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August 01, 2004

AL JAZEERA COMEDY NETWORK

Al Jazeera, the All-Jihad All-the-Time News Channelâ„¢ and terrorist gofer, is rolling out its new Comedy Network, in hopes that 100 million Muslims have an appetite for something other than America-bashing anti-Semitic jeremiads & snuff films 24 hours a day. Here's a peek at the new fall lineup:

"Darcy & Drucilla": Sidesplitting comedy about two lovable loser suicide bombers who can't get arrested. After they gamble away their flight school fees, they hatch a plot to attain Paradise by blowing up a cocktail lounge for transvestites. When a vice cop catches them performing ritual shaving of each other's privates in restroom, the bumbling duo is forced to go undercover as drag queens 'Darcy' & 'Drucilla', leading to hilarious complications!

"I Left My Heart on Broadway": Nasreen, a shy but sensitive suicide bomber, arrives in Manhattan to blow up a matinee of CATS. Dazzled, she's soon sporting lipstick, control-top pantyhose, sensible shoes, and swooning over Jew dog Adam Sandler. When her boss Dr. Jihad shows up, he's furious to find the infidel Andrew Lloyd Weber schlockfest still running. Will the capital of international Jewry work its charms on Dr. Jihad, or will Nasreen be separated from her Mary Jane Hush Puppies at high-velocity speed?

"Palestinian Survivor/Extreme Home Makeover": Reality TV show about Palestinian couple Salim & Sylvia and their 13 children. Each week TV audience votes on which child will be martyred, and Sylvia receives a new home appliance for every 25 Zionist hooligans killed. Limit 13 episodes.

Absolutely Aisha!" Oprah-inspired hen party hosted by toxic tomato 'Doctor' Aisha Gaddafi*, who never met a terrorist she didn't like. The vivacious cyanide blonde works an audience of tent-clad women, covering fashion (Chador Summertacular!), entertainment (Adam Sandler: Agent of Zionist International), gender (Suicide Bombing: A Woman's Touch), and world history (Was Hitler On To Something?).

"Oh Nasreen!" Sitcom about long-suffering wife of worthless jihadi psychopath and their 7 children, all named Salim. Think Roseanne in Riyadh. Inspired by news item about Saudi raid where police found jihadi terrorist, wife & children calmly living with severed head of infidel in refrigerator:

"Fatma? It's Nasreen. Oh, I'm just peachy - hold on - SALIM! Put that THING back in the refrigerator before I cut your other hand off!! Honestly. No, Fatma, Big Mr. Terrorist won't drive me to the Cut'n'Curl, says I can walk. I'll wait till it cools down to 200 degrees. Asshole. Anyway, I just wanted to ask - hold on - SALIM! Roll that up, it's not a bedspread, it's my bathing suit! Don't talk back or I will jihad your face!! Yeesh. No, Fatma, Mr. Genius is too busy watching Adam Sandler movies. SALIM! If you fire that in here one more time, I will send you to Palestine where they explode kids like party favors! Go work on your science project! Who cares, we don't even have science in Islam! Glue some ashes on a shingle and call it the World Trade Center, HA! Some days, Fatma, the only thing keeping me going is my sense of humor."

*Q: If you were a professor at Al Fatih University in Libya, which is run by a one-party dictatorship, what grade would you give Colonel Gaddafi's daughter?

Posted by Jeff at August 1, 2004 11:47 AM

Comments

Posted by: Peter G at September 28, 2005 05:10 PM