing it, right?
Farah's an Old Testament moralist who wrote of a woman who murdered her philandering husband, "She did the world a favor. She did the right thing. That creep deserved what he got." Fine Christian sentiments! He repeats Lovelace's hard-to-swallow claim she was forced to make the film: "This was a kind of snuff film, but instead of being murdered, Lovelace was repeatedly raped."
- Snuff films are feminist myths.
- Lovelace's sad life (she banged Sammy Davis Jr, for god's sake) was entirely due to her own bad decisions as an adult.
Here's Farah's version: "Linda Boreman is spotted
sunbathing at the age of 21 by a slug who became her husband.
He gets her hooked on drugs, & pimps her out to a bunch of stag filmmakers working for the Mafia."
Note the passive voice. Lovelace chose to marry her sleazy husband. And becoming a drug addict doesn't just happen, it requires a lot of personal effort. For the record, here's Lovelace on the first day of shooting Deep Throat:
"Something was happening to me. It had to do with the fact that no one was treating me like garbage. Maybe it was the chemistry of being part of a group. For the first time in months, I was thrown in with other people who weren't perverted & threatening. I began to ease up. I hadn't laughed, really laughed, in so long that my face had to carve new smile lines.... And no one was asking me to do anything I didn't want to do."
In the 80s, feminazis like Catherine MacKinnon & Andrea Dworkin allied themselves with evangelicals like Jerry Falwell against anything they deemed porn, First Amendment be damned. MacKinnon's famous statement: "Porn = rape". When Lovelace became a feminist anti-porn pin-up, she traded one set of enablers for another. What she needed was someone to tell her to stop blaming the world for her bad decisions.
As Patty Hearst said of John Walker Lindh, the American Al-Qaeda, If you go looking for trouble, you'll probably find it.
See also Lovelace: The Musical; Deep Throat: the Soundtrack; Linda Lovelace Virtual Museum; GAWKER: Where is the Lovelace?
More White Trash Wednesday at Riehl World, Six Meat Buffet, My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (contains priceless pic), Cranky Neocon, Hector Vex, Dangerous Logic, Rachel Ray, Jawa Report, Fistful of Fortnights, & Vince Aut Morire
Posted by Jeff at 07:39 AM | Comments (10)
February 08, 2005
MORE PHREAKING ENCORES THAN CATS
Posted by Jeff at 08:33 PM | Comments (10)
Varifrank puts it in perspective
exclusive: the cinnabon recipe
as long as it doesn't have kiera knightley
Posted by Jeff at 12:57 PM | Comments (10)
THE CO$T OF WAR
Via BarbraStreisand.com, one of my daily must-reads, I found The Cost of War, a site that tells us alternative uses for money spent on the Iraq War. It's the web equivalent of those non sequitur bumper stickers like SCHOOLS NOT BOMBS. Really? How about SCHOOLS NOT HOSPITALS? CONDOMS NOT COLONELS? GI FLORA, NOT GI BILL? RECYCLE TRASH, NOT ISLAMONUTTERS?.
Hell, maybe Berkeley could just put up a sign, JIHAD-FREE ZONE, & when the murderous Islamopaths saw it, they'd shrug & move on. But if you're really attached to this pov, here are some other things all that Iraq War money could have been used for:
95,924,764,889 Neti pots for nasal irrigation
3,400,000 McDonald's restaurant franchises
11,333,333 speaking fees for Ralph Nader
153,000 pairs of diamond-encrusted pumps for Halle Berry
29,198,473,282 K-mart Thalia brand ribbed knit glitter Amor Tees at $5.24 ea
510,000 Thalia wedding gowns at $300,000 ea
10,200 private Pacific islands
227,002,967 cross-country Amtrak sleeper reservations
12,750,000 premium 3-month blogads on Daily Kos
1092 Slobodan Milosevic war crimes tribunals in the Hague
680,000 1965 Aston Martin DB5 convertibles
2.3 UN Oil-for-Fraud boondoggles
40 temperature controlled Persian Gulf theme parks
46
Cassini-Huygens Titan missions
831 New York Yankees OR 2593 Oakland A's payrolls
10,936,383,130 pairs of Beautiful Atrocities boxer shorts
Posted by Jeff at 07:02 AM | Comments (16)
February 07, 2005
JOIN THE ARMY, TRAVEL THE WORLD, RISK YOUR LIFE, EAT DOG FOOD
Join globetrotting ass-kicker Risawn for a delicious US Army Egg Loaf & Dog Food breakfast: "Swirl the egg loaf in with the dog food & you can almost eat it. If you do eat it, you will still be eating it 3 hours later. The egg loaf consists of egg with swirled bits of potatoes which protect themselves with a layer of grease as well as some sausage. It is in a pan much like a cake & served much like cake, but believe me, it ain't no cake. They also serve waffles which have the grainy texture of cardboard. And the taste as well. If you can't stomach that, grab some cereal, & pour in some UHT Milk, the milk with the ridiculously long shelf life. When they nuke it, it takes all of the taste with it."
Or you can just do what Risawn does.
Posted by Jeff at 06:56 PM | Comments (7)
The perfect chinese new year giftPosted by Jeff at 04:27 PM | Comments (3)
BAD BEHAVIOR: HANNIBAL GADDAFI
hannibal gaddafi's squeeze, aline skaf
¶ Dissolute wastrel Hannibal Gaddafi the subject of formal French complaint after 2 more altercations. On Feb. 1, police responded to incidents in 2 Paris hotels in which Gaddafi, 28, allegedly pulled a 9mm handgun. Gaddafi also allegedly assaulted his pregnant girlfriend, model Aline Skaf, 24, sending her to the hospital: "Gaddafi allegedly beat his female companion when she refused him access to a room at the InterContinental Hotel."
Gaddafi then checked into the Royal Monceau Hotel & police were again called when he began
smashing furniture.
French police said Gaddafi did not have a license for the gun. French police union official Frederic Lagache: "This boy is a nutter
& a rare case. He sees his immunity like a free pass." Police
later ascertained that Hannibal does NOT have diplomatic immunity in
France.
Hannibal left for Cagen, where he's enrolled at Cagen Business School. Even there, Danish police were called 3 weeks ago to a violent incident involving Gaddafi at a Libyan diplomat's residence in Cagen, but police were unable to intervene due to the building's diplomatic status.
Last September, a drunken Gaddafi was stopped after speeding through several red lights on the Champs-Elysees, an incident in which one of his bodyguards attacked a policeman. Gaddafi also attacked Rome police with a fire extinguisher, & crashed his yacht into a wharf in Sardinia.
¶
Delusional soccer wannabe Saadi Gaddafi arrived in Australia as head
of the Libyan soccer team to drum up business for Libya in Oz. Saadi:
"I plan toa bureau for the sponsorship of Australian companies for
their business in Libya. I would be the main promoter for Australian
investment in Libya & Libyan investment in Australia."
Saadi has done rather well along these lines, having a personal worth
estimated at billions, since his family looted controls all of
Libya's nationalized industries. Saadi previously fired the Libyan soccer coach who said he was
'useless,' & had a famously truncated career with Perugia in which
he didn't play a single game & was suspended for failing a doping test.
¶ Seif Gaddafi, the only son worth a lick, attended the World Economic Forum in Davos, where Jay Nordlinger notes the idea of republican government seems 'impossibly foreign to him'.Yet Gaddafi does get some of it:
"We Arabs have lost all our wars against Israel because Israel is democratic, & we are undemocratic. In other words (Gaddafi continues), in one of our states, the worst general becomes army chief of staff, because he is no threat to carry out a coup d'état. Democracy, on the other hand, is a competitive mechanism — and that's why Israel wins."
Which is why no Arab army is a match for a Western army. Seif's other wisdom: Libyan Jews in Israel should come home, even
though Libya kicked them out: "They lived in Libya for hundreds of years,
& speak our language, & share our mentality — they ought to contribute
to the modernization of Libya."
Seif's hobbies:
- Tigers: "I have four big cats, including two extremely rare White Bengali tigers, which live with me in Tripoli. I love playing with my tigers, although they can sometimes be a little rough."
- Falcons: "I often go out into the desert with friends & we hunt together, usually for bustards."
- Painting: "I love painting. I paint mainly with oils, & paint in a particular style which combines realism, surrealism, impressionism & collage."
- Athletics: "I like working out, & I also try to keep myself fit by swimming & playing football on the beach."
¶ Khadija Khali, president of the French Union of Muslim Women, will visit Colonel Gaddafi to call for the release of 5 Bulgarian nurses facing the death sentence in Libya. 5 Bulgarian nurses and a Palestinian doctor were sentenced to death in May 2004 for allegedly having infected 380 Libyan children with HIV-infected blood & causing the death of 47 others. Khali: "I am a mother & will ask him in the name of God to release our children. Those poor girls are not guilty."
¶ Oakland's Bush-bashing rockers Heavenly States failed in their quest to become the first Western rock band to play Libya. Libyan officials said the group was denied permission to perform because they were on a tourist visa, leading to speculation: was the gig axed due to the group's flaming riffs on George Bush? Lead singer/idiot moonbat Ted Nesseth: "Part of the reason to come here was to dispel the rumors. I can say it's safer to be here than in Oakland." Unless of course the security services decide to lock you up & throw away the key.
¶
Reed Scowan has a fascinating piece on Libyan caravan tours of the
Sahara: "Fezzan was described by one explorer as the most beautiful desert in the world
— the historic corridor through which camel caravans carried trade goods
& slaves between the Mediterranean & Timbuktu & beyond.
"The Acacus is a spectacular landscape of sand & rock formations, which served as the canvas for an astounding collection of rock art 4000 years old. It depicts people & animals — giraffes, elephants, rhinoceros, cattle, dogs — that lived in the area when it resembled the forested & savannah lands we associate with central Africa. To the north is the Ubari Sand Sea, the classic sand desert in constantly changing colors & forms, broken only by the rare oasis of palm trees & a well or a very small lake..."
See also Peter Boekamp Fezzan Photogallery; Gaddafi postage stamps; Fezzan tours
Posted by Jeff at 04:58 AM | Comments (11)
February 06, 2005
OH THOSE SOPHISTICATED EUROPEANS!
Posted by Jeff at 01:54 PM | Comments (6)
February 05, 2005
SICKEST. FETISH. YET.
Posted by Jeff at 01:07 PM | Comments (17)
PHOTOESSAY: Tent signs at Camp Salerno, Afghanistan
deep thoughts: Photoblogging hungary
carstuckgirls.com: FETISH FOR HOT BABES TRYING TO PUSH THEIR RIGS OUT OF MUDHOLES
ANOTHER GROSS-OUT VID FROM PENN
Posted by Jeff at 12:55 PM | Comments (2)
Dear Beautiful Atrocities,
How long has Rebecca been wearing that jungle-print blazer on Passions? It seems like WEEKS.
Sick of it
Dear SOI,
At least a MONTH. Will this day never end? I'm starting to think it's a biosuit that provides her with fluids & nutrients. She wore it to Sheridan's ill-fated wedding, where she tried to poison Eve but poisoned Liz by mistake. Then she had to run to the hospital because Gwen stabbed Theresa.
Then she spent a long time outside Gwen's jail cell flirting with the guards, & then she went back to the hospital when Gwen tried to kill herself. Now Gwen's stolen Theresa's baby & the hospital is in lockdown, so I guess she'll still be wearing it next week.
Posted by Jeff at 09:01 AM | Comments (2)
February 04, 2005
NANCY PELOSI EXPLAINS IT ALL
Hi, I'm Nancy Pelosi. As House Minority Leader, it's my job to find the doggy doo-doo under every piece of good news. Let's face it, I could piss all over the Second Coming of Christ if I had to. Take Social Security. With all this crap about money, people are losing sight of the really important issue.
Of course it's
a pyramid scheme. Of course you'd be better with a plan that
actually invested the money, rather than immediately spending
it. The main thing is, it's a
FEDERAL PROGRAM. More people on federal programs is good, because
it means they're more likely to vote for the party that promises them
the most government pork hint hint.
And if it goes belly up, it just pisses people off so they demand MORE GOVERNMENT INTERVENTION. Is that too brilliant?? Whereas, if you invest your own money, you might learn things like PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, a dangerous concept that needs to be curtailed.
Or take Homeland Security. When this was debated, private sector proposals would have saved millions and put our security in the hands of employees that were actually fireable & accountable. GIVE ME A BREAK. Federal workers are my bread & better, the more the better! It's not about fiscal responsibility or American security, but MORE GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES. DUH
See also Donald Luskin: The Left's Loan Lie
Posted by Jeff at 01:54 PM | Comments (14)
COME TO FABULOUS WISCONSIN, WHERE OUR SIZE 4 IS YOUR SIZE 12
Posted by Jeff at 01:49 PM | Comments (1)
JIHAD MALE
Adnan is wired for style in this casual yet striking ensemble
that explodes right off the runway. The
smoldering aura of repressed psychosexual confusion is easy to achieve with zip-up
low-rise chaps
made from hand-distressed pigskin lamb leather. One pocket with Velcro closure, perfect for cell phone
or box cutters. Beach friendly, yet also translates to the street with
ease, where your gelignite confidence will blow away shoppers,
schoolchildren, & Jew dogs. Perfect for high holidays.
Baggy fit available for seasoned jihadis who need that roomy-in-the-seat feel to exit this mortal coil without chafing. Pewter necklace with antique plating & toggle closure. Eyeware by Tora Bora. Professional leather clean only.
See also JIHAD JUICERS
Posted by Jeff at 12:26 AM | Comments (20)
February 03, 2005
BEAUTIFUL ATROCITIES HEALTH TIPS: DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU
Via Scott M
Posted by Jeff at 11:01 AM | Comments (8)
BUSH SENDING PAULA ABDUL TO IRAQ AS MEDIATOR
Citing her experience as a conciliator & cheerleader, President Bush nominated American Idol judge Paula Abdul as Special Envoy to Iraq to negotiate with Abu al Zarqawi's Baathist/jihadi/repressed homosexual insurgents. Bush: "Miss Abdul is a fine upstanding American who's shown she can confront evil, whether it be Emilio Estevez, Simon Cowell, or Clay Aiken."
Response from Democrats was swift. Former Klansman Robert Byrd: "I don't believe in mixing with the Negro race." (Abdul is actually of Syrian ancestry.) Barbara Boxer called Abdul "a big fat liar," noting that she'd electronically altered the video of Promise of a New Day to make herself appear skinnier.
Ted Kennedy was also miffed, having been axed from the first
round of American Idol with his rendition of Rock Me Amadeus.
Kennedy countered by nominating
Queen Latifah,
whom, he noted, at least
has a fake Arab name.
(A spokesman for Latifah said
Kennedy was 'out of his f*cking mind.')
Iraq's Sunnis reacted with horror, insisting their country has suffered enough without having 'that Glitter bimbo' inflicted on them. (Informed that Abdul & Mariah Carey are not one & the same, Sunnis remained wary). Shia cleric Grand Ayatollah Sistani said he was 'most eager' for a private meeting with Ms. Abdul, wanting to know 'did she still do that Nasty Girl thing.'
See also LA Laker girls; Sen. Byrd KKK Lifetime Achievement Award; Petition: Take American Idol off the Air ("Listening to all the faggy singing on that queer show makes me want to stab myself")
Posted by Jeff at 07:43 AM | Comments (7)
February 02, 2005
ARIANNA: I'M STILL NOT IVANA, & THE IRAQI ELECTION DOESN'T CHANGE THAT!
Posted by Jeff at 01:56 PM | Comments (11)
MILITANT PRO-CHOICE MOM MAKES FOR AWKWARD BIRTHDAYS Kids: "We're always looking over our shoulders"
PORN STAR BARBIE: JENNA JAMESON & MIDORI GET IT ON
ARMED LIBERATION LIONS AGAINST HOMOS (ALLAH)
Posted by Jeff at 12:53 PM | Comments (7)
WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY: AUNT CLYDE'S GRAPE JELLY PIE
Ingredients:
Any questions?
More White Trash at Six Meat Buffet (Groundhog Buffet), Riehl World (your favorite HILL-BILLies), Cranky Neocon (White Trash Semantics), My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (White Trash mug shots), Rachel Ray (Spam Jello?), Attack Machine (Recipes for Crow), Dangerous Logic (Camero Pinball), It is What it Is (White Trash mammogram), Protein Wisdom (Somewhere in Jesusland) & Vince Aut Morire (White Trash Confessions)
Posted by Jeff at 08:18 AM | Comments (10)
February 01, 2005
I CAN'T STAND IT....
Via The Frank
Posted by Jeff at 04:38 PM | Comments (13)
...GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN
Posted by Jeff at 12:57 PM | Comments (11)
OUR LADY OF CRACK COCAINE
screenshots COURTESY OUR DAILY RIPA. REGIS & KELLY TAPES USED AS INTERROGATION TOOL AT GITMO
We've all spent time with someone who was cranked up, coked out, or cracked off, usually in rather intimate circumstances. So WTF is up with Kelly Ripa?? Has there been a more deranged dervish on daytime TV? The crazed mugging, the strobe-light mood swings, the wild gesticulations like she's guiding planes in at LaGuardia. Poor Regis never had a chance.
You have to pity the sap, he endured 15 years of chirpy vampire Kathie Lee Gifford, only to find himself paired with the Madwoman of Chaillot. Now the poor guy can't get a word in edgewise. Soon Ripa will kill him, probably right on the air, & be done with it.
Oddly, Ripa showed no signs of incipient madness on
All My
Children. She played weepy whiner Hayley Vaughan, although she had a
wonderfully trashy mother (Olivia
Birkelund). Suffice it to say, Susan Lucci had no cause to
complain about Ripa stealing her scenes,
unlike certain
other costars. HA! Lucci barely escaped with her life! In
just a couple of years, Ripa would morph into a marauding ogress who
could steal scenes from Godzilla.
At least Ripa admits she's cranked to the gills. Yet people love her! Our Daily Ripa is just one of gajillions of Ripa fan sites run by demented Ripettes, chronicling Ripa's deranged histrionics. Others:
Kelly Ripa Movie Diva: "I am a HUGE fan of Kelly's. Boy can this girl Act. What Can't she do. She can Act on soaps, do talk shows. MY God she even does Movies. Mrs. Ripa is SOOO talented. She is One of the Greatest. I Love to see her in stuff besides AMC. Kelly Ripa is One Talenetd [sic] gal. And Boy is this the place to be!"
Kelly Ripa Fan for Life:
"If you are an extreme diehard Kelly Ripa fan, then join this group!"
Kelly Ripa Online: Incorrectly lists birthday as Oct. 2, 1999. HELLO - she may act like a five year old, but in fact she's 35.
AMC Kelly Ripa 2001: "This is a club for the wonderful Kelly Ripa, & even her gorgueous [sic] husband Mark Conceoulous [sic]. Enjoy!"
Fluffy Reads: Book club for "anything Oprah would never even consider for her book club & Kelly Ripa would love."
Kelly Ripa Cathedral: "Kelly is a goddess!!"
Kelly Ripa Rules: "Kelley [sic] kicks butt & is so deserving of all the attention she can get."
The Consuelos Family: "A group for Kelly Ripa, Mark Consuelos & their 3 beautiful children Michael, Lola and Joaquin."
Rip Head:
"This site is devoted to the lovely actresses Kelly Ripa, Alyssa Milano,
& Drew Barrymore!" Members: 6
Kelly Ripa Fan Page: "Our new group picture is of Kelly's adorable children Michael, Lola, & Joaquin Consuelos! Aren't they just so cute?!"
Kelly Ripa Haven: "The site that stood firm before the imitations came about...you'll find the latest on Kelly here."
Read Kelly's $27M contract & weep. Kelly Shows How She Keeps Mark Happy. It's Good to be Kelly Ripa
Posted by Jeff at 06:36 AM | Comments (12)